Ready, Set...Bitch
allright-I'm giving you fair warning on this one. If you don't like to read complaining, whiney posts-don't read this one. There will be swearing, I can feel it in my bones.
You have been warned
I'm tired of being the good, obediant, smart, athletic, honest, and trusting daugter and being yelled at for it. I'm tired of being told that "i ruined your life" because I screwed up laundry.
I'm tired of being screamed at when I ask for a new pair of shoes when you got them for marysia and gen-they're sneakers, yes I realize that. but I'd wear them. I waited because when I first asked for them they were too expencive ...so I wated untill they were marked down by $30...then they didn't have them in my size anymore.
Apparently that's my fault too.
I'm tired of having a paycheck that will buy me clothing now because you wont. But you'll buy whole outfits for gen. I'm tired of the fact that I asked you for a new watch because the one I had to pay for made me break out in hives-and I was being selfish for that. SORRY. Fuck you.
I'm tired that MY PANTS FALL OFF ME NOW. I'M TIRED THAT YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT I'M FAT AND I'M NOT-AND WHEN I JUMP UP AND DOWN THEY LAND AT MY ANKELS AND YOU STILL WON'T BUY ME NEW ONES. I'M TIRED THAT THE LAST PAIR OF JEANS I GOT WERE FUCKING FOUND IN THE BOTTOM OF MARYSIA'S FUCKING CLOSET AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE GREATFULL!??!!?
I'm tired that I'm the only daughter you yell at. I'm tired that my twin calles me a bitch everyday and doesn't think that hurts. I'm tired that whenever something's wrong it gets to a point where I have to cry to make it realized.
I'm not content with what I have.
I'm tired of being called selfish for wanting to be with my friends-not with family.
I'm tired of being laid back and becoming a push over. I'm tired of these double standards that the world seems to want to inforce so much.
I'm tired of not being treated equaly to my sisters.
I'm tired of the fact that I do more for my parents and they still like them better.
I'm tired of coming home and being told I'm worthless-that you'd "Rather talk to a wall, it would probably be smarter" then talk to the fucking wall, I know that you don't like me. You told me last week.
I'm tired of the fact you still think I'm overweight and look at me like I'm disgusting when I want to each chocolate.
I'm tired of trying.
Fuck you world.
I'm sick of you.
I'm sick of the way you make my friends feel like they're crap.
I hate the way you make me try so hard and then have everyone think it's lame or funny.
I hate when I feel like everything I do is so completely worthless.
I hate how everyone always thinks I'm kidding.
I hate being so concerned about "is it selfish if I want this" "is it selfish if I want that" because that's what I'm told by so many people.
I hate how some people think I'm spoiled and I think they're right-and yet I'm still not happy with what I have.
I hate how this whole entry was so completely self based. and I love that I don't care.
Fuck this.
*Lydie