[fic] if i could, i want to say it one more time. - part 1
TITLE: if i could, i want to say it one more time...
AUTHOR: o0yani0o
PAIRING: Yunho x Jaejoong
GENRE: super angst
LENGTH: 1/?
SUMMARY: Jaejoong only wanted Yunho to listen to him, to believe in him, to trust him... and to love him. Is that too much to ask?
INSPIRED BY: stand by u - thsk
MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com
I am on my bed late that afternoon. The house felt suffocating enough for me to bear and I couldn’t bring myself to get used of this sudden emptiness. How amazing it is that I knew very well that this emptiness I am convincing myself with is caused by the absence of a certain person. A certain someone exclusively named Kim Jaejoong. However, it still felt like there is nothing else left in the house with him gone. It felt lonely. Lifeless. And… quiet. Some thing I might live with for the days to follow today. Some thing I might consider living with for the rest of my life. Yet, even though it hurts to try, I will still hope that one of these days, he might change his mind. Oh wait, maybe that’s a big no for me.
I ran my fingers to the temples of my head and later untangled the locks of my hair before smiling idiotically to no one in particular. Few years ago, my head is lying lovingly on his lap, listening to him talk to me about his day… laughing at the certain Kim Junsu who fell butt-flat on the mud while they were waiting for the bus. His voice serenades me and the way he strokes my hair calms me. Just like that, simply appreciating the presence of each other. The scent. The warmth. The love. But now, all that’s left to me is the cold sheet of the bed, and the supposedly soft pillow, but for some reason, it’s not as soft… as I remember it to be.
Just a month. Just an accident. Just a memory… and before I even blink my eyes, he is gone already.
Ding. Dong.
The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house sometime that afternoon. Yunho is having a good warm bath when he regretfully grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. In these times, all he needs is a warm bath. A warm pair of clothing. Or anything warm around his body. That’s all he wished. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Ding. Dong.
“I’m right there.” Yunho shouted before slipping his feet in his house shoes and went straight ahead to get the door. Dripping wet, Yunho greeted the person on the other side… but later on realizing he should not have done it. “…Ja…Jaejoong…” He muttered.
Jaejoong has a shock face, his big doe eyes still as beautiful as ever, and his full pink lips forming an “o” shape as soon as he saw Yunho with only a towel around his waist. “Yunho… did I bother you?” Jaejoong innocently asked.
“Ah… hold on a sec.” Yunho said closing the door and leaving his guest waiting outside. He scrambled on his closet to find his bathrobe at least before facing Jaejoong again, who on the other hand giggled at him. “Sorry… come on in.” Yunho said making way for Jaejoong.
“No...” Jaejoong shook his head slightly, the beautiful smile still painted on his face. “I won’t stay long, I will meet Yoochun at 7.”
Yunho looked at his wall clock and saw that there is still an hour left before Jaejoong meets Yoochun in wherever place they will. “Well, a little coffee wouldn’t hurt.” Yunho insisted.
Defeated, Jaejoong sighed before taking a step inside the house. Unfamiliar of the place, Jaejoong uneasily stood at the corner of the living room. “You’ve got a nice place.” He said. Simple sentence that made Yunho’s heart sink.
“Uhmm. Well then, feel at home.” Yunho smiled. “I’ll go prepare something to eat.” Yunho offered.
“Oh, you might want to… uhm… you know. Dress up first before doing that.” Jaejoong giggled.
“Oh right.” Yunho said rushing towards his bedroom. “You’ll be fine here?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Jaejoong nodded. “Where’s the kitchen?”
Yunho was already halfway towards his bedroom… their bedroom when he heard Jaejoong asked for the kitchen. As far as he could remember, Jaejoong knew the kitchen like the back of his palm. It is his territory after all. No matter what time, if it’s not work hours and Jaejoong is out of Yunho’s sight, the kitchen’s the only sure place he’ll be. But now, he is asking for directions as if it’s his first time to come there. Like he’s never been there before. Like he’s never lived, yes… lived there before.
“What do you need my kitchen for?” Yunho asked his voice fading as he said the word “my”.
“Oh.” Jaejoong smiled. “I just wanted to remember something.”
Yunho’s heart beats faster than it already is doing. Somehow, with the words Jaejoong said, he hoped. Maybe Jaejoong paid him a visit today for something else. For something important.
“Yoochun said I make the most delicious coffee. I just want to remember if I still do.” Jaejoong gave a faint smile before looking down the floor. “It sucks how he praises me, yet I couldn’t remember anything.”
