BSG Fic: Lips of an Angel [K/L]
Title: Lips of an Angel
Author: Nytel
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: LYDB 2 and some season 3 speculation.
Pairing: Kara/Lee and Lee/Dee
Genre: Romance/Angst
Summary: Lee finds it hard to be faithful.
Word Count: 4,109
Beta:
tracyj23
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This fic is based on the song 'Lips of an Angel' by Hinder.
A/N 2: Lee is in a relationship with Dee, but I wouldn't consider it Dee friendly.
Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late
~~~
Lips of an Angel
Lee settled back against his… no their, new couch. The leather was stiff from disuse, but he knew that wouldn’t last long. He still couldn’t quite figure out why they had gotten a leather couch. Actually the answer was simple, Dee had wanted one. It was just so impractical, especially with the direction their life was headed.
He sighed. He’d realized a long time ago that what Dee wanted, Dee got. That was simply how she worked. He did love her, but it was one of her less endearing qualities. But everyone had their faults, though he often found a small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that some people’s faults were a lot more attractive than others.
Leaning forward, he picked up the stack of file folders from the coffee table. He placed them on the couch cushion beside him and began shuffling through the pile, searching for the papers he needed. There were so many that it took him nearly ten minutes to find the follow up documentation on the integration of the Colonial citizens into Earth life.
Somehow he’d gotten stuck with a desk job that involved overseeing things such as that. Dee loved it. He had steady hours, and she could call him at any time during the day. He found it tedious and boring. He mentally berated himself for being so selfish; it wasn’t just about him anymore.
An hour or so ticked by, the time seemingly lengthened by the boring nature of his work. It wasn’t at all enthralling, so when Dee walked… no, waddled in, he looked up right away.
“I’m going to bed,” she announced. “I’m tired.”
“Ok,” he said, smiling up at her as she made her way over to the couch. “I’ll be a while longer,” he added. “I don’t want to have to bring this home on the weekend.”
She nodded. “Okay. Goodnight.” She leaned down to kiss him gently, and he tilted his head up so that his lips could meet hers.
“Night,” he said quietly as she pulled away. Before she could leave, he put down his pen and reached over to place his hand over the very noticeable swell of her abdomen. He felt the sudden urge to tug up the bottom of her shirt and kiss her belly, directly over where his unborn child was growing, but he didn’t.
Dee had been really bitchy the last few days, and as patient as he was, he didn’t think he could handle her getting mad at him for doing something that showed how much he cared for his child. Instead, he just let his hand rest there for a few seconds before he pulled it away.
She repositioned her shirt, his hand having moved it by maybe half an inch. With that she turned and walked past the couch and to the hallway on the far side of room. Before she made the quick left and turned into their bedroom he heard her say, “Don’t stay up too late Lee.”
He tried not to get angry at her words, despite the fact that they were more a demand than anything else.
“I’ll try,” he said. He heard the door to their bedroom click shut and he let out a sigh, slumping back against the couch. She was tired; the pregnancy was hard on her, that’s all it was. Too bad he sucked at lying to himself. If it was the pregnancy, then it wouldn’t have started nearly three years earlier.
He loved Dee, he honestly did, but marriage wasn’t supposed to be a chore. Or at least he never imagined it being that way, but his image of marriage had always been a hell of a lot different than what he was currently living. He didn’t consider himself romantic, but for a long time he had pictured his future. That had been fun and almost carefree, but in those fantasies another woman was occupying the role of his wife. He physically shook his head to clear his thoughts. He did not need to be dwelling on that.
He forced his attention back to the stack of papers and resumed his work. Every now and again he would look up at the clock on the wall, some monstrous thing that Dee had bought. It was getting later and later, well past the time that he should have turned in. He knew he was using his work as a distraction again, but he couldn’t help himself.
Not much later the lines on the pages in front of him began to blur together, and sleep threatened to take him. He was more than a little tempted to just shove the paperwork back onto the table and sleep on the couch, but then he’d have to deal with the repercussions in the morning.
He sluggishly stacked the papers into a pile, or more accurately three piles, before placing them on the table. As he pushed himself off the couch he wondered if he’d be dealing with needy Dee or a cold shoulder when he entered the bedroom. He didn’t bother guessing because he always picked the wrong one.
For a few moments he just stood in the quiet of his living room, looking over his shoulder to stare at the closed door of the bedroom. He started walking, but his feet took him to the kitchen instead. He went with it and grabbed an empty glass from the cupboard above the sink, and filled it with water. The cold, brisk feeling of it going down his throat woke him up… sort of.
He placed the glass in the dishwasher, well trained by now. Just as the latch on the dishwasher clicked shut, the phone rang.
