Sometimes - A Maotsujun one-shot
How time flies. Another year has started. Another decade has begun. True to the promise I made with myself, I have tried to devote more time to my writing. Here goes my first attempt at a Maotsujun fic.
Title: Sometimes
Author: numonorean
Rating: T
Classification: Present
Spoilers: NA
Warnings: Vice? Mild profanity
Something was bothering me. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something that’s unsettling me. It’s a recurring feeling that’s nagging at my nerves on certain episodes of solitude, such as this.
I was taking a break from our shoot. I have stepped out the minute the concept director called Nino for his turn. The studio had a patio outside with a small coffee table. Sitting on one of the chairs, I lit my first cigarette for the day as I shivered a bit in the chilly breeze. Autumn was almost over. It’ll be winter soon. With the lighted cigarette between my lips, I zipped my coat up to try and ward off the chill. Exhaling the smoke, I realized it may not be just the wind that’s making me shiver.
I looked around trying to find something to distract myself from evaluating this distress. There were newspapers on the vacant chair next to me. Deciding that current affairs would be the best distraction, I took the broadsheet and scanned the pages for anything worthy of reading. I had no intention of really digesting any article; I just wanted something else to focus on to shake off this anxiety.
Coast guard officer to testify…Japan wins in Asian Games...Prime Minister meet with Central Bank Governor…80 Milllion Yen compensation for bicycle accident victim…Maeda Megumi talks about marriage and pregnancy…Tomohisa Yamashita dating famous young actress with the initial “I”…Professional baseball league -
Wait.
Sitting up, I looked back at the article talking about Yamapi. It reported that Yamapi has broken up with Keiko Kitagawa last May and is now in love with another actress. There were three hints given. The actress is in a drama currently showing, is in her early 20’s, and has an initial “I.”
I stared at the newspaper unbelievingly as I rack my brain for all the actresses in their early 20’s with a drama currently running and with a name that starts with an “I.” I can only think of Ishihara Satomi, who I’ve worked with in Kimi wa Petto and who’s in a drama currently on TV Asahi, something about a clairvoyant. The only other one I could think of is Inoue Mao, who is in Dr. Doolittle with Oguri Shun.
Yamapi must be dating Ishihara-san, then. That’s it. That’s the only logical answer to it.
I took another drag from my cigarette as I laid the paper down.
Yamapi cannot be dating Mao.
He can’t.
He can’t, because I’M dating Mao.
~000~
Taking my phone out, I pressed the speed dial for the one person who could make everything better just by her mere presence. She answered on the third ring, “Ouji!”
I had to smile, “Hime.”
“What are you doing?” She asked, not even wondering why I called.
“I’m taking a break from the shoot.”
“Lucky you,” she said teasingly.
“It’s my first for the day,” I answered.
“That’s good.” I can almost hear her smile as she said that, “You should rest every now and then. You turn DoS when you’re stressed and Aiba complains to me.”
“Look who’s talking.” I snorted and asked, “So, what are you doing?”
“I’m in between takes,” she replied, “It’s really a bit crazy right now.”
“Bad time?”
“Not really,” I heard her laugh softly, “When my phone rang, I actually had an excuse to step out for a bit.”
“Hime,” I started, “You work too hard.”
“I knew you were going to say that,” she sighed.
She knows me too well already. Lately, I haven’t been able to talk to her as frequently, much less see her. The fact that we cannot even be seen together is already strenuous enough. Now, I cannot even keep track of the number of projects that she has that’s keeping her away from me. I understand this is her work; I’m in the same industry. I also just want to spend time with her. “What about we go for dinner?” I asked.
“Well,” she started, “we’re wrapping up today pretty late.”
No time even for dinner. “It can’t be helped then,” I breathed deeply.
“Ouji…”
The distance between us seemed farther than our physical locations, “I understand, Hime.” What else do I say? I can’t really say anything other than that, right?
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” she said.
I smiled, “I’ll hold you up to it.”
~000~
“Yo!”
I looked up as I stabbed my cigarette in the ashtray having ended the call. Sho was standing next to me holding a cup of coffee.
“Arigato,” I said taking the warm cup from him.
“You stepped out pretty quickly there,” Sho said sitting on the vacant chair across me.
“I needed a breather.”
