Justified Insecurities
Justified Insecurities (Prequel to Unjustified Insecurities)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yunjae/Jaeho
Genre: AU!Romance/Drama
Summary: He had fallen for the person who was both accomplished and considerate, while he was second-rate, inferior and beyond imperfect. Afraid that one day, this person will realize just how unsuitable they are for each other... someone like him never deserves the perfect guy.
***
Jaejoong paced back and forth in the large pent house. He looked around and cringed at the house he once adored and now sneered at it. "He didn't have to buy this type of house." He said out loud. He walked to his kitchen, open the fridge door and pulled out a beer can. As he pulled the tab the door opened and welcomed his boyfriend who was holding a plastic bag.
"Jaejoong!" He said happily as he ran over, but his smile faltered when he eyed the can. "You shouldn't be drinking, the doctor said-"
"Shut it, I'm having a bad day." He grumbled as he pulled it towards his lips but before he could take a sip, Yunho yanked it away from his hands.
Ignoring Jaejoong's deadly glare, he poured the beer into the sink. "You can't have it." He stated. He then threw the can in the trash and held up the bag in his hand. "Look, I got you your favorite food."
Jaejoong barely gave it a look as he shoved past him and towards their bedroom, he slammed the door and Yunho heard the lock click. He bit his lip as he laid the bag on the counter, convincing himself that it was for the better no matter how much it hurt.
Jaejoong walked towards the large window and placed his hand on the cold surface. He laid his forehead against it and sighed. He hadn't meant to, but his anger got the best of him. He knew Yunho was hurt but his own stubbornness refused to let him go back and apologize. He needed to change how he was before the day Yunho comes to his senses.
When Yunho realizes just how wrong they were for each other.
The words from the previous day he had come by Yunho's work had rung continuously in his head, the usual gossip that he would typically brush off. Yet when he noted the man leaving the office, he couldn't help but notice how often the very guy came to his office, a little too often for his comfort.
He reluctantly admitted that the guy was handsome, and unluckily every bit of Yunho’s type. Jaejoong could list off all the qualities his best friend once told him he wanted back in their high school days. They were absolutely compatible looks and personality wise. He couldn't help but feel that deeply hidden fear reawaken.
Yunho would never dare leave him...right?
He had to consider this was Yunho of all people. He was loyal, courteous and had hardly left behind his naive persona since he was a child. They were the oddest pair in high school; Yunho was the popular kid who was good at sports and grades and viewed as a role model to follow. Meanwhile his best friend became the most avoided from his peers and spent his time mostly in the dean's office than actual class. If it hadn't been for Yunho's somewhat annoying persistence, he doubted he would have graduated that year.
Best friends, yet Jaejoong had never once realized that Yunho had wanted more than that. They had often joked about their being together, but not once had Jaejoong thought of the possibility of dating Yunho. Jaejoong had spent most of his time datin-sleeping around during those years, oblivious to the struggle Yunho had put to keep his own feelings a secret.
He still remembered the day Yunho had first confessed to him, his stutter and his own hesitance until he found the courage to tell him. He also remembered his near immediate rejection and initial resistance to keeping their relationship. Yet Yunho was his only real friend, the one he was able to escape to when problems appeared before him. When those problems overwhelmed him, Yunho was the one who pulled him from it, despite everything he had done to him before.
Yunho would greet him with a horribly forced smile on his face, promising he would move on. Jaejoong did love him, but never in the romantic way Yunho felt. Jaejoong accepted his help and Yunho started to date once again with other people.
It didn't take long before Jaejoong realized how much he hated the new boyfriends. At first, he hated how occupied his friend's time was taken away from him. Soon enough he realized another feeling was emerging, he didn’t realize the extent until he felt heart crushed at the sight of him kissing his boyfriend at the time. He had told himself this was hypocritical of him, to feel jealously and love for the man after all it took for him to move on. To recover from his brutal rejection, but he couldn't take it anymore.
