You deserve better [1/1]
Title: You deserve better
Pairing: Banghim
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Abuse
Genre: Comfort, fluff, drama
Summary: Yongguk feels that Himchan deserves better than the guys he always dates - inspiration from Verbal Jint's MV
Notes: Sorry, this is unbeta'd so expect mistakes!
Yongguk watches the man get up, watches him reach for his clothes without looking back to the sleeping figure beside him. From where he stands in the hall he can just see a mess of black hair and the slither of a pale shoulder peeping out from beneath the duvet. The man - he doesn’t know his name, pulls on crumpled jeans, finds one sock draped over the bedside lamp and after a few moments gives up the search for the other one. He hastily stuffs his shirt into his back pocket - reaches for his hooded jacket and checks the pockets for his cigarettes. Yongguk wrinkles his nose in distaste because Himchan wouldn’t approve of that and then the man is gone, brushing past him in the hall.
The front door clicks shut.
Yongguk would have looked back.
---
Himchan wakes up some hours later to a heavy weight on his chest. He reaches out, fingers coming into contact with thick coarse hair and he opens one eye, then the other to find Yongguk staring at him, his sandy blonde hair a mess. The sad look on his face makes Himchan wish he’d never opened his eyes. ‘Good morning, Guk ah’
Yongguk barely moves, the only response being a twitch of his eyebrows and he makes a small noise in the back of his throat like a lonely puppy. Himchan tugs at his ear and it sends Yongguk scrambling forwards, nuzzling closer into the crook of Himchan’s neck. The whiskers on his chin tickle Himchan’s skin and he’s a so, so warm.
Himchan glances around the room, all traces of the man from the night before gone as though he was never even there to begin with save for the crumpled sheets and the dirty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He breathes in deep and closes his eyes - focuses on Yongguk’s weight on top of him. This is no different to any other time a guy’s left - and breathes out.
You deserve better
He stares at Himchan with half open eyes and it makes the man beneath his squirm. There’s so much he wants to say but the words just won’t come out. As if sensing it, Himchan runs a hand through his hair before gently pushing him off. ‘Better get some breakfast’
---
Himchan is spread across the sofa, watching some old film from the 90s when Yongguk steps out of the kitchen. He pads his way across the laminate and nudges at Himchan’s knee. The older scoots forwards, making room for Yongguk behind him. They wriggle for a few moments, trying to situate themselves so that Yongguk’s elbow isn’t jabbing into Himchan’s back and settle down again.
They watch the rest of the movie in silence and then an old recording of the cats musical comes on and Himchan lurches for the remote. Yongguk hates cats. They watch a war movie instead and Yongguk watches in glee as explosion after explosion rocks the poor army troops.
---
Himchan brings another man home.
They stumble through the doorway and Yongguk is woken by a series of bumps and groans that travel down the hall way. He gets up from where he’d fallen asleep on the sofa, knocking over the pillow he’d been napping on. He’s just in time to see Himchan being pulled into his bedroom.
Not again.
The man is old, older than Himchan by at least a decade and his hideous green pants are too big, sagging around his knees. There are flecks of grey through his hair, his stubble already turning silver and a pair of thin wired spectacles sits on the bridge of his nose. He isn’t Himchan’s usual type and Yongguk isn’t sure whether that’s a good thing or not.
Himchan’s door bangs shut and another thud - presumably a body colliding with it, sends Yongguk back into the living room.
At least this guy sticks around until morning.
---
Yongguk refuses to enter Himchan’s room for the rest of the day.
---
On Saturday night Himchan comes home with a large grin on his face and a spring in his step. It’s technically Sunday morning as it’s a little after 3 in the morning and Yongguk has half a mind to chastise him for coming home so late. What time do you call this? But Himchan waltzes passed him and collapses face first onto his bed.
‘I met someone, Gukie’
‘His name is Geonwoo’
He’d be lying if he said it doesn’t hurt but Himchan seems happy and Yongguk doesn’t want to rain on his parade.
Himchan rolls onto his back and Yongguk sits beside him, one hand on his knee. Himchan looks over at him, fingers pressing to Yongguk’s nape and he grins. ‘He’s absolutely gorgeous. I think you’ll like him’
---
Geonwoo is short, much shorter than Himchan and his arms are more muscular than the rest of his body. He doesn’t really suit Himchan who is tall and slender. It reminds Yongguk of the dwarf and the elf in that stupidly long film Himchan once watched.
