Suppressed Doubt
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Yemin
Genre: AU!Drama, Romance
[Y][FF] Summary: He has someone he's always wanted but doubted he could ever have, even now he's unable to convince himself and continuously worries that he may never have had it at all.
***
Yesung blew the hair out of his eyes, taking his time as he walked across the courtyard. He tugged the backpack strap over his shoulder as he recognized the figure in front of him, he headed towards him when he realized he was talking to someone.
His eyes naturally narrowed as he stepped closer, the friend looked up and noted his expression and quickly excused himself to leave. The figure waved as he turned around, his smile widened as Yesung was now in front of him.
"How was class?" Sungmin asked, Yesung shrugged as his answer, Sungmin didn't pursue it further. Yesung listened as Sungmin described his day, they walked their way through the courtyard, their one-sided conversation continually interrupted by friends. Specifically, Sungmin's friends.
Afterward, he faced Yesung. "I'm going to eat with a classmate." Yesung nodded, he almost walked off when Sungmin tugged the edge of his shirt. He looked back at Sungmin's cheerful expression. "Come with me."
He trailed alongside him as Sungmin headed to the casual restaurant on campus. They headed towards the booth by the window as the friend widened his eyes at Yesung's appearance.
"Sorry for being late." Sungmin said.
"I-it's fine." The friend replied, looking at Yesung who sat in the seat beside Sungmin. "Hi." He said uneasily.
Yesung looked out the window and didn't reply, Sungmin gave a smile and said his greeting. When the waiter came by, they ordered except for Yesung. Even as the waiter continually prompted him for what he wanted, Yesung didn't answer.
"Two of the one I wanted please." The waiter nodded and walked off with the menus, Sungmin then looked at his friend.
Yesung sighed, it was hard to block out their conversation. He knew the real motive behind the friend's seemingly innocent outing, he could tell from his gestures and expressions. Even the lightly suggested meaning by his words.
He was relieved when it was finally over and they said their goodbyes. He and Sungmin walked through the campus until they eventually reached a more secluded setting. Sungmin then turned around and jumped onto him, hugging him tightly as he nuzzled against him.
"Your jealously is becoming more obvious." Sungmin offered a smile. "He's just a friend."
"Tch." Yesung grumbled. "If you weren't paying so much attention to me, you would've noticed how obvious it was that he wanted to be more than that."
Sungmin smirked. "Are you complaining that you're receiving all my attention?" Sungmin gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "If I hadn't notice your feelings about me, then we wouldn't be as we are now."
Yesung shifted his eyes away, mentally agreeing with his statement as Sungmin laughed. "Just so you know, I did notice his feelings, but I'm not going to pursue them." He reassured as he gave him another kiss. "You don't have to worry about him." This time he kissed him fully, Yesung was hesitant but had also given in.
Despite his assurance, it was hard to ignore that nagging feeling, simply saying not to worry is nothing compared to actually doing so. If only it were that easy.
Sungmin was popular among his peers, always attracting attention because of his approachable self. In turn attracting many admirers and people who developed feelings for him, even he wasn't spared.
He admitted it was strange when Sungmin had first approached him in class. They were nowhere near each other and while the others avoided sitting near him, Sungmin took the chair right beside him, even when there were clearly more seats around.
It was hard to ignore it as Sungmin continually greeted him despite his cold reputation, he simply dubbed him as a nice person. But he couldn't help but appreciate it, soon enough he found that he was like everyone else who had fallen for him.
Yet compared to everyone else who liked him, he felt he had the smallest chance. He was quiet, difficult to approach and generally avoided by his peers because of his naturally discontented expression. Though Sungmin didn't seem to mind at all or his constant presence, welcoming him more than anyone else ever did.
It could hardly be called a shock when Sungmin approached him one day and confessed to him. He had thought it was a prank, some cruel joke and quickly walked away. Not daring to give an answer.
"I'm not lying to you." Sungmin had said to him, stopping him in his tracks that day. "I really do like you."
Even now he looked back on that day with disbelief. He couldn't listen fully to that statement.
It was impossible to not worry.
---
He leaned against the pillar of the campus, looking across as he recognized Sungmin, as usual talking to his friends.
"You're alright?" He barely gave a glance to the man beside him.
"Yes." He replied as Donghae chuckled, following his line of vision.
"Another one of his fans I see." Yesung parted his lips to correct him but decided against it. Labeling himself as just a fan seemed so degrading, he knew it was what everyone else had thought of him. Just another one of them, he thought grimly.
"What do you want?" Yesung asked curtly, Donghae gestured in mock pain.
