(no subject)
Date: n/a
Smirking I laid back on rocky ground. A stick digging into my back. I pay no thought to it though. Scorpions roaming around and across my arms. Cacti standing rigid against pitch black sky. Finally I spot a star. Holding strong, solitary up in a cold black sky. It is cold you know. Not that anybody would think to ask it. I'm smirking again. At what point did this lunacy slip back into my mind?
Date: 4-11-05
I'm like a train wreck, a continuous one. My cars just keeping getting knocked off. But I’m still going.
Date: 10-6-04
The blackness slowly descends over time
Like an immortal veil
Never dying, Never stopping
It comes down achingly slow
Like trailing fingers of wraiths
I don't see it stopping
Ever Really
The days go by bleaker
And even more black
Blackened by the lies
The deceit and death
The death that i wish was my own
I reach up to hold their hands
And then i tug them down
The farther down the colder it becomes
But then comes the peace
It is the ultimate rush
The cycle is complete
They soothe away the lingering traces of my humanity
Have I ever felt this alive
No...no i haven't
I settle back into the arms of the wraiths for my eternity
Date: 1-31-05
Blackness dripping across your face, previously unmarred
Made of the coolest most exquisite alabaster
Ecstasy in finally seeing a waver in the stone
The tendrils caress and curl around the curved opening in the stone
The opening is scrolled, matte, inviting me in
You press that opening tightly closed for the tendrils are becoming braver and trying
to get inside
Inside it is lush, ripe of color, and so warm compared to your cool exterior
It is my undoing
At its ministrations I became your willing pawn
Completely undone, my senses in overdrive rolling and crashing into my skin
Finally you are worried quickly becoming scared
The tendrils have covered your eyes, you can't see
I gasp watching them kiss your eyelashes as they creep down your cheeks
You’re terrified now and the sight makes me moan
Your face is covered in the swirling blackness all except the very center of that opening
You scream and it's beautiful, like the grandest symphonies
You are completely undone and emotion is pouring out in that scream like nothing I have
ever experienced
This is your undoing, you are undone here before me
I shudder and moan at the sight of seeing you completely undone and that it is all
by my hand
I turn around, dress, and begin to walk towards the door
I look back for the final time and see you lying there
Alabaster shell cracked and crumbling revealing emotions swirling, dancing, and rising
through the cracks
Satisfied I leave knowing I have finally won
The win is cold and cruel but I am filled with warmth I haven't felt in years
Date: 12-27-04
You spin and spin and keep spinning and it's all around you rushing rushing, shining and so many colors. Then it's a wave at all sides smacking you back into realization and reality. You stand there for a mere second then crumple to the floor as naked as the day you came into this world. Everything flashes before your eyes, new and old, bright and dark. It is amazing and euphoric, yet somehow sinister, somehow misleading, and dark all at once. Your skin glistens with a fine sheen of sweat and it is tight against your body begging for more release, although you just had the ultimate. Slowly, carefully you lay back on to the floor, conscious of the seemingly frailty of your bones, your very soul. You struggle to keep your eyes open, but stare wide eyed with a temporary innocence at well, you don't know. But you lie there and stare and revel in all that has happened. The pain, beauty, pleasure, shock, what you have seen and the feel of so many things in rapid motion. Staring up into the blackness you realize just how tired you are and slowly your eyelids close, eyelashes faintly tickling and sticking to your cheeks. You sigh, settle inside yourself and rest until it happens again. For just a little while the contentment washes over your body like an old lover, the day you realized you were really happy, like the best and warmest sunshine you'd ever experienced, the feel of smooth skin against smooth skin young and vital. You nestle into that as you sleep, truly sleep. (You smile softly.) Until the next time, and you can't hardly wait...