SGA Fic: Comfort (1/1)

[nytel]

Title: Comfort (1/1)

Author: Nytel
Rating: PG

Spoilers: Up to Sunday

Pairings: Ronon/Teyla friendship, and hints of more

Genre: Angst, Friendship

Summary: Teyla struggles to deal with the events of 'Sunday'.
Word Count: 3,212
Beta: None. I apologize for any mistakes.
Disclaimer: I am merely borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Written as a birthday present for the wonderful
carpenyx! She requested Ronon/Teyla, off world, friendship/budding romance. I started writing and this is what came out. It's my first time writing for the pairing, but I think I didn't do too badly. I hope you enjoy my dear!

Comfort

Ronon fought the urge to roll his eyes as John and Rodney started getting into it, again.

“Tell me again why you needed all this stuff?” John asked, as he fought his way up the steep slope they were traversing. He was talking about all the equipment Rodney had insisted they bring with them on their ‘mission’, including two different telescopes, three laptops and bunch of detector thingies. Each member of the team had been forced to carry a large, heavy and cumbersome pack just so they could take it all with them.

Rodney let out a frustrated sigh and he scrambled up the path behind John, grabbing hold of various roots and branches so he wouldn’t slide back down. “I told you, I like to be prepared.”

“You know that there’s such a thing as being over prepared, right?” John had reached the top of the hill and was glaring down at Rodney who was still struggling with the incline.

“Actually, there isn’t. Obviously-” Rodney cut himself off with a shriek as he lost his footing and slid backwards, nearly bowling Ronon over in the process. Thankfully John reached down in time to grab Rodney’s forearm and pull him the rest of the way up bodily.

“Owe,” Rodney muttered in complaint.

“Deal with it,” John said, seemingly on the verge of losing his patience.

Rodney grumbled some more as he pushed himself to his feet.

“As I was saying,” Rodney continued, “You obviously don’t understand how important this mission is. What we witnessed this morning was a truly spectacular and extremely rare astronomical event. No one on Earth has ever collected data for anything like it, or even witnessed it for that matter.” A smug look covered his face. “Until now that is.”

John groaned. “All you did was take a few pictures and point your little machines into the air.”

Rodney clenched his jaw. “I did much more than that. I gathered copious amounts of data from a total solar eclipse, where not one, but two separate moons came between the planet and its star. The fact that the moons are even the same angular size as the star is truly-”

“Rodney,” John said sharply. “Do I look like I care?”

“Well of course you don’t. All you care about is shooting people.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that it was an accident?!”

“Uh huh…” Rodney replied in a disbelieving voice.

“Don’t worry, next time it’ll be on purpose,” John said severely as he pushed aside a tree branch and continued along the trail. He let it go in Rodney’s face, causing the scientist to curse, although the words were muffled by the leaves in his mouth.

John kept walking and eventually Rodney detangled himself from the foliage and pushed after him. Once he was out of the way, Ronon finally made his way to the top of the hill. Looking behind him, he saw Teyla nearing the top as well.

Her face was tense and she was being uncharacteristically quiet. Ronon wondered if her side was bothering her. If it was he knew she wouldn’t say anything about it, she wasn’t the kind of person who complained.

Crouching down and compensating for the weight of all the equipment on his back, he held out a hand for her to take. It took her a second to realize it was there, but when she did she took it.

“Thank you,” she said quietly as she stepped onto the flat stretch of the path.

“No problem,” he replied, smiling, but she didn’t smile back. Something was bothering her.

“You okay?” He inquired, unable to help himself.

“I am fine,” she replied, but she didn’t sound fine. “We should catch up with them.” She pointed at the trail ahead of them and he nodded. He wouldn’t press it for now.

By the time dusk arrived they were nowhere near the Gate. It caused another round of bickering between John and Rodney.

“Well if you hadn’t taken so long doing your stuff this morning-”

“Oh, excuse me,” Rodney interrupted. “I can’t very well ask the eclipse to hurry up now can I? It’s not my fault you know.”

John sighed, knowing Rodney was right. “Well it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, we aren’t going to make it back to the Gate for another four hours at least, and I for one am not all that gung ho on hiking through an alien forest in the dark.”

“So…” Ronon prompted.

“So I propose we spend the night. Of course that means that Elizabeth will radio, wondering where the hell we are, but-”

“Actually, she probably won’t. I told her that we might end up staying another night, depending on how long-”

“What?! How come you never told me?!” John whirled to glare at McKay.

Rodney gulped. “Must have slipped my mind.”

“You know for a genius, you can be really stupid at times.”

Rodney opened his mouth, no doubt ready to make a retort, but Ronon interrupted him. “There’s a clearing just up there,” he pointed a little distance through the trees. “We should set up camp before it’s completely dark.”

“Good idea, Big Guy,” John said, heading off in that direction. The rest of them followed, undoubtedly looking forward to a rest.

Between the four of them it didn’t take long to set up camp, although Ronon did have to save Rodney from the tent that was, in his words, ‘trying to strangle him’. But after that was sorted out, it was clear sailing. In only a handful of minutes both two man tents were set up, a fire was lit and they were digging the canned food out of their packs.