"Still just as harsh, but just wanted to say hi." He then patted him quickly harshly on the shoulder. "I'll see you around then." Before he left he ruffled his hair, Yesung cursed under his breath as he looked at the retreating figure.
Sungmin soon appeared before him. He furrowed his eyebrows and ruffled, much gentler, his hair as he fixed it, following his stare at the man.
"I see you have a new friend." Sungmin commented, giving a warm smile. "I'm glad."
Yesung couldn't return the smile, even he wasn't sure what to think of it. "I guess." He murmured. Yesung merely nodded as he ignored the disappointment he was feeling.
He noted how Sungmin was still fixing his hair, Yesung pushed his hands away. "People will see." He said.
Sungmin blinked and pulled his hand away. "You're right, they will." He even took a step back as precaution. "Ready to go?"
"Can't, my professor scheduled her class for tonight instead." Sungmin sighed.
"Then I'll call you later then." Yesung nodded as they parted ways, a short while later he looked back and to no surprise, even more friends showed up, completely surrounding him.
His popularity and his own lack of self-esteem wasn't helping his confidence. His face remained as stolid as it ever was, but he felt for a brief moment that a flicker of emotion would show itself.
It was difficult pretending not to care.
---
Yesung sighed, his professor had just held them back for hours past their schedule and he was exhausted. He wasn't sure if she was allowed to do that but he decided not to think of it any further.
"She's being a pain isn't she?" Donghae commented beside him. He then patted his stomach. "Now I'm starving," He gestured for Yesung to come along. "My treat."
He would've turned him down, but Sungmin had already told him he was going to be busy for the night so he decided to go along with it. "Your treat." He reminded.
When they had reached the bar, they order a hot plate of seafood when Donghae started.
"So did you ask him or he asked you?"
"Ask what?" Yesung asked absentmindedly.
"To go out, then again, seeing as how you are. Probably Sungmin." Yesung choked on his food.
"H-how?" He asked.
Donghae smiled. "I've seen how he was with you, its pretty obvious how he feels about you."
It was his turn to arch his own eyebrows. "How is it obvious?"
"It just is, at least to people who look past being intimidated by you and admiring him." Donghae smirked. "Actually...there's something I don't understand." He tilted his head in thought. "Why doesn't he show affection for you more publicly? Like other couples do?" He then lowered his fork. "Does he not..."
Yesung gave a weak smile. "He would, but I told him not to." He shifted the fork in his fingers.
Donghae furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not?"
"Because he knows what kind of person I am." Donghae made an 'ah' sound. "Though I'm starting to regret it. Even now, people just assume I'm the odd tag-along."
"I did too...No, I still do too." He corrected himself, Yesung narrowed his eyes. "Somehow I think you're regretting something else."
Yesung sighed, unsure whether he was ready to say such things to him, but he somehow felt it would be relief if he were to say it out loud. "What I would give for him to even feel a tinge of jealously." Yesung confessed, Donghae chuckled.
"But you two are already together aren't you?" Donghae asked. "Jealously doesn't really improve things much."
Yesung exhaled. "It's not that, I just want to know that he really does...like me." Donghae arched an eyebrow. "Sometimes I feel like fate's just taunting me."
"...I may not know Sungmin that well, especially as well as you do." Donghae said. "But I don't think he's the type to play on someone's feelings."
"He's not...Just my insecurities getting the best of me." Yesung said. "And now because of it, people think he's still single and openly pursue him and I'm tired of it."
Donghae chewed his food slowly. "Meaning you think some guy will just come and take him away?"
"Not take him away..." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Just that he'd go willingly." Donghae pursed his lips as he pushed the plate towards him.
"Comfort food." He smiled. "Then again, maybe some weight gain might hurt you in the long run." Yesung sent a glare his way but went for the food either way.
Later that night he was dropped off by Donghae near his apartment, when he opened his door and walked in, he was surprised to see Sungmin resting his head on the table. He closed the door behind him and walked towards him, gently nudging him awake.
Sungmin rubbed his eyes as he looked up and gave him a welcoming smile. "Welcome home."
"Thanks." Yesung replied. "...Did you wait long or?"
Sungmin shook his head as he got up from his seat. "No, I just got here."
Yesung cringed, knowing fully well it was a lie, but didn't correct him. He turned around as he lowered his backpack onto the floor. Yesung looked back, he noted the bags of food on the counter that Sungmin seemed to ignore.
"You brought food?" Yesung asked.
Sungmin barely gave them a glance. "Whenever you want them." He shrugged. Yesung felt a pang of guilt at the sight. Sungmin noted his expression. "You don't have to eat it, its fine. More for me." He said cheerfully.