Lee cursed under his breath as he darted across the kitchen and into the living room to grab the cordless phone. Who the hell was calling so late?
“Hello,” he said groggily, keeping his voice as quiet as he could. It was bad enough that the phone rang so loud.
There was no response from the other end of the line, and just as he was thinking up a few good swear words for describing prank callers, he heard a soft exhale. That’s all it took to tell him who was calling.
“Hi,” Kara said softly.
“Hi,” he said, repeating her greeting. Lee closed his eyes for a few moments as emotion welled up and he pushed it back down.
It seemed like he listened to the soothing sound of her breathing forever, when in reality it was maybe only five seconds. It took him that long to form a coherent sentence. Even then what escaped his mouth wasn’t what he wanted to say.
“Why are you calling me so late?” He cringed before the words even finished rolling off his tongue. He heard Kara’s breath hitch.
“I… I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
He nodded even though she couldn’t see him. It was true. Gods, the last time they’d talked to each other was… nearly four months ago.
Lee pulled into the driveway of his father’s new house and killed the car engine. He was throwing some house warming party or something; Lee didn’t know the specifics. As he opened the door of the car and stepped out, he noticed that all of the people seemed to be milling about in the backyard. Or at least that’s what he was assuming given the amount of noisy chatter he heard coming from by the back gate.
As he walked around to the side of the house Lee picked out a few voices that he recognized, his father’s, Laura’s, and Tyrol’s among them. He made it to the gate and was just opening the latch when he heard a familiar, energetic laugh. The smile came to his face automatically - she was there.
When he stepped into the yard he was nearly run over by Thomas, Tyrol and Cally’s son, as he chased after his… soccer ball? Lee wasn’t sure if he had remembered the name correctly.Thankfully he sidestepped just in time, and didn’t end up taking out the little boy.
“Sorry sir,” he heard Cally call out from the other side of the yard at the same time Tyrol made it to the kid and scooped him up off the ground.
He smiled across the yard at Cally. “Don’t worry about it,” he said over the noise of all the people.
The next thing he new he was being enveloped in the warm embrace that was Kara. “Hey,” she breathed quietly into the side of his neck.
His arms wrapped around her and held on tightly, probably for a few seconds too long. “Hey,” he whispered back at the same time he gave her a light squeeze. He felt her smile against his neck and he didn’t want to let go, but when she started to pull back he did.
He caught sight of his father, standing quite a ways behind Kara. The look on his face was almost disapproving, but he didn’t say anything and neither did Lee. He respected his dad’s opinions on a lot of things, but his relationships weren’t on that list.
Kara was still standing in front of him and he turned his attention back to her. “So how’s life as an instructor treating you?” he asked.
“Good,” she responded, her face breaking into an easy smile. “I’m training fighter pilots. It’s a hell of a lot easier than training green nuggets.”
He nodded and felt himself smiling too. Her happiness was infectious.
“So,” she said. “How’s your job?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Paperwork will always be the same.”
She titled her head slightly and gave him one of her idiosyncratic looks. “True.” After only a brief hesitation she threaded her arm through his and began to drag him toward the house. “Come on,” she said. “I’ll give you a tour.”
He followed her willingly as she pulled him through the people, near big enough to be considered a crowd. Once they made it into the house she didn’t release his arm, and he didn’t pull it back.
“So,” he said, searching for something to say to keep the situation from being too awkward, and too dangerous. “Did you get to fly any cool new birds?”
Her grin widened even though he didn’t think it was possible. “Yeah,” she said excitedly. “Just yesterday I got to test fly one of the new viper-fighter plane hybrids. It was frakking amazing.”
She continued to tell him about the new breed of fighters and he was content to just follow her around the house and listen.
“Listen,” he said quietly. “It’s kind of hard to talk right now.”
“Right,” Kara said and he could her voice sounded off, not by a lot, but he could still hear it. “I’ll let you go then,” she added. When her words broke off with what sounded like a choke his heart started racing.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, so concerned that for the moment he forgot about everything else. “Is everything ok?” She could probably hear the panic in his voice and he didn’t care.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, inhaling shakily. “I’m not your problem.” Another shaky breath and then, “I shouldn’t have called, never mind.”
“Wait!” he said as forcefully as he could without raising his voice. “Don’t hang up.” She didn’t say anything, but he hadn’t heard the telltale click that meant she had broken the connection. “I have to whisper, because I can’t be too loud. Dee’s in the next room.”
He did bite his tongue that time. Bringing his wife into the conversation was a sure way to make Kara hang up. But she surprised him when a few seconds later she was still on the other end of the line.
“Lee…” Her voice was so quiet that he barely heard her. But the way that she said his name… his heart started to beat faster, and it wasn’t out of fear. He wished Dee would say his name like that. No, he wouldn’t let his thoughts stray down those paths again.