Yunho watched Jaejoong for a moment. His heart breaking apart again. “You do make the best coffee.” Yunho regretfully said. “The kitchen is just down the hall. I’ll meet you there.” With that said, Yunho left to his bedroom, locked the door and gripped tightly until his knuckles turned white. Blood forgetting to circulate there. “I’m really sorry.” he murmured, stopping his tears from falling.
Jaejoong walked down the hall and found himself on Yunho’s red and white kitchen. Jaejoong smiled. He remembered asking Yoochun to pain all the cabinets red and the walls and tiles white since it looks vibrant that way, not having an idea that Yunho’s kitchen I the same color as he wanted their kitchen to be. Jaejoong invited himself inside with an idiotic smile on his face. He searched for Yunho’s coffee and found it simply around the corner of one cabinet. He is about to close the cabinet doors when a note taped on it caught his attention.
Yunnie, stop drinking too much coffee.ü
Jaejoong smiled at himself as soon as he saw the note. It’s a pity he couldn’t remember the face of Yunho’s lover. But that person sure is sweet to remind him not to take in too much caffeine. Jaejoong gently closed the door of the cabinet and placed the jar of coffee beans on the counter while he searched for the mugs. Yoochun said Jaejoong is a very close person to Yunho so it will be better if it’s Jaejoong who will talk to Yunho. However, as much as Jaejoong wants to remember, he just couldn’t see a simple imagine of even one day being with Yunho.
No single memory of even one day being with Yunho right before the accident. Jaejoong clearly remembers all. Everything. Except Yunho.
Yunho stood at the doorway, his body leaning on the doorframe as he watched Jaejoong’s back. The other man is humming a sweet tune while stirring the cup of coffee. Yunho’s eyes travelled to the counter desk and saw two muffins on each saucer. Yunho has always liked it when Jaejoong eats snack with him on the counter desk, talking about nothing important. Work is supposedly not allowed home. Home is where they should rest and just talk about some things. Relax like it has not been a stressful day. But Yunho went beyond it.
Yunho admitted to himself that he has done nothing good for the past months. Bringing home his work in every chance he gets. Coming home late. Having a couple of drinks with some friends. And not until he slept somewhere, but surely not in their house, that his lover finally had had enough.
He remembered clearly that one rainy night. The night when he was literally ripped out of the life of the person he loves, the person who loves him so much. He knew too well that he is weak when it comes to alcohol. But he still said yes. The next thing he woke up with was a tear-filled expression of his lover at the doorway of an unfamiliar classy room. Then he looked at the reason for his lover’s face. Yunho is naked with another man snuggling on him: the said man being his secretary Kim Heechul whom his lover never trusted ever since.
Yunho shut his eyes tightly, brushing off the memory of his own stupidity. Just because of that one night, he now felt like his life died.
“Yunho.” Jaejoong smiled. “You won’t come in?”
Yunho opened his eyes to see Jaejoong wearing a black apron, the very one that he bought for his birthday. It still fit perfectly after months of being kept somewhere. How did Jaejoong find it, he didn’t know. But one thing’s for sure, lost things come back to their owners on their own free will.
It was an awkward conversation at first. Neither of them unsure of where to start but later on managed to hold up just good, Jaejoong laughs shyly at Yunho’s jokes while Yunho admired the sound on his ears. That laugh that only Jaejoong could do is recorded inside his head like a birthmark. How he missed hearing them everyday. Then the coffee finished and Jaejoong looked at his watch. Quarter to 7. He has to meet Yoochun soon.
“The coffee is still as good as how you always do it.” Yunho smiled, staring at his emptied cup.
“I’m glad.” Jaejoong smiled before reaching for his inside pocket to properly state why he’s is actually there. “Actually, I came here to give you this.” He handed Yunho a gold envelop.
“What is this?” Yunho asked, taking the envelop and slowly opening it. Yunho’s heart sank when he saw the first words on the paper inside.
“Yoochun and I… we’re getting married on Spring. And since Yoochun said we’ve been together for a while now, I suggested that you be the best man.” Jaejoong shyly smiled. His face evident of the happiness inside.
“Do you know what that together is?” Yunho said pretending to read the whole thing but failing miserably. He felt his heart breaking.
“We’ve been friends… really closed friends right?” Jaejoong answered, fidgeting his fingers.
