I'm just having a bad couple of days
Ok, so this week thus far has been bad. . .bad. . .bad. R's grandfather died this past weekend. . .and it was expected, because he has been sick for quite some while. Yesterday was the funeral. I don't do well at funerals. . .not at all. . .but I put on a brave face for R and went with him. Little did I know I would be sitting alone the entire time, because apparently the pal bearers do not sit with the rest of the family. So not only am I at a funeral. . .but I am all alone. . .and all the bad memories keep coming back, and I am trying to get rid of them. . .because the past is the past. . .and it can't be changed. . .and I feel so out of place. . .and I just didn't belong there. It was rainy and miserable. . .at the graveside. . .a worm. . .that I swear was at least 2 feet long crawled over my foot. . . creeped the hell out of me . .maybe it's a bad omen or something, I don't know all I know is that thing was huge and it scared me. So after the funeral. . .I had my lesson. . .which sucked!!! I couldn't concentrate. . .kept screwing up. . .kept thinking about the past, and dwelling in the past and worried that someone close to me is going to die again . .and it will all be my fault. Knowing that I have talked this out. . .and they say it was not my fault. . .and it could never be my fault. . .but what if they were wrong, what if I were being punished?!? Yeah, I know. . .it's crazy. . .but this is why I don't do funerals. . .cause it always comes back around to being about me. SO after the practice I told Matthew that i got him the violin. . .and I don't think he was very happy. . .or maybe he was and he just didn't know what to say. . .I don't know. . .so my suck day ended on Monday. Today my day sucked still. . .back at work. . .everyone has this attitude. . .I'm in a funk. . .that I know will last for a week to 2 weeks. . .that's just how it goes. . .and I told them that but they are just being them. . .so ya know what, just screw em. . .I am sick of caring. But I found out the violin was delivered a day early, and it was waiting for me at home, so I was so excited. . .could not wait to get home, yes, my day was starting to look up. . .I get home and I open the box. . .and what do I see but a PURPLE violin. . .not the teal one that I ordered. So I have sent them an e-mail and I am now awaiting their reply. Here are a few pictures
this is the violin I ordered. . . .
and this is what I got. . .wow huh?!? Yeah. . .life really feels like it sucks right now. . .can't wait for a better day