“Trouble?”
I quirked an eyebrow at him and thought, “Am I that easy to read?”
“Mao-chan?”
“What’s with all this one-worded questions?”
He shrugged, waiting for me to answer.
I sighed and looked out as I sipped my coffee. I guess I needed to let this out. Sho’s offering to listen and right now, that’s what I needed.
“There are just some things running in my head.”
“You mean things that relate to Mao-chan?” Sho asked.
“You can say that.”
“What kind of things?” He asked patiently as he took a sip from his cup.
“I understand the nature of her work. I’m in the same business, damn it. I know it isn’t easy to pass up projects when they come by. And it’s doubly difficult for her because she has to really establish herself as an actress after Hanadan.”
“What’s the problem, then?”
“I don’t see her, that’s one problem.” I raked my hand through my hair hoping it’ll lessen the headache I was beginning to feel, “Then she gets seen everywhere with every known man alive except with me.”
“Isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?” Sho reasoned.
“Considering that we’re trying to protect our careers, it should,” I agreed, if only I don’t feel like a rabid jealous freak about it.
Mao’s not the vocal or clingy type, which is one of the things I like about her. I’m fairly the same, considering I’m not a big fan of public displays of affection. It also means that she would rarely, if ever, be vocal about how she feels. So, those words people would often hear from their beloved? I get that sometimes. Heck, the girl doesn’t even put heart icons on her text messages! So, not hearing from her truly feels like a drought, sometimes.
Sho was looking at me, waiting for me to continue. There was no keeping it, I guess. I sighed deeply, “We haven’t seen each other for some time now. When my schedule allows me to take some time off, hers get crazy. Then I end up reading about her in some blind item.”
“Blind item?”
“Seriously, Sho” I said irritably, “You should come up with more than just one-liners.”
“What blind item are you talking about?” He asked, looking honestly confused.
I gestured toward the newspaper on the table, “Page 4. It says Yamapi is dating someone new.”
Sho scanned the article, his forehead on a confused frown, “It doesn’t say it’s Mao-chan, though.”
“How many actresses in their early 20’s do you know who has a name with the initial “I”?” I asked
“There’s a lot…”
“That’s currently in a running show?” I added pointedly.
I can almost see the wheels in Sho’s mind turning, eliminating names, “I guess, not that much.” He said lamely, “It still doesn’t mean its Mao-chan, though.”
“I know that,” I said, “but it still bothers me.”
Not being able to see and talk to her is making my mind run amok with insane thoughts. The rational part of me is saying that I’m going crazy. The irrational part is filling my head with ideas of my girlfriend without me, having dinner with Yamapi.
“Why don’t you ask her about it?” Sho’s voice cut through the visual image I had of Mao and Pi feeding each other.
“I’ve planned on that,” I said. “It’s just that, I know that she’s getting so much pressure from all the dramas she’s in right now. On the few times I actually get to talk to her, she’s always trying to sound cheerful.”
“You know better, though.”
I let out a small laugh, “Shun-kun tells me she tries so hard not let me know how difficult it is because she knows I’ll get worried, and in turn, get angry. And I don’t want to add to the things that’s pressuring her.”
“Well, if she’s worried about you worrying, doesn’t that tell you that she cares about you and wouldn’t go on a date with another guy?”
Even if it probably didn’t make sense, there’s truth in his logic; however, there was a part of me that was still insecure. A part of me that voiced out a fear, “What if she’s tired of worrying that I’ll end up getting angry?”
Sho took another sip from his cup and said, “Then just ask Pi.”
I turned to look at Sho. That was probably the most sensible thing he said in this entire conversation.
~000~
“Dinner tonight?”
I pressed the “Send” button and hoped to get a response from Mao. It has been two days since my conversation with Sho and I decided to heed his advice.
I took my duffel bag from the compartment and locked the car doors. Walking towards the gym, I hoped Ryo was right when he said that Yamapi would be here today. I seriously did not want to spend the only free day I have for the week stalking out Yamapi. I have better things to do.
I could have simply called him and asked, but I wasn’t sure how to properly phrase a ludicrous question over the phone to him. “Hey, Pi! I heard you’re a single man now! So, are you dating any actress with an initial “I” and is currently starring in a drama?” did not sound right. Asking him bluntly, “Are going out with my girlfriend?” may be forcefully appealing, but did not sound right either.
