The Lost Child (A)
Title: The Lost Child
Pairing: Kyusung, side!Eunhae
Genre: Drama, Fluff
Rating: PG
Warning: Jongwoon being to adorable you might want to squish him to death.
Summary: Kyuhyun was never the most affectionate person. One night, he went home and found a kid sitting on his porch who turned out to be his son.
Beta: Thank you to sujulovenl for beta'ing this fic.
A/N: I suppose this should've been posted during Father's Day instead? >.<
I was never the affectionate type of person. My longest relationship lasted for one month. My shortest, however, was an hour when I was in high school. My parents understood that I’m not the type of person to hug them or to offer them comfort. They were happy with my regular visits and subtle ways of telling them that I appreciate their efforts of raising me.
I decided to become a structural engineer, not because I’m good with math but because I knew I wouldn’t have interacted often with people who want affection. And truthfully, I really am good with math, just saying. I can hide from the world. I can hide my unaffectionate self. I can mask it with indifference.
Though, even with this façade I still managed to make friends with a monkey-like guy from the dance club of my high school. His name is Lee Eunhyuk and he’s my complete opposite. He is friendly and affectionate, unlike me.
He didn’t break my shell because there’s nothing to break, but he did manage to come closer to me. Unlike other people, he didn’t expect anything from me.
We met for the first time in the faculty. It wasn’t a very good first impression on his part, because the teacher was scolding him about his grades deflating. I’m not one to eavesdrop, but the teacher was very keen on humiliating him that he shouted everything out loud just to ‘emphasize’ his point. I wanted to interrupt, but when I saw Eunhyuk still smiling sheepishly, I changed my mind.
After class, I headed straight to the library. I usually stayed there till closing time. The librarian didn’t mind. Upon entering the spacious room, I spotted a bundle of blonde hair which was unusual. Usually, it was just me and the librarian.
I took a seat a little further away from the unidentified blonde person after I grabbed a book I hadn’t read yet. It was completely silent until I heard the shuffling sound of chairs. I looked up and found him smiling at me.
“You’re Kyuhyun, right?”
I nodded. I knew that I’m good looking, but he really made me want to punch him in the face. Why was he smiling at me that much? It was creepy.
“Can you teach me math?” Well, that was new. Nobody ever wanted to ask me to teach them things because they were scared of me. Why exactly, I didn’t know either.
“Ask another person. I’m not interested,” I blew him off. I resumed reading my book but he grabbed my hand.
“Please? Please, Kyuhyun? I need to get my grades up in order to compete. My team needs me. Please, Kyuhyun? You’re my only hope!” He looked like a lost puppy with that expression of his.
“Try going to the mathletes,”I suggested.
He slowly retracted his hands and lightly scratched his cheek. He laughed awkwardly before clearing his throat. “They, uhm… they… they’ve given up on me. They said I’m hopeless-that I can’t pass this subject no matter what I do.”
“… Before you get your hopes up, I’m not doing this because I pity you. I’m doing this because I want to prove those mathletes wrong. We’ll start tomorrow-same time, same place. Now leave,” I instructed. I needed my peace.
“You’re really willing to help me? Seriously? I’m not dreaming, am I?” I just rolled my eyes at him and continued reading. And that's how our friendship started.
.: | :.
Eunhyuk managed to graduate high school thanks to me. Indeed, he sucked at math but he wasn’t as hopeless as like the mathletes claimed him to be. He was a willing student. I was quite amazed that he put up with me and my methods of teaching.
He tried his best to talk to me every time he saw me and he would neglect his friends just to sit with me at the cafeteria table. Sometimes, he would drag Donghae with him.
Donghae is the guy Eunhyuk fell head over heels for. He always pursued him in the most idiotic ways possible. I’m happy that they’re finally together now, after years of chasing after each other.
Eunhyuk and Donghae now own a dance school together not too far from where I currently live. It became really famous because the teachers there are very dedicated to their job. I visited one time only, and it resulted in me being forced to dance in front of the students. Humiliation at its best.
When I went home one day, I found a kid, approximately five years old, sitting on my porch. The kid was hugging its knees close to its chest. There was a small bag beside him and he was clutching something dearly. I cautiously walked towards my door as not to startle the kid. Upon hearing my footsteps, he immediately raised his head and looked at me. I stared back at him with the same curiosity.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“Jongwoon,” he answered.
“What are you doing here at this hour? Won’t your parents be worried about you?” Not that I cared. It’s just that, I didn’t want to babysit a kid. He started to cry. Now what did I had to do? His cries became louder and louder, so I kneeled in front of him as I called Eunhyuk.
“Hyuk, I need help.”
“Kyuhyun? Why do I hear someone crying? Where are you?”
“I’m in front of my house but there’s a kid here and he’s crying. What do I do?”
“Hug him. Try to soothe him until he calms down, then get him inside. It’s cold tonight. We’ll come over.” It was Donghae who answered me then they hung up on me. What did I have to do next? How could I initiate the hug? I scratched my head as I tried to come up with a way to do this. What does Eunhyuk usually do to have Donghae come running towards him? Oh, right. He opens his arms wide.
“H-hey k-kid. C-come h-here,” I called out to him with my arms wide open. The kid looked up and launched himself at me, making me almost lose my balance. He cried on my chest as I awkwardly wrapped my arms around him. This kid was so tiny in my arms.
“I’m taking you inside ok? It’s cold out here.” I needed to explain because if I didn’t, he might think I’m a pedophile when clearly I’m not. I opened the door and I carried him and our stuff, with much difficulty, inside and dropped our things somewhere before I sat down on the sofa with the kid sitting on my lap. I removed my arms around him because I still felt awkward with the whole hugging… thing. He was still crying and he was clutching my shirt. His wails turned into sobs as Donghae and Eunhyuk came.
“Hey Kyu. Is that the kid?” Eunhyuk asked as he sat down on the couch beside Donghae. I just nodded in response.
“What’s your name, dear?” Donghae asked in a comforting tone. The kid looked up from my chest and turned his head sideways.
“Kim Jongwoon,” he answered timidly.
“My name is Donghae and this is Eunhyuk. The man holding you right now is Kyuhyun,” Donghae introduced us. The kid looked up at me with an unreadable expression.