Jaejoong was beyond selfish, he wanted Yunho for himself and that was it.
His own fear of being rejected crept in. For all that pain he had caused Yunho to suffer, he knew that if it was the other way around, Jaejoong would have never been able to make it. Fortunately Yunho seemed all too willing to leave behind any guy for him, promptly leaving his then boyfriend just for him.
"There's no way then.” Jaejoong told himself. “No way.”
Jaejoong heard the knocks on the door. "Jaejoong?" He looked from the corner of his eye at the door. "I'll be back at seven, I have a meeting in the office." Jaejoong parted his lips to reply but the words were caught in his throat. "Your dinner is on the counter." With that Jaejoong heard his distancing footsteps and the sound of the front door closing. He hadn't notice his hand had outreached towards the door, he clenched it as he lowered it to his side.
Why couldn't he be more confident in himself?
He scoffed. That was easy enough to explain. Here was Yunho, rich, successful, smart and all those other positive traits that made him both likable and approachable. Jaejoong, on the other hand was average in income, smart but too lazy to actually complete his work. Added was his horrible personality with somewhat of an abusive touch and scathing words. Something that Yunho seemed to have grown accustomed to through the years, not once complaining of this treatment. They contrasted each other in every way, but maybe that was what drew them together to being that close of friends.
Nevertheless, they were so much more than that now.
“Yunho would never cheat on me, he wouldn’t. He knows better.” He reasoned out loud, his voice slightly raspy, it sounded horribly forced. He laid himself on the bed with his arms over his eyes, staring occasionally at the clock.
It was now 7:05 and Jaejoong was pacing in the bedroom. He shouldn't worry, yet Yunho's 'meetings' were driving him insane. It was enough that they had plenty of those office meetings, but then it lead to Yunho being invited over to his home. To meetings at the hotel cause of conferences, all perfectly normal. But it had to be with that absolutely perfect for Yunho man... he didn’t bother learning his name due to it all.
Jaejoong grabbed the keys to his car and walked briskly to the elevator leading to the parking lot. He noted the dust settling inside but it was his issue since he mostly refused to drive the car considering Yunho bought it. That guy always had to buy him stuff, no matter how much he protested.
Jaejoong paused as he put his key near the ignition; he recalled how excited Yunho was when he first introduced him to his "new" car. In fact it was a used and average model, but that was mostly to please Jaejoong. Yet Jaejoong turned it down immediately, he didn't want expensive gifts. Jaejoong mentally scolded himself; he should have been more appreciative. And despite being angry at Yunho for never fully disclosing his meetings, he realized it was mostly because he chose to ignore the man when he described them.
Everything was his own fault.
He slumped his head on the steering wheel; he had no right to even be jealous. Yunho could go off with some guy if he wanted to; who was Jaejoong to go and stop him from achieving a more healthy relationship with a person who would actually acknowledge his acts of kindness. The mere thought made him apprehensive, he wasn't sure he could continue on living without him.
It wasn’t an exaggeration to say he was only living for Yunho. He was the only one who honestly cared about his existence, the one he had often joked to be the sole person that would ever attend his funeral. Yunho always hated that line. He was overprotective, despite how weak Yunho really was in strength. Always making sure he was healthy and going beyond the means to make sure he was happy. The type to turn against the world as it repeatedly turned against him.
He heard a car pull in but ignored it, it was the parking garage after all, plenty of people coming in and out. But at that moment he heard a familiar laugh, his heart stopped. He glanced up and recognized him as he opened the passenger door. Yunho paused to chat with the driver.
All previous thoughts were quickly whisked away as his selfishness took over. Jaejoong may not have the right to stop him, but like he cared.
The car had already driven off before Jaejoong could reach it, he instead followed Yunho through the lot. He called out his name and Yunho turned around, immediately a smile formed on his lips. But faltered when he noted Jaejoong’s determined expression. He stood still as Jaejoong stopped before him and jabbed his finger into his chest. "First off, you tell me when you’re going out with anyone. Except if its a girl, for obvious reasons.”
