In case you were wondering, Rizzo~
Risotto: ...*hic*
Me: Here, put your hand in this dog's mouth
Risotto: ...Wha', why'ddI do that *hic*
Me: Hangover cure, better to make it in advance than try to get you to cooperate tomorrow
Risotto: Nn, thass' dumb.
Me: *makes dog bite hand*
Risotto: OW WHATTHEFUCKZEPPELI
Me: Believe me, you'll thank me later
Risotto: ...whose dog izzat, anywas
Me: It's Danny
Me: He's not dead either, apparently
Risotto: *ggggroan* Wwwhat ev'r. Mm' gonna 'ave to ssstay at yer place t'night.
Me: Guest bedroom's thataway
Me: Should I carry you?
Risotto: Fffuck that, gues'ss rooms're always shitty.
Risotto: Jus' lemme stay in yer bed..
Me: Erm
Me: Johnny and I were...
Me: Never mind
Risotto: Huh?
Me: Just go lie down
Risotto: But wai', what about Jaw-nee...?
Me: Nothing nothing
Me: *pushes onto bed*
Risotto: Sssso agrrressive, Zeppeli...
Me: *shaves dog*
Risotto: ...wait, wha...?
Me: You don't want to know what goes into this hangover cure.
Risotto: ...tell jawnee t'get in 'ere.
Me: ...Why?
Risotto: that issfer me t'know, and you to not know.
Me: Well you can't do much in the state you're in
Me: *calls*
Risotto: ...nnnwhatever *passes out*
Me: *considers rape, as Johnny is away*
Me: ...*goes to kitchen*
Risotto: *completely and totally out cold*
Risotto: *probably wouldn't even wake up if Cars returned to Earth*
Me: *shuffling through eggs and jalapeno peppers*
Risotto: *drooling on Gyro's pillow*
Me: *pokes head in*
Me: *grabs pillow and stuffs it into washing machine*
Risotto: *drooling on Gyro's sheets*
Me: *grumbles about moving him to guest bedroom*
Risotto: *starts nonsensically sleeptalking* "N..Needs more...squid..."
Risotto: "Yeah... straight through..."
Me: *checks recipe*
Me: Nope, but I think granny mentioned cuttlefish...
Risotto: ...OHGODGYROGETINHERERIGHTNOW
Me: WHAT *runs*
Risotto: I-it's, *hic*, spider *points at the wall*
Me: Oh gawd *facepalm*
Me: There are RATTLESNAKES where I come from
Me: *squishes*
Me: Now go back to sleep
Risotto: Nnno. *ADAMANTFACE: >8|*
Risotto: ...*hic*
Me: D'awww, he's so adorable
Me: Here, you can hold teddy
Risotto: Hnn? Y'gotta speak up Zep'li
Risotto: Nnnno. *MOREADAMANTFACE: >8|*
Me: But...he squeaks!
Me: Squeeze his tummy
Risotto: I'bet you sssqeak betterrrr...
Me: ...*blush* TAKE THE BEAR
Risotto: I sssaid no. *ADAMANT-HUG*
Me: *squirm* You're totally wasted, just get to bed
Risotto: Ffffine. *collapses*
Me: *phew*
Me: *breaks eggs*
Me: Wait...it has to be an ostrich egg?
Me: Where am I supposed to get one at this hour...
Risotto: Zep*hic*liiI~~~
Me: *pokes head in* What now?
Risotto: G'me a glass'a water.
Me: 'kay
Me: *considers spiking it with sleeping pills*
Me: *remembers the rule about mixing pills and alcohol*
Risotto: *has probably eaten worse things*
Me: *does it anyway then*
Me: Here, water
Me: Pure, clean, and not dangerous
Risotto: ...Nnn. *sipsip* Zep'li, I feel siiick...
Me: Night-night
Risotto: Wai' I think somfink's wro*UNCONSCIOUS*
Me: *sigh* Now, let's see if any of those alternate universe guys are from the future where they can zap you food off the internet...
Johnny: *knockknock* Gyro~~ I'm home~!
((OOC MADNESS HERE:
Senator Internet: ((TIME TO TAKE A CHARACTER!))