Geonwoo holds out a hand to him and Yongguk stares for a moment at it before accepting the handshake. His fingers are thick like sausages. His grip is loose and unimpressive and he looks at Yongguk as though addressing a small child. ‘Hello Yongguk ssi. I’m Himchan-ah’s new boyfriend. Nice to meet you’
Nice to meet you, my ass.
Yongguk wrinkles his nose and pulls away his hand. He doesn’t like this man so he turns his back on him (and Himchan) and walks away. He ignores Himchan as he calls his name and goes to get a drink of water from the kitchen.
‘I’m sorry about him’ Himchan sighs, teeth pressing into his lower lip. ‘He’s takes a while to warm up to new people’
---
Himchan catches Yongguk’s reflection in the bathroom mirror whilst he’s brushing his teeth. He wipes the foam from his mouth and spits into the sink. Yongguk just stares, his weight against the doorframe. Himchan’s hair is askew, his shirt inside out but his eyes are bushy and the smile on his lips dimples his cheeks.
‘What do you think of him? He’s nice, right?’
I don’t like him
‘I’m so glad you get along’
Himchan takes a sip from his cup and swills it around his mouth, gargling. Yongguk watches for a few moments, trying to catch the other’s eyes through the mirror.
---
Geonwoo leaves a little after that.
Himchan sobs.
Yongguk stands at the door and asks Himchan to let him in. He begs and pleads and scratches but Himchan ignores him.
When he wakes up the next morning, Himchan is gone too.
---
The front door creaks open some days later and Yongguk is awoken by the turning of the lock. He glances blearily at the clock across the room and something shoots up his spine. It’s a little after 11am and Himchan is supposed to be at work.
He pushes himself up out of bed, sheets falling around him. He’s about to investigate when he hears a voice, shrill and definitely female, from out in the hall. His brows furrow. A woman? Why and who is it? The tone is too high to be Himchan’s Noona and too young to be his mother.
Heels clunk against the laminate accompanied by duller steps and Yongguk is two paces out of bed when the door opens and a woman steps into Himchan’s room, followed closely by Geonwoo.
Oh.
Yongguk flares. Red mist descends and he turns on Geonwoo.
Get out! Get out! Get out!
How dare you bring that woman here
She looks surprised - no scared - and she staggers back, her small dainty fingers curling round Geonwoo’s forearm. ‘Honey, I - ’
‘Out!’ Hisses Geonwoo, grabbing Yongguk by the neck. They struggle against each other, Yongguk trying to get anything in against him because how dare he cheat on Himchan but Geonwoo is stronger and muscles him out, shoves him into the kitchen and barricades him in with a well-placed kitchen chair.
---
Himchan runs a hand through Yongguk’s hair, laughing at the way he nuzzles into his palm. Sunlight from the open window catches his hair and his eyes crease in the corners, cheeks dimpling and it’s moments like this that Yongguk thinks he’s most beautiful, moments when he’s entirely and completely his.
I love you
Yongguk can’t say it so he tries to show it in everything he does. He’d give his life for Himchan though he isn’t sure the other knows that. Himchan has done so much for him.
I love you. I love you. I lo-
The door creaks open.
Moments like this never last long.
The other male appears behind Himchan’s shoulder and he’s pulled away. Geonwoo raps an arm around his waist, pulls Himchan close against him and kisses him, hard. He grips at his shirt, one hand pushing them flush against each other and Himchan moans a little under the pressure of it all.
Geonwoo builds him up then pulls away. Yongguk doesn’t miss the disappointed little sigh that passes Himchan’s lips though he doesn’t have long to dwell on it as Geonwoo is in front of him, one of his large, thick hands held out to Yongguk.
‘Yongguk ah’
Don’t talk to me so informally
Yongguk bats his hand away, anger prickling up his spine. He hates this man, he cheated on Himchan. He doesn’t deserve him.
‘Yonggukie, what’s wrong? It’s me’
Yongguk bats his hand away again and Geonwoo grows impatient. He reaches out, fingers wrapping around Yongguk’s jaw. ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you’ He jerks Yongguk’s head to face him but he keeps his eyes downcast, looks anywhere but at him. ‘Geonwoo-yah, leave him alone’ Himchan shuffles in the background and Geonwoo releases him.
‘You should be more respectful’ He wags a finger in Yongguk’s face.