“What brings you here, kid?” Eunhyuk asked. The kid tightened his hold on my shirt and he started trembling. I watched as Donghae and Eunhyuk panicked. I don’t know why they were panicking and I didn’t know why the kid was trembling either. What was I going to do now?
“Jongwoon, what’s wrong?” Eunhyuk asked.
“M-my m-mom l-left m-me h-here,” he hiccupped. Oh, an abandoned kid? “S-she s-said to g-give y-you t-this,” he handed me the letter he was clutching earlier. The kid, Jongwoon, hid his face on my chest. I looked at the couple and they had this worried expression on their face. They urged me to open the letter and so I did.
I had gotten her pregnant? But the last time I had seen her was when we were still in Junior High and that was more than five years ago. This kid looks like five. Donghae took the letter from me and read it along with Eunhyuk. They seemed irritated but I decided to ignore it.
“How old are you?”
“I-I’m f-five,” he answered. We stared at each other and I saw a lot of similarities I have with him. There was a lot because he’d gotten most of his features from me, I think. Jongwoon was still crying and I had no idea how to make him stop.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I heard Eunhyuk suddenly exclaimed, making both me and the kid jump. I looked at them and I saw them switching their gaze from the kid to me.
“Now that I look closer, he does look like you. Are you sure that’s your kid? Do you want to confirm it first?” Eunhyuk asked. I looked down on Jongwoon who was looking up at me expectantly.
“Honestly? I have no idea either. I’m tired and I need a bath. Plus, I have no idea how to be a dad,” I ran a hand through my hair. I felt the kid tightening his hold on my shirt and he started sobbing again.
“What’s wrong, Jongwoon?” Donghae asked on a motherly tone.
“Please don’t leave me too,” he whispered. I heard it clearly but I don’t think the couple did. Donghae asked him again but the kid shook his head and continued crying.
“Kyuhyun! Console him!” Eunhyuk mouthed. I raised an eyebrow at him. They demonstrated on how to do it and as embarrassing as it looked, I gave it a try. Again, I wrapped my arms around the kid and lightly patted his head.
“There, there. Don’t cry anymore,” I read monotonously from the paper the couple was holding up for me to read. Jongwoon stopped crying and looked up at me.
“D-daddy, I-I’m h-hungry,” he mumbled. Daddy? Oh, right, I’m his father. Taeyeon must’ve told him about me. I saw the couple biting back a laugh.
“Go cook something, Kyu. We’ll babysit your son while you destroy the kitchen,” the couple teased. I unwrapped my arms from him and tried to stand up. Instead of jumping down from my lap, Jongwoon wrapped his tiny arms around my neck as well as his tiny legs around my waist.
“Hey kid, you should let go. I need to cook.”
“No! Don’t leave me, please daddy?” I sighed.
“Fine. But you can’t cling on to me like some koala bear,” he smiled. A genuine smile. Aside from the two idiots sitting on my couch, nobody had ever flashed me a genuine smile before. The kid leaned forward and kissed me on my lips.
“Thank you, daddy!” He exclaimed with a chuckle while I sat there completely dumbfounded. “Let’s go daddy! I want eggs!”
I stood up and headed towards the kitchen. I dropped the kid off on the island counter as I tried to find some eggs. Donghae and Eunhyuk followed and sat down beside Jongwoon.
“Kyuhyun, are you sure you know how to cook?” Donghae asked.
“Obviously. I attended culinary class in order to suffice myself. Mom doesn’t like it if I order take out,” I answered while batting an egg. I baked/boiled the egg and ignored the conversation behind me. I tried to make enough food for four people even though I was really tired from the previous activity these two made me do.
I’m wondering how I could manage taking care of this kid. Why did she leave this kid to me when I can’t even take care of my own parents? This kid would eventually leave me too because he wouldn’t be able to stand my indifference, just like his mother. It broke my heart when she told me I wasn’t good enough and that I couldn’t take good care of her. She also told me that I didn’t loved her as much as she loved me. That was bullshit. I did love her. I really did, but I am just incapable of expressing feelings.
.: | :.
“We’re going now Kyu. Take care of little Jongwoonie here, okay? We’ll be back tomorrow to pester you,” with that, the couple finally left. I looked down and sighed. Now what do I do to this koala kid?
“Do you really have to cling onto me like that? I know my legs are long…”
“Daddy will leave me if I let go just like how Mommy did,” I sighed. Damn Taeyeon for inflicting fear on this kid.
“Let go. I need to take a bath,” I wiggled my leg but this kid is stubborn. He even tightened his hold on my leg.
“Can I take a bath with you?” I sighed again and picked him up. “Thank you, daddy.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
The bath was awkward. I have been feeling awkward with this kid ever since I laid my eyes on him. He’s too bubbly to be my kid and he’s too innocent. I wondered how Taeyeon raised him. What happened to her during these past five years?
I watched him as he played with the bubbles and made weird hairstyles. He kept laughing and smiling at me. He even calls out my name for attention, even though I’ve been staring at him the whole time. What do I do with this kid? Do I really have to put up with him? I wonder how my life will change after this.
“Daddy?”
“Hmmm?”
“I love you,” I was taken aback by his words. I was still recovering from shock when he threw his arms around me and hugged me tight. “I really love you daddy,” he whispered. I relaxed my body which I didn’t know was stiff and I allowed him to hug me. I had the feeling that my life wouldn’t be the same anymore.
.: | :.
“Here’s your room. If you need anything, I’ll just be across the hall. Go to sleep now kid,” I ordered. I went to my room as soon as I said those words. I’m so exhausted mentally and physically that the moment I hit my bed, I was out.
The next morning, I woke up later than usual. Maybe it was due to the exhaustion of last night. Good thing I don’t have any projects to finish, or else my supervisor would have killed me. I got up and changed into my workout clothes. I always run every morning to keep my body in shape. Actually, Eunhyuk advised me to run every morning so that I won’t look like a walking stick.
I looked at my clock and saw it was already 6 in the morning. It’s no longer a good time to run because the sun is already rising. I hate the sun and I want to avoid it as much as possible. I have no choice, though. If I miss this run, Eunhyuk will kill me. He’ll have me do strenuous training for a week and it will leave me immobilized for at least two weeks.
I usually don’t pay much attention to my surroundings, but somehow today I find it odd that the moment I passed by the park, I saw a lot of children. Am I missing something? They were all running around the park, playing and what-not. Maybe I’m just too exhausted that I’m noticing a lot of things I usually miss out on. I’d better return home.