“What’s wrong Kara?” he pleaded.
“Nothing,” she said just a little too quickly. “I missed you.” Her words caused forbidden feelings to stir and he forced himself to ignore them.
She might have missed him, but there was something else going on too. He could read Kara like a book, even when she wasn’t there. But he decided to play along, because forcing her to talk would put an end to their conversation and that was the last thing he wanted.
“I missed you too.” It wasn’t a lie. The words slipped easily off his tongue and he immediately thought of how he had to force himself to say those exact same words to his wife.
It was almost like he could hear her smile. “Yeah?” she asked hesitantly.
He should have known that that’s how it would be after how things ended the last time they saw each other. “Yeah,” he said, reassuring her with just one word that they were still friends.
Slowly and quietly he made his way back to the couch, the phone still pressed up tightly against his ear.
“I had a dream about you the other night.”
He nearly stumbled as he heard her words. He’d had a dream about her too, just about a week before. He didn’t say anything though; he just let her continue.
“We were flying,” she stated, as if that explained it all, and maybe it did. He recalled his dream vividly. They’d been flying too, but not in the literal sense.
“Yeah?” he asked, trying to keep his mind on the conversation that he was having, and not on images of Kara writhing underneath him, on the edge of breaking as she called out his name.
“Yeah.” They line remained silent for a few moments until Kara said, “Well I should let you go.”
No, he didn’t want to her to go. He needed to keep her talking. He was selfish, and the whole idea was dangerous, but he didn’t care.
“What were you calling about?” he asked, keeping his voice as calm as he could.
She sighed before answering. “Sam and I had a fight,” she admitted.
Lee’s stomach clenched in jealousy. “You okay?” he asked, ignoring the feeling that arose whenever he heard that name; the name of her ex-husband turned friend, turned boyfriend again.
“Yeah,” she said. “It’s just… he’s talking about getting married again.”
Lee didn’t think that he could be more jealous, but apparently he was wrong.
“But I… it didn’t work out the first time and I’m not ready to try it again.”
“Tell him to frak off,” Lee advised, one hundred percent serious. He didn’t know why Kara put up with that man’s crap.
She let out a laugh, but there was no humor behind it. “I did. That just led to something worse.”
“What?” Lee asked, his voice turning tense. If he had so much as…
“Nothing like that,” she said quickly, obviously knowing how he thought. “We just ended up fighting about… other things.”
The hesitation and the way she said ‘other things’ was enough to clue him in to what she was referring to. They’d been fighting about him. It wasn’t the first time either. Sam thought that they were too close. He was probably right.
“Does he know you’re talking to me?” he asked. “Will it start another fight?” For whatever reason, or reasons, Kara loved Sam and he didn’t want to be the cause of her unhappiness, not again.
“I don’t think he knows for sure,” she said, sounding a little more Kara-like than before. “But he probably guessed. You’re the only person that I ever call when I want to talk.”
He’d known as much, Kara wasn’t an open and sharing person, but hearing her say the words… It made him feel damn good.
“Will it start a fight?” she asked, repeating his question. “Who the hell knows? At this point I don’t care.” She was definitely sounding more Kara-like. “Does Dee know?” she asked after a few seconds, her voice turning quiet and unsure again.
Automatically Lee glanced over at the door to his bedroom. It was still shut and he couldn’t see light peeking out from under it. “No, I don’t think she has a clue.”
“Right.”
It felt like he was doing something that had been deemed taboo, except he wasn’t. There was nothing wrong with having a late night conversation with his friend. Or at least that’s what he told himself, trying his best to ignore the adulterous thoughts and feelings that always popped up whenever he talked to, saw, or thought about Kara.
After a few tense minutes of silence he had to ask. “Kara are you still there?”
“Yeah,” she said slowly. It was as if she was carefully calculating each word before she said it. “I’m going to go find Sam. See if I can talk to him.”
“Right,” Lee said, unconsciously echoing her earlier statement.
“So, um… I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure,” he said earnestly.
“’Kay,” she responded, her voice growing quiet once again. “It was good to talk to you again.”
He couldn’t stop the grin from forming on his face and he didn’t want to. “It was nice. ‘Night Kara.”
“Goodnight Lee,” she replied softly, immediately before he heard the click that meant she had hung up the phone.
He simply held the phone in his hand for a few minutes, hoping that somehow she’d call back. Realistically he knew she wouldn’t, but it didn’t stop him from being disappointed when five minutes later the phones still hadn’t rung. At least things had ended better than the last time they’d talked.