Slotheyechan: ((WAIT WHAT))
Senator Internet: ((SORRY EGGO, I'M JUST "BORROWING" JAWNEE))
Senator Internet: ((YES, BORROWING.))
Slotheyechan: ((POOR EGGO WILL BE SO DISTRESSED))
Senator Internet: ((WHAT SHE DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT HER)) /OOC))
Me: Jyawneeeeee~! *tackles on the porch*
Johnny: Gyro! <33 *BOYHUGGLES.* I'm so glad to see you. <3
Me: <3 Um, Rizzo's asleep on our bed
Me: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HIM I SWEAR
Johnny: ...Gyro
Johnny: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
Johnny: GYRO I THOUGHT WE AGREED YOU WOULD STOP DOING THINGS WITH RANDOM MEN BEHIND MY BACK!
Johnny: AAUGH GYRO I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
Johnny: *CRIPPLEPOUT*
Me: I SWEAR
Me: I DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO RAPE HIM
Me: HE NEARLY RAPED ME
Johnny: LOOK AT HIM, GYRO!
Johnny: HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A SHIRT ON!
Me: I TOLD YOU HE TRIED TO RAPE ME
Johnny: OH YEAH?
Me: EVEN ASK HIM
Me: ...IF HE EVER WAKES UP
Me: OR REMEMBERS
Johnny: GYRO WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU DO TO DRUNK MEN.
Me: WHAAAT
Johnny: I KNOW FIRSTHAND!
Me: DID I RAPE OYE?
Johnny: *SLAP!*
Johnny: YOU PROBABLY DID YOU BASTARD
Me: YOU DON'T TRUST ME?
Me: *HURT*
Johnny: *CRIPPLETEARS* WHAT REASON DO I HAVE TO ANYMORE?!
Me: BUTBUT
Me: WE WERE GOING TO HAVE MAKEUP SEX AND LOVE EACH OTHER FOREVER AND EVER
Johnny: NOT WITH THAT THING IN OUR BED WE'RE NOT. *SNIFFLESNIFFLE*
Me: THAT'S WHAT I TRIED TO TELL HIM
Johnny: THERE'S ANOTHER MAN IN OUR BED, GYRO
Johnny: I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE
Johnny: WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME
Me: NVJDSFKLJSD I'M SORRYYYYY
Me: *HUGHUGHUG*
Me: *SMOOCH*
Johnny: ...*SNIFFLE.* FINE.
Me: I SERIOUSLY TRIED TO GET HIM TO THE GUEST BED
Me: I WAS GOING TO MOVE HIM AFTER I MADE UP THIS MEDICINE
Johnny: *SNIFF SNIFF* ...THEN WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE HIM?!
Me: I TOLD YOU
Me: HE TRIED TO RAPE ME
Johnny: HOW
Johnny: HE'S FUCKING SMASHED!
Me: I SPIKED HIS WATER
Me: BUT BEFORE I DID HE GOT ALL "RRRRR" ON ME FOR TRYING TO GET HIM TO TAKE A NAP
Johnny: ...HE GOT MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE TRYING TO GET HIM TO TAKE A NAP?
Me: YEAH
Me: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS THAT WASTED
Johnny: *SNRK.* NUTCASE.
Me: I KNOW RIGHT?
Johnny: WE CAN HAVE MAKEUP-SEX AS LONG AS YOU GET HIM OUT OF OUR BED. LIKEEW.
Me: WILL DO
Me: WHILE I'M AT IT CAN YOU GO NEXT DOOR AND ASK GIORNO FOR AN OSTRICH EGG?
Johnny: OH, ASK THE CRIPPLE TO DO IT. *CRIPPLEPOUT*
Me: WOULD YOU RATHER CARRY A FULL GROWN MAN TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE?
Johnny: ...YOU BETTER ONLY HAVE YOUR HANDS ON HIS LEGS AND HIS SHOULDERS. *POUTYLIPS*
Me: I'LL CARRY HIM BY THE ARMPITS
Johnny: OR THAT.