And Yunho only felt his heart broke. Jaejoong couldn’t not remember him at all.
AUTHOR: o0yani0o
PAIRING: Yunho x Jaejoong
GENRE: super angst
LENGTH: 1/?
SUMMARY: Jaejoong only wanted Yunho to listen to him, to believe in him, to trust him... and to love him. Is that too much to ask?
INSPIRED BY: stand by u - thsk
MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com
I am on my bed late that afternoon. The house felt suffocating enough for me to bear and I couldn’t bring myself to get used of this sudden emptiness. How amazing it is that I knew very well that this emptiness I am convincing myself with is caused by the absence of a certain person. A certain someone exclusively named Kim Jaejoong. However, it still felt like there is nothing else left in the house with him gone. It felt lonely. Lifeless. And… quiet. Some thing I might live with for the days to follow today. Some thing I might consider living with for the rest of my life. Yet, even though it hurts to try, I will still hope that one of these days, he might change his mind. Oh wait, maybe that’s a big no for me.
I ran my fingers to the temples of my head and later untangled the locks of my hair before smiling idiotically to no one in particular. Few years ago, my head is lying lovingly on his lap, listening to him talk to me about his day… laughing at the certain Kim Junsu who fell butt-flat on the mud while they were waiting for the bus. His voice serenades me and the way he strokes my hair calms me. Just like that, simply appreciating the presence of each other. The scent. The warmth. The love. But now, all that’s left to me is the cold sheet of the bed, and the supposedly soft pillow, but for some reason, it’s not as soft… as I remember it to be.
Just a month. Just an accident. Just a memory… and before I even blink my eyes, he is gone already.
Ding. Dong.
The sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house sometime that afternoon. Yunho is having a good warm bath when he regretfully grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. In these times, all he needs is a warm bath. A warm pair of clothing. Or anything warm around his body. That’s all he wished. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Ding. Dong.
“I’m right there.” Yunho shouted before slipping his feet in his house shoes and went straight ahead to get the door. Dripping wet, Yunho greeted the person on the other side… but later on realizing he should not have done it. “…Ja…Jaejoong…” He muttered.
Jaejoong has a shock face, his big doe eyes still as beautiful as ever, and his full pink lips forming an “o” shape as soon as he saw Yunho with only a towel around his waist. “Yunho… did I bother you?” Jaejoong innocently asked.
“Ah… hold on a sec.” Yunho said closing the door and leaving his guest waiting outside. He scrambled on his closet to find his bathrobe at least before facing Jaejoong again, who on the other hand giggled at him. “Sorry… come on in.” Yunho said making way for Jaejoong.
“No...” Jaejoong shook his head slightly, the beautiful smile still painted on his face. “I won’t stay long, I will meet Yoochun at 7.”
Yunho looked at his wall clock and saw that there is still an hour left before Jaejoong meets Yoochun in wherever place they will. “Well, a little coffee wouldn’t hurt.” Yunho insisted.
Defeated, Jaejoong sighed before taking a step inside the house. Unfamiliar of the place, Jaejoong uneasily stood at the corner of the living room. “You’ve got a nice place.” He said. Simple sentence that made Yunho’s heart sink.
“Uhmm. Well then, feel at home.” Yunho smiled. “I’ll go prepare something to eat.” Yunho offered.
“Oh, you might want to… uhm… you know. Dress up first before doing that.” Jaejoong giggled.
“Oh right.” Yunho said rushing towards his bedroom. “You’ll be fine here?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Jaejoong nodded. “Where’s the kitchen?”
Yunho was already halfway towards his bedroom… their bedroom when he heard Jaejoong asked for the kitchen. As far as he could remember, Jaejoong knew the kitchen like the back of his palm. It is his territory after all. No matter what time, if it’s not work hours and Jaejoong is out of Yunho’s sight, the kitchen’s the only sure place he’ll be. But now, he is asking for directions as if it’s his first time to come there. Like he’s never been there before. Like he’s never lived, yes… lived there before.
“What do you need my kitchen for?” Yunho asked his voice fading as he said the word “my”.
“Oh.” Jaejoong smiled. “I just wanted to remember something.”
Yunho’s heart beats faster than it already is doing. Somehow, with the words Jaejoong said, he hoped. Maybe Jaejoong paid him a visit today for something else. For something important.
“Yoochun said I make the most delicious coffee. I just want to remember if I still do.” Jaejoong gave a faint smile before looking down the floor. “It sucks how he praises me, yet I couldn’t remember anything.”