One by one the people left his father’s house warming party until it was only himself, his dad and Kara left. Everything was put away and they were sitting at the table on the back deck. It was so easy to just sit there, and enjoy the company. Lee didn’t even feel the need to make conversation. They were all comfortable just being in each other’s presence. If only his life was always like that.
The sun had set hours ago and it was starting to get somewhat cold. Just as the thought crossed his mind, Kara reached over and plucked his jacket off the back of his chair. He smiled as she pulled it on. It wasn’t that big, but the way she was curled up in the lawn chair made her appear small and the fabric seemed to swallow her.
Lee didn’t realize that he had been staring at her until his dad coughed, and the suddenly loud noise broke his reverie. Startled he turned to look at him. The Old Man was standing up.
“I’m going to turn in,” he said, his voice startlingly loud in the previous silence. “Goodnight,” he added. “If either or both of you want to spend the night, feel free.”
Lee nodded and out of the corner of his eye he could see Kara doing the same. “’Night.” He barely heard Kara’s soft words echoing his own.
His father retreated into the house, and as the door shut, Lee heard a soft scraping noise. Looking back at Kara he saw that she had shifted her chair closer to his and the next thing he knew she had slipped her bare feet onto his lap. His hands automatically came to rest on her bare shins and he could have sworn that he heard her sigh in contentment. No, he thought after a second, he must have been imagining it.
Lee tilted his head so that it was resting on the back of his chair and he gazed up at the stars. Without looking he knew that Kara was doing the same thing. They both liked to watch the night sky whenever they could. It was one of the first things they’d learnt about each other when Zak brought her home for the first time.
“Do you miss it?” she asked quietly. Somehow her voice wasn’t loud in the silence, it was just soothing.
“Yes,” he replied honestly. “I didn’t think that I ever would, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I miss it too,” she said, her voice even softer than before. The distinct sadness he detected was enough to cause him to tilt his head back down and look at her. The only light was a dim glow coming from the hall light inside the screen door. It was just enough so that he could make out the look in her eyes. She wasn’t talking about flying.
It didn’t matter; his answer was still the same.
Their eyes locked together and for a few seconds Lee couldn’t even breathe. He lived for moments like this, being so totally connected to Kara. He was so caught up in the present that he couldn’t even berate himself for how wrong that was.
Slowly but surely Kara pulled her legs off his lap, and placed them on the deck. Then she was leaning forward, just slightly. He found himself leaning toward her too, unable to fight the pull. He angled his head to the side, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on hers.
Just as their lips were about to brush against each other, his eyelids closed. He wanted to savor the feeling of Kara’s lips pressed tightly against his own, burn the memory of her mouth opening under his into his brain yet again. But as he got to the point where their lips should have touched, he felt nothing but air.
His eyes flew open and he was face to face with a shocked looking Kara. “I have to go,” she said quickly, looking around frantically for her sandals. Finding them she jammed her feet into them and hopped off the deck, landing a foot or so down. She was in too much of a hurry to use the stairs. Plus that would have meant moving past him.
He wanted nothing more than to call out and tell her to stop, but his lips wouldn’t move; maybe that was a good thing. He had a wife that he should be thinking about, a wife who had told him a week ago that she was pregnant. Self-loathing threatened to overwhelm him as he watched Kara rush across the yard and out the gate.
A few days later he had gotten his jacket in the mail. He hadn’t worn it since, but he hadn’t washed it either. It still smelled like her.
Lee would be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought about that night numerous times. For weeks it had been constantly on his mind. They’d never really moved on. He wasn’t sure he would even know how to if he wanted to.
One day he knew that he would have to choose completely, Dee or Kara. It was an ultimatum that he didn’t want to face, but it was inevitable. He didn’t want to say goodbye… not to Dee nor to Kara, but he had to. It was that or lose them both, and he knew he wasn’t strong enough to handle that.
For the time being he hadn’t chosen. He was being unfaithful to Dee without physically cheating on her. But that’s what it was, unfaithfulness. There was no other way to describe it. He thought about Kara in ways that he shouldn’t, ways that made him question their decision made long ago to remain strictly friends. He pictured Kara in the place of his wife. He tried not to think about how the frequency of that had increased since Dee’s announcement of her pregnancy.
Guilt wrenched his gut and made him feel violently ill. What kind of sick bastard was he? He wasn’t just damning himself with his actions, but also the two women that he loved most in the world. Hot tears of shame burned in his eyes.
As quietly as he could, Lee walked into the kitchen and turned off the lights. He did the same with the ones in the living room before he made his way back to the couch.
He lay down before pulling the blanket off the back of the couch and over his body. He couldn’t sleep in his bed, not with his wife… not tonight.
Troubled thoughts caressed Lee’s mind as he drifted into an uneasy sleep. Marriage wasn’t supposed to be like this; it shouldn’t be so hard to be faithful.
