?????????SCREAM??????????
Ok folks. I'm in the mood.
Some thoughts for the evening.
I'm exhausted beyond reason. Yet sleep escapes me. This is nothing new.
Ryan knows better than anyone why I can't sleep...too much floating around. Too much to THINK about. Too much to sort out.
So Ryan wants this. I thought this would be something that everyone might enjoy...or not. Whatever. Take it how you will. This is it folks. My rationale as it were. My magnum opus. Brandon Hare's "Why I Am". A word of caution...there will BE no censorship. This is the BLUNT truth. For those who can't deal, don't read.
Atheism. The word carries such a stigma in the Christian predominated United States. Despite the fact that many would argue that America is slowly going to Hell and sliding away from Christ, the fact remains that the VAST majority of our great nation's population will bubble the circle next to Christianity on standardized tests. They don't have an Atheist box. This nation, built on the foundations of freedom and equality, fails to have a box just for the minority that has the courage to refer to themselves as Atheist. Atheists, by definition, are evil, immoral, and ignorant folks. We are the reason the country is going to shit, what with our lack of Christ, or ANY religious martyr for that matter, in our lives. We lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, pillage; all with reckless abandon and with noone to answer to but ourselves. Nihilism is the name of the game right?
Wrong.
Nilihists and Atheists are a completely different breed, at least as far as I'm concerned (which is all that matters in this little essay of mine). I am not Nihlistic by any means. True, I have no belief whatsoever in a higher power. No creator. No omnipotent, omniscient, and magnificient God. No Buddha, no Allah, no Shiva, no Magic, no Satan. No heaven, no Hell, no Limbo. No flying elephants or UFOs to be found here. I do not worship the Sun, the Earth, or George Bush. But I'll tell you what I DO believe in. That which separates me from the Nihilists. I find Nihilism to be altogether unfulfilling. To believe in ABSOLUTELY nothing is to lead an empty and lonely life. But wait Brandon, did you not just say that you don't believe in a higher power? Isn't that a bit hypocritical? Maybe, if you want to see it that way. I believe in what my senses tell me to be true. What I can smell, touch, taste, hear, and see. Some may argue that this is rather superficial and that the senses are easily tricked. That is a valid arguement. However, what else does man have with which to percieve his world? If our SENSES are lying to us, what proof do we have that we even exist at all? That is not all. I do believe in that which cannot be felt with the senses, but is equally real to me. I belive in emotions, thought. I believe in that which makes me an individual, which makes me a person, which gives me a "soul." My pain, my sadness, my hatred, my fear, my compassion, my sympathy, my empathy, my LOVE...these are what make me me. What I feel. These things are all abstractions given names to facilitate in their discussion and expression. Even language has its limits...for why else would we speak in metaphors and similies to refer to that which a simple noun can describe? Because it is inadequate. It is the complexities of ourseleves that make us who we are. This is my GOD.
The more immediate and pressing issue, however, is my grievances with Christianity, of which there are MANY. I will go into detail here. Before I even begin however, I know that this paragraph in particular will be picked over meticulously. There will be those searching diligently for that which can be disproven, falsified, debated. That which will give me some magic insight and make me say, "Maybe I don't have all the facts." That which can prove my beliefs WRONG. Know this. I offer these explanations as a means of communicating some of my rationale. This is by no means a complete discertation of my Atheistic dogma. There are some things, as stated before, which cannot be expressed in words. Those matters of the heart. Those will be left where they are. I would not dare commit such an injustice. Without further adieu, here it is.
I do not agree with any religion. All religions have their validities. I am not here to argue that. I am here to argue why I personally do not follow them. I Hate all religion with the utmost intensity my heart can muster. I hate it so very passionately that I have not even begun to express it to anyone, even those close to me. To simply say, "I hate religion." does not adequately address the depth of my feelings. Christianity, in particular, holds a special place in my heart. It is king of them all. What did it do to deserve such ignominy? Some of my feelings, as I explained earlier, I cannot place into words. They just are what they are.