I don’t know why I’m feeling nervous. It’s like I forgot something important. What would it be? I know I haven’t opened the stove nor did I leave the water running. So why am I running like a mad man right now?
I hurriedly opened the door and heard someone crying. Why is there someone crying in my house? I cautiously walked towards the living room and found a ball of cloths on the sofa. I tilted my head in confusion. A ball of cloths? Isn’t that my shirt? If I remember correctly, it wasn’t there before? Why is it shaking? I stealthily walked closer to my shirt and saw a bundle of black hair. Then it hit me. I’d forgotten that there was a kid staying at my house.
“Hey,” I proclaimed. He sat up and the next thing I knew he was hugging my leg tightly. I sat down on the floor and he moved up to hug me.
“Daddy, why did you leave me? I promise I’ll be good. Please don’t leave me,” what’s with this kid’s mentality? What did Taeyeon do to her child? How exactly did she raise him?
How do I calm a crying kid again? I ran a hand through my hair in annoyance. This kid’s wailing is driving me insane.
“Hey, kid. Stop crying. You’re destroying my eardrums,” the kid’s cries immediately halted. Good. My ears are safe for now. Or maybe not. “Don’t cry again. It’s annoying, and aren’t you supposed to be a man? I don’t like to see your tears, understood?”
The kid was covering his mouth with his little hands to control his sobbing. He wasn’t looking at me but I knew he heard me because he nodded.
“Go wash your face while I prepare breakfast.”
He ran upstairs, hands still covering his mouth. Did I went too far? This is frustrating. It’s so early in the morning yet I have to think about unnecessary things. I stood up while I scratched my head. This isn’t going to be a good day.
.: | :.
I saw the kid hanging his head low as I placed the food filled plates on the table. I don’t know what he usually eats so I just cooked eggs again and I made us some orange juice.
“Eat up, kid.”
He picked up the chopsticks from the table but he refused to look at me. We ate breakfast in silence, while I observe him. This kid’s so tiny and fragile. He clings to me like some koala bear and he’s afraid to be left alone. Yesterday he was lively but now he acts like a robot. I can never understand kids and women. I know we did it but I never knew she’d conceive this tiny guy.
“Good morning, father and son! How’s your sleep?” Donghae greeted from the front door along with Eunhyuk.
“Uncle Donghae! Uncle Eunhyuk!” The kid ran happily towards them. Donghae lifted him up and they both giggled. Why can’t Donghae be the kid’s father instead? I bet he’ll be awesome. As for me? I don’t think I qualify. The kid’s reaction was nowhere like that when he saw me.
“Are you sulking?”
“Huh?” I asked Eunhyuk as I cleaned up the dining table. He has that same gummy smile whenever he teases me. I tried to not look at him too often. I almost punched his face back in high school because of that annoying grin of his.
“I asked if you’re sulking,” he repeated.
“Why would I sulk?”
“True. I guess you’re not yet comfortable about the fact that you’re a father now.”
I turned my back at him and started washing the dishes. “Obviously. I’m not used to having someone to take care of.”
“No. You’re not used to have someone in your life. I think having this kid with you would change you for the better-if not completely, maybe just for a bit. You may find it hard at first but if you put in a lot of effort, you can do it,” I turned to face him and I saw him smiling lightly at me.
“What if I can’t do it, Hyuk? What if I don’t do a good job? What if I fail and he ends up being a rebel? I don’t want that kid to blame me when he’s grown up.” I sighed. I won’t be a good father to that kid. He’ll end up hating me in the end.
“That kid happens to be your son. Learn to accept him as your kid like he accepts you as his father. He wouldn’t blame you if you have to put in a lot of effort-nobody will. Besides, Donghae and I will always be here to support you.”
I didn’t answer. What was I supposed to say? I resumed washing the dishes. I can hear laughter in the living room as well as Jongwoon’s voice. He seems lively.
After washing the dishes, I headed upstairs to take a shower. I feel really sticky right now. I should’ve taken a bath earlier, before cooking breakfast. Damn it.
I had a quick shower and then headed to my office to see if there were any projects that I had overseen. I was so busy looking at the designs and checking if they’re correct that I failed to notice someone walking in.
“Daddy,” I jumped slightly when I saw the kid standing next to me.
“What is it?”
“I… uhm…” he mumbled. He was fidgeting with what he wanted to say. I grew impatient since my spare time is limited.
“Say what you have to say. I’m busy.”
“N-neverm-mind. I’m s-sorry f-for d-disturbing y-you.” He dashed away towards the door, leaving me confused. What was that all about? Why did he look so scared anyway? I really should stop thinking about the kid.
I finished all the work around dinnertime. I stretched my body and moved my neck a little. Damn, I’m so stiff; even my butt hurts. I went down to the kitchen to grab something to eat when I suddenly felt like I forgot something again. I have this feeling a lot lately and I have no idea why.
I passed by the living room and saw my shirt curled into a ball on my couch. This felt like a déjà vu, only this time, I don’t hear any crying. Oh, shit! The kid! I forgot about the kid! Damn!
“Hey, kid. Wake up,” he rolled over and almost fell off the couch. Good thing I manage to catch him on time. He groaned a little then rubbed his eyes with his tiny little fists. He yawned and blinked, then stretched.
“Hi, Daddy. Are you still busy?” I shook my head, ignoring the slight painful feeling in my chest. “Can I go outside?”
“It’s already late kid. How about tomorrow?” He looked dejected at first but then his mouth formed into a smile. Is this kid bipolar or something? Or maybe it’s a kid’s thing. I’m confused.
“Okay. Thank you, daddy!” He hugged me again and pulled away when I didn’t hug him back. We sat in the couch not knowing what to say. I’m not really one to make conversation with another human being. Eunhyuk and Donghae are an exception, of course. They pester me if I don’t answer them. The silence was uncomfortable and I can see Jongwoon fidgeting on his seat. The silence was broken when I heard a stomach growl.
“Let’s go grab something to eat,” I stood up and he followed. I prepared something light for the both of us. I saw from the corner of my eyes that he was looking around the kitchen as he swayed his legs because the chair was too big for him to be able to touch the ground with his feet. Tiny. This kid is so tiny. I still doubt if I can take care of him.
