nineteenth memory
[private | medium hacking difficulty]
Yesterday and the day before.
I--
Was that... what having a heart is like? I don't I was acting just like him - the one everyone remembers. I said all those things... Is that what my heart believes? That friends are worth sacrificing anything for, that these people are nice, that they're my friends and I like them?
I remember how it all felt, but I don't feel like that now. I can't even pretend. There's nothing there. It's like I was someone else. Somebody who's disappeared, so quick that I didn't even feel it. It's probably the only thing I didn't feel yesterday.
I can't figure this out. If I have a heart, I'll believe that it's right for me to keep it; if I don't have a heart, the chance that I might disappear is too big of a risk. How can I be sure that it's what I want? ... I don't even know what makes me Roxas anymore. It's not Sora. It's not a heart. It's not the way I act, if I'm that different when I can feel. So what's left?
...
This is too complicated.
[/private]
... I don't remember anything from these past two days. And I don't want to know.
(ooc: Yeah, you can tell something's seriously disturbed him when Roxas starts relying on things he's not even good at for defense. Lying Roxas lies like a cheap rug when it's rolled up and leaning against a wall - in other words, not very well. Feel free to poke him until his poorly-constructed pretenses crumble like the ashes of a very cheap rug set on fire! ♥)