The End
Author: Nytel
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: LYDB 2 and some season 3 speculation.
Pairing: Kara/Lee and Lee/Dee
Genre: Romance/Angst
Summary: Lee finds it hard to be faithful.
Word Count: 4,109
Beta:
tracyj23
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This fic is based on the song 'Lips of an Angel' by Hinder.
A/N 2: Lee is in a relationship with Dee, but I wouldn't consider it Dee friendly.
Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late
~~~
Lips of an Angel
Lee settled back against his… no their, new couch. The leather was stiff from disuse, but he knew that wouldn’t last long. He still couldn’t quite figure out why they had gotten a leather couch. Actually the answer was simple, Dee had wanted one. It was just so impractical, especially with the direction their life was headed.
He sighed. He’d realized a long time ago that what Dee wanted, Dee got. That was simply how she worked. He did love her, but it was one of her less endearing qualities. But everyone had their faults, though he often found a small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that some people’s faults were a lot more attractive than others.
Leaning forward, he picked up the stack of file folders from the coffee table. He placed them on the couch cushion beside him and began shuffling through the pile, searching for the papers he needed. There were so many that it took him nearly ten minutes to find the follow up documentation on the integration of the Colonial citizens into Earth life.
Somehow he’d gotten stuck with a desk job that involved overseeing things such as that. Dee loved it. He had steady hours, and she could call him at any time during the day. He found it tedious and boring. He mentally berated himself for being so selfish; it wasn’t just about him anymore.
An hour or so ticked by, the time seemingly lengthened by the boring nature of his work. It wasn’t at all enthralling, so when Dee walked… no, waddled in, he looked up right away.
“I’m going to bed,” she announced. “I’m tired.”
“Ok,” he said, smiling up at her as she made her way over to the couch. “I’ll be a while longer,” he added. “I don’t want to have to bring this home on the weekend.”
She nodded. “Okay. Goodnight.” She leaned down to kiss him gently, and he tilted his head up so that his lips could meet hers.
“Night,” he said quietly as she pulled away. Before she could leave, he put down his pen and reached over to place his hand over the very noticeable swell of her abdomen. He felt the sudden urge to tug up the bottom of her shirt and kiss her belly, directly over where his unborn child was growing, but he didn’t.
Dee had been really bitchy the last few days, and as patient as he was, he didn’t think he could handle her getting mad at him for doing something that showed how much he cared for his child. Instead, he just let his hand rest there for a few seconds before he pulled it away.
She repositioned her shirt, his hand having moved it by maybe half an inch. With that she turned and walked past the couch and to the hallway on the far side of room. Before she made the quick left and turned into their bedroom he heard her say, “Don’t stay up too late Lee.”
He tried not to get angry at her words, despite the fact that they were more a demand than anything else.
“I’ll try,” he said. He heard the door to their bedroom click shut and he let out a sigh, slumping back against the couch. She was tired; the pregnancy was hard on her, that’s all it was. Too bad he sucked at lying to himself. If it was the pregnancy, then it wouldn’t have started nearly three years earlier.
He loved Dee, he honestly did, but marriage wasn’t supposed to be a chore. Or at least he never imagined it being that way, but his image of marriage had always been a hell of a lot different than what he was currently living. He didn’t consider himself romantic, but for a long time he had pictured his future. That had been fun and almost carefree, but in those fantasies another woman was occupying the role of his wife. He physically shook his head to clear his thoughts. He did not need to be dwelling on that.
He forced his attention back to the stack of papers and resumed his work. Every now and again he would look up at the clock on the wall, some monstrous thing that Dee had bought. It was getting later and later, well past the time that he should have turned in. He knew he was using his work as a distraction again, but he couldn’t help himself.
Not much later the lines on the pages in front of him began to blur together, and sleep threatened to take him. He was more than a little tempted to just shove the paperwork back onto the table and sleep on the couch, but then he’d have to deal with the repercussions in the morning.
He sluggishly stacked the papers into a pile, or more accurately three piles, before placing them on the table. As he pushed himself off the couch he wondered if he’d be dealing with needy Dee or a cold shoulder when he entered the bedroom. He didn’t bother guessing because he always picked the wrong one.
For a few moments he just stood in the quiet of his living room, looking over his shoulder to stare at the closed door of the bedroom. He started walking, but his feet took him to the kitchen instead. He went with it and grabbed an empty glass from the cupboard above the sink, and filled it with water. The cold, brisk feeling of it going down his throat woke him up… sort of.
He placed the glass in the dishwasher, well trained by now. Just as the latch on the dishwasher clicked shut, the phone rang.
Lee cursed under his breath as he darted across the kitchen and into the living room to grab the cordless phone. Who the hell was calling so late?