“Uncle Donghae said I should give this to you,” he said as he handed me a folded letter. I read it silently as I drink my glass of orange juice. The kid continued eating with his head hung low. Why do I notice a lot of things about this kid, anyway?
“Do you want to go to school?”
“C-can I?”
“I think so. They’ve already enrolled you anyway. Classes start on Monday.”
They really did enroll the kid and they wrote that they’re going to deliver the school uniform tomorrow. I also should take him out for shopping. I have no idea how to shop. They usually buy clothes for me while I just tag along. I sighed. Tomorrow is going to be a hectic day.
.: | :.
“Daddy, where are we going?”
Right now, the kid is sitting in the back seat of my car. We’re heading towards the mall to buy some stuff for him. Eunhyuk apologized to me that he couldn’t accompany me, while Donghae said that this is a perfect opportunity for me to get closer to the kid. They instructed me on what to buy, and I decided to list it down in case I would forget.
“Mall. I need to buy some things,” I looked at my rear view mirror and saw him ogling at the buildings. He looked so lost and so… child-like, looking at it. It makes me wonder how I used to act when I was still a kid.
The drive towards the mall was quiet and peaceful. It felt like I didn’t have anyone with me, which was good, I think. I’ve always been like this before the kid came into my life. Why I haven’t rejected him yet, or why I haven’t sent him away yet is beyond me. I sighed as I parked the car.
While we walked towards the mall, he reached for my hand, which made me stop. He reluctantly let go and bowed his head.
“I’m sorry daddy. It won’t happen again,” he mumbled. It’s not that I don’t like it. I was just surprised. Eunhyuk is the only person who can hold my hand. My ex-girlfriends always had to think of a new way to do it. Sometimes it was subtle, sometimes it was bold. No matter what tactic they used though, they always failed. I sighed. I turned a corner and saw a clothing store. Might as well start there first.
“Good morning, sir! How may I help you?” A sales lady with an annoying smile asked. This is one of the reasons why I hate shopping. Sales ladies are the worst. They show up when you don’t need them and they’re nowhere in sight when you do. Good thing she’s here now though. I have no idea what to buy for the kid.
“I need to buy clothes for this kid,” I reached for Jongwoon behind me. The kid looked at the woman curiously before flashing a smile.
“I see. Your son, I suppose?” I guess so. I nodded at the woman. “Come here, sweetie. Let’s see what we can find, okay?” The woman took the kid’s hand while the latter just smiled at her. I sighed. What’s with me and sighing these days? I shook my head and followed after them.
She was busily picking out which clothes to give to the kid, while I just sat on a chair watching them. I kept on yawning while the kid looked bored out of his mind. Shopping? Definitely a woman’s thing. The kid looked at me and smiled. I think I smiled back because there was this startled look on his face before he smiled again.
After three hours of just sitting there and letting the woman do all the work, she finally allowed us to leave. I paid for the expenses and gave the sales lady a huge tip. Her efforts were highly appreciated, because, if I was the one buying this kid’s clothes, we’ll leave with a lot of different clothing of which some would be either too big or too small for him.
We left the clothes shop with three bags full of clothing. Next stop, lunch. I heard the kid’s stomach growl and I’m hungry as well. Waiting for them to finish really made me hungry. I looked around the area to search for a nice restaurant for us to go to. As soon as I spotted a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter for a reservation before I looked behind me to find that the kid is gone.
Oh shit!
I asked the waiter to look after the clothes filled bags as I go search for the kid. How in the world did I lose him? I know he was following me just now, so how did I manage to lose him? God damn it! I ran around frantically, trying to spot a small kid with black hair and a huge forehead, but it was in vain. I tried heading back to the store we went to buy his clothes earlier, but they told me they hadn’t seen him. Fuck! Where is he?!
I ran around the mall again. I asked some security guards if they’d spotted a kid and told them to call me whenever they did. I’m starting to get nervous now. I’ve never felt this nervous before. Where is he? Where are you, Jongwoon? Where the fuck are you?!
I stopped when I saw a man pulling a crying kid harshly. There appears that pain in my chest again. I know that this guy is pulling Jongwoon and that the latter is crying. I don’t know what went through me and I’m not even sure how I managed to do it but I did. I landed a punch on the man’s jaw, making him fall backwards on his butt.
“What the fuck man? What was that for?!” The man shouted. I have no idea either but I won’t say that out loud. I might get into even more trouble than I already am, if I open my mouth.
“Daddy!” The kid cried and launched himself towards me. I picked him up and patted his back.
“If I see your face again, you’re dead.”
I turned my back at the man and walked away with the kid in my arms. Feeling my legs shaking, I decided to sit down on a bench located by the indoor fountain. I wanted to check the kid to see if he was hurt, but I saw him covering his mouth with both his hands.
“Are you alright?” I asked him. He didn’t open his eyes but he nodded. I pried away his hands and saw him trembling. “Were you scared?” Again, he nodded but avoided looking at me. “Look at me.” I lifted his chin up with my index finger and stared him in the eyes. He looked so fragile and scared and I can see there were tears dropping from his eyes. I feel that pain in my chest increasing rapidly. What do I do now? What was I supposed to do in a situation like this anyway? Eunhyuk, where are you when I need you?
“Aww, why is this cute little kid crying?” I looked up and saw an elderly couple. They were smiling at the kid and they gave him a lollipop. The kid accepted it with a smile and happily ate it.
“Uhm, t-thank you ma’am. I… I don’t know w-what to do to make him stop,” I said sincerely. Jongwoon didn’t seem to hear because the grandpa was happily playing with him.
“That’s alright, dear. Still not used to being a father?” The grandmother asked, as he took a seat next to me. I scratched my head a little and nodded. I must be blushing right now.
“I see,” she took my hand and held it gently, yet firmly. “Take your time understanding him. I know it’ll be hard but perseverance takes you a long way. You have a nice handsome young boy. Treat him well. I know you’ll learn on the way because I can see you’re an intelligent young man.”
She patted my hand and they both left. Now, that was… sweet. Confusing… but sweet. I looked at Jongwoon and saw him staring at me. He smiled at me and I did something I never knew I’d do. I pinched his cheeks making him giggle. Maybe being a father wasn’t so bad after all.
I stood up and walked towards the restaurant I spotted earlier. I reached out for his hand and we walked side by side.