Yesung took a deep breath as he stood beside him when Sungmin asked. "Were you with Donghae?" Yesung nodded. "Did you have fun?" He shrugged as Sungmin chuckled. "I'm glad you did."
Yesung looked away, this time unable to stay silent. "Why are you glad that I'm with other people?"
Sungmin looked up at him. "I shouldn't be?"
"No...I mean..." Yesung sighed as he shook his head. "Never-mind." He faced the floor when Sungmin reached out and tilted his face towards him.
"Just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I wasn't completely...comfortable with you going alone with him." He tugged the collar of his shirt, his smile void of any malicious emotion still on his face. "But it would be wrong of me to be so selfish and possessive."
"I wouldn't mind." Yesung replied. Sungmin's smile widen as he held leaned against his shoulder.
"I'm sure you wouldn't, but it's unhealthy." Sungmin reasoned. "You need to practice on how to be social and friendlier."
"Is that what you want me to be? More friendlier with everyone I meet?" He shook his head. "You're asking the impossible from me."
"Just maybe." Sungmin smiled cutely.
Yesung sighed. "Anything else you want to change in our relationship?"
"What I want to change in our relationship..." Sungmin repeated, he then locked eyes with him. "I don't want to keep it a secret anymore."
Yesung blinked at his statement.
"You may be okay with it, but I'm not." Sungmin said as he clutched Yesung's shirt.
"But... you agreed to it."
Sungmin chuckled. "I was willing to agree to anything, you were ready to reject me so quickly that I had to say yes." He leaned his forehead against his as he closed his eyes. "I was never okay with it though..."
Yesung felt completely selfish at that moment yet also elated. He wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it. He leaned in and kissed him on the lips, he pulled back and chuckled against his lips.
Sungmin also pulled back and noted his smile. "Care to explain?"
"Just wondering how all your admirers are going to take the news." He watched as Sungmin's lips twitch upwards.
"As long as they take it, I don't care." He returned the kiss. "Especially that friend of yours."
"He's just a friend-"
"And that's all he better be." Yesung laughed as Sungmin possessively held him as he kissed him more passionately. As they both pulled away for air, Yesung murmured.
"You don't have to worry about him." He repeated. Sungmin gave a small smile.
"It's harder than it looks." Yesung laughed as he kissed him again.
"Believe me," He reached his arms around his torso, pulling him even closer as he locked eyes with him. "I know."
Pairing: Yemin
Genre: AU!Drama, Romance
[Y][FF] Summary: He has someone he's always wanted but doubted he could ever have, even now he's unable to convince himself and continuously worries that he may never have had it at all.
***
Yesung blew the hair out of his eyes, taking his time as he walked across the courtyard. He tugged the backpack strap over his shoulder as he recognized the figure in front of him, he headed towards him when he realized he was talking to someone.
His eyes naturally narrowed as he stepped closer, the friend looked up and noted his expression and quickly excused himself to leave. The figure waved as he turned around, his smile widened as Yesung was now in front of him.
"How was class?" Sungmin asked, Yesung shrugged as his answer, Sungmin didn't pursue it further. Yesung listened as Sungmin described his day, they walked their way through the courtyard, their one-sided conversation continually interrupted by friends. Specifically, Sungmin's friends.
Afterward, he faced Yesung. "I'm going to eat with a classmate." Yesung nodded, he almost walked off when Sungmin tugged the edge of his shirt. He looked back at Sungmin's cheerful expression. "Come with me."
He trailed alongside him as Sungmin headed to the casual restaurant on campus. They headed towards the booth by the window as the friend widened his eyes at Yesung's appearance.
"Sorry for being late." Sungmin said.
"I-it's fine." The friend replied, looking at Yesung who sat in the seat beside Sungmin. "Hi." He said uneasily.
Yesung looked out the window and didn't reply, Sungmin gave a smile and said his greeting. When the waiter came by, they ordered except for Yesung. Even as the waiter continually prompted him for what he wanted, Yesung didn't answer.
"Two of the one I wanted please." The waiter nodded and walked off with the menus, Sungmin then looked at his friend.
Yesung sighed, it was hard to block out their conversation. He knew the real motive behind the friend's seemingly innocent outing, he could tell from his gestures and expressions. Even the lightly suggested meaning by his words.
He was relieved when it was finally over and they said their goodbyes. He and Sungmin walked through the campus until they eventually reached a more secluded setting. Sungmin then turned around and jumped onto him, hugging him tightly as he nuzzled against him.
"Your jealously is becoming more obvious." Sungmin offered a smile. "He's just a friend."
"Tch." Yesung grumbled. "If you weren't paying so much attention to me, you would've noticed how obvious it was that he wanted to be more than that."
