(no subject)
This summer I've realized just how hard I can work, just how happy I am working, and just how far in intelligence I am above the normal person I run into at most of my jobs. That I can communicate with the normal human being, that people can find me attractive and fun to be around, and that my personality can function in the working world, and that I have a lot to offer by someone relationship wise, and work wise. I've run into girl(s) that have found me attractive physically (which I frankly didn't believe possible deep down), that love my personality, and truly enjoy my company and conversation.
I've realized that I have fucked up my last 2 years of college...almost to the point of not being able to repair my career...but that I have no choice BUT to get As from now on, even in subjects that I hate (Spanish, Chemistry) because I'm that far down.
There have been a lot of positives this summer, and the negatives become even more outlined because of that. Maybe this is the person my friends see when we get past all the self-cynical bullshit I spout out, or the defeatist attitude. Yes, someone I care about isn't here...hell, 4-6 someones I care about aren't here (laughs) but I'm learning to deal with it.
I know how happy I am when I'm working. Yes, Barnes and Noble was a good job, and it made me happy to be pulling 13 hour days, because I knew I was doing a job that was both below me, and easily accomplishable - which meant there was much room for improvement. Getting let go because I was doing a better job than someone that they wanted to give a promotion (yes, talking to Scott has revealed this) is a shitty way to let go, but I've been offered better jobs since.
The secretary job is more my style, due to being able to move outside of my area and help in every other one...between cutting checks, the filing, calls, organizing, etc. etc. It's not the type of job I want permanently, but it is a step above.
Life isn't boring, but it is slow right now, and yes, that means what it means, and those who are meant to know, know. I'm spending my weekends reading, and my evenings trying to catch up/reading/playing games, just relaxing...I need a second job again, most definitely, to make the days pass a bit quicker.
But hey, I'm happy..minus today for some reason......but I'm happy.
Is this how my friends see me?