Yunho opened his mouth but Jaejoong shushed him. “Second, you will not attend those ‘late-night’ meetings, I don’t care how important they are, but you are definitely not.”
“But-”
“No, I don’t care about the reason. You are having those meetings in the office with the door unlocked. Especially since the secretary seems to always have amazing timings when that happens.” He gestured his hand to move the hair from his eyes. “And drive your own car, you don’t need someone else dropping you off...Especially that guy.” He whispered the last part. He looked away from Yunho and around the parking lot, unable to really face him. He looked from the corner of his eye and saw that Yunho had a goofy grin on his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re jealous.” Yunho realized.
Jaejoong widened his eyes.
“You’re jealous...for me. You’re jealous! Jaejoong! You’re jealous-”
“Enough, I heard you the first time.” Jaejoong turned away but Yunho hugged him from behind.
“You’re jealous~! You do love me!” Yunho sang excitedly. Jaejoong frowned.
“Let me go before I stab you with the car key.” Yunho immediately let go, already holding his hand remembering the previous time Jaejoong had came through with his threat.
“You’re mean.” Yunho whined, Jaejoong smirked.
“And you’re an idiot for choosing to stay.” Jaejoong muttered under his breath. He was honestly lucky that his guy only had eyes for him. He was afraid of the idea that Yunho may one day actually come to his senses and realize how horrible of a guy he really was.
“Yunho,” Yunho looked up, “Don’t you ever dare come to your senses.” Jaejoong ordered as he walked off to the elevator, Yunho paused to ponder what he meant. “I’m closing the doors if you don’t hurry.” Jaejoong warned.
Yunho rushed to the elevator and forced his way inside. He gave a victorious smile and reached for Jaejoong’s hand. Jaejoong didn’t fight him off and instead leaned against his shoulder and closed his eyes as the elevator moved.
Jaejoong wouldn't ever dare admit it to him, but he couldn't picture anything more perfect than this moment.
- Unjustified Insecurities -
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yunjae/Jaeho
Genre: AU!Romance/Drama
Summary: He had fallen for the person who was both accomplished and considerate, while he was second-rate, inferior and beyond imperfect. Afraid that one day, this person will realize just how unsuitable they are for each other... someone like him never deserves the perfect guy.
***
Jaejoong paced back and forth in the large pent house. He looked around and cringed at the house he once adored and now sneered at it. "He didn't have to buy this type of house." He said out loud. He walked to his kitchen, open the fridge door and pulled out a beer can. As he pulled the tab the door opened and welcomed his boyfriend who was holding a plastic bag.
"Jaejoong!" He said happily as he ran over, but his smile faltered when he eyed the can. "You shouldn't be drinking, the doctor said-"
"Shut it, I'm having a bad day." He grumbled as he pulled it towards his lips but before he could take a sip, Yunho yanked it away from his hands.
Ignoring Jaejoong's deadly glare, he poured the beer into the sink. "You can't have it." He stated. He then threw the can in the trash and held up the bag in his hand. "Look, I got you your favorite food."
Jaejoong barely gave it a look as he shoved past him and towards their bedroom, he slammed the door and Yunho heard the lock click. He bit his lip as he laid the bag on the counter, convincing himself that it was for the better no matter how much it hurt.
Jaejoong walked towards the large window and placed his hand on the cold surface. He laid his forehead against it and sighed. He hadn't meant to, but his anger got the best of him. He knew Yunho was hurt but his own stubbornness refused to let him go back and apologize. He needed to change how he was before the day Yunho comes to his senses.
When Yunho realizes just how wrong they were for each other.
The words from the previous day he had come by Yunho's work had rung continuously in his head, the usual gossip that he would typically brush off. Yet when he noted the man leaving the office, he couldn't help but notice how often the very guy came to his office, a little too often for his comfort.