---
Yongguk lays in the bed in the spare room, covers pulled over his head whilst some stupid American cartoon plays. He can hear Himchan’s voice over the dialogue; can hear the steady and constant clash of wood against brick. He tries to block it out, covers his ears but even the TV isn’t enough to drown out that sound.
Himchan’s grunts echo through the wall as the pounding grows quicker. Yongguk tosses and turns. He doesn’t want to hear this, doesn’t want to think of Himchan, covered in sweat and there for the taking. Doesn’t want to think of all the things that another man - Geonwoo - is doing to him.
It should be me
Himchan’s voice grows louder still, the rocking of the bed quicker and then…
It stops.
And there’s an entirely new sound that echoes through the apartment.
---
He slapped him.
---
The bedroom is a mess.
Himchan sits naked by the headboard, a pillow to his chest. The floor is littered with clothing and bed sheets, the glass in a picture frame holding a photo of Himchan and Yongguk shattered. Yongguk picks his way around the debris, avoids stepping on the shards of a broken mug - his main goal to get to Himchan.
He’s barely on the bed when Himchan reaches out, replacing the pillow with Yongguk. He’s warmer, softer and the steady beating of his heart soothes Himchan more than a pillow ever could.
Let’s get out of here. You can’t stay here.
Himchan muffles a sob into his shoulder.
I’m here for you. Always.
---
Yongguk helps Himchan pack his bag, making sure he has plenty of underwear and socks. They’re not going far, just to Jaehyo’s place because Himchan needs to get away for a few days and clear his head. Anywhere is better than here right now and with Jaehyo around it’ll be like the good old days when they all lived together.
Yongguk watches from the other side of Himchan’s suitcase as he packs away the broken photo frame, carefully wrapped up to prevent extra damage when Himchan looks up. ‘Thanks Yongguk. I don’t know what I’d do without you’ He reaches out, one hand pressing to Yongguk’s face.
‘I love you’
I love you too
---
Himchan pulls his favourite navy blue blazer on just as they’re leaving. Yongguk stands patiently by the door with his suitcase when he dips his hand into his pocket and finds - a red rubber ball. His fingers tighten around it and he pulls it out, a small smile on his lips.
Yongguk barks excitedly, his tail wagging happily. His eyes are on the object in his hand and Himchan laughs, grabbing his suitcase and Yongguk’s lead.
‘Why don’t we stop at the park on our way?’
Pairing: Banghim
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Abuse
Genre: Comfort, fluff, drama
Summary: Yongguk feels that Himchan deserves better than the guys he always dates - inspiration from Verbal Jint's MV
Notes: Sorry, this is unbeta'd so expect mistakes!
Yongguk watches the man get up, watches him reach for his clothes without looking back to the sleeping figure beside him. From where he stands in the hall he can just see a mess of black hair and the slither of a pale shoulder peeping out from beneath the duvet. The man - he doesn’t know his name, pulls on crumpled jeans, finds one sock draped over the bedside lamp and after a few moments gives up the search for the other one. He hastily stuffs his shirt into his back pocket - reaches for his hooded jacket and checks the pockets for his cigarettes. Yongguk wrinkles his nose in distaste because Himchan wouldn’t approve of that and then the man is gone, brushing past him in the hall.
The front door clicks shut.
Yongguk would have looked back.
---
Himchan wakes up some hours later to a heavy weight on his chest. He reaches out, fingers coming into contact with thick coarse hair and he opens one eye, then the other to find Yongguk staring at him, his sandy blonde hair a mess. The sad look on his face makes Himchan wish he’d never opened his eyes. ‘Good morning, Guk ah’
Yongguk barely moves, the only response being a twitch of his eyebrows and he makes a small noise in the back of his throat like a lonely puppy. Himchan tugs at his ear and it sends Yongguk scrambling forwards, nuzzling closer into the crook of Himchan’s neck. The whiskers on his chin tickle Himchan’s skin and he’s a so, so warm.
Himchan glances around the room, all traces of the man from the night before gone as though he was never even there to begin with save for the crumpled sheets and the dirty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He breathes in deep and closes his eyes - focuses on Yongguk’s weight on top of him. This is no different to any other time a guy’s left - and breathes out.
You deserve better
He stares at Himchan with half open eyes and it makes the man beneath his squirm. There’s so much he wants to say but the words just won’t come out. As if sensing it, Himchan runs a hand through his hair before gently pushing him off. ‘Better get some breakfast’
---
Himchan is spread across the sofa, watching some old film from the 90s when Yongguk steps out of the kitchen. He pads his way across the laminate and nudges at Himchan’s knee. The older scoots forwards, making room for Yongguk behind him. They wriggle for a few moments, trying to situate themselves so that Yongguk’s elbow isn’t jabbing into Himchan’s back and settle down again.
