An Epic Quest to Find True Love Part 5
Title: An Epic Quest to Find True Love
Pairing: MinKyu
Minor Pairings: YeWook, EunHae, ninja! HanChul, even more ninja! KangTeuk
Part: 5
Rating: PG
Genre: romance, humor
Disclaimer: I wish I owned them
Warnings: cheesy pick up lines, character death
Summary: Sungmin is banished from the land of Aegyo until he has found his one true love. He instead encounters a cowboy-esque stablehand, a Pokemon trainer, and aspiring campfire singers among others. And this is just the beginning.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a priest run away so fast,” commented Yesung.
“Shut up,” growled Kyuhyun.
“It’s a surprise that he lost that vampire he was chasing with that speed,” Ryeowook added.
“Be quiet,” Kyuhyun snapped.
“I don’t get it,” complained Eunhyuk. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Go back to sleep and leave us alone,” barked Kyuhyun.
“Who knew you would have a sock tan?” Sungmin said teasingly.
“Not you too, hyung,” complained Kyuhyun, tugging at Sungmin’s arm. “I thought you were on my side.” Sungmin smirked and patted his dongsaeng’s head. Kyuhyun sulked.
After Siwon had run off, Eunhyuk woke up and there was a general consensus to keep going. They put out the campfire in the safe Boy Scout way to prevent forest fires (much to Yesung’s regret; they hadn’t even gotten in one song!) and continued on their journey.
“This epic quest to find true love isn’t very fruitful so far,” Sungmin told Kyuhyun as the two walked a bit ahead of the hand holding YeWook pair and a still confused Eunhyuk. “Only one person caught my eye and that was a bust. Am I doing something wrong?”
“Maybe you’re making this more complicated than it is meant to be,” suggested Kyuhyun, sneakily slipping his hand into Sungmin’s.
“What do you mean?” questioned Sungmin, seemingly too occupied to notice Kyuhyun’s action.
“You are making things more difficult than they have to be.” Kyuhyun gave the older a winsome smile. “So, why don’t you be the numerator and I be the denominator and both of us reduce to simplest form?”
Sungmin was about to reply when epic music started playing.
“Henry?” asked Sungmin. “Why are you playing? I’m not doing anything grand.”
“That’s not me,” whined a slightly muffled voice.
“What’s that?” Ryeowook pointed down the path they were on to a figure approaching.
Sungmin followed his gaze. Time seemed to move in slow motion. Rose petals fell out of nowhere. A gentle breeze blew all around them. It was the second time he felt a hopeful fluttering in his heart.
The person approaching them was no doubt a prince. He was handsome and young, perhaps only a few years younger than Sungmin. With his slightly ruffled brown hair and engaging eye smile, Sungmin could have sworn he was the one.
Until he started talking.
“Hey,” the prince chirped. “My name is Donghae. I can catch fish with my bare hands.”
Sungmin’s heart sank. “He’s…”
“He’s a weirdo,” muttered Kyuhyun.
“He’s cute,” commented Yesung. “But not as cute as Wookie.”
“He’s perfect,” Eunhyuk breathed.
“He’s all yours,” Ryeowook said quickly, eager to get rid of a supposed roadblock. “I say go for it.”
Donghae smiled at each of them until he got to Eunhyuk. Then, his eyes got wide. In three big strides, he was in front of the other. “You,” Donghae declared. He grabbed Eunhyuk’s hands. “You are far more fair than any lovely maiden I have rescued from towers or an enchanted sleep.”
Eunhyuk blushed. “T-thanks. It’s because I use SPF 70 sunscreen.”
“Your eyes are like truffles that melt when you bite into it,” Donghae continued.
“The only thing that will melt when you’re near Eunhyuk is your nose hairs,” mumbled Kyuhyun.
“You’re the fairest maid I’ve ever met. You were made to finish my duet!”
Donghae looked around, mildly confused. “Who was that?”
“Henry,” everyone chorused.
“Oh.” Donghae smiled up at the trees and waved enthusiastically. “Hi Henry!”
“Hi Donghae,” said a muffled voice.
Donghae returned to his speech without a hitch. “You are the other half of my soul. Together, we’ll be as the earth and sky!” Donghae pulled Eunhyuk into a hug, twirling him around in a circle.
“You’re very poetic,” Yesung complimented the still spinning prince.