Ronon found a log and put it near the fire, plopping himself down and starting on his can of beans. McKay and John sat on the far side of the fire, still arguing about something or other, and Teyla took a seat to his right. Ronon glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

She held a can of food as well, but she hadn’t opened it yet. She was just sitting there, staring into the fire, looking lost in thought. When a few minutes passed and she remained like that, Ronon leaned over. “Are you feeling okay?”

His voice seemed to jerk her out of her reverie. She turned to look at him, her movement startled and quick. “I am fine.”

He raised his eyebrows, not believing it. He was about to say something more when John piped up.

“Yeah. You all right, Teyla? You seem rather quiet today.”

Rodney even looked concerned. “He’s right, I don’t think I’ve heard you say anything since we left this morning.”

“I am fine,” she said reassuringly. She smiled, but Ronon could tell it was forced. “I simply did not sleep well last night.”

John snorted. “Well who could, with Rodney snoring like that.”

“Oh,” he said indignantly. “I’m the one who was snoring? Let me tell you something…”

Their voices dropped off into the background as Ronon still had his attention focused on Teyla. “You’re not,” he said quietly.

“Pardon me?” She asked as she turned to look at him inquisitively.

“You’re not okay. What’s wrong?”

Her features softened. “I appreciate your concern, Ronon, but I assure you that I am fine.”

He had a feeling he knew what it was, so he took a guess. “Must be hard.”

“What?”

“It’s the first mission you’ve been on since Keller cleared you for duty.”

The rest day had been nearly a month ago now, but he knew it would still be fresh in Teyla’s mind, especially with her recent return to active duty. She had sustained a severe injury from the explosion near the mess hall, and Dr. Keller had declared her medially unfit for duty. Teyla had only gotten the all clear a few days ago.

Ronon thought back to the first couple of times he’d gone out after that day. It had been hard.

Teyla sighed and looked down at the untouched food in her hands. “I admit that it is difficult being on a mission after so much has changed, but I will be fine.”

He stared at her intently, even more worried than he had been. “’Will be’ isn’t the same as ‘am’.”

“You need not worry about me, Ronon.”

He shrugged. “It’s what friends do.”

The corners of her mouth twitched slightly, like she wanted to smile, but couldn’t quite find the energy to. “I thank you Ronon, though it is unnecessary.”

Ronon bit his tongue and forced himself not to tell her that he would always worry about her. She meant a lot to him, always had, but even more so after that dreadful day. For a few hours he had been scared he might lose her. The idea of not being able to see her every day had struck him hard. She was his closest friend in Atlantis, and he cared deeply for her, perhaps too deeply, but that was something he would deal with another day.

By the time Ronon had finished off his meal, John and Rodney were trying to decide who got what shift for watch detail. From the sounds of it they both wanted first watch. When it came to the point where they were playing some stupid Earth game called rock, paper, scissors to settle it, Ronon suggested that neither of them take it.

They both looked at him as though he’d lost his mind.

“Well whose going to take it then?” Rodney asked, sounding genuinely confused. John’s previous comment about McKay being stupid for a genius floated around inside Ronon’s head, but he didn’t repeat it.

A quick glance to his right told him Teyla was virtually exhausted and would probably enjoy an uninterrupted sleep. “Why not Teyla?”

Miraculously they both agreed on that, and soon they had the schedule figured out: Teyla first, then Rodney, John and lastly Ronon.

***

When Rodney relieved Teyla, she headed straight to the tent she shared with Ronon, barely able to withhold the yawns anymore. She slipped in through the tent door, as quietly as she could, so as not to wake Ronon. Thankfully he was fast asleep and didn’t even budge when the sound of the zipper being opened and closed filled the air.

Teyla took a second to stare down at his sleeping form, just barely illuminated by the moonlight that permeated the night sky. She knew Ronon better than most people, and she knew that underneath the rough warrior exterior there was a very warm and caring man, but it was a side he didn’t show often, almost like he’d forgotten how. When he’d asked her if she was all right, not only once, but twice, it had been unexpected. He was obviously very concerned about her, and Teyla couldn’t help but admit to herself that he had a good reason to be.

It seemed like no matter what she did, and no matter how much time passed, she couldn’t stop dwelling on the events of the rest day. An involuntary shudder ran down her spine. She could not remember living a more horrible day, with the possible exception of the day her father had been taken by the wraith.

The memories of the events haunted her, to the point where it was affecting her day-to-day life. But she wouldn’t complain. She was not the only one who had suffered hardship, not the only one who had lost friends and colleagues, nor was she the only one to have been injured. She would bear the pain until it faded, whenever that may be.

Teyla silently slipped off her jacket and boots before climbing into her sleeping bag. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

***

Teyla explains to Dr. Hewston that she left her bantos rods in the gym. Excusing herself, she turns and heads back to get them. She’s barely made it a few steps down the hallway when there is a deafening sound. A wave of heat and pressure surges up from behind her, throwing her forward.

Suddenly she’s on the ground and there is material falling down on her. All she can hear over the pounding of her heart is screams of pain from the injured.