Sungmin smirked. "Are you complaining that you're receiving all my attention?" Sungmin gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "If I hadn't notice your feelings about me, then we wouldn't be as we are now."
Yesung shifted his eyes away, mentally agreeing with his statement as Sungmin laughed. "Just so you know, I did notice his feelings, but I'm not going to pursue them." He reassured as he gave him another kiss. "You don't have to worry about him." This time he kissed him fully, Yesung was hesitant but had also given in.
Despite his assurance, it was hard to ignore that nagging feeling, simply saying not to worry is nothing compared to actually doing so. If only it were that easy.
Sungmin was popular among his peers, always attracting attention because of his approachable self. In turn attracting many admirers and people who developed feelings for him, even he wasn't spared.
He admitted it was strange when Sungmin had first approached him in class. They were nowhere near each other and while the others avoided sitting near him, Sungmin took the chair right beside him, even when there were clearly more seats around.
It was hard to ignore it as Sungmin continually greeted him despite his cold reputation, he simply dubbed him as a nice person. But he couldn't help but appreciate it, soon enough he found that he was like everyone else who had fallen for him.
Yet compared to everyone else who liked him, he felt he had the smallest chance. He was quiet, difficult to approach and generally avoided by his peers because of his naturally discontented expression. Though Sungmin didn't seem to mind at all or his constant presence, welcoming him more than anyone else ever did.
It could hardly be called a shock when Sungmin approached him one day and confessed to him. He had thought it was a prank, some cruel joke and quickly walked away. Not daring to give an answer.
"I'm not lying to you." Sungmin had said to him, stopping him in his tracks that day. "I really do like you."
Even now he looked back on that day with disbelief. He couldn't listen fully to that statement.
It was impossible to not worry.
---
He leaned against the pillar of the campus, looking across as he recognized Sungmin, as usual talking to his friends.
"You're alright?" He barely gave a glance to the man beside him.
"Yes." He replied as Donghae chuckled, following his line of vision.
"Another one of his fans I see." Yesung parted his lips to correct him but decided against it. Labeling himself as just a fan seemed so degrading, he knew it was what everyone else had thought of him. Just another one of them, he thought grimly.
"What do you want?" Yesung asked curtly, Donghae gestured in mock pain.
"Still just as harsh, but just wanted to say hi." He then patted him quickly harshly on the shoulder. "I'll see you around then." Before he left he ruffled his hair, Yesung cursed under his breath as he looked at the retreating figure.
Sungmin soon appeared before him. He furrowed his eyebrows and ruffled, much gentler, his hair as he fixed it, following his stare at the man.
"I see you have a new friend." Sungmin commented, giving a warm smile. "I'm glad."
Yesung couldn't return the smile, even he wasn't sure what to think of it. "I guess." He murmured. Yesung merely nodded as he ignored the disappointment he was feeling.
He noted how Sungmin was still fixing his hair, Yesung pushed his hands away. "People will see." He said.
Sungmin blinked and pulled his hand away. "You're right, they will." He even took a step back as precaution. "Ready to go?"
"Can't, my professor scheduled her class for tonight instead." Sungmin sighed.
"Then I'll call you later then." Yesung nodded as they parted ways, a short while later he looked back and to no surprise, even more friends showed up, completely surrounding him.
His popularity and his own lack of self-esteem wasn't helping his confidence. His face remained as stolid as it ever was, but he felt for a brief moment that a flicker of emotion would show itself.
It was difficult pretending not to care.
---
Yesung sighed, his professor had just held them back for hours past their schedule and he was exhausted. He wasn't sure if she was allowed to do that but he decided not to think of it any further.
"She's being a pain isn't she?" Donghae commented beside him. He then patted his stomach. "Now I'm starving," He gestured for Yesung to come along. "My treat."
He would've turned him down, but Sungmin had already told him he was going to be busy for the night so he decided to go along with it. "Your treat." He reminded.
When they had reached the bar, they order a hot plate of seafood when Donghae started.
"So did you ask him or he asked you?"
"Ask what?" Yesung asked absentmindedly.
"To go out, then again, seeing as how you are. Probably Sungmin." Yesung choked on his food.
"H-how?" He asked.
Donghae smiled. "I've seen how he was with you, its pretty obvious how he feels about you."
It was his turn to arch his own eyebrows. "How is it obvious?"
"It just is, at least to people who look past being intimidated by you and admiring him." Donghae smirked. "Actually...there's something I don't understand." He tilted his head in thought. "Why doesn't he show affection for you more publicly? Like other couples do?" He then lowered his fork. "Does he not..."
Yesung gave a weak smile. "He would, but I told him not to." He shifted the fork in his fingers.