They watch the rest of the movie in silence and then an old recording of the cats musical comes on and Himchan lurches for the remote. Yongguk hates cats. They watch a war movie instead and Yongguk watches in glee as explosion after explosion rocks the poor army troops.
---
Himchan brings another man home.
They stumble through the doorway and Yongguk is woken by a series of bumps and groans that travel down the hall way. He gets up from where he’d fallen asleep on the sofa, knocking over the pillow he’d been napping on. He’s just in time to see Himchan being pulled into his bedroom.
Not again.
The man is old, older than Himchan by at least a decade and his hideous green pants are too big, sagging around his knees. There are flecks of grey through his hair, his stubble already turning silver and a pair of thin wired spectacles sits on the bridge of his nose. He isn’t Himchan’s usual type and Yongguk isn’t sure whether that’s a good thing or not.
Himchan’s door bangs shut and another thud - presumably a body colliding with it, sends Yongguk back into the living room.
At least this guy sticks around until morning.
---
Yongguk refuses to enter Himchan’s room for the rest of the day.
---
On Saturday night Himchan comes home with a large grin on his face and a spring in his step. It’s technically Sunday morning as it’s a little after 3 in the morning and Yongguk has half a mind to chastise him for coming home so late. What time do you call this? But Himchan waltzes passed him and collapses face first onto his bed.
‘I met someone, Gukie’
‘His name is Geonwoo’
He’d be lying if he said it doesn’t hurt but Himchan seems happy and Yongguk doesn’t want to rain on his parade.
Himchan rolls onto his back and Yongguk sits beside him, one hand on his knee. Himchan looks over at him, fingers pressing to Yongguk’s nape and he grins. ‘He’s absolutely gorgeous. I think you’ll like him’
---
Geonwoo is short, much shorter than Himchan and his arms are more muscular than the rest of his body. He doesn’t really suit Himchan who is tall and slender. It reminds Yongguk of the dwarf and the elf in that stupidly long film Himchan once watched.
Geonwoo holds out a hand to him and Yongguk stares for a moment at it before accepting the handshake. His fingers are thick like sausages. His grip is loose and unimpressive and he looks at Yongguk as though addressing a small child. ‘Hello Yongguk ssi. I’m Himchan-ah’s new boyfriend. Nice to meet you’
Nice to meet you, my ass.
Yongguk wrinkles his nose and pulls away his hand. He doesn’t like this man so he turns his back on him (and Himchan) and walks away. He ignores Himchan as he calls his name and goes to get a drink of water from the kitchen.
‘I’m sorry about him’ Himchan sighs, teeth pressing into his lower lip. ‘He’s takes a while to warm up to new people’
---
Himchan catches Yongguk’s reflection in the bathroom mirror whilst he’s brushing his teeth. He wipes the foam from his mouth and spits into the sink. Yongguk just stares, his weight against the doorframe. Himchan’s hair is askew, his shirt inside out but his eyes are bushy and the smile on his lips dimples his cheeks.
‘What do you think of him? He’s nice, right?’
I don’t like him
‘I’m so glad you get along’
Himchan takes a sip from his cup and swills it around his mouth, gargling. Yongguk watches for a few moments, trying to catch the other’s eyes through the mirror.
---
Geonwoo leaves a little after that.
Himchan sobs.
Yongguk stands at the door and asks Himchan to let him in. He begs and pleads and scratches but Himchan ignores him.
When he wakes up the next morning, Himchan is gone too.
---
The front door creaks open some days later and Yongguk is awoken by the turning of the lock. He glances blearily at the clock across the room and something shoots up his spine. It’s a little after 11am and Himchan is supposed to be at work.
He pushes himself up out of bed, sheets falling around him. He’s about to investigate when he hears a voice, shrill and definitely female, from out in the hall. His brows furrow. A woman? Why and who is it? The tone is too high to be Himchan’s Noona and too young to be his mother.
Heels clunk against the laminate accompanied by duller steps and Yongguk is two paces out of bed when the door opens and a woman steps into Himchan’s room, followed closely by Geonwoo.
Oh.
Yongguk flares. Red mist descends and he turns on Geonwoo.
Get out! Get out! Get out!