He reluctantly admitted that the guy was handsome, and unluckily every bit of Yunho’s type. Jaejoong could list off all the qualities his best friend once told him he wanted back in their high school days. They were absolutely compatible looks and personality wise. He couldn't help but feel that deeply hidden fear reawaken.
Yunho would never dare leave him...right?
He had to consider this was Yunho of all people. He was loyal, courteous and had hardly left behind his naive persona since he was a child. They were the oddest pair in high school; Yunho was the popular kid who was good at sports and grades and viewed as a role model to follow. Meanwhile his best friend became the most avoided from his peers and spent his time mostly in the dean's office than actual class. If it hadn't been for Yunho's somewhat annoying persistence, he doubted he would have graduated that year.
Best friends, yet Jaejoong had never once realized that Yunho had wanted more than that. They had often joked about their being together, but not once had Jaejoong thought of the possibility of dating Yunho. Jaejoong had spent most of his time datin-sleeping around during those years, oblivious to the struggle Yunho had put to keep his own feelings a secret.
He still remembered the day Yunho had first confessed to him, his stutter and his own hesitance until he found the courage to tell him. He also remembered his near immediate rejection and initial resistance to keeping their relationship. Yet Yunho was his only real friend, the one he was able to escape to when problems appeared before him. When those problems overwhelmed him, Yunho was the one who pulled him from it, despite everything he had done to him before.
Yunho would greet him with a horribly forced smile on his face, promising he would move on. Jaejoong did love him, but never in the romantic way Yunho felt. Jaejoong accepted his help and Yunho started to date once again with other people.
It didn't take long before Jaejoong realized how much he hated the new boyfriends. At first, he hated how occupied his friend's time was taken away from him. Soon enough he realized another feeling was emerging, he didn’t realize the extent until he felt heart crushed at the sight of him kissing his boyfriend at the time. He had told himself this was hypocritical of him, to feel jealously and love for the man after all it took for him to move on. To recover from his brutal rejection, but he couldn't take it anymore.
Jaejoong was beyond selfish, he wanted Yunho for himself and that was it.
His own fear of being rejected crept in. For all that pain he had caused Yunho to suffer, he knew that if it was the other way around, Jaejoong would have never been able to make it. Fortunately Yunho seemed all too willing to leave behind any guy for him, promptly leaving his then boyfriend just for him.
"There's no way then.” Jaejoong told himself. “No way.”
Jaejoong heard the knocks on the door. "Jaejoong?" He looked from the corner of his eye at the door. "I'll be back at seven, I have a meeting in the office." Jaejoong parted his lips to reply but the words were caught in his throat. "Your dinner is on the counter." With that Jaejoong heard his distancing footsteps and the sound of the front door closing. He hadn't notice his hand had outreached towards the door, he clenched it as he lowered it to his side.
Why couldn't he be more confident in himself?
He scoffed. That was easy enough to explain. Here was Yunho, rich, successful, smart and all those other positive traits that made him both likable and approachable. Jaejoong, on the other hand was average in income, smart but too lazy to actually complete his work. Added was his horrible personality with somewhat of an abusive touch and scathing words. Something that Yunho seemed to have grown accustomed to through the years, not once complaining of this treatment. They contrasted each other in every way, but maybe that was what drew them together to being that close of friends.
Nevertheless, they were so much more than that now.
“Yunho would never cheat on me, he wouldn’t. He knows better.” He reasoned out loud, his voice slightly raspy, it sounded horribly forced. He laid himself on the bed with his arms over his eyes, staring occasionally at the clock.
It was now 7:05 and Jaejoong was pacing in the bedroom. He shouldn't worry, yet Yunho's 'meetings' were driving him insane. It was enough that they had plenty of those office meetings, but then it lead to Yunho being invited over to his home. To meetings at the hotel cause of conferences, all perfectly normal. But it had to be with that absolutely perfect for Yunho man... he didn’t bother learning his name due to it all.