It takes her a few seconds to realize that she’s lying on her back. When she tries to push herself upright there’s a sharp blinding pain. It hurts so much. It’s even hard to breathe.

When she looks down at her abdomen, she sees something ugly and horrible protruding from her side. The seriousness of the situation sinks in as her fingers gently reach down, touching the area, and become covered in something warm, slick and red: blood.

It’s even harder to breathe now, she almost can’t. Fighting the smoke that’s trying to choke her, she forces her lungs to keep working. She concentrates on that, keeping up the pattern of inhale, exhale, and repeat, but slowly the pain takes over. There comes a point where she can’t think of anything but the excruciating feeling. Her mind is fogging up, she can’t think clearly. All she knows is that it hurts.

Teyla woke with a start, shooting upright in bed, clutching her side. The pain ate at her, consuming her, and again she struggled to breathe.

It took a few minutes for the dream to die away, and when it did Teyla realized that she wasn’t on the floor of an Atlantis hallway, but in a tent on planet P7J-897. The muscles in her hand lost some of their tension, and when she pulled it away from her side there was nothing covering it, no blood.

Teyla sat there for a few minutes as she tried to get her bearings. She’d had the same dream fifteen times now, except it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. It didn’t happen every night, but it was often enough that it seemed like it.

Teyla inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. It only worked somewhat. Glancing beside her she saw that Ronon’s sleeping bag was empty. She did not need to look at the time to know that he was on watch.

She pulled on her jacket and slipped on her boots. She would join him, perhaps even offer to take the rest of his watch so he could catch some more rest. It seemed the logical thing to do since she knew that no matter what she did she would not be able to fall asleep again.

She spotted Ronon immediately after she stepped out of the tent. He was sitting by the dying embers of the fire and turned around to see where the noise was coming from. She could not make out the look on his face since the fire was behind him. Perhaps he was surprised, perhaps not. Either way she headed over and took a seat on the log beside him.

“Can’t sleep?” He asked quietly.

She shook her head as she leaned forward to warm her hands over the glow of the fire.

“Nightmares?” He inquired, his voice still soft.

Teyla nodded, but did not meet his gaze.

For a few moments they sat in silence. Not surprisingly it was Ronon who broke that silence. “About what?”

She could tell by his tone that he had already guessed, but she answered him anyway. “About the explosion,” she admitted quietly.

“How often?”

She took a deep breath. “Several times a week.”

She could feel Ronon staring at her intently. “Wanna talk about it?”

The question caught her off guard. Did she?

Yes, it had been an exceptionally hard time for her, but it had been for everyone. She did not want anyone to think that she felt she deserved special treatment, but at the same time she could not help but remember the sessions she’d had with Dr. Heightmeyer. The other woman had repeatedly told her that talking about your feelings and what was bothering you was a much healthier approach than holding it back.

“I am unsure,” she responded truthfully.

“It was a horrible day,” Ronon said solemnly.

She nodded her agreement, but her gaze remained fixed firmly on the fire.

“I know you were close with Beckett, and with Dr. Hewston.”

“Yes, they were both good friends of mine, like family.” Tears pricked at the corner of her eye and Teyla raised one hand to try and inconspicuously wipe them away.

“But that’s not the only thing that’s bothering you.”

Teyla was surprised by the statement and turned to look at Ronon. “How did you know?” She asked, but before he could answer she shook her head. “Never mind, it does not matter.” She turned to look at the fire again.

“Of course it does,” he replied seriously.

Teyla shook her head again. “No, many people were injured, I do not need to be treated differently simply because I have not been able to wrap my mind around it all yet.”

She heard Ronon sigh. “I almost died once, well, more than once, but the first time was the worst. It wasn’t easy to deal with.” Teyla glanced sideways and watched Ronon as he talked.

“We were at war with a neighboring country. They planted landmines on our side of the border, must have been before the war officially started. One day when our unit was on patrol we drove over one. All I remember was the sound of the explosion and then flying through the air.

“When I woke up I couldn’t breathe, the engine of the truck had landed on me, crushing my ribs. Field doctor said I had massive internal bleeding. None of them thought I was going to make it. I was terrified, thought that I was going to die. I could barely even breathe.”

He paused for a few moments and Teyla said, “What happened?”

He smiled ruefully. “I fought back, didn’t give up, forced myself to hold on. They managed to get me back to a hospital where they operated three times. Eventually they stopped all the bleeding.

“A couple of months after, my body was healed, but I still had to deal with the memories. A lot of my friends died in that same explosion. I had nightmares for months, but eventually it got easier.”

“How?”

Ronon sighed. “Time. You can’t rush it.”

Teyla nodded, understanding the truth in his words. “Thank you, Ronon.”

He turned and smiled at her. “You don’t have to thank me.”

Teyla smiled back. “Perhaps not, but I am thanking you anyway.”

They sat in a comfortable silence as Teyla mulled over what she had come to realize. It wasn’t easy to deal with yet, but eventually it would be, she could see that now, Ronon was a testament to that truth. Perhaps someday she too could talk about what had happened, and use her experience to lend comfort to others trying to deal as she was trying to now.

It was a thought that gave her hope, and for the first time since that dreadful day, she felt that she had something to look forward to.

The End