I wish I wasn't at home for the summer.
Don't get me wrong - I love my family very much, and where I live is ok as far as scenery goes.
But I have never, don't, and probably will never feel like I fit here.
I mean, in Fredericton, I feel content and comfortable no matter where I am. Here, I only feel like that when I'm at home. And I can't very well hole up inside my parents' house for the entire summer.
Part of it might have to do with how fustratingly insular people are around here - if your grandparents weren't born, raised, and married here, you don't belong, and even if you've been living there for longer than you've lived anywhere else, you're "from away". I've lived here for almost 11 years now, and I'm still "from away". My mother knows someone who's lived here for 30 years, and she's still "from away".
It's very hard to feel like you belong somewhere when everyone there does their utmost to remind you that you don't. And it's hard to feel happy with a place if you don't feel like you have a niche.
And I don't. Not here, anyway. Well, except as "the doctor's daughter", but I'm getting too old to be content with only being thought of as someone's daughter. I want people to think of me as me.
But unless I were to do something to gain me fame or infamy, it's not too likely to happen around here.
And I miss all my friends from uni. There's really only one person outside of my family that I'm close to, and either she or I went entirely insane when we went off to university, because I hardly recognize her as my best friend from high school anymore, and I think she feels the same about me.
Arg. I have too much time on my hands, that's my problem. I don't keep busy and I start to angst. Can't wait until my job starts.
So long.
But I have never, don't, and probably will never feel like I fit here.
I mean, in Fredericton, I feel content and comfortable no matter where I am. Here, I only feel like that when I'm at home. And I can't very well hole up inside my parents' house for the entire summer.
Part of it might have to do with how fustratingly insular people are around here - if your grandparents weren't born, raised, and married here, you don't belong, and even if you've been living there for longer than you've lived anywhere else, you're "from away". I've lived here for almost 11 years now, and I'm still "from away". My mother knows someone who's lived here for 30 years, and she's still "from away".
It's very hard to feel like you belong somewhere when everyone there does their utmost to remind you that you don't. And it's hard to feel happy with a place if you don't feel like you have a niche.
And I don't. Not here, anyway. Well, except as "the doctor's daughter", but I'm getting too old to be content with only being thought of as someone's daughter. I want people to think of me as me.
But unless I were to do something to gain me fame or infamy, it's not too likely to happen around here.
And I miss all my friends from uni. There's really only one person outside of my family that I'm close to, and either she or I went entirely insane when we went off to university, because I hardly recognize her as my best friend from high school anymore, and I think she feels the same about me.
Arg. I have too much time on my hands, that's my problem. I don't keep busy and I start to angst. Can't wait until my job starts.
So long.