Me: NOW PLEEEEASE GO NEXT DOOR?~ *PECK*
Johnny: OH FINE~ <3
Me: <3
Johnny: ...MISTA SAYS GIORNO IS BUSY.
Me: TELL HIM TO STOP FAPPING AND JUST MAKE AN EGG REAL QUICK
Johnny: NU~! WHAT IF I SEE ABBACCIO?!
Johnny: WHAT IF HE LOOKS AT ME
Johnny: WITH HIS EYES
Me: AVERT YOUR EYES
Me: WEAR THESE MIRRORED SUNGLASSES
Johnny: ...NO, THOSE ARE DUMB.
Johnny: FINE, I'LL GO.
Johnny: AGAIN.
Johnny: *2 HOURS LATER*
Johnny: NN, YAWN, BACK~~!
Me: JOHNNY WTF HAPPENED
Johnny: ...UHMWELLY'SEE
Me: RIZZO'S IN THE GUEST ROOM
Johnny: STOP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'D DO SOMETHING WITH GIORNO?!
Me: ...WHAT
Johnny: *DEFENSIVEDEFENSIVEDEFENSIVE*
Me: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, JOHNNY.
Johnny: ...HAHA
Johnny: RIGHT
Johnny: ...NEITHER DID I.
Me: ...JOHNNY
Johnny: GYRO?
Me: I SHOULD HAVE KEPT RIZZO AWAKE AND HAD HOT MANSEX WITH HIM
Me: I FEEL SO
Me: BETRAYED
Johnny: ...*BITCHSLAP*
Johnny: FINE, GO DO IT
Johnny: GIORNO LOVES ME MORE
Me: HE'S ITALIAN
Johnny: EXACTLY
Me: ITALIANS HAVE ROMANCE IN THEIR BLOOD
Me: BUT NOT LOVE
Me: NOT LIKE I LOVE YOU
Me: LOVED, EVEN
Johnny: *SNIFFLE*
Johnny: I CAN'T TAKE THIS HEARTBREAK.
Johnny: ...I NEED A DRINK.
Me: ...*OFFERS WATER*
Johnny: OH THA-*THUD*
Me: *DRAGS TO BEDROOM*
Me: Here, put your hand in this dog's mouth
Risotto: ...Wha', why'ddI do that *hic*
Me: Hangover cure, better to make it in advance than try to get you to cooperate tomorrow
Risotto: Nn, thass' dumb.
Me: *makes dog bite hand*
Risotto: OW WHATTHEFUCKZEPPELI
Me: Believe me, you'll thank me later
Risotto: ...whose dog izzat, anywas
Me: It's Danny
Me: He's not dead either, apparently
Risotto: *ggggroan* Wwwhat ev'r. Mm' gonna 'ave to ssstay at yer place t'night.
Me: Guest bedroom's thataway
Me: Should I carry you?
Risotto: Fffuck that, gues'ss rooms're always shitty.
Risotto: Jus' lemme stay in yer bed..
Me: Erm
Me: Johnny and I were...
Me: Never mind
Risotto: Huh?
Me: Just go lie down
Risotto: But wai', what about Jaw-nee...?
Me: Nothing nothing
Me: *pushes onto bed*
Risotto: Sssso agrrressive, Zeppeli...
Me: *shaves dog*
Risotto: ...wait, wha...?
Me: You don't want to know what goes into this hangover cure.
Risotto: ...tell jawnee t'get in 'ere.
Me: ...Why?
Risotto: that issfer me t'know, and you to not know.
Me: Well you can't do much in the state you're in
Me: *calls*
Risotto: ...nnnwhatever *passes out*
Me: *considers rape, as Johnny is away*
Me: ...*goes to kitchen*
Risotto: *completely and totally out cold*
Risotto: *probably wouldn't even wake up if Cars returned to Earth*
Me: *shuffling through eggs and jalapeno peppers*
Risotto: *drooling on Gyro's pillow*
Me: *pokes head in*
Me: *grabs pillow and stuffs it into washing machine*
Risotto: *drooling on Gyro's sheets*
Me: *grumbles about moving him to guest bedroom*
Risotto: *starts nonsensically sleeptalking* "N..Needs more...squid..."
Risotto: "Yeah... straight through..."