.: || B || :.
Pairing: Kyusung, side!Eunhae
Genre: Drama, Fluff
Rating: PG
Warning: Jongwoon being to adorable you might want to squish him to death.
Summary: Kyuhyun was never the most affectionate person. One night, he went home and found a kid sitting on his porch who turned out to be his son.
Beta: Thank you to sujulovenl for beta'ing this fic.
A/N: I suppose this should've been posted during Father's Day instead? >.<
I was never the affectionate type of person. My longest relationship lasted for one month. My shortest, however, was an hour when I was in high school. My parents understood that I’m not the type of person to hug them or to offer them comfort. They were happy with my regular visits and subtle ways of telling them that I appreciate their efforts of raising me.
I decided to become a structural engineer, not because I’m good with math but because I knew I wouldn’t have interacted often with people who want affection. And truthfully, I really am good with math, just saying. I can hide from the world. I can hide my unaffectionate self. I can mask it with indifference.
Though, even with this façade I still managed to make friends with a monkey-like guy from the dance club of my high school. His name is Lee Eunhyuk and he’s my complete opposite. He is friendly and affectionate, unlike me.
He didn’t break my shell because there’s nothing to break, but he did manage to come closer to me. Unlike other people, he didn’t expect anything from me.
We met for the first time in the faculty. It wasn’t a very good first impression on his part, because the teacher was scolding him about his grades deflating. I’m not one to eavesdrop, but the teacher was very keen on humiliating him that he shouted everything out loud just to ‘emphasize’ his point. I wanted to interrupt, but when I saw Eunhyuk still smiling sheepishly, I changed my mind.
After class, I headed straight to the library. I usually stayed there till closing time. The librarian didn’t mind. Upon entering the spacious room, I spotted a bundle of blonde hair which was unusual. Usually, it was just me and the librarian.
I took a seat a little further away from the unidentified blonde person after I grabbed a book I hadn’t read yet. It was completely silent until I heard the shuffling sound of chairs. I looked up and found him smiling at me.
“You’re Kyuhyun, right?”
I nodded. I knew that I’m good looking, but he really made me want to punch him in the face. Why was he smiling at me that much? It was creepy.
“Can you teach me math?” Well, that was new. Nobody ever wanted to ask me to teach them things because they were scared of me. Why exactly, I didn’t know either.
“Ask another person. I’m not interested,” I blew him off. I resumed reading my book but he grabbed my hand.
“Please? Please, Kyuhyun? I need to get my grades up in order to compete. My team needs me. Please, Kyuhyun? You’re my only hope!” He looked like a lost puppy with that expression of his.
“Try going to the mathletes,”I suggested.
He slowly retracted his hands and lightly scratched his cheek. He laughed awkwardly before clearing his throat. “They, uhm… they… they’ve given up on me. They said I’m hopeless-that I can’t pass this subject no matter what I do.”
“… Before you get your hopes up, I’m not doing this because I pity you. I’m doing this because I want to prove those mathletes wrong. We’ll start tomorrow-same time, same place. Now leave,” I instructed. I needed my peace.
“You’re really willing to help me? Seriously? I’m not dreaming, am I?” I just rolled my eyes at him and continued reading. And that's how our friendship started.
.: | :.
Eunhyuk managed to graduate high school thanks to me. Indeed, he sucked at math but he wasn’t as hopeless as like the mathletes claimed him to be. He was a willing student. I was quite amazed that he put up with me and my methods of teaching.
He tried his best to talk to me every time he saw me and he would neglect his friends just to sit with me at the cafeteria table. Sometimes, he would drag Donghae with him.
Donghae is the guy Eunhyuk fell head over heels for. He always pursued him in the most idiotic ways possible. I’m happy that they’re finally together now, after years of chasing after each other.
Eunhyuk and Donghae now own a dance school together not too far from where I currently live. It became really famous because the teachers there are very dedicated to their job. I visited one time only, and it resulted in me being forced to dance in front of the students. Humiliation at its best.
When I went home one day, I found a kid, approximately five years old, sitting on my porch. The kid was hugging its knees close to its chest. There was a small bag beside him and he was clutching something dearly. I cautiously walked towards my door as not to startle the kid. Upon hearing my footsteps, he immediately raised his head and looked at me. I stared back at him with the same curiosity.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“Jongwoon,” he answered.
“What are you doing here at this hour? Won’t your parents be worried about you?” Not that I cared. It’s just that, I didn’t want to babysit a kid. He started to cry. Now what did I had to do? His cries became louder and louder, so I kneeled in front of him as I called Eunhyuk.
“Hyuk, I need help.”
“Kyuhyun? Why do I hear someone crying? Where are you?”
“I’m in front of my house but there’s a kid here and he’s crying. What do I do?”
“Hug him. Try to soothe him until he calms down, then get him inside. It’s cold tonight. We’ll come over.” It was Donghae who answered me then they hung up on me. What did I have to do next? How could I initiate the hug? I scratched my head as I tried to come up with a way to do this. What does Eunhyuk usually do to have Donghae come running towards him? Oh, right. He opens his arms wide.
“H-hey k-kid. C-come h-here,” I called out to him with my arms wide open. The kid looked up and launched himself at me, making me almost lose my balance. He cried on my chest as I awkwardly wrapped my arms around him. This kid was so tiny in my arms.
“I’m taking you inside ok? It’s cold out here.” I needed to explain because if I didn’t, he might think I’m a pedophile when clearly I’m not. I opened the door and I carried him and our stuff, with much difficulty, inside and dropped our things somewhere before I sat down on the sofa with the kid sitting on my lap. I removed my arms around him because I still felt awkward with the whole hugging… thing. He was still crying and he was clutching my shirt. His wails turned into sobs as Donghae and Eunhyuk came.
“Hey Kyu. Is that the kid?” Eunhyuk asked as he sat down on the couch beside Donghae. I just nodded in response.
“What’s your name, dear?” Donghae asked in a comforting tone. The kid looked up from my chest and turned his head sideways.
“Kim Jongwoon,” he answered timidly.
“My name is Donghae and this is Eunhyuk. The man holding you right now is Kyuhyun,” Donghae introduced us. The kid looked up at me with an unreadable expression.