“Thanks,” said Donghae, setting Eunhyuk down. “Waxing poetry on the spot is one of the requirements of being a prince.” He turned to Eunhyuk, pulling a red handkerchief out of his pocket. With a quick hand motion, he produced a ruby rose. “Another requirement is the ability to sweep your true love off their feet- both figuratively and literally.” He presented the flower to his newly declared love.
Ryeowook clapped appreciatively. “Hey, you should take lessons on how to properly woo a person from him,” he whispered, nudging Kyuhyun. “That is how you capture a person’s heart.”
“And I see you’re doing so well getting Yesung to notice you,” Kyuhyun shot back.
“At least I’m not doing it via lame math pick up lines,” Ryeowook snapped.
“Children, children!” cried Yesung as he noticed the bickering. “Please don’t fight over the outcome of a battle between astronauts and cavemen. Clearly the cavemen would win.”
“Because they have clubs and fire,” Donghae piped up, in the middle of stroking Eunhyuk’s face. “Astronauts don’t have any weapons.”
“I think he’ll fit in just fine,” Sungmin told Kyuhyun.
“Great,” groaned Kyuhyun. “Another one. I’m surrounded by idiots. Except you of course,” he quickly added.
-
“You like him,” Kyuhyun accused once everyone else was asleep.
Sungmin looked over at Donghae, who was so entangled with Eunhyuk it was hard to tell which limbs were whose. “What’s there not to like? He’s charming.”
“You like like him,” Kyuhyun stubbornly amended, crossing his arms.
“How can I like him when they are clearly smitten with one another?” asked Sungmin, gesturing to the cuddling pair. “Besides, I don’t think he’s my type.”
Kyuhyun visibly brightened. “Really? Then what is your type?”
Sungmin closed his eyes as he tried to picture his true love. It was a silhouette slightly taller than himself wearing what appeared to be a hat, but he failed to get a clear picture. “I don’t think type really matters as long as there’s love.”
Kyuhyun nodded. “That’s a good policy. You know, I really don’t know why people think you are a cold person.”
Sungmin raised an eyebrow. “You don’t think I am?”
Kyuhyun shook his head. “Hyung, you are the most amazing, warm person I’ve ever known.”
Sungmin laughed. “Now I know you’re sleepy. You should go to bed now so you don’t spout nonsense like that tomorrow.”
“It’s not nonsense,” said Kyuhyun so quietly Sungmin nearly missed it. In a louder voice, he said, “Good night, hyung. See you in the morning.”
Sungmin watched Kyuhyun as the younger wandered over to his designated sleeping spot and settle down. He sat unmoving until Kyuhyun’s breathing evened out. Rising, he made his way over.
“I think you’re amazing too,” Sungmin confessed, brushing a lock of dark hair out of Kyuhyun’s eyes. He lightly placed a kiss on the younger’s forehead. “Good night, Kyuhyun. Sweet dreams.” He stealthily crept over to his sleeping spot.
As soon as Sungmin was a safe distance away, Kyuhyun’s eyes opened, heart thumping wildly in his chest.
-
“Why do we have to stop to make camp already?” complained Kyuhyun. “We’ve barely been walking for half an hour.”
“Because,” replied Donghae cheerily. “Eunhyuk’s feet are hurting. If we keep walking, they might fall off! We can’t have that.”
“Yes we can,” said Kyuhyun under his breath. “It will certainly be much easier on our noses without his feet around.”
“Oh, stop complaining,” said Ryeowook, matching Donghae’s joyful tone. The magician had been in a permanent good mood ever since Donghae joined their party and occupied all of Eunhyuk’s attention, thus leaving Yesung all for Ryeowook.
“Shall we build a campfire?” asked Yesung, wiggling with anticipation.
“It’s the middle of the day,” Kyuhyun pointed out. “There’s no point.”
“That didn’t stop us last time,” Sungmin commented. “Besides, I’ve been craving some smores.”
“A campfire is a great idea!” Kyuhyun exclaimed. “Anyone have any marshmallows?”
Donghae raised his hand. “I do.” He rifled through his bag and came up with some marshmallows and skewers. “I don’t have any chocolate or graham crackers though,” he said apologetically.
Ryeowook generously abused his powers (not that he didn’t always) to make a fire and soon, all six were happily roasting marshmallows.
“Careful. I don’t want you to burn yourself,” Yesung told Ryeowook, moving the magician’s hand a safe distance from the fire.
“Don’t burn your marshmallow,” Ryeowook replied, saving Yesung’s marshmallow from a fiery demise.