“Hello,” he said groggily, keeping his voice as quiet as he could. It was bad enough that the phone rang so loud.
There was no response from the other end of the line, and just as he was thinking up a few good swear words for describing prank callers, he heard a soft exhale. That’s all it took to tell him who was calling.
“Hi,” Kara said softly.
“Hi,” he said, repeating her greeting. Lee closed his eyes for a few moments as emotion welled up and he pushed it back down.
It seemed like he listened to the soothing sound of her breathing forever, when in reality it was maybe only five seconds. It took him that long to form a coherent sentence. Even then what escaped his mouth wasn’t what he wanted to say.
“Why are you calling me so late?” He cringed before the words even finished rolling off his tongue. He heard Kara’s breath hitch.
“I… I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
He nodded even though she couldn’t see him. It was true. Gods, the last time they’d talked to each other was… nearly four months ago.
Lee pulled into the driveway of his father’s new house and killed the car engine. He was throwing some house warming party or something; Lee didn’t know the specifics. As he opened the door of the car and stepped out, he noticed that all of the people seemed to be milling about in the backyard. Or at least that’s what he was assuming given the amount of noisy chatter he heard coming from by the back gate.
As he walked around to the side of the house Lee picked out a few voices that he recognized, his father’s, Laura’s, and Tyrol’s among them. He made it to the gate and was just opening the latch when he heard a familiar, energetic laugh. The smile came to his face automatically - she was there.
When he stepped into the yard he was nearly run over by Thomas, Tyrol and Cally’s son, as he chased after his… soccer ball? Lee wasn’t sure if he had remembered the name correctly.Thankfully he sidestepped just in time, and didn’t end up taking out the little boy.
“Sorry sir,” he heard Cally call out from the other side of the yard at the same time Tyrol made it to the kid and scooped him up off the ground.
He smiled across the yard at Cally. “Don’t worry about it,” he said over the noise of all the people.
The next thing he new he was being enveloped in the warm embrace that was Kara. “Hey,” she breathed quietly into the side of his neck.
His arms wrapped around her and held on tightly, probably for a few seconds too long. “Hey,” he whispered back at the same time he gave her a light squeeze. He felt her smile against his neck and he didn’t want to let go, but when she started to pull back he did.
He caught sight of his father, standing quite a ways behind Kara. The look on his face was almost disapproving, but he didn’t say anything and neither did Lee. He respected his dad’s opinions on a lot of things, but his relationships weren’t on that list.
Kara was still standing in front of him and he turned his attention back to her. “So how’s life as an instructor treating you?” he asked.
“Good,” she responded, her face breaking into an easy smile. “I’m training fighter pilots. It’s a hell of a lot easier than training green nuggets.”
He nodded and felt himself smiling too. Her happiness was infectious.
“So,” she said. “How’s your job?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Paperwork will always be the same.”
She titled her head slightly and gave him one of her idiosyncratic looks. “True.” After only a brief hesitation she threaded her arm through his and began to drag him toward the house. “Come on,” she said. “I’ll give you a tour.”
He followed her willingly as she pulled him through the people, near big enough to be considered a crowd. Once they made it into the house she didn’t release his arm, and he didn’t pull it back.
“So,” he said, searching for something to say to keep the situation from being too awkward, and too dangerous. “Did you get to fly any cool new birds?”
Her grin widened even though he didn’t think it was possible. “Yeah,” she said excitedly. “Just yesterday I got to test fly one of the new viper-fighter plane hybrids. It was frakking amazing.”
She continued to tell him about the new breed of fighters and he was content to just follow her around the house and listen.
“Listen,” he said quietly. “It’s kind of hard to talk right now.”
“Right,” Kara said and he could her voice sounded off, not by a lot, but he could still hear it. “I’ll let you go then,” she added. When her words broke off with what sounded like a choke his heart started racing.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, so concerned that for the moment he forgot about everything else. “Is everything ok?” She could probably hear the panic in his voice and he didn’t care.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, inhaling shakily. “I’m not your problem.” Another shaky breath and then, “I shouldn’t have called, never mind.”
“Wait!” he said as forcefully as he could without raising his voice. “Don’t hang up.” She didn’t say anything, but he hadn’t heard the telltale click that meant she had broken the connection. “I have to whisper, because I can’t be too loud. Dee’s in the next room.”
He did bite his tongue that time. Bringing his wife into the conversation was a sure way to make Kara hang up. But she surprised him when a few seconds later she was still on the other end of the line.
“Lee…” Her voice was so quiet that he barely heard her. But the way that she said his name… his heart started to beat faster, and it wasn’t out of fear. He wished Dee would say his name like that. No, he wouldn’t let his thoughts stray down those paths again.