“What brings you here, kid?” Eunhyuk asked. The kid tightened his hold on my shirt and he started trembling. I watched as Donghae and Eunhyuk panicked. I don’t know why they were panicking and I didn’t know why the kid was trembling either. What was I going to do now?
“Jongwoon, what’s wrong?” Eunhyuk asked.
“M-my m-mom l-left m-me h-here,” he hiccupped. Oh, an abandoned kid? “S-she s-said to g-give y-you t-this,” he handed me the letter he was clutching earlier. The kid, Jongwoon, hid his face on my chest. I looked at the couple and they had this worried expression on their face. They urged me to open the letter and so I did.
I had gotten her pregnant? But the last time I had seen her was when we were still in Junior High and that was more than five years ago. This kid looks like five. Donghae took the letter from me and read it along with Eunhyuk. They seemed irritated but I decided to ignore it.
“How old are you?”
“I-I’m f-five,” he answered. We stared at each other and I saw a lot of similarities I have with him. There was a lot because he’d gotten most of his features from me, I think. Jongwoon was still crying and I had no idea how to make him stop.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I heard Eunhyuk suddenly exclaimed, making both me and the kid jump. I looked at them and I saw them switching their gaze from the kid to me.
“Now that I look closer, he does look like you. Are you sure that’s your kid? Do you want to confirm it first?” Eunhyuk asked. I looked down on Jongwoon who was looking up at me expectantly.
“Honestly? I have no idea either. I’m tired and I need a bath. Plus, I have no idea how to be a dad,” I ran a hand through my hair. I felt the kid tightening his hold on my shirt and he started sobbing again.
“What’s wrong, Jongwoon?” Donghae asked on a motherly tone.
“Please don’t leave me too,” he whispered. I heard it clearly but I don’t think the couple did. Donghae asked him again but the kid shook his head and continued crying.
“Kyuhyun! Console him!” Eunhyuk mouthed. I raised an eyebrow at him. They demonstrated on how to do it and as embarrassing as it looked, I gave it a try. Again, I wrapped my arms around the kid and lightly patted his head.
“There, there. Don’t cry anymore,” I read monotonously from the paper the couple was holding up for me to read. Jongwoon stopped crying and looked up at me.
“D-daddy, I-I’m h-hungry,” he mumbled. Daddy? Oh, right, I’m his father. Taeyeon must’ve told him about me. I saw the couple biting back a laugh.
“Go cook something, Kyu. We’ll babysit your son while you destroy the kitchen,” the couple teased. I unwrapped my arms from him and tried to stand up. Instead of jumping down from my lap, Jongwoon wrapped his tiny arms around my neck as well as his tiny legs around my waist.
“Hey kid, you should let go. I need to cook.”
“No! Don’t leave me, please daddy?” I sighed.
“Fine. But you can’t cling on to me like some koala bear,” he smiled. A genuine smile. Aside from the two idiots sitting on my couch, nobody had ever flashed me a genuine smile before. The kid leaned forward and kissed me on my lips.
“Thank you, daddy!” He exclaimed with a chuckle while I sat there completely dumbfounded. “Let’s go daddy! I want eggs!”
I stood up and headed towards the kitchen. I dropped the kid off on the island counter as I tried to find some eggs. Donghae and Eunhyuk followed and sat down beside Jongwoon.
“Kyuhyun, are you sure you know how to cook?” Donghae asked.
“Obviously. I attended culinary class in order to suffice myself. Mom doesn’t like it if I order take out,” I answered while batting an egg. I baked/boiled the egg and ignored the conversation behind me. I tried to make enough food for four people even though I was really tired from the previous activity these two made me do.
I’m wondering how I could manage taking care of this kid. Why did she leave this kid to me when I can’t even take care of my own parents? This kid would eventually leave me too because he wouldn’t be able to stand my indifference, just like his mother. It broke my heart when she told me I wasn’t good enough and that I couldn’t take good care of her. She also told me that I didn’t loved her as much as she loved me. That was bullshit. I did love her. I really did, but I am just incapable of expressing feelings.
.: | :.
“We’re going now Kyu. Take care of little Jongwoonie here, okay? We’ll be back tomorrow to pester you,” with that, the couple finally left. I looked down and sighed. Now what do I do to this koala kid?
“Do you really have to cling onto me like that? I know my legs are long…”
“Daddy will leave me if I let go just like how Mommy did,” I sighed. Damn Taeyeon for inflicting fear on this kid.
“Let go. I need to take a bath,” I wiggled my leg but this kid is stubborn. He even tightened his hold on my leg.
“Can I take a bath with you?” I sighed again and picked him up. “Thank you, daddy.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
The bath was awkward. I have been feeling awkward with this kid ever since I laid my eyes on him. He’s too bubbly to be my kid and he’s too innocent. I wondered how Taeyeon raised him. What happened to her during these past five years?
I watched him as he played with the bubbles and made weird hairstyles. He kept laughing and smiling at me. He even calls out my name for attention, even though I’ve been staring at him the whole time. What do I do with this kid? Do I really have to put up with him? I wonder how my life will change after this.
“Daddy?”
“Hmmm?”
“I love you,” I was taken aback by his words. I was still recovering from shock when he threw his arms around me and hugged me tight. “I really love you daddy,” he whispered. I relaxed my body which I didn’t know was stiff and I allowed him to hug me. I had the feeling that my life wouldn’t be the same anymore.
.: | :.
“Here’s your room. If you need anything, I’ll just be across the hall. Go to sleep now kid,” I ordered. I went to my room as soon as I said those words. I’m so exhausted mentally and physically that the moment I hit my bed, I was out.
The next morning, I woke up later than usual. Maybe it was due to the exhaustion of last night. Good thing I don’t have any projects to finish, or else my supervisor would have killed me. I got up and changed into my workout clothes. I always run every morning to keep my body in shape. Actually, Eunhyuk advised me to run every morning so that I won’t look like a walking stick.
I looked at my clock and saw it was already 6 in the morning. It’s no longer a good time to run because the sun is already rising. I hate the sun and I want to avoid it as much as possible. I have no choice, though. If I miss this run, Eunhyuk will kill me. He’ll have me do strenuous training for a week and it will leave me immobilized for at least two weeks.
I usually don’t pay much attention to my surroundings, but somehow today I find it odd that the moment I passed by the park, I saw a lot of children. Am I missing something? They were all running around the park, playing and what-not. Maybe I’m just too exhausted that I’m noticing a lot of things I usually miss out on. I’d better return home.
