The Drawer
Rating: PG
Timeline: Set post-season 7.
Summary: The triplets find Leslie and Ben's special drawer. Chaos ensues.
Note:
“So, I thought we agreed to cool it on buying any new toys for a little while?” Leslie asks, as they walk by the triplets’ playroom and look on as Stephen plays with a new spaceship, Wesley drives a new, large battery-operated car with his teddy bear in it around the room, and Sonia pretends to have tea with a bright pink stuffed rabbit apparently named Poptart.
Leslie had been out of town for a couple of days visiting some southwest National Parks and just got back from her trip.
“Oh, yeah. We did. But, um, there was kind of an emergency and-”
“What kind of emergency requires buying new toys?”
Ben leads her into the living room by the hand. He didn’t tell her about the incident over Skype last night, but he may as well tell her about it now.
“I think you better sit down.”
YESTERDAY:
*pew* *pew* *pew* *pew*
Ben looks up from his spot reading on the couch after dinner and sees five year-old Stephen running through the living room, something bright and pink in his hands. His son is making spaceship noises and then he yells, “rockets!”
Ben hears a familiar buzzing noise.
A very familiar buzzing noise.
“Oh my god.” He quickly gets up and intercepts his son near the overstuffed chair. “Hey, buddy. What have you got there?”
He’s pretty sure what Stephen’s got there.
“A rocket daddy!” His son excitedly holds up Leslie’s currently vibrating vibrator for Ben to see. “It makes a rocket noise!”
“Yes,” Ben says, quickly taking the sex toy from his son and turning it off. “Um, how did…where did you…ah, where…did you get this?”
“Your bedroom! In the drawer. There are funny toys in there.” Stephen accents his words with an innocent giggle.
Ben can feel his eyes widening and he’s pretty sure his mouth just dropped open. This is certainly not something covered in the parenting books (at least not the ones he’s read).
“Alright. This isn’t really…um a toy-toy. Why don’t I hold onto this and-”
“No! It’s my rocket!”
Ben tries to use a calm and gentle voice. “Stephen, honey, I’m sorry but this isn’t for you. This is mommy’s and-”
“It’s mommy’s toy? She would share with me. We’re supposed to share toys,” his son tells him just as Ben rubs his forehead with the hand that is not currently holding a bright pink vibrator.
Fuck it, he thinks. Drastic times call for drastic measures. “Tell you what. Why don’t I put this back where it belongs and we’ll go to the toy store and get you a new toy instead?”
His son looks at him skeptically, obviously trying to decide whether or not he will be bribed.
“Daddy,” Sonia interrupts, coming down the stairs. “Will you come to my tea party? There’s cookies and some funny jelly.”
“Good lord,” Ben stares at his daughter. “Were you in mommy and daddy’s bedroom too?”
Sonia nods, smiling sweetly.
“Honey, did you eat anything or…” he trails off as he walks over to her and kneels down. Sonia looks okay. She doesn’t seem to be covered in lubricant or have eaten any body paints, as far as he can tell.
“No, but Bobo had some on his crackers. He thought it was yucky.”
Oh thank god-he doesn’t really care if a plush ostrich eats lube but he makes a mental note to throw the stuffed animal in the washing machine later anyway.
Okay, he can fix this. But then Ben remembers they have one more child. “Where’s your brother? Where’s Wesley?”
“In your room,” Stephen answers, as he keeps trying to grab his pink vibrating rocket back from Ben with his eager little hands. “He’s looking for toys too. Daddy! My rocket! Gimme-”
“Alright. Okay, hey, here’s an idea. Let’s go get your brother and then all go buy some jeans? Toys! I mean toys at the toy store. Whaaaaat? Yay! New toys!” He looks down at their confused faces as he hides the vibrator in his pocket. “Everyone can pick out one new toy at the toy store. That we’re going to right now!”
“Yay!” Stephen and Sonia finally agree, as Ben leads them upstairs so he can confiscate his daughter’s new x-rated tea party snacks and diffuse whatever awkward situation is unfolding with Wesley.
Handcuffs. It was handcuffs.
* * *
Leslie is staring at him with wide eyes. “They went in the drawer and-”
“Yeah,” Ben confirms. “They did. And when we got home from the toy store we also had a little talk about respecting people’s private spaces and not snooping, but just to be safe, I moved everything of an, um, intimate nature to the top drawer of my dresser. They are still way too short to get in there.”
“Holy crap,” Leslie starts giggling. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry you had to handle that by yourself. That is-”
“Yeah,” Ben responds, trying not to laugh too. “Yeah. Babe, I honestly thought I was going to have an aneurysm or something. And sure, the dresser drawer is a little inconvenient, but if it means I don’t have to see my son flying a pink vibrator around the room like a spaceship, I think I’m okay with it.”