“What’s wrong Kara?” he pleaded.
“Nothing,” she said just a little too quickly. “I missed you.” Her words caused forbidden feelings to stir and he forced himself to ignore them.
She might have missed him, but there was something else going on too. He could read Kara like a book, even when she wasn’t there. But he decided to play along, because forcing her to talk would put an end to their conversation and that was the last thing he wanted.
“I missed you too.” It wasn’t a lie. The words slipped easily off his tongue and he immediately thought of how he had to force himself to say those exact same words to his wife.
It was almost like he could hear her smile. “Yeah?” she asked hesitantly.
He should have known that that’s how it would be after how things ended the last time they saw each other. “Yeah,” he said, reassuring her with just one word that they were still friends.
Slowly and quietly he made his way back to the couch, the phone still pressed up tightly against his ear.
“I had a dream about you the other night.”
He nearly stumbled as he heard her words. He’d had a dream about her too, just about a week before. He didn’t say anything though; he just let her continue.
“We were flying,” she stated, as if that explained it all, and maybe it did. He recalled his dream vividly. They’d been flying too, but not in the literal sense.
“Yeah?” he asked, trying to keep his mind on the conversation that he was having, and not on images of Kara writhing underneath him, on the edge of breaking as she called out his name.
“Yeah.” They line remained silent for a few moments until Kara said, “Well I should let you go.”
No, he didn’t want to her to go. He needed to keep her talking. He was selfish, and the whole idea was dangerous, but he didn’t care.
“What were you calling about?” he asked, keeping his voice as calm as he could.
She sighed before answering. “Sam and I had a fight,” she admitted.
Lee’s stomach clenched in jealousy. “You okay?” he asked, ignoring the feeling that arose whenever he heard that name; the name of her ex-husband turned friend, turned boyfriend again.
“Yeah,” she said. “It’s just… he’s talking about getting married again.”
Lee didn’t think that he could be more jealous, but apparently he was wrong.
“But I… it didn’t work out the first time and I’m not ready to try it again.”
“Tell him to frak off,” Lee advised, one hundred percent serious. He didn’t know why Kara put up with that man’s crap.
She let out a laugh, but there was no humor behind it. “I did. That just led to something worse.”
“What?” Lee asked, his voice turning tense. If he had so much as…
“Nothing like that,” she said quickly, obviously knowing how he thought. “We just ended up fighting about… other things.”
The hesitation and the way she said ‘other things’ was enough to clue him in to what she was referring to. They’d been fighting about him. It wasn’t the first time either. Sam thought that they were too close. He was probably right.
“Does he know you’re talking to me?” he asked. “Will it start another fight?” For whatever reason, or reasons, Kara loved Sam and he didn’t want to be the cause of her unhappiness, not again.
“I don’t think he knows for sure,” she said, sounding a little more Kara-like than before. “But he probably guessed. You’re the only person that I ever call when I want to talk.”
He’d known as much, Kara wasn’t an open and sharing person, but hearing her say the words… It made him feel damn good.
“Will it start a fight?” she asked, repeating his question. “Who the hell knows? At this point I don’t care.” She was definitely sounding more Kara-like. “Does Dee know?” she asked after a few seconds, her voice turning quiet and unsure again.
Automatically Lee glanced over at the door to his bedroom. It was still shut and he couldn’t see light peeking out from under it. “No, I don’t think she has a clue.”
“Right.”
It felt like he was doing something that had been deemed taboo, except he wasn’t. There was nothing wrong with having a late night conversation with his friend. Or at least that’s what he told himself, trying his best to ignore the adulterous thoughts and feelings that always popped up whenever he talked to, saw, or thought about Kara.
After a few tense minutes of silence he had to ask. “Kara are you still there?”
“Yeah,” she said slowly. It was as if she was carefully calculating each word before she said it. “I’m going to go find Sam. See if I can talk to him.”
“Right,” Lee said, unconsciously echoing her earlier statement.
“So, um… I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure,” he said earnestly.
“’Kay,” she responded, her voice growing quiet once again. “It was good to talk to you again.”
He couldn’t stop the grin from forming on his face and he didn’t want to. “It was nice. ‘Night Kara.”
“Goodnight Lee,” she replied softly, immediately before he heard the click that meant she had hung up the phone.
He simply held the phone in his hand for a few minutes, hoping that somehow she’d call back. Realistically he knew she wouldn’t, but it didn’t stop him from being disappointed when five minutes later the phones still hadn’t rung. At least things had ended better than the last time they’d talked.
One by one the people left his father’s house warming party until it was only himself, his dad and Kara left. Everything was put away and they were sitting at the table on the back deck. It was so easy to just sit there, and enjoy the company. Lee didn’t even feel the need to make conversation. They were all comfortable just being in each other’s presence. If only his life was always like that.