I don’t know why I’m feeling nervous. It’s like I forgot something important. What would it be? I know I haven’t opened the stove nor did I leave the water running. So why am I running like a mad man right now?
I hurriedly opened the door and heard someone crying. Why is there someone crying in my house? I cautiously walked towards the living room and found a ball of cloths on the sofa. I tilted my head in confusion. A ball of cloths? Isn’t that my shirt? If I remember correctly, it wasn’t there before? Why is it shaking? I stealthily walked closer to my shirt and saw a bundle of black hair. Then it hit me. I’d forgotten that there was a kid staying at my house.
“Hey,” I proclaimed. He sat up and the next thing I knew he was hugging my leg tightly. I sat down on the floor and he moved up to hug me.
“Daddy, why did you leave me? I promise I’ll be good. Please don’t leave me,” what’s with this kid’s mentality? What did Taeyeon do to her child? How exactly did she raise him?
How do I calm a crying kid again? I ran a hand through my hair in annoyance. This kid’s wailing is driving me insane.
“Hey, kid. Stop crying. You’re destroying my eardrums,” the kid’s cries immediately halted. Good. My ears are safe for now. Or maybe not. “Don’t cry again. It’s annoying, and aren’t you supposed to be a man? I don’t like to see your tears, understood?”
The kid was covering his mouth with his little hands to control his sobbing. He wasn’t looking at me but I knew he heard me because he nodded.
“Go wash your face while I prepare breakfast.”
He ran upstairs, hands still covering his mouth. Did I went too far? This is frustrating. It’s so early in the morning yet I have to think about unnecessary things. I stood up while I scratched my head. This isn’t going to be a good day.
.: | :.
I saw the kid hanging his head low as I placed the food filled plates on the table. I don’t know what he usually eats so I just cooked eggs again and I made us some orange juice.
“Eat up, kid.”
He picked up the chopsticks from the table but he refused to look at me. We ate breakfast in silence, while I observe him. This kid’s so tiny and fragile. He clings to me like some koala bear and he’s afraid to be left alone. Yesterday he was lively but now he acts like a robot. I can never understand kids and women. I know we did it but I never knew she’d conceive this tiny guy.
“Good morning, father and son! How’s your sleep?” Donghae greeted from the front door along with Eunhyuk.
“Uncle Donghae! Uncle Eunhyuk!” The kid ran happily towards them. Donghae lifted him up and they both giggled. Why can’t Donghae be the kid’s father instead? I bet he’ll be awesome. As for me? I don’t think I qualify. The kid’s reaction was nowhere like that when he saw me.
“Are you sulking?”
“Huh?” I asked Eunhyuk as I cleaned up the dining table. He has that same gummy smile whenever he teases me. I tried to not look at him too often. I almost punched his face back in high school because of that annoying grin of his.
“I asked if you’re sulking,” he repeated.
“Why would I sulk?”
“True. I guess you’re not yet comfortable about the fact that you’re a father now.”
I turned my back at him and started washing the dishes. “Obviously. I’m not used to having someone to take care of.”
“No. You’re not used to have someone in your life. I think having this kid with you would change you for the better-if not completely, maybe just for a bit. You may find it hard at first but if you put in a lot of effort, you can do it,” I turned to face him and I saw him smiling lightly at me.
“What if I can’t do it, Hyuk? What if I don’t do a good job? What if I fail and he ends up being a rebel? I don’t want that kid to blame me when he’s grown up.” I sighed. I won’t be a good father to that kid. He’ll end up hating me in the end.
“That kid happens to be your son. Learn to accept him as your kid like he accepts you as his father. He wouldn’t blame you if you have to put in a lot of effort-nobody will. Besides, Donghae and I will always be here to support you.”
I didn’t answer. What was I supposed to say? I resumed washing the dishes. I can hear laughter in the living room as well as Jongwoon’s voice. He seems lively.
After washing the dishes, I headed upstairs to take a shower. I feel really sticky right now. I should’ve taken a bath earlier, before cooking breakfast. Damn it.
I had a quick shower and then headed to my office to see if there were any projects that I had overseen. I was so busy looking at the designs and checking if they’re correct that I failed to notice someone walking in.
“Daddy,” I jumped slightly when I saw the kid standing next to me.
“What is it?”
“I… uhm…” he mumbled. He was fidgeting with what he wanted to say. I grew impatient since my spare time is limited.
“Say what you have to say. I’m busy.”
“N-neverm-mind. I’m s-sorry f-for d-disturbing y-you.” He dashed away towards the door, leaving me confused. What was that all about? Why did he look so scared anyway? I really should stop thinking about the kid.
I finished all the work around dinnertime. I stretched my body and moved my neck a little. Damn, I’m so stiff; even my butt hurts. I went down to the kitchen to grab something to eat when I suddenly felt like I forgot something again. I have this feeling a lot lately and I have no idea why.
I passed by the living room and saw my shirt curled into a ball on my couch. This felt like a déjà vu, only this time, I don’t hear any crying. Oh, shit! The kid! I forgot about the kid! Damn!
“Hey, kid. Wake up,” he rolled over and almost fell off the couch. Good thing I manage to catch him on time. He groaned a little then rubbed his eyes with his tiny little fists. He yawned and blinked, then stretched.
“Hi, Daddy. Are you still busy?” I shook my head, ignoring the slight painful feeling in my chest. “Can I go outside?”
“It’s already late kid. How about tomorrow?” He looked dejected at first but then his mouth formed into a smile. Is this kid bipolar or something? Or maybe it’s a kid’s thing. I’m confused.
“Okay. Thank you, daddy!” He hugged me again and pulled away when I didn’t hug him back. We sat in the couch not knowing what to say. I’m not really one to make conversation with another human being. Eunhyuk and Donghae are an exception, of course. They pester me if I don’t answer them. The silence was uncomfortable and I can see Jongwoon fidgeting on his seat. The silence was broken when I heard a stomach growl.
“Let’s go grab something to eat,” I stood up and he followed. I prepared something light for the both of us. I saw from the corner of my eyes that he was looking around the kitchen as he swayed his legs because the chair was too big for him to be able to touch the ground with his feet. Tiny. This kid is so tiny. I still doubt if I can take care of him.