“Hyukkie, lookie!” Donghae giggled and shyly handed Eunhyuk several skewers held together by melted marshmallows. “I made a marshmallow voodoo doll for you.”
Eunhyuk accepted the gift, blush dusting his cheeks. “It’s wonderful, Hae!” He looked at the voodoo doll, downcast. “But I don’t have anything for you…”
Donghae grabbed Eunhyuk’s free hand. “It’s okay. Your love is enough for me.”
Eunhyuk’s eyes lit up. He took the marshmallow that he had been roasting to perfection. “You can have my marshmallow.”
“Feed me,” said Donghae cutely.
Eunhyuk waved the skewer around in the air, nearly poking Kyuhyun’s eye out. “Here comes the airplane! Vroom, vroom. Say ah!” He stuck the marshmallow in Donghae’s mouth.
“Delicious,” said Donghae though his mouthful. “But not as delicious as you.” The pair looked lovingly into each other’s eyes.
“That’s so sappy,” grumbled Kyuhyun, grumpy over the marshmallow he dropped in the fire while dodging Eunhyuk’s skewer.
Sungmin smiled affectionately at his huffy companion. “Here,” he said. He handed Kyuhyun his marshmallow, feeling oddly bashful.
Kyuhyun took the marshmallow gratefully. “Sungmin hyung…” He looked thoughtfully at Sungmin.
Sungmin stared back at the person who was with him since the beginning of the quest. He never had seen Kyuhyun look so serious before in all their travels. “Kyuhyun, is something bothering you?” he asked, feeling worried.
Kyuhyun nodded gravely. “I wish I was your problem set, because then I’d be really hard, and you'd be doing me on the desk,” he blurted out. He reddened and buried his head in his hands, not believing that he had actually said that.
Sungmin frowned. “Kyu, there’s no desk.” Kyuhyun made a strangled noise. “But…”
“Hello.”
Sungmin’s attention turned to the sudden new arrival. The man had somehow gotten into their camp without capturing anyone’s awareness.
“My turtle senses are tingling,” Yesung whispered to Ryeowook.
“Gosh, you’re pale,” commented Eunhyuk. “Do you use SPF 100 or something? Or do you pay someone to walk around carrying a parasol for you?”
“I’m Kibum,” said the pale stranger, exuding charisma.
“He’s very charming,” added Donghae.
“Thanks,” said the pale and charming Kibum, flashing them a megawatt smile.
“My, what pointy teeth you have,” gulped Kyuhyun, brain quickly connecting all the facts.
Kibum continued smiling as he approached the six humans. Yesung tensed protectively in front of Ryeowook, who flexed his fingers in preparation. Donghae bravely shielded Eunhyuk, who brandished the marshmallow voodoo doll threateningly over the fire. Kyuhyun slowly backed up towards Sungmin.
“All the better to eat you with, my love,” the pale, charming, pointy-teeth Kibum replied. Then he pounced.
Luckily, Sungmin was a trained martial artist with quick reflexes. He jumped in front of Kyuhyun and delivered a powerful kick that sent the vampire reeling.
“How do you kill a vampire?” he heard Eunhyuk shout in a panicky voice.
“You feed it garlic pizza!” Donghae screamed back. “Someone give it to Sungmin, quick!”
“I don’t have garlic pizza, but is wasabi pizza an okay replacement?” Yesung called.
Sungmin ignored them all because luckily, he had watched all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (he had them all on DVD. Gift from Zhou Mi and Shindong) and was well equipped with the different methods of how to kill a vamp.
“Kyuhyun!” Sungmin shouted as he pinned the snarling Kibum to the ground.
As though he could read Sungmin’s mind, Kyuhyun threw a skewer to the older man, who caught it deftly.
“Guess what?” Sungmin panted.
“Pig’s butt?” Kibum guessed.
“Kyuhyun’s not your love. He’s mine.” Sungmin stabbed Kibum’s heart viciously. Immediately, the vampire turned to dust.
“Are you okay?” asked Kyuhyun, rushing over to help Sungmin up.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” Sungmin looked Kyuhyun up and down for signs of damage. “How about you?”
“I’m not okay.”
Sungmin froze, heart skipping a beat. “What? Where are you hurt?”
Kyuhyun crossed his arms across his chest, glowering. “That fight was so anti-climatical!” he complained. Sungmin smacked him.
-
A/N: As per request of a certain impatient person, a quick update :) Song: True Love's Kiss