Me: *checks recipe*
Me: Nope, but I think granny mentioned cuttlefish...
Risotto: ...OHGODGYROGETINHERERIGHTNOW
Me: WHAT *runs*
Risotto: I-it's, *hic*, spider *points at the wall*
Me: Oh gawd *facepalm*
Me: There are RATTLESNAKES where I come from
Me: *squishes*
Me: Now go back to sleep
Risotto: Nnno. *ADAMANTFACE: >8|*
Risotto: ...*hic*
Me: D'awww, he's so adorable
Me: Here, you can hold teddy
Risotto: Hnn? Y'gotta speak up Zep'li
Risotto: Nnnno. *MOREADAMANTFACE: >8|*
Me: But...he squeaks!
Me: Squeeze his tummy
Risotto: I'bet you sssqeak betterrrr...
Me: ...*blush* TAKE THE BEAR
Risotto: I sssaid no. *ADAMANT-HUG*
Me: *squirm* You're totally wasted, just get to bed
Risotto: Ffffine. *collapses*
Me: *phew*
Me: *breaks eggs*
Me: Wait...it has to be an ostrich egg?
Me: Where am I supposed to get one at this hour...
Risotto: Zep*hic*liiI~~~
Me: *pokes head in* What now?
Risotto: G'me a glass'a water.
Me: 'kay
Me: *considers spiking it with sleeping pills*
Me: *remembers the rule about mixing pills and alcohol*
Risotto: *has probably eaten worse things*
Me: *does it anyway then*
Me: Here, water
Me: Pure, clean, and not dangerous
Risotto: ...Nnn. *sipsip* Zep'li, I feel siiick...
Me: Night-night
Risotto: Wai' I think somfink's wro*UNCONSCIOUS*
Me: *sigh* Now, let's see if any of those alternate universe guys are from the future where they can zap you food off the internet...
Johnny: *knockknock* Gyro~~ I'm home~!
((OOC MADNESS HERE:
Senator Internet: ((TIME TO TAKE A CHARACTER!))
Slotheyechan: ((WAIT WHAT))
Senator Internet: ((SORRY EGGO, I'M JUST "BORROWING" JAWNEE))
Senator Internet: ((YES, BORROWING.))
Slotheyechan: ((POOR EGGO WILL BE SO DISTRESSED))
Senator Internet: ((WHAT SHE DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT HER)) /OOC))
Me: Jyawneeeeee~! *tackles on the porch*
Johnny: Gyro! <33 *BOYHUGGLES.* I'm so glad to see you. <3
Me: <3 Um, Rizzo's asleep on our bed
Me: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HIM I SWEAR
Johnny: ...Gyro
Johnny: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
Johnny: GYRO I THOUGHT WE AGREED YOU WOULD STOP DOING THINGS WITH RANDOM MEN BEHIND MY BACK!
Johnny: AAUGH GYRO I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
Johnny: *CRIPPLEPOUT*
Me: I SWEAR
Me: I DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO RAPE HIM
Me: HE NEARLY RAPED ME
Johnny: LOOK AT HIM, GYRO!
Johnny: HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A SHIRT ON!
Me: I TOLD YOU HE TRIED TO RAPE ME
Johnny: OH YEAH?
Me: EVEN ASK HIM
Me: ...IF HE EVER WAKES UP
Me: OR REMEMBERS
Johnny: GYRO WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU DO TO DRUNK MEN.
Me: WHAAAT
Johnny: I KNOW FIRSTHAND!
Me: DID I RAPE OYE?
Johnny: *SLAP!*
Johnny: YOU PROBABLY DID YOU BASTARD
Me: YOU DON'T TRUST ME?
Me: *HURT*
Johnny: *CRIPPLETEARS* WHAT REASON DO I HAVE TO ANYMORE?!
Me: BUTBUT
Me: WE WERE GOING TO HAVE MAKEUP SEX AND LOVE EACH OTHER FOREVER AND EVER
Johnny: NOT WITH THAT THING IN OUR BED WE'RE NOT. *SNIFFLESNIFFLE*
Me: THAT'S WHAT I TRIED TO TELL HIM
Johnny: THERE'S ANOTHER MAN IN OUR BED, GYRO
Johnny: I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE
Johnny: WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME
Me: NVJDSFKLJSD I'M SORRYYYYY
Me: *HUGHUGHUG*
Me: *SMOOCH*
Johnny: ...*SNIFFLE.* FINE.
