[fic] if i could, i want to say it one more time - pt. 2
Yunho felt his heart skipped a million beats. He felt his heart did this when he first saw Jaejoong and that was the time he fell in love with the man. However, the way it skipped now was a sign that Jaejoong is breaking his heart. Crushing it into pieces until it turns to dust. Millions of millions of pieces… that Yunho knew will never be put together back again. But he couldn’t blame Jaejoong at all. Maybe he wants to just explode now and shout at Jaejoong. He knew he wants to. But he knew he can’t too. Jaejoong is not his anymore. And What Jaejoong is putting him through now, is nothing compared to what he’s put the man through.
As he read the complete list of guest, god parents, best man, flower girls, ring bearer, bible bearer, and all those necessary people, Yunho couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. He remembered the time when Jaejoong wanted to discuss this with him. Jaejoong has always wanted to get married in spring. Because things starts to bloom in that season. The season right after everything withers. Jaejoong has planned everything by himself. Not that it’s official, but if he marries someone, he had planned where, what to wear, who to invite and all those. But in every time Jaejoong talks about this, Yunho would always shrug it off.
Not that Yunho doesn’t want to get married with Jaejoong; he just doesn’t want the idea of settling down. Yunho hates making his life stable. He always wanted events to turn out unexpectedly. Very opposite of Jaejoong, who wants things as planned.
Yunho closed his eyes and gripped the invitation. Park Yoochun and Kim Jaejoong nuptial. And wondered how he would feel to read, Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong nuptial. His fist tensing up, feeling the urge to punch something. Anything.
“Yunho… are you alright?” Jaejoong asked worriedly and doubtingly placing his hands on Yunho’s trembling one. “Are you not feeling we-“ Then the next thing Jaejoong knew, his lips are feeling an unfamiliar touch. That of in big difference with his fiancé’s . Jaejoong violently pushed Yunho away, his heart beating real fast. He stopped it right before Yunho slips his tongue inside. Right before he is drowned to Yunho’s soft yet rough kissing.
Yunho stared at Jaejoong’s wet lips, and stared at Jaejoong’s eyes. It was questioning him of his unpredictable action. More like why than what are we… before. Neither of them spoke for the first few seconds until Jaejoong’s phone in his pocket rings. Yunho watches as Jaejoong turns around to answer the call, a quick, yet sweet conversation. Must be Yoochun. Jaejoong turned to look at Yunho again. “I’m sorry. Yoochun is on his way here. He’ll fetch me. I told him to wait on the gas station near here. So I must get going.” Jaejoong said, standing up to leave Yunho when Yunho grabbed him and embraced him from the back. Locking him into his warm and tight hug.
“We were together before. You… were planning all these wedding with me before. You… love me so much. And I do love you so much too.” Yunho whispered, his voice low and croaky. His arms trembling in fear to lose Jaejoong again. “I love you, Jaejoong-ah. Don’t you really remember me?”
Jaejoong bit his lips. As much as he wanted to… as much as he tried to, he could not remember him at all. He gently placed both his hands on Yunho’s arms that were tightly wrapped around him. “I-I’m sorry Yunho… but Yoochun and I. We’re happy now. Please.” He said completely letting Yunho’s arms unwrap him.
Yunho is stirring his whiskey as he waits for his cousin to arrive. Jaejoong left him… again. How ironic is it that it is always Yunho who takes Jaejoong for granted, but it is also him who is miserably hurt in the end. Not that Jaejoong is hurt too. No. He is not even close to being hurt. He’s happy right now, and it is evident in his big doe eyes: the eyes that belong to Yunho before.
Yunho raised the whiskey and took it in one go. The cold feeling cut through his throat, feeling as if it’s bleeding. The pain is incomparable to that of what he felt when Jaejoong left with the sentence, “It’s me who asked Yoochun to get married.” Plain and simple, yet honest and… painful.
Changmin arrived at the restaurant to where his cousin is waiting for him. Must have been serious. He thought to himself. Yunho, being the selfish person he is, always depends on himself. So it is really rare that he calls out anybody at all. But next to himself, Changmin is the second person he would call out if something comes up. So Changmin thought that what they are about to discuss tonight has something to do with a really serious matter. If not, he couldn’t think of any reason at all. Changmin dusted off his coat as he left his umbrella by the door. He walked hurriedly to Yunho and knew right away the cause of that lost look. “Jaejoong?” Changmin asked, raising his hand to order. “I received the invitation. I met them on the way here.”
Yunho looked at his empty glass before staring out at the window. “It was raining the time I lost Jaejoong.” He told Changmin.
Yunho is selfish. He doesn’t trust anyone with anything thinking that he could always do better than them. He doesn’t need anyone. The only reason he went out to date Jaejoong is because Jaejoong is stunningly beautiful. The person everyone likes to be with. And Yunho, being the almighty person who can get everything for himself alone, confessed his invisible love for Jaejoong, who jumped out in joy. Love for Mister Jung’s vocabulary is a four letter word that will bring you down. It does not exist. Something that must be buried deep down the place that he will never dig, nor will anyone be able to dig for him. Not even the perfect man, Kim Jaejoong.
It was autumn then when Yunho went all efforts to take Jaejoong out for a walk and just when the wind blew so hard to take away the remaining leaves on the trees, Yunho confessed. Confessed the love he doesn’t feel at all.
