Loves complicated, being in love isnt - Chapter 4
Loves complicated, being in love isnt - Chapter 4
Authors Notes: This is my first ever fanfic so please be nice. The basic idea of this fic is that it follows the storyline the way that it has been played out on screen, but I will just be showing it from Sians P.O.V and maybe sometimes Sophies P.O.V Sorry about any spelling mistakes.
Sorry I havent updated in a while, been really busy with A levels ect. Sorry if its crap, im in way too much pain so wasnt concentrating fully, i just needed to get a update up for your lurvlies. :)
"I don't wanna see you again, ever, because I believed you!" I really didnt believe him thats whats so funny about this situation im in. Ok so maybe my plan didnt exactly go the way I wanted it to, but he still admitted the truth to me eventually. None of that matters anymore, all that matters is Sophie, shes all I want and need. Im crying, and im not sure why. Maybe im scared of telling Sophie how I really feel, scared of being rejected. When Ryan admitted he tryed it on with her it felt like someone had ripped my heart out, im so confused. The thought of him touching my Sophie is what angers me the most. It hurt when he admitted the truth, but only because I know I picked this jerk over sophie, knowing I crushed her by choosing Ryan, all this wouldnt of happened if I was just brave enough to admit my true feelings to Sophie. Its always easier said than done. My legs are taking me straight to Sophies house and im not even aware of it until now, im to busy crying but these tears arent for Ryan, no there for her, how could I treat the only person I will ever love so badly. I have to sort this out, I have to finally be honest with her, honest with myself. Im no longer walking im running to her house, this has to be said now before I chicken out of telling her again, before I find another pointless and invalid reason for not telling her. Whats the worst that could happen? Ha! you know dam well Sian that she might reject you! I wouldnt blame her if she did, I treated her so badly and I need to sort this mess out, ive caused it so im the one who needs to fix it.
-------xS&Sx-------
Im standing outside her bedroom door, not decided on whether im brave enough or not to open it. Thats it as soon as I walk through that door theres no going back. Am I willing to put our friendship at risk? I have to be I cant continue like this anymore. Its killing me knowing that theres a chance of happiness for me but im to scared to take it. I know Sophie wouldnt intentionally hurt me and break my heart, but if she runs and rejects me thats exactly what she will be doing. And I have no one to pick up the pieces when shes gone. Get a grip Sian you have to do this! This is Sophie im on about, shes deffinitely worth the risk. I reach out for the door handle, as I turn it and open the door, the sight infront of me breaks my heart all over again. Im still crying, what if this all goes wrong? she looks like shes been crying, this is good. Wait no its not good shes crying, especially since I caused those tears, but it shows I still mean something to her, and that shes finding it just as hard to cope as I am. Maybe theres hope for us afterall.
------xS&S------
The next few minutes are torture, im trying to pick the right moment to tell her, but honestly there is no right moment to tell your best mate your in love with them, always have and always will be. I feel so guilty, she thinks I really believed Ryan over her, she doesnt understand my reasons for believing him, and I dont blame her ive spent the past few days trying to convince myself and think of good and valid reasons for choosing him, and I honestly cant think of any. I have to think of Sophie and not just myself anymore, what will this do to her? will she feel the same? or will she reject me, I cant think like that, I wont. Nows my chance to tell her, take it Sian dam you take it! "Your more important to me than any lad you hear me?" oh great Sian real smooth, I bet she doesnt even know what im trying to tell her, jesus ive probably ruined my best chance at telling her, great nice one Sian pure genius. Im to distracted by my own thoughts that I dont realise her moving closer to me, I can feel my body tense, I dont mean to do it im just scared, I think she senses this, she hesitates. But she still continues to move towards me, I dont know what to do, it wasnt supposed to go like this, I was supposed to take control and tell her how I feel. Maybe she understood what I meant by her being more important to me than any lad. Maybe shes felt the same way all this time. Im once again broken from my thoughts. Our lips finally meet, my minds in overdrive I cant take this in. I dont know whether to laugh or cry "I've gotta go". I just run out the door, tears streaming down my face. Dam Sian what have you done?! she wanted me back, she feels the same, and ive just run out on her, leaving her to deal with all this on her own. The cold night air hits me, it feels like ive just been hit by a truck, I cant breathe. I dont know why im so freaked out about Sophie feeling the same but I am. I sprint for the bus, I have to get it before she comes looking for me. I would say something I would regret, I know I would. I jump on the bus, eager to get as far away from here as possible, yet I cant help but want to be near sophie, hold her, inhale her sweet scent and look after her, make sure no one ever hurts her. But thats what ive done, ive ran. The one thing I feared the most, her running, ive gone and done to her, ive left her broken and crushed. I cant believe it, she feels the same, I love her I dont doubt that. I cant be without her. Im never going to forgive myself for this. I sink back into the seat, letting the tears stream down my face as I close my eyes, all I can picture is her face, so broken and sad. God Sian what have you done! I keep repeating this in my head, I need to keep away for a few days, come to terms with this, I know sophie needs that aswell, yeah thats why im leaving, she needs space to get her head around this doesnt she? or maybe she just needs me.