The sun had set hours ago and it was starting to get somewhat cold. Just as the thought crossed his mind, Kara reached over and plucked his jacket off the back of his chair. He smiled as she pulled it on. It wasn’t that big, but the way she was curled up in the lawn chair made her appear small and the fabric seemed to swallow her.
Lee didn’t realize that he had been staring at her until his dad coughed, and the suddenly loud noise broke his reverie. Startled he turned to look at him. The Old Man was standing up.
“I’m going to turn in,” he said, his voice startlingly loud in the previous silence. “Goodnight,” he added. “If either or both of you want to spend the night, feel free.”
Lee nodded and out of the corner of his eye he could see Kara doing the same. “’Night.” He barely heard Kara’s soft words echoing his own.
His father retreated into the house, and as the door shut, Lee heard a soft scraping noise. Looking back at Kara he saw that she had shifted her chair closer to his and the next thing he knew she had slipped her bare feet onto his lap. His hands automatically came to rest on her bare shins and he could have sworn that he heard her sigh in contentment. No, he thought after a second, he must have been imagining it.
Lee tilted his head so that it was resting on the back of his chair and he gazed up at the stars. Without looking he knew that Kara was doing the same thing. They both liked to watch the night sky whenever they could. It was one of the first things they’d learnt about each other when Zak brought her home for the first time.
“Do you miss it?” she asked quietly. Somehow her voice wasn’t loud in the silence, it was just soothing.
“Yes,” he replied honestly. “I didn’t think that I ever would, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I miss it too,” she said, her voice even softer than before. The distinct sadness he detected was enough to cause him to tilt his head back down and look at her. The only light was a dim glow coming from the hall light inside the screen door. It was just enough so that he could make out the look in her eyes. She wasn’t talking about flying.
It didn’t matter; his answer was still the same.
Their eyes locked together and for a few seconds Lee couldn’t even breathe. He lived for moments like this, being so totally connected to Kara. He was so caught up in the present that he couldn’t even berate himself for how wrong that was.
Slowly but surely Kara pulled her legs off his lap, and placed them on the deck. Then she was leaning forward, just slightly. He found himself leaning toward her too, unable to fight the pull. He angled his head to the side, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on hers.
Just as their lips were about to brush against each other, his eyelids closed. He wanted to savor the feeling of Kara’s lips pressed tightly against his own, burn the memory of her mouth opening under his into his brain yet again. But as he got to the point where their lips should have touched, he felt nothing but air.
His eyes flew open and he was face to face with a shocked looking Kara. “I have to go,” she said quickly, looking around frantically for her sandals. Finding them she jammed her feet into them and hopped off the deck, landing a foot or so down. She was in too much of a hurry to use the stairs. Plus that would have meant moving past him.
He wanted nothing more than to call out and tell her to stop, but his lips wouldn’t move; maybe that was a good thing. He had a wife that he should be thinking about, a wife who had told him a week ago that she was pregnant. Self-loathing threatened to overwhelm him as he watched Kara rush across the yard and out the gate.
A few days later he had gotten his jacket in the mail. He hadn’t worn it since, but he hadn’t washed it either. It still smelled like her.
Lee would be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought about that night numerous times. For weeks it had been constantly on his mind. They’d never really moved on. He wasn’t sure he would even know how to if he wanted to.
One day he knew that he would have to choose completely, Dee or Kara. It was an ultimatum that he didn’t want to face, but it was inevitable. He didn’t want to say goodbye… not to Dee nor to Kara, but he had to. It was that or lose them both, and he knew he wasn’t strong enough to handle that.
For the time being he hadn’t chosen. He was being unfaithful to Dee without physically cheating on her. But that’s what it was, unfaithfulness. There was no other way to describe it. He thought about Kara in ways that he shouldn’t, ways that made him question their decision made long ago to remain strictly friends. He pictured Kara in the place of his wife. He tried not to think about how the frequency of that had increased since Dee’s announcement of her pregnancy.
Guilt wrenched his gut and made him feel violently ill. What kind of sick bastard was he? He wasn’t just damning himself with his actions, but also the two women that he loved most in the world. Hot tears of shame burned in his eyes.
As quietly as he could, Lee walked into the kitchen and turned off the lights. He did the same with the ones in the living room before he made his way back to the couch.
He lay down before pulling the blanket off the back of the couch and over his body. He couldn’t sleep in his bed, not with his wife… not tonight.
Troubled thoughts caressed Lee’s mind as he drifted into an uneasy sleep. Marriage wasn’t supposed to be like this; it shouldn’t be so hard to be faithful.
The End