Journal Entry- July 20th, 2000- 9:00pm
Now that I’ve gone outside, to get some fresh air(as I said to Charlie), I’m feeling better. Even if it’s dark, and I can barely see these pages, I have my wand.....and now my sanity. This arrangement is an estrangement in the making, I can feel it. I’ve never lived with anyone like this before. Not ever. I’ve only ever lived with Mum and Dad, and had my own room to escape to- all of the time. Now… there is nothing. No walls, no doors- unless I go into the loo, but Charlie already complained about me taking an escape in there. Well… more like made fun of me that I was in there so long with my journal. What else am I suppose to do with myself, other than glance at the entries within and find courage to write? Unlike that wanker, I have no hobbies. Bloody work was my hobby. It was what I was good at. Even if bragging about being good with writing in files and the like isn’t much, it was something. But Charlie teased me about my journal reading in the loo bit, so that’s when I decided fresh air couldn’t be misconstrued into something perverted.
And he isn’t the best of roommates either. Not all cherries and sunshine. I’m not saying a thing though, I can only assume this is Fenrir’s doing. Charlie’s hurting, I can see something of it in his face, and hear it in his voice. I wish there was more I could do for him, other than take up space, and give him perverted delusions.
But… an outing is what I think we should do. That’s what married couples do to try and save their marriage, isn’t it? Spontaneous adventures and changes? Hahaa… yes… we will be taking some trips, we both need to get out of this house- and if I need to go… he also has no choice but to come along. Well… hhmmm… I can actually work around that. Eh, but at what risk? If I am even bloody right about Fenrir, Charlie is in danger. We’ll see how things go.
Least the man adjusted his furniture to allow space for my cot. I did not like sleeping in his armchair the other night. But I also do not want to provoke anything by sleeping together. God only knows what could happen. Maybe I want it to again, maybe I don’t. But neither of us are in any position to figure that mess out right now. I wonder if Charlie could get me in trouble, by snogging a charge? Better not find out.
I actually miss Grimmauld. I miss my old room at Mum and Dad’s. I miss Sirius. When someone close to me loses family, it makes me realize I only have two left… members that is. If Mum and Dad ever go…. I’ll be alone. Alone like those other victims. Like Miss Cain, and Miss Weasley. I hope their souls are resting in peace, and I hope Fenrir rots in hell.
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[Private to Order Members, and Good Friends]
Uh. Hello!
No… I am not inebriated.
Those of you who I spoke with a few days ago in journal, I offer my sincerest apology, and promise to not let that happen again. Those of you who I haven’t spoken with, well… never you mind, and just accept my apology all the same.
Headquarters is in need of checkups, every once in awhile. I will handle some of those myself too.
I hope all is well, and it stays that way.
~Tonks
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