Yunho watched Jaejoong for a moment. His heart breaking apart again. “You do make the best coffee.” Yunho regretfully said. “The kitchen is just down the hall. I’ll meet you there.” With that said, Yunho left to his bedroom, locked the door and gripped tightly until his knuckles turned white. Blood forgetting to circulate there. “I’m really sorry.” he murmured, stopping his tears from falling.
Jaejoong walked down the hall and found himself on Yunho’s red and white kitchen. Jaejoong smiled. He remembered asking Yoochun to pain all the cabinets red and the walls and tiles white since it looks vibrant that way, not having an idea that Yunho’s kitchen I the same color as he wanted their kitchen to be. Jaejoong invited himself inside with an idiotic smile on his face. He searched for Yunho’s coffee and found it simply around the corner of one cabinet. He is about to close the cabinet doors when a note taped on it caught his attention.
Yunnie, stop drinking too much coffee.ü
Jaejoong smiled at himself as soon as he saw the note. It’s a pity he couldn’t remember the face of Yunho’s lover. But that person sure is sweet to remind him not to take in too much caffeine. Jaejoong gently closed the door of the cabinet and placed the jar of coffee beans on the counter while he searched for the mugs. Yoochun said Jaejoong is a very close person to Yunho so it will be better if it’s Jaejoong who will talk to Yunho. However, as much as Jaejoong wants to remember, he just couldn’t see a simple imagine of even one day being with Yunho.
No single memory of even one day being with Yunho right before the accident. Jaejoong clearly remembers all. Everything. Except Yunho.
Yunho stood at the doorway, his body leaning on the doorframe as he watched Jaejoong’s back. The other man is humming a sweet tune while stirring the cup of coffee. Yunho’s eyes travelled to the counter desk and saw two muffins on each saucer. Yunho has always liked it when Jaejoong eats snack with him on the counter desk, talking about nothing important. Work is supposedly not allowed home. Home is where they should rest and just talk about some things. Relax like it has not been a stressful day. But Yunho went beyond it.
Yunho admitted to himself that he has done nothing good for the past months. Bringing home his work in every chance he gets. Coming home late. Having a couple of drinks with some friends. And not until he slept somewhere, but surely not in their house, that his lover finally had had enough.
He remembered clearly that one rainy night. The night when he was literally ripped out of the life of the person he loves, the person who loves him so much. He knew too well that he is weak when it comes to alcohol. But he still said yes. The next thing he woke up with was a tear-filled expression of his lover at the doorway of an unfamiliar classy room. Then he looked at the reason for his lover’s face. Yunho is naked with another man snuggling on him: the said man being his secretary Kim Heechul whom his lover never trusted ever since.
Yunho shut his eyes tightly, brushing off the memory of his own stupidity. Just because of that one night, he now felt like his life died.
“Yunho.” Jaejoong smiled. “You won’t come in?”
Yunho opened his eyes to see Jaejoong wearing a black apron, the very one that he bought for his birthday. It still fit perfectly after months of being kept somewhere. How did Jaejoong find it, he didn’t know. But one thing’s for sure, lost things come back to their owners on their own free will.
It was an awkward conversation at first. Neither of them unsure of where to start but later on managed to hold up just good, Jaejoong laughs shyly at Yunho’s jokes while Yunho admired the sound on his ears. That laugh that only Jaejoong could do is recorded inside his head like a birthmark. How he missed hearing them everyday. Then the coffee finished and Jaejoong looked at his watch. Quarter to 7. He has to meet Yoochun soon.
“The coffee is still as good as how you always do it.” Yunho smiled, staring at his emptied cup.
“I’m glad.” Jaejoong smiled before reaching for his inside pocket to properly state why he’s is actually there. “Actually, I came here to give you this.” He handed Yunho a gold envelop.
“What is this?” Yunho asked, taking the envelop and slowly opening it. Yunho’s heart sank when he saw the first words on the paper inside.
“Yoochun and I… we’re getting married on Spring. And since Yoochun said we’ve been together for a while now, I suggested that you be the best man.” Jaejoong shyly smiled. His face evident of the happiness inside.
“Do you know what that together is?” Yunho said pretending to read the whole thing but failing miserably. He felt his heart breaking.
“We’ve been friends… really closed friends right?” Jaejoong answered, fidgeting his fingers.
And Yunho only felt his heart broke. Jaejoong couldn’t not remember him at all.