So, I ended up calling Nishikado Ryo instead, and somehow managed to get Yamapi’s name in the conversation. He said that Pi goes everyday to the gym in the neighbourhood trying to get in shape for a role he’s going to play. As casually as I could, I mentioned that I was planning to go to the gym on my free day as well and may just catch up with Pi then.
And so here I was. I looked around as I entered the gym. There didn’t seem to be any sign of Yamapi yet. If he comes in after me, that should make it look more coincidental, right? I shook my head at myself, thinking this is probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. “You still do it anyway, baka.” I scolded myself as I shoved my duffel into the locker.
“Who does what?”
I turned abruptly as Yamapi materialized next to me, his gym bag on one hand and locker key on the other.
“Yo! I was talking to myself,” I quickly improvised as I scanned my brain for an excuse, “Working out! I don’t particularly like it, but I do it anyway.”
“Same here,” he said as he shoved the key in the insert, “it just happens to be part of the job, right? If people only knew how difficult it is to be an idol.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I replied rather quickly. “Being an idol is not easy. Sometimes, I envy people who can just do whatever they want, however way they want it.”
“You’re telling me,” Yamapi grumbled, “I can’t even go out sometimes with friends because I get recognized.”
I realize that this was actually working to my advantage, so I pursued the subject, “I guess, you find it difficult to date, as well.”
He smiled slightly as he closed his locker door, “Not really.”
I almost choked at his reply, but decided that this is the one chance I got. I turned to look at him trying to keep my voice neutral, “Does that mean you’re dating someone now?”
He shrugged, “You could say that.”
“Is she an actress, too?” I asked as casually as I could.
He sat on the bench near us, “Uh-huh”
I moved a bit closer to him, my fists clenching around the strap of my duffel, “Currently in a drama?”
“Yeah,” he replied as he leaned forward to tie his shoelaces.
I tried to take a step back, not sure if being in such close proximity was safe. “What’s her name?” I asked carefully, bracing myself for his answer.
He lifted his head to look at me curiously, “Why are you so interested in this, Jun-kun?”
I stared back at him, my face reflecting my loss of a logical answer. Had he said Mao’s name, I would have decked him right then and there. His unexpected question, though, took me a step back to reality.
I sighed, “I guess, I wanted to find out the truth.”
“What truth are you talking about?” He asked, a perplexed look on his face.
“If you’re dating my Mao,” I let out.
“What?!?” He looked at me incredulously, “Why the hell would I do that when I know that you’re dating her?”
It was my turn to look surprised, “How did you know I’m dating her? No one outside my family or Arashi knows.”
He looked at me like I was stupid, “We’re in the same jimusho, Jun-kun.”
I sighed, maybe more people know, after all. “At least, no one’s talking.” I thought.
Yamapi was staring at me with a look that spelled disappointment.
“What’s with that look?” I said.
“You actually suspected me to date your girl behind your back?” he replied, “I’m disappointed. I thought we were better friends than that.”
“Oi! Don’t use that line on me.”
“I’m hurt, Jun-kun.”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” I tried to reason, knowing fully well that he was right.
He sighed, “I can’t forgive this.”
“Oh, come on, Pi!”
“Unless, you pay for dinner...”
~000~
It has been two days since my conversation with Yamapi. I had to pay for dinner after that entire discussion and we managed to catch up. It was good to have a conversation with him that did not involve any hidden agenda. Besides, Mao was filming late and couldn’t commit to dinner that day.
Again.
Sho approached me with a cup of coffee, “Talked to Pi, yet?”
We were in the green room, and this entire scene felt like déjà vu. We were the only ones left since everyone else seems to have something else to do. I had the distinct impression, though, that they were trying to avoid me given my temperament lately. Aiba even told Nino earlier, in a stage whisper mind you, that the DoS is back. That perennial little gossip is really impossible.
Sho was, I guess, the only one willing to risk spending time with my unfounded temper. Mainly, because he knows what’s going on with me and my sorry love life.
“Yeah, I did,” I answered, “cleared up whatever delusion I had about that blind item.”
“You still don’t look ok, though.” It wasn’t really a question. More like a statement.