Timeline: Set post-season 7.
Summary: The triplets find Leslie and Ben's special drawer. Chaos ensues.
Note:
“So, I thought we agreed to cool it on buying any new toys for a little while?” Leslie asks, as they walk by the triplets’ playroom and look on as Stephen plays with a new spaceship, Wesley drives a new, large battery-operated car with his teddy bear in it around the room, and Sonia pretends to have tea with a bright pink stuffed rabbit apparently named Poptart.
Leslie had been out of town for a couple of days visiting some southwest National Parks and just got back from her trip.
“Oh, yeah. We did. But, um, there was kind of an emergency and-”
“What kind of emergency requires buying new toys?”
Ben leads her into the living room by the hand. He didn’t tell her about the incident over Skype last night, but he may as well tell her about it now.
“I think you better sit down.”
YESTERDAY:
*pew* *pew* *pew* *pew*
Ben looks up from his spot reading on the couch after dinner and sees five year-old Stephen running through the living room, something bright and pink in his hands. His son is making spaceship noises and then he yells, “rockets!”
Ben hears a familiar buzzing noise.
A very familiar buzzing noise.
“Oh my god.” He quickly gets up and intercepts his son near the overstuffed chair. “Hey, buddy. What have you got there?”
He’s pretty sure what Stephen’s got there.
“A rocket daddy!” His son excitedly holds up Leslie’s currently vibrating vibrator for Ben to see. “It makes a rocket noise!”
“Yes,” Ben says, quickly taking the sex toy from his son and turning it off. “Um, how did…where did you…ah, where…did you get this?”
“Your bedroom! In the drawer. There are funny toys in there.” Stephen accents his words with an innocent giggle.
Ben can feel his eyes widening and he’s pretty sure his mouth just dropped open. This is certainly not something covered in the parenting books (at least not the ones he’s read).
“Alright. This isn’t really…um a toy-toy. Why don’t I hold onto this and-”
“No! It’s my rocket!”
Ben tries to use a calm and gentle voice. “Stephen, honey, I’m sorry but this isn’t for you. This is mommy’s and-”
“It’s mommy’s toy? She would share with me. We’re supposed to share toys,” his son tells him just as Ben rubs his forehead with the hand that is not currently holding a bright pink vibrator.
Fuck it, he thinks. Drastic times call for drastic measures. “Tell you what. Why don’t I put this back where it belongs and we’ll go to the toy store and get you a new toy instead?”
His son looks at him skeptically, obviously trying to decide whether or not he will be bribed.
“Daddy,” Sonia interrupts, coming down the stairs. “Will you come to my tea party? There’s cookies and some funny jelly.”
“Good lord,” Ben stares at his daughter. “Were you in mommy and daddy’s bedroom too?”
Sonia nods, smiling sweetly.
“Honey, did you eat anything or…” he trails off as he walks over to her and kneels down. Sonia looks okay. She doesn’t seem to be covered in lubricant or have eaten any body paints, as far as he can tell.
“No, but Bobo had some on his crackers. He thought it was yucky.”
Oh thank god-he doesn’t really care if a plush ostrich eats lube but he makes a mental note to throw the stuffed animal in the washing machine later anyway.
Okay, he can fix this. But then Ben remembers they have one more child. “Where’s your brother? Where’s Wesley?”
“In your room,” Stephen answers, as he keeps trying to grab his pink vibrating rocket back from Ben with his eager little hands. “He’s looking for toys too. Daddy! My rocket! Gimme-”
“Alright. Okay, hey, here’s an idea. Let’s go get your brother and then all go buy some jeans? Toys! I mean toys at the toy store. Whaaaaat? Yay! New toys!” He looks down at their confused faces as he hides the vibrator in his pocket. “Everyone can pick out one new toy at the toy store. That we’re going to right now!”
“Yay!” Stephen and Sonia finally agree, as Ben leads them upstairs so he can confiscate his daughter’s new x-rated tea party snacks and diffuse whatever awkward situation is unfolding with Wesley.
Handcuffs. It was handcuffs.
* * *
Leslie is staring at him with wide eyes. “They went in the drawer and-”
“Yeah,” Ben confirms. “They did. And when we got home from the toy store we also had a little talk about respecting people’s private spaces and not snooping, but just to be safe, I moved everything of an, um, intimate nature to the top drawer of my dresser. They are still way too short to get in there.”
“Holy crap,” Leslie starts giggling. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry you had to handle that by yourself. That is-”
“Yeah,” Ben responds, trying not to laugh too. “Yeah. Babe, I honestly thought I was going to have an aneurysm or something. And sure, the dresser drawer is a little inconvenient, but if it means I don’t have to see my son flying a pink vibrator around the room like a spaceship, I think I’m okay with it.”