I just realized that for the first time in a long time, there are no major pressures or obligations in my life. I can't describe how liberating this feels.
I'm wondering how it can simultaneously be a big enough change to feel so liberating, and also small enough to go unnoticed until (I assume) consciously reflected on.
It also speaks well that you're writing a book (no small feat), planning a move to Toronto, and exploring opportunities for career after a sudden school 'trajectory adjustment', all the while feeling as if it's a pressure-less and obligation-less vacation-like state. You should be able to handle just about anything you choose to do, with a baseline like that.
It just took a while for my nervous system to catch up to my objective situation. This started with me noticing that I was persisting in little habits (including habits of thought) that I'd unconsciously picked up while in school, and realizing they were nolonger appropriate (e.g. walking fast all the time, as though I had somewhere to be, which usually I did but don't now).
I think a big part of why I feel so calm about this stuff is that it's all stuff I've chosen, for reasons I've thought through, and I have control over the entire process. Most of the stress I encounter comes from having to respond to arbitrary demands (e.g. deadlines), which I've now ruthlessly eliminated. But also a lot of it was internal, i.e. eliminating poorly considered preconceptions about what I'm supposed to be doing. The liberated feeling probably also comes from the absence of conflicting goals.
"I'm in a hurry to get things done I rush and rush until life's no fun All I really gotta do is live and die, But I'm in a hurry and don't know why..." -Alabama
I envy you're situation. There's so much I want to do, and so little time in life to do it. I feel a constant state of rush due to the fact that I'm almost 27 and at a point in my life I should have been at at a younger age. I feel like I constantly need to make up time for the post-high school years I spent doing nothing. On some level I know it's my choice, and that it doesn't really matter, but that level isn't the only one. C'est la vie.
Yep! Been doing so. It's not that I have nothing to do (see Steve's comment above), just that all of it is stuff that I have a lot of control over and none of it feels like "work".
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It also speaks well that you're writing a book (no small feat), planning a move to Toronto, and exploring opportunities for career after a sudden school 'trajectory adjustment', all the while feeling as if it's a pressure-less and obligation-less vacation-like state. You should be able to handle just about anything you choose to do, with a baseline like that.
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I think a big part of why I feel so calm about this stuff is that it's all stuff I've chosen, for reasons I've thought through, and I have control over the entire process. Most of the stress I encounter comes from having to respond to arbitrary demands (e.g. deadlines), which I've now ruthlessly eliminated. But also a lot of it was internal, i.e. eliminating poorly considered preconceptions about what I'm supposed to be doing. The liberated feeling probably also comes from the absence of conflicting goals.
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I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die,
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why..."
-Alabama
I envy you're situation. There's so much I want to do, and so little time in life to do it. I feel a constant state of rush due to the fact that I'm almost 27 and at a point in my life I should have been at at a younger age. I feel like I constantly need to make up time for the post-high school years I spent doing nothing. On some level I know it's my choice, and that it doesn't really matter, but that level isn't the only one. C'est la vie.
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Now is a good chance to assess things and decide what you want to do next, and to proceed in a not-overburdened way.
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