Me: I SERIOUSLY TRIED TO GET HIM TO THE GUEST BED
Me: I WAS GOING TO MOVE HIM AFTER I MADE UP THIS MEDICINE
Johnny: *SNIFF SNIFF* ...THEN WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE HIM?!
Me: I TOLD YOU
Me: HE TRIED TO RAPE ME
Johnny: HOW
Johnny: HE'S FUCKING SMASHED!
Me: I SPIKED HIS WATER
Me: BUT BEFORE I DID HE GOT ALL "RRRRR" ON ME FOR TRYING TO GET HIM TO TAKE A NAP
Johnny: ...HE GOT MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE TRYING TO GET HIM TO TAKE A NAP?
Me: YEAH
Me: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS THAT WASTED
Johnny: *SNRK.* NUTCASE.
Me: I KNOW RIGHT?
Johnny: WE CAN HAVE MAKEUP-SEX AS LONG AS YOU GET HIM OUT OF OUR BED. LIKEEW.
Me: WILL DO
Me: WHILE I'M AT IT CAN YOU GO NEXT DOOR AND ASK GIORNO FOR AN OSTRICH EGG?
Johnny: OH, ASK THE CRIPPLE TO DO IT. *CRIPPLEPOUT*
Me: WOULD YOU RATHER CARRY A FULL GROWN MAN TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE?
Johnny: ...YOU BETTER ONLY HAVE YOUR HANDS ON HIS LEGS AND HIS SHOULDERS. *POUTYLIPS*
Me: I'LL CARRY HIM BY THE ARMPITS
Johnny: OR THAT.
Me: NOW PLEEEEASE GO NEXT DOOR?~ *PECK*
Johnny: OH FINE~ <3
Me: <3
Johnny: ...MISTA SAYS GIORNO IS BUSY.
Me: TELL HIM TO STOP FAPPING AND JUST MAKE AN EGG REAL QUICK
Johnny: NU~! WHAT IF I SEE ABBACCIO?!
Johnny: WHAT IF HE LOOKS AT ME
Johnny: WITH HIS EYES
Me: AVERT YOUR EYES
Me: WEAR THESE MIRRORED SUNGLASSES
Johnny: ...NO, THOSE ARE DUMB.
Johnny: FINE, I'LL GO.
Johnny: AGAIN.
Johnny: *2 HOURS LATER*
Johnny: NN, YAWN, BACK~~!
Me: JOHNNY WTF HAPPENED
Johnny: ...UHMWELLY'SEE
Me: RIZZO'S IN THE GUEST ROOM
Johnny: STOP ACCUSING ME OF THINGS WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'D DO SOMETHING WITH GIORNO?!
Me: ...WHAT
Johnny: *DEFENSIVEDEFENSIVEDEFENSIVE*
Me: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, JOHNNY.
Johnny: ...HAHA
Johnny: RIGHT
Johnny: ...NEITHER DID I.
Me: ...JOHNNY
Johnny: GYRO?
Me: I SHOULD HAVE KEPT RIZZO AWAKE AND HAD HOT MANSEX WITH HIM
Me: I FEEL SO
Me: BETRAYED
Johnny: ...*BITCHSLAP*
Johnny: FINE, GO DO IT
Johnny: GIORNO LOVES ME MORE
Me: HE'S ITALIAN
Johnny: EXACTLY
Me: ITALIANS HAVE ROMANCE IN THEIR BLOOD
Me: BUT NOT LOVE
Me: NOT LIKE I LOVE YOU
Me: LOVED, EVEN
Johnny: *SNIFFLE*
Johnny: I CAN'T TAKE THIS HEARTBREAK.
Johnny: ...I NEED A DRINK.
Me: ...*OFFERS WATER*
Johnny: OH THA-*THUD*
Me: *DRAGS TO BEDROOM*