How dare you bring that woman here
She looks surprised - no scared - and she staggers back, her small dainty fingers curling round Geonwoo’s forearm. ‘Honey, I - ’
‘Out!’ Hisses Geonwoo, grabbing Yongguk by the neck. They struggle against each other, Yongguk trying to get anything in against him because how dare he cheat on Himchan but Geonwoo is stronger and muscles him out, shoves him into the kitchen and barricades him in with a well-placed kitchen chair.
---
Himchan runs a hand through Yongguk’s hair, laughing at the way he nuzzles into his palm. Sunlight from the open window catches his hair and his eyes crease in the corners, cheeks dimpling and it’s moments like this that Yongguk thinks he’s most beautiful, moments when he’s entirely and completely his.
I love you
Yongguk can’t say it so he tries to show it in everything he does. He’d give his life for Himchan though he isn’t sure the other knows that. Himchan has done so much for him.
I love you. I love you. I lo-
The door creaks open.
Moments like this never last long.
The other male appears behind Himchan’s shoulder and he’s pulled away. Geonwoo raps an arm around his waist, pulls Himchan close against him and kisses him, hard. He grips at his shirt, one hand pushing them flush against each other and Himchan moans a little under the pressure of it all.
Geonwoo builds him up then pulls away. Yongguk doesn’t miss the disappointed little sigh that passes Himchan’s lips though he doesn’t have long to dwell on it as Geonwoo is in front of him, one of his large, thick hands held out to Yongguk.
‘Yongguk ah’
Don’t talk to me so informally
Yongguk bats his hand away, anger prickling up his spine. He hates this man, he cheated on Himchan. He doesn’t deserve him.
‘Yonggukie, what’s wrong? It’s me’
Yongguk bats his hand away again and Geonwoo grows impatient. He reaches out, fingers wrapping around Yongguk’s jaw. ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you’ He jerks Yongguk’s head to face him but he keeps his eyes downcast, looks anywhere but at him. ‘Geonwoo-yah, leave him alone’ Himchan shuffles in the background and Geonwoo releases him.
‘You should be more respectful’ He wags a finger in Yongguk’s face.
---
Yongguk lays in the bed in the spare room, covers pulled over his head whilst some stupid American cartoon plays. He can hear Himchan’s voice over the dialogue; can hear the steady and constant clash of wood against brick. He tries to block it out, covers his ears but even the TV isn’t enough to drown out that sound.
Himchan’s grunts echo through the wall as the pounding grows quicker. Yongguk tosses and turns. He doesn’t want to hear this, doesn’t want to think of Himchan, covered in sweat and there for the taking. Doesn’t want to think of all the things that another man - Geonwoo - is doing to him.
It should be me
Himchan’s voice grows louder still, the rocking of the bed quicker and then…
It stops.
And there’s an entirely new sound that echoes through the apartment.
---
He slapped him.
---
The bedroom is a mess.
Himchan sits naked by the headboard, a pillow to his chest. The floor is littered with clothing and bed sheets, the glass in a picture frame holding a photo of Himchan and Yongguk shattered. Yongguk picks his way around the debris, avoids stepping on the shards of a broken mug - his main goal to get to Himchan.
He’s barely on the bed when Himchan reaches out, replacing the pillow with Yongguk. He’s warmer, softer and the steady beating of his heart soothes Himchan more than a pillow ever could.
Let’s get out of here. You can’t stay here.
Himchan muffles a sob into his shoulder.
I’m here for you. Always.
---
Yongguk helps Himchan pack his bag, making sure he has plenty of underwear and socks. They’re not going far, just to Jaehyo’s place because Himchan needs to get away for a few days and clear his head. Anywhere is better than here right now and with Jaehyo around it’ll be like the good old days when they all lived together.
Yongguk watches from the other side of Himchan’s suitcase as he packs away the broken photo frame, carefully wrapped up to prevent extra damage when Himchan looks up. ‘Thanks Yongguk. I don’t know what I’d do without you’ He reaches out, one hand pressing to Yongguk’s face.
‘I love you’
I love you too
---
Himchan pulls his favourite navy blue blazer on just as they’re leaving. Yongguk stands patiently by the door with his suitcase when he dips his hand into his pocket and finds - a red rubber ball. His fingers tighten around it and he pulls it out, a small smile on his lips.
Yongguk barks excitedly, his tail wagging happily. His eyes are on the object in his hand and Himchan laughs, grabbing his suitcase and Yongguk’s lead.
‘Why don’t we stop at the park on our way?’