Jaejoong grabbed the keys to his car and walked briskly to the elevator leading to the parking lot. He noted the dust settling inside but it was his issue since he mostly refused to drive the car considering Yunho bought it. That guy always had to buy him stuff, no matter how much he protested.
Jaejoong paused as he put his key near the ignition; he recalled how excited Yunho was when he first introduced him to his "new" car. In fact it was a used and average model, but that was mostly to please Jaejoong. Yet Jaejoong turned it down immediately, he didn't want expensive gifts. Jaejoong mentally scolded himself; he should have been more appreciative. And despite being angry at Yunho for never fully disclosing his meetings, he realized it was mostly because he chose to ignore the man when he described them.
Everything was his own fault.
He slumped his head on the steering wheel; he had no right to even be jealous. Yunho could go off with some guy if he wanted to; who was Jaejoong to go and stop him from achieving a more healthy relationship with a person who would actually acknowledge his acts of kindness. The mere thought made him apprehensive, he wasn't sure he could continue on living without him.
It wasn’t an exaggeration to say he was only living for Yunho. He was the only one who honestly cared about his existence, the one he had often joked to be the sole person that would ever attend his funeral. Yunho always hated that line. He was overprotective, despite how weak Yunho really was in strength. Always making sure he was healthy and going beyond the means to make sure he was happy. The type to turn against the world as it repeatedly turned against him.
He heard a car pull in but ignored it, it was the parking garage after all, plenty of people coming in and out. But at that moment he heard a familiar laugh, his heart stopped. He glanced up and recognized him as he opened the passenger door. Yunho paused to chat with the driver.
All previous thoughts were quickly whisked away as his selfishness took over. Jaejoong may not have the right to stop him, but like he cared.
The car had already driven off before Jaejoong could reach it, he instead followed Yunho through the lot. He called out his name and Yunho turned around, immediately a smile formed on his lips. But faltered when he noted Jaejoong’s determined expression. He stood still as Jaejoong stopped before him and jabbed his finger into his chest. "First off, you tell me when you’re going out with anyone. Except if its a girl, for obvious reasons.”
Yunho opened his mouth but Jaejoong shushed him. “Second, you will not attend those ‘late-night’ meetings, I don’t care how important they are, but you are definitely not.”
“But-”
“No, I don’t care about the reason. You are having those meetings in the office with the door unlocked. Especially since the secretary seems to always have amazing timings when that happens.” He gestured his hand to move the hair from his eyes. “And drive your own car, you don’t need someone else dropping you off...Especially that guy.” He whispered the last part. He looked away from Yunho and around the parking lot, unable to really face him. He looked from the corner of his eye and saw that Yunho had a goofy grin on his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’re jealous.” Yunho realized.
Jaejoong widened his eyes.
“You’re jealous...for me. You’re jealous! Jaejoong! You’re jealous-”
“Enough, I heard you the first time.” Jaejoong turned away but Yunho hugged him from behind.
“You’re jealous~! You do love me!” Yunho sang excitedly. Jaejoong frowned.
“Let me go before I stab you with the car key.” Yunho immediately let go, already holding his hand remembering the previous time Jaejoong had came through with his threat.
“You’re mean.” Yunho whined, Jaejoong smirked.
“And you’re an idiot for choosing to stay.” Jaejoong muttered under his breath. He was honestly lucky that his guy only had eyes for him. He was afraid of the idea that Yunho may one day actually come to his senses and realize how horrible of a guy he really was.
“Yunho,” Yunho looked up, “Don’t you ever dare come to your senses.” Jaejoong ordered as he walked off to the elevator, Yunho paused to ponder what he meant. “I’m closing the doors if you don’t hurry.” Jaejoong warned.
Yunho rushed to the elevator and forced his way inside. He gave a victorious smile and reached for Jaejoong’s hand. Jaejoong didn’t fight him off and instead leaned against his shoulder and closed his eyes as the elevator moved.
Jaejoong wouldn't ever dare admit it to him, but he couldn't picture anything more perfect than this moment.
- Unjustified Insecurities -