Comments | nyghtinggail: Kevin and I very unhappy where we are right now

nyghtinggail

Kevin and I very unhappy where we are right now

Apr 14, 2009 09:52

I feel weird actually confirming this openly; most updates about him are privately done. But last night was one of those can't sleep until this is somewhere with a decision made. I guess in the simplest version of it, I'm mean and he's a fuck up. He's ruined a lot of really happy things in my life and I seem to have an underlying hostility in most ( Read more... )

Comments 11

morris1000 April 14 2009, 17:04:35 UTC

Oh, Abigail..

There's little I can say, I suppose, that wouldn't be guesswork, but it seems that you're both being forced to deal with emotional overload.. Just be strong and have hope, I know you've got it in you.

Sounds rather futile.. Thinking of you.. x x

morris1000 April 14 2009, 17:05:56 UTC

N.B. what I'm saying sounds futile, I mean. :)

nyghtinggail April 15 2009, 00:03:21 UTC

I sure everything will work out eventually, I mean... I can understand that I'm just having a really hard time separating and letting go _right now_. I can see we are very different people suited to very different things, it's just the transitioning that is killing me.

arisoncain April 15 2009, 02:40:05 UTC

i really enjoy reading what you have to say =)

the2ndhandkid April 15 2009, 04:57:45 UTC

I knew from the moment that Osro was realized, that I would never be strong enough to lose him. I feared it happening the entire pregnancy and after. It has fallen to the wayside lately, my fear. And it seems strange to me sometimes when I think about how if I lost any other baby I would be able to handle it.

I can only dread what it is like to lose the baby meant for you. Your strength to open yourself up to this child after your loss is an inspiring, heart-thumping act I admire fullforce.

I have a rushing of relief and a pulsing of sympathy for your acceptance of your and Kevin's reality. I imagine it will be a slow and steady pulling away of the bandaid before you are able to let the wound see the light, air out and heal freely. You do not deserve to be worn so roughly.

nyghtinggail April 15 2009, 22:13:53 UTC

I feel like my headspace is swimming, I need a hiatus from being me for a while. I wish at times I would just develop a second personality to handle some of this stuff that just ... wears me out.

I love you, I can't wait until you are here to be with me for the end of the pregnancy.

rue42 April 15 2009, 05:44:07 UTC

Oh honey I don't even know what to say. Have you said this to him?

nyghtinggail April 15 2009, 22:18:29 UTC

Yeah, he knows what's going on; not being informed isn't really our issue, it's more of a disagreeing on lifestyles/actions/the heart of things.

neverwhiteroses April 15 2009, 19:23:09 UTC

i think you need to get away from him for awhile. especially if you feel like your baby is no longer yours. if youre not with him, his energy can't affect you like this.

i have an apartment you are welcome to stay in anytime. if you wanna help me paint my walls hot pink, that would be good too.

♥

nyghtinggail April 15 2009, 22:33:34 UTC

Space would be good, unfortunately being in school makes it harder to have that space. I think it would probably really give me time to spend getting to know this child without him around. I guess I have a really hard time articulating it, she takes on an affectionate energy toward him-

I would love to help you paint your walls hot pink. Maybe I could visit one of these weekends at the end of April or beginning of May. When school ends I think I'm going to hop over to my father's until Kristina&Osro come.

My cat just had little kittens, 5- 2 of them look just like yours.

the2ndhandkid April 16 2009, 02:36:31 UTC

I agree with her.