Storytime with Mr. Walsh

[nuerotica]

            He had to suppress his gag reflex upon entering the cramped therapist’s office.  Whoever had selected the colors for the room was either entirely color blind or took a sadistic pleasure from the nauseating effect it created.  Turquoises, maroons, and browns were all swirling together in a way that made John’s stomach churn. If he had

Comments

murdock's opinion

[anonymous]

that's a pretty damn good story, james. it's nicely descriptive, and thus i could picture the story very well in my noggin. there are some obvious grammar and word errors in the beginning of the story; if you go over it again, though, they should stick out like a sore thumb. the ending of the story was very nice; i liked how it kind of melded the whole thing with the times of today and how the guy kind of thought of his firey temper as a weapon. the last sentence of the whole story was incredibly powerful: "john was going to enjoy this." yeah i'd definitely revise it a few more times, add things and take things away as you wish. then i'd send this in to a scholarship for short stories or something. i'll look out for some if you are interested. very good! keep up the excellent work, el jamie!

[twoeyedgirl]

I noted the mistakes before, too, but I the library was closing and I had to leave. Looks like you got them, though.
I really like this story. It seems like a lot more character development than you usually work with, and I like how it turned out.
I do recognize Captian Cutdown's, uh, "muse" in John, also.
Well done indeed!

Nice Job

[anonymous]

I would say this is your best writing yet. It flowed well, and the writing fit the character skillfully. You know that I'm a beginning and ending type of reader so I would say you may need to work a bit on the ending (I found it confusing and yet still depressing)(I was confused the beginning but it made sense when I read a bit further). Overall, very good job.

Nice Job Says Adam

[anonymous]

I would say this is your best writing yet. It flowed well, and the writing fit the character skillfully. You know that I'm a beginning and ending type of reader so I would say you may need to work a bit on the ending (I found it confusing and yet still depressing)(I was confused the beginning but it made sense when I read a bit further). Overall, very good job.

if you'd like...

[tuneslayer]

This is a really fine story, sir; if it comes off any other way, you can send John out to kneecap me as I deserve. Here's my flow of thoughts, in case they are more useful than intrusive. I hate to seem like a mighty critic; I know I can be patronizing when I try to help