“Go out with me” He told Jaejoong who looked at him with his big round and confused eyes.
“Huh?” Jaejoong asked. He heard it. He just wanted to make sure his ears aren’t playing tricks on him.
“Go out with me. Be my boyfriend. Live with me.” Yunho said, face straight as it always is. “Be mine.”
Jaejoong’s half-parted lips turned into a bright smile, that which could kill. He threw his body towards Yunho and hugged him like he’s his life. “YES! YES!” Jaejoong said, eyes teary. “I’m yours.” His tears carried all the happiness he felt.
Jaejoong always turned down his suitors, may they be men or women, all because he has his eyes set on one man only. Jung Yunho, the regular costumer in the restaurant where he works as a regular performer. Yunho, despite the million of people in the café, stands out. He glows above everyone else. His untainted composure and his straight handsome face gives out the charisma Jaejoong needed to see from a man. He fell in love with this costumer even without talking to him. not even once. He doesn’t know Yunho aside from his name, which he got from listening to some waitress’s chitchatting. Other than his name, he doesn’t know Yunho at all, yet it’s enough to make him fall in love. Too in love.
They have shared the bed a couple of times and Yunho would shout his inexistent “I love you” every time he releases, followed by a passion kiss from the lover below his sweaty, sticky and muscular body… then the sincere I love you, too. Their relationship is doing well. Jaejoong has never been less in love each day, while Yunho, who in the first place was never in love, only grew addicted to Jaejoong’s body, and the way Jaejoong tightens when he’s inside the man. It’s really not a good relationship and these types are those that don’t exist long. Those types are those that should not exist long. But will you blame Jaejoong, who fools himself to make himself believe Yunho really loves him… maybe more than Jaejoong even does to Yunho. Fool.
“Yunnie~” Jaejoong whined, trying to take his lover’s eyes off of his work. “Dinner is getting cold. Can you at least leave your work and come eat with me?” Jaejoong said, his head peeking out of the door. Receiving no answer from the man, Jaejoong walked inside and forced his body to sit on Yunho’s lap, sandwich between Yunho’s body and the desk where the laptop is. Jaejoong played with Yunho’s hair with one hand while a finger from the other hand pokes Yunho’s ears. “Yunnie, my Yunnie. Do not overwork yourself.”
“I need to. I’ll be there once I finished this.” Yunho answered.
“Awww. But I want to eat with you.”
“I’d rather eat you.”
“Yah!” Jaejoong slapped his forehead. “Come on, let’s go. Your work can wait.” He said as he pulled Yunho towards the dining room.
Jaejoong, every time they eat together, will always wait for Yunho to compliment his cooking skills, but Yunho ate quietly. Respecting that this maybe how Yunho is. Quiet. But in reality, Yunho wants to get this done so he can go back to work immediately. But always, Jaejoong will understand. Yunho is doing this for them. And he came to love this person without knowing who and how he is as an individual. So this is the best way to prove himself of his unwavering love for his partner. Accepting him of who he is.
Right after dinner, Yunho finally decided to take a break from work and sat on the sofa to watch the television. Finding nothing entertaining to watch, Yunho settled to read the magazine on the coffee table. From the kitchen, Jaejoong took the opportunity to tell Yunho about his day. Something that Yunho has no plans of asking.
“…and so, Junsu told me he’ll never talk to me on the phone ever again.” Jaejoong said, his laugh echoing on the room. But no matter how loud and beautiful he laughed, he still failed to make Yunho react. And so, he again tried to convince himself. Yunho is this type of person. Reserved.
Yet, despite his acceptance… Jaejoong still wanted Yunho to listen to him.
Changmin’s gaze turned from the rain where Yunho is still looking at, to the side of Yunho’s face. “He was yours to keep but chose to throw away.” Changmin said, as he bowed to the waitress who served their supper. “I saw them. They are happy. He is happy: happier with him than with you, maybe.” Changmin flatly said, stabbing his cousin hard in the already broken heart.
Yunho fully understands why Changmin even told him something he is denying to tell himself. It hurts so much to know that he has Jaejoong madly in love with him. Yet now tables are turned, and it is him madly in love with Jaejoong… and it is his feelings madly ignored by Jaejoong. Life must be making fun of him.
“Is he really?” Yunho asked, forcing a smile on his lips… but failing miserably.
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AN: ahh!!! seriously, this is not even planned to turn out this way. xD and i do not hate Yunho!! (just making things clear) as i have always been doing, i wanted something new, and i write something new. another thing, as you see, i try to minimize using charcters outside dong bang boys. XD yea, me and my bias!! xD that is why, you might notice in most of my stories, it's always dbsk. and even from my best friend's boyfriend... the good and the bad is dong bang. xD IT'S MY WAY OF CATCHING EMOTIONS. because i believe as a reader myself that if i use dong bang boys as the good and the bad, it will create the angsty emotion i want to build than to use other characters. do you get me? lol. maybe i am talking pure nonsense. i am just rambling.
AN: if you noticed, the parts are short. xD 4 pages each. lol. that's how lazy i am. but let me know what you think of the story. is it short yet good? or short and bad. lol.
AN: it might go more than 3 parts. xD