Donghae furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not?"
"Because he knows what kind of person I am." Donghae made an 'ah' sound. "Though I'm starting to regret it. Even now, people just assume I'm the odd tag-along."
"I did too...No, I still do too." He corrected himself, Yesung narrowed his eyes. "Somehow I think you're regretting something else."
Yesung sighed, unsure whether he was ready to say such things to him, but he somehow felt it would be relief if he were to say it out loud. "What I would give for him to even feel a tinge of jealously." Yesung confessed, Donghae chuckled.
"But you two are already together aren't you?" Donghae asked. "Jealously doesn't really improve things much."
Yesung exhaled. "It's not that, I just want to know that he really does...like me." Donghae arched an eyebrow. "Sometimes I feel like fate's just taunting me."
"...I may not know Sungmin that well, especially as well as you do." Donghae said. "But I don't think he's the type to play on someone's feelings."
"He's not...Just my insecurities getting the best of me." Yesung said. "And now because of it, people think he's still single and openly pursue him and I'm tired of it."
Donghae chewed his food slowly. "Meaning you think some guy will just come and take him away?"
"Not take him away..." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Just that he'd go willingly." Donghae pursed his lips as he pushed the plate towards him.
"Comfort food." He smiled. "Then again, maybe some weight gain might hurt you in the long run." Yesung sent a glare his way but went for the food either way.
Later that night he was dropped off by Donghae near his apartment, when he opened his door and walked in, he was surprised to see Sungmin resting his head on the table. He closed the door behind him and walked towards him, gently nudging him awake.
Sungmin rubbed his eyes as he looked up and gave him a welcoming smile. "Welcome home."
"Thanks." Yesung replied. "...Did you wait long or?"
Sungmin shook his head as he got up from his seat. "No, I just got here."
Yesung cringed, knowing fully well it was a lie, but didn't correct him. He turned around as he lowered his backpack onto the floor. Yesung looked back, he noted the bags of food on the counter that Sungmin seemed to ignore.
"You brought food?" Yesung asked.
Sungmin barely gave them a glance. "Whenever you want them." He shrugged. Yesung felt a pang of guilt at the sight. Sungmin noted his expression. "You don't have to eat it, its fine. More for me." He said cheerfully.
Yesung took a deep breath as he stood beside him when Sungmin asked. "Were you with Donghae?" Yesung nodded. "Did you have fun?" He shrugged as Sungmin chuckled. "I'm glad you did."
Yesung looked away, this time unable to stay silent. "Why are you glad that I'm with other people?"
Sungmin looked up at him. "I shouldn't be?"
"No...I mean..." Yesung sighed as he shook his head. "Never-mind." He faced the floor when Sungmin reached out and tilted his face towards him.
"Just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I wasn't completely...comfortable with you going alone with him." He tugged the collar of his shirt, his smile void of any malicious emotion still on his face. "But it would be wrong of me to be so selfish and possessive."
"I wouldn't mind." Yesung replied. Sungmin's smile widen as he held leaned against his shoulder.
"I'm sure you wouldn't, but it's unhealthy." Sungmin reasoned. "You need to practice on how to be social and friendlier."
"Is that what you want me to be? More friendlier with everyone I meet?" He shook his head. "You're asking the impossible from me."
"Just maybe." Sungmin smiled cutely.
Yesung sighed. "Anything else you want to change in our relationship?"
"What I want to change in our relationship..." Sungmin repeated, he then locked eyes with him. "I don't want to keep it a secret anymore."
Yesung blinked at his statement.
"You may be okay with it, but I'm not." Sungmin said as he clutched Yesung's shirt.
"But... you agreed to it."
Sungmin chuckled. "I was willing to agree to anything, you were ready to reject me so quickly that I had to say yes." He leaned his forehead against his as he closed his eyes. "I was never okay with it though..."
Yesung felt completely selfish at that moment yet also elated. He wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it. He leaned in and kissed him on the lips, he pulled back and chuckled against his lips.
Sungmin also pulled back and noted his smile. "Care to explain?"
"Just wondering how all your admirers are going to take the news." He watched as Sungmin's lips twitch upwards.
"As long as they take it, I don't care." He returned the kiss. "Especially that friend of yours."
"He's just a friend-"
"And that's all he better be." Yesung laughed as Sungmin possessively held him as he kissed him more passionately. As they both pulled away for air, Yesung murmured.
"You don't have to worry about him." He repeated. Sungmin gave a small smile.
"It's harder than it looks." Yesung laughed as he kissed him again.
"Believe me," He reached his arms around his torso, pulling him even closer as he locked eyes with him. "I know."