I thought about how the entire thing is really just an excuse to what I really am concerned about. All this anxiety and paranoia I feel towards my relationship with Mao. I have never really felt this unsettled or insecure before. I have always been confident about where I stood. This, however, was totally new to me. In the last three years that I have been with Mao, I have never felt unsure of where we stood. Lately, though, it felt like we had this humongous brick in front of us that’s keeping us apart. And I don’t even get any assurance that she still feels the same way.
“Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship?” I asked Sho, absently rubbing my temple.
“No,” he answered, “why do you ask?”
“Because I feel like I’m in one right now.”
“Well,” Sho started, “technically, your and Mao-chan’s relationship do not really qualify as long-distance.”
“I didn’t say I’m in one, I said I FEEL like I’m in one.”
Sho turned thoughtful, “I guess, with the amount of time you don’t spend with each other, you could say that.”
Sometimes, I feel like I just want to break all the rules. To hell with keeping this relationship from the public! I’m a grown man with the same hopes and dreams as the next regular fellow. I should be eligible to spend time with the girl I love, right? I sometimes think of how liberating it would feel to just visit her on set and simply kiss her in front of everyone without worrying about the repercussions.
But I couldn’t do that. If I did, Arashi and Mao will suffer. And I cannot do that to Arashi. I cannot do that to Mao. Not when I care about her this much.
I stared at the cup of coffee in my hands, the warmth seeping through my fingers, thinking about what I would give to share this cup of coffee with her.
“I just want to spend time with my girlfriend. I want to see her, to talk to her, to hold her hand, to look at her,” I sighed as I looked at Sho, frustration evident on my face. “And not just sometimes, you know? I may be selfish here, but I want it to be more frequent than that.”
“Well, it looks like you’re in luck.”
“Ano-,“ a familiar voice that I missed said behind me.
I turned slowly, hoping against hope that I wasn’t imaging it. And there she was, as pretty as summer in the end of autumn, wearing a purple dress underneath a very familiar distressed military jacket.
“Hime.”
She grinned at me, “I’m here, Ouji.”
~000~
We decided to just stay at my place. They finished filming her scenes early, so the production team sent her off.
I was tossing pasta in the kitchen while she sat by the counter looking at me. God knows how much I missed having her around here; sitting on my couch while watching TV, padding around in my shirt, smelling her perfume in my bed, hearing her sing in the shower, or sitting by the kitchen counter watching me cook. These were small things, her presence around me, which I missed.
I set the pasta on a bowl, and turned to her, “Dinner’s ready.”
She just continued looking at me with that beguiling smile on her face. She was too cute. I patted her head with one hand as I set the pasta bowl with the other,
“What’s with that look?” I asked sitting next to her.
She reached out to touch my cheek with one hand. Leaning closer, she continued smiling into my eyes as she said the words I’ve probably missed the most, “Anata ga daisuki desu.”
I smiled back at her, reaching her waist to bring her closer to me, “I already know that.”
“I know,” she grinned, “I just don’t want you to forget.”
She really has a way with me, “You have no idea how much I missed hearing you say that.” I shifted slightly to face her completely and added, “Not that you say it very often.”
My face in her hands, she looked at me as if she was trying to savor my presence the same way I was savoring hers, “I want you to understand this, Ouji,” she said softly, “I may not often say it, but know that every time I do, it’s more real than the last time I did.”
Well, that was the best one yet. I guess, it no longer matter how often I hear her say the words that validate how she feels for me. All that matters is that I know it’s true.
“You do know what should come after that, right?” I teased.
She grinned as she leaned in towards me, “I did promise I’ll make it up to you.”
I laughed just before our lips met, thinking she already has.
Owari
Notes: Anata ga daisuki desu. - My friend says it’s an informal way to say I love you. I also don’t know if Yamapi has any drama he’s preparing for that requires working out or if he and Jun likes or dislikes it.
Author’s Notes: I posted this a couple of days ago in LSS. As I have mentioned there, I’ve had ideas for some time, but my muse went shopping for Christmas and left me brain dead. I ended up anchoring this on a local song I’ve been listening to (Darating by Teeth). I wish I could translate it with justice, but whenever I try, the meaning gets lost in translation.
Here's a link to the song, anyway
Happy New Year, folks! Let's all make this a good year!