“Uncle Donghae said I should give this to you,” he said as he handed me a folded letter. I read it silently as I drink my glass of orange juice. The kid continued eating with his head hung low. Why do I notice a lot of things about this kid, anyway?
“Do you want to go to school?”
“C-can I?”
“I think so. They’ve already enrolled you anyway. Classes start on Monday.”
They really did enroll the kid and they wrote that they’re going to deliver the school uniform tomorrow. I also should take him out for shopping. I have no idea how to shop. They usually buy clothes for me while I just tag along. I sighed. Tomorrow is going to be a hectic day.
.: | :.
“Daddy, where are we going?”
Right now, the kid is sitting in the back seat of my car. We’re heading towards the mall to buy some stuff for him. Eunhyuk apologized to me that he couldn’t accompany me, while Donghae said that this is a perfect opportunity for me to get closer to the kid. They instructed me on what to buy, and I decided to list it down in case I would forget.
“Mall. I need to buy some things,” I looked at my rear view mirror and saw him ogling at the buildings. He looked so lost and so… child-like, looking at it. It makes me wonder how I used to act when I was still a kid.
The drive towards the mall was quiet and peaceful. It felt like I didn’t have anyone with me, which was good, I think. I’ve always been like this before the kid came into my life. Why I haven’t rejected him yet, or why I haven’t sent him away yet is beyond me. I sighed as I parked the car.
While we walked towards the mall, he reached for my hand, which made me stop. He reluctantly let go and bowed his head.
“I’m sorry daddy. It won’t happen again,” he mumbled. It’s not that I don’t like it. I was just surprised. Eunhyuk is the only person who can hold my hand. My ex-girlfriends always had to think of a new way to do it. Sometimes it was subtle, sometimes it was bold. No matter what tactic they used though, they always failed. I sighed. I turned a corner and saw a clothing store. Might as well start there first.
“Good morning, sir! How may I help you?” A sales lady with an annoying smile asked. This is one of the reasons why I hate shopping. Sales ladies are the worst. They show up when you don’t need them and they’re nowhere in sight when you do. Good thing she’s here now though. I have no idea what to buy for the kid.
“I need to buy clothes for this kid,” I reached for Jongwoon behind me. The kid looked at the woman curiously before flashing a smile.
“I see. Your son, I suppose?” I guess so. I nodded at the woman. “Come here, sweetie. Let’s see what we can find, okay?” The woman took the kid’s hand while the latter just smiled at her. I sighed. What’s with me and sighing these days? I shook my head and followed after them.
She was busily picking out which clothes to give to the kid, while I just sat on a chair watching them. I kept on yawning while the kid looked bored out of his mind. Shopping? Definitely a woman’s thing. The kid looked at me and smiled. I think I smiled back because there was this startled look on his face before he smiled again.
After three hours of just sitting there and letting the woman do all the work, she finally allowed us to leave. I paid for the expenses and gave the sales lady a huge tip. Her efforts were highly appreciated, because, if I was the one buying this kid’s clothes, we’ll leave with a lot of different clothing of which some would be either too big or too small for him.
We left the clothes shop with three bags full of clothing. Next stop, lunch. I heard the kid’s stomach growl and I’m hungry as well. Waiting for them to finish really made me hungry. I looked around the area to search for a nice restaurant for us to go to. As soon as I spotted a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter for a reservation before I looked behind me to find that the kid is gone.
Oh shit!
I asked the waiter to look after the clothes filled bags as I go search for the kid. How in the world did I lose him? I know he was following me just now, so how did I manage to lose him? God damn it! I ran around frantically, trying to spot a small kid with black hair and a huge forehead, but it was in vain. I tried heading back to the store we went to buy his clothes earlier, but they told me they hadn’t seen him. Fuck! Where is he?!
I ran around the mall again. I asked some security guards if they’d spotted a kid and told them to call me whenever they did. I’m starting to get nervous now. I’ve never felt this nervous before. Where is he? Where are you, Jongwoon? Where the fuck are you?!
I stopped when I saw a man pulling a crying kid harshly. There appears that pain in my chest again. I know that this guy is pulling Jongwoon and that the latter is crying. I don’t know what went through me and I’m not even sure how I managed to do it but I did. I landed a punch on the man’s jaw, making him fall backwards on his butt.
“What the fuck man? What was that for?!” The man shouted. I have no idea either but I won’t say that out loud. I might get into even more trouble than I already am, if I open my mouth.
“Daddy!” The kid cried and launched himself towards me. I picked him up and patted his back.
“If I see your face again, you’re dead.”
I turned my back at the man and walked away with the kid in my arms. Feeling my legs shaking, I decided to sit down on a bench located by the indoor fountain. I wanted to check the kid to see if he was hurt, but I saw him covering his mouth with both his hands.
“Are you alright?” I asked him. He didn’t open his eyes but he nodded. I pried away his hands and saw him trembling. “Were you scared?” Again, he nodded but avoided looking at me. “Look at me.” I lifted his chin up with my index finger and stared him in the eyes. He looked so fragile and scared and I can see there were tears dropping from his eyes. I feel that pain in my chest increasing rapidly. What do I do now? What was I supposed to do in a situation like this anyway? Eunhyuk, where are you when I need you?
“Aww, why is this cute little kid crying?” I looked up and saw an elderly couple. They were smiling at the kid and they gave him a lollipop. The kid accepted it with a smile and happily ate it.
“Uhm, t-thank you ma’am. I… I don’t know w-what to do to make him stop,” I said sincerely. Jongwoon didn’t seem to hear because the grandpa was happily playing with him.
“That’s alright, dear. Still not used to being a father?” The grandmother asked, as he took a seat next to me. I scratched my head a little and nodded. I must be blushing right now.
“I see,” she took my hand and held it gently, yet firmly. “Take your time understanding him. I know it’ll be hard but perseverance takes you a long way. You have a nice handsome young boy. Treat him well. I know you’ll learn on the way because I can see you’re an intelligent young man.”
She patted my hand and they both left. Now, that was… sweet. Confusing… but sweet. I looked at Jongwoon and saw him staring at me. He smiled at me and I did something I never knew I’d do. I pinched his cheeks making him giggle. Maybe being a father wasn’t so bad after all.
I stood up and walked towards the restaurant I spotted earlier. I reached out for his hand and we walked side by side.
.: || B || :.