First Xmas as no contact.

[krisox]

I keep checking the posts most days and surprised to see with the Xmas/New Year period there aren't more posts about dysfunctional N families. It's been 3 months since I've gone NC with my NMum and Xmas was odd for me, I think I've been very disassociated and trying to distract myself from the intense feelings I have. Mixed with guilt for being a

Comments

[delwynmarch]

If your mother is NPD, then going NC with her is the best decision you could ever take. No if or but

[krisox]

Thanks so much for your support and reminding me why I've done this. Weirdly I had a dream this morning that my Mum told me I wasn't hers. A part of me was relieved because it was like "oh, so that's why she doesn't love me". Obviously my subconscious is looking for reasons for her lack of empathy and nurturing.

I look forward to the guilt dissipating somewhat as it is exhausting going around in circles, thinking maybe I should be back in contact and then "no, there would be no resolution on what she's said about me, there is no other option" and then back around again. I think reactions by other people to me not being in contact doesn't help - I feel like I have to justify it and explain how bad she can be. Why do I care what they think?? They are lucky they don't know what it's like.

It's a really long road learning about NPD and all it's hooks - it can be really crazy making dealing with someone like this.

[lb_lee]

Going no-contact was one of the smartest things I ever did with my folks. This was actually the first holiday they DIDN'T try to contact me--apparently me saying, "I will talk to you, because we need to discuss the incest," was all I needed to get them out of my life for good!

It was very hard, but I kept busy with art projects and was... okay. By my standards, at least. (By which I mean, I was neither zombie depressed nor resorting to rather unpleasant coping skills. Go me!)

The guilt will ease as you spend more and more time away from all the bullshit. It's been roughly two and a half years for me (not counting the one phone conversation I had with my mother about the incest during Thanksgiving, and one email I sent to my father over a year ago) and I feel a lot better. The guilt will ease. Just stick to your guns and relish having a life of your own.

[krisox]

Thank you so much

[krisox]

Woops, didn't mean it to post yet. Thanks so much for your support and words. Weirdly I had a dream this morning that my Mum told me I wasn't hers. A part of me was relieved because it was like "oh, so that's why she doesn't love me". Obviously my subconscious is looking for reasons for her lack of empathy and nurturing. Because our children have had no cards or Xmas gifts from them I feel she is punishing us through them. We've gone NC but said they could have supervised visits with children - I suspect she's done us a favour and decided supervised visits are beneath them.