Toilet Paper Woes
Title: Toilet Paper Woes
Pairing: HaeHyuk
Rating: PG
Genre: humor
Disclaimer: I wish
Warning: language
Summary: The toilet paper runs out.
Hyukjae let out a sigh of relief as he finished unloading the dump that has been bothering him since that morning (he knew that platter of sushi he downed tasted a little fishy). Feeling like a whole new person, Hyukjae smiled in content before reaching over for some toilet paper…only to discover all of it was gone.
Smile slipping off his face, Hyukjae stared in disbelief at the mocking leftover brown cardboard. What had he ever done to deserve this? He cursed Donghae, because whenever anything went wrong in the house, it was probably Donghae’s fault. The exploding oven? Donghae. The television thrown out the window? Donghae. The bedroom spontaneously combusting? Donghae, Donghae, Donghae. And all in the name of “science.”
Just as Hyukjae finished imagining a hundred and one ways to break up with his lover, each more cruel than the last, he realized with a jolt that he was the last one in the bathroom that day. Groaning, Hyukjae buried his face in his hands and decided to blame Donghae anyways. Stupid, stupid Donghae.
“Hyukkie!” a voice sang from outside the bathroom. Hyukjae perked up at the sound of Donghae’s voice; his savior was here!
There was a knock at the bathroom door. “Are you in here Hyukkie? I was just going to ask you if you’ve seen my plate of mold that I’ve been growing for my group’s lab experiment. I put it out this morning next to the sushi and now it’s gone.”
The color drained from Hyukjae’s face and his stomach gave an unpleasant lurch. So it wasn’t wasabi.
The door opened abruptly and Donghae barged in. “Why aren’t you-” As fast as he walked in, he jumped back out, slamming the door. “God, it smells horrible! Are you taking a dump?! You could’ve at least warned me! Jeez, flush the toilet.”
Hyukjae obediently flushed the toilet. “Hey, Donghae-”
“It took me so long to grow all of them,” Donghae fretted, and Hyukjae could see him wringing his hands together. “They are like my babies.”
“Donghae-”
“I even named them! The one biggest one that’s multicolored and looks like camouflage is Sungmin, the one that’s completely white is Leeteuk, the little green runt in the corner is Kyuhyun, the weird looking one-”
“Donghae!” Hyukjae interrupted in frustration. “I know all their names. You talk to them more than you talk to me.”
“You don’t have to snap at me,” Donghae said quietly after a short pause.
Hyukjae groaned, the image of Donghae’s crestfallen face all too clear. “I’m sorry Donghae, it’s just I have this really bad stomachache and I’ll probably need to take another dump and there’s no more toilet paper.”
There was a silence. “Say, Hyukjae, did you have the sushi for breakfast this morning?”
Hyukjae frowned. “Yeah, why?”
“You like wasabi right?”
“You know I do.” Hyukjae had an uneasy feeling, and it wasn’t his digestive system, about where this was headed.
“Did you happen to eat my mold thinking it was wasabi?”
Hyukjae gulped, cursing Donghae’s genius brain. “Um, no? Haha, whatever gave you that idea?”
“Lee Hyukjae,” growled Donghae, tone dangerous. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
“Okay,” Hyukjae admitted, hoping if he told the truth, Donghae might decide to be merciful. “I might’ve. I’m sorry.”
There was another silence.
“Donghae?” called Hyukjae anxiously. “Are you still there?”
More silence.
“Well since I apologized sincerely, do you mind going to get me a roll of toilet paper?” asked Hyukjae hopefully, waiting for a response.
“Use your hand to wipe your butt, you asshole,” was Donghae’s reply. There was the unmistakable sound of Donghae storming out of the house and slamming the door.
“Donghae? Hae? Baby? Anyone? Toilet paper?”
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A/N: This was not inspired by my own bathroom experiences. Absolutely not.