Comments | nuclearvenus: Surprise! I still exist! And I'm angsty!

nuclearvenus

Surprise! I still exist! And I'm angsty!

Dec 30, 2009 14:30

Okay, so I was going to make this a life update, but for now I feel the need to bitch about something petty, and if anywhere is the place to do that, it's livejournal ( Read more... )

Comments 20

judecorp December 31 2009, 18:22:05 UTC

As someone who is guilty of referring to you guys as "Luka and Clara," I can only speak for myself but it's because I knew Luka first. Weird, right?

But I know how much it sucks to disappear into a relationship in terms of language and words. It was assumed all around that I would take Jen's last name... and I'm not even terribly femme.

Love you.

nuclearvenus January 3 2010, 22:57:32 UTC

I've thought about that, the factor of who knows who first, which is totally legitimate, in those people's lives, I literally WAS added on to Luka schematically. First it was Luka, and then it was Luka and Clara. I get that.

But it freaking blows when MY FRIENDS put Luka first too. And I've thought about it a lot and I think that it really comes down to him presenting more masculinely and me presenting more femininely. I don't know how to fix that besides being a battleaxe about it.
Blearg.

Thanks for your validation. It feels good to have some solidarity around this. Love.

judecorp January 4 2010, 20:04:23 UTC

No, I totally get what you are saying and it's amazing how things like that can happen. The way women, especially feminine-presenting women, get shafted is really, really crappy. I know that when I was visibly pregnant, I became this invisible little cutesy diminutive... and all of a sudden Jen was getting high fives and back slaps. Umm, what?

Maybe I shall refer to you guys as Lara and Cruka from now on. :) Or at least shift it up sometimes.

Also, LET'S GET TOGETHER.

david_feuer May 23 2010, 07:29:40 UTC

I don't know you, but if you want an apprentice battle-axe-forger, I'd be glad to take the position.

Thread 5

My two cents midnights_sun12 January 2 2010, 20:55:51 UTC

Clara baby, this is a really thoughtful and well-said (of course, it's you) response to one of those things that just isn't talked about enough, like at all. It's brave of you to put it out there, and you are not at all over-reactive. In fact, I think you're brave and brilliant. If people don't take the time to stop and realize just how many ways you are that, it's their own damn loss. And I notice how stupid they look, for what it's worth.

I honored to be with you and to know you.

<3

Re: My two cents midnights_sun12 January 2 2010, 20:58:37 UTC

I *feel* honored, that is.

Re: My two cents nuclearvenus January 3 2010, 22:59:08 UTC

I *feel* like you are the freaking best. Thanks for rocking my world, you are the best femme-partner, everever.

5 more incidents of misogyny! transversely January 5 2010, 01:53:47 UTC

Thank you for giving me something important to think about.
To us, you are always "Clara and Luka." And I heart you.
But almost everyone calls us "Toby and cmoore."
hrm...

Re: 5 more incidents of misogyny! nuclearvenus January 8 2010, 00:37:20 UTC

Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment, Toby.
I heart you (and Cmoore!) right back. Thanks for not unconsciously putting me last. I have big loves about that.

We tend to flip between "Cmoore & Toby", and "Toby & Cmoore" at our house...
Has Cmoore ever expressed that always being second bothers her?