I cannot believe in the Christian God. I cannot and I WILL not. Even if the clouds parted and God himself rode down in a chariot of fire and said, "Here I am." I would simply laugh in his face. The truth is, the vast majority of those that call themselves followers of God and Jesus Christ are the biggest hypocrites on the face of this planet. They preach their fire and brimstone sermons until they cannot breathe, condemning all of those that do not believe as they do, only to turn around and do the very things that they preach against. The Sunday Christians, the "I go to church once a week and that's enough" Christians...I HATE them. They sicken me. They are sycophants upon this Earth...a disease, a plague, a scourge. They tell ME that I'm wrong and that I'm going to Hell to rot for all fucking eternity, but they have the fucking BALLS to turn around and piss on the very book that they supposedly base their lives upon. It's sickening. Yes, the Bible, the book of books. You'll find all kinds of goodies contained within. Who needs the news? We have rape, murder, genocide, incest, theft, war, disease, misogyny, hatred, homophobia and every other evil you can look up in the dictionary all in one place. There is so very very much in the Bible that just screams at me. This is a book written by men, for men, to control them. It's ingenious. These men wrote a book that is the most widely read piece of literature in the human world. Countless millions of people preach it, fight for it, live for it, and DIE for it, and it has been that way for centuries. Men bleed for the words written in this book. Never have I seen so much fanatical devotion to an idea. It's quite frightening. I cannot, in my sane mind, believe that this all powerful God created the universe and everything contained in it. When I read the Bible, I cannot help but be stricken with the sense that God sounds all too...dare I say it...HUMAN. Men were created in his image, or God created in theirs? There is NO factual evidence to back any of this stuff up. None. The Bible tells you to throw away all reason and say that this is the undeniable truth. To Hell with Science, logic, and fact...I've got God! What about the geologic, biologic, historic, hell, ALL of the evidence that does NOT support the Christian faith? The story bearing a striking resemblance to the Noah's flood has been found on a stone tablet that PREDATES the Bible. So much fact staring you in the face, and yet they still believe. I shake my head in awe at that. But that's just it I guess. It's all about faith. But faith based on nothing is just that...nothing. X times 0 = ZERO. There are a million religions in the world, with millions of followers. Christianity just happened to be at the head of the pack. I can just hear the gasps, the exasperated sighs, the looks of horror, and the curses of damnation as I write this little thing of mine. My life has been entirely too fucked up for me to believe in a savior. Where was this savior when I asked for him? When I needed him? Where was this savior during the years of psycological abuse? During the Hell that was my childhood? I hold a psychotic fucking HATRED for this consept of God. Allow me to play Devil's Advocate here and entertain the possiblity that God does exist. I can honestly say that I would hate him even more. Even if he did exist, he does not exist for ME. I cannot betray myself and become a Christian. I cannot destroy all that I am for that. Take all of it...I don't NEED it. I don't WANT it. Religion can go jump in front of a train. It is not me. It has no place in my heart, in my reality, in my life. It simply, is not.
Allow me to clarify. I do not hate those that live by their faith. Those rare true Christians are ok in my book. As long as they don't try to convert me that is. But I guess the previous statements have revoked any such hope of a friendship. I have effectively destroyed any hope of that I guess. This is exactly why I DON'T share my thoughts. There is SO very much more to all of this. So much more. Maybe my wife will pry it out of me one day...or my kids. Till then, it will remain buried in the darkest recesses of my heart. Am I an immoral person? By Christain definitions yes. I am a lost soul, damned to eternity in HELL, where I will burn in firey agony. Well FUCK, BRING IT ON. This great God that will damn me to Hell? Fuck, I don't want to worship him anyway. I have lived my very on personalized Hell. Fuck my good deeds, my kindness, all of that. None of it matters right? I don't BELIEVE, so it's moot! The serial killer who can find God on his execution day will enter the great Kingdom of Heaven, but little old me burns in hell with the rest of the lot. Oh well, I'll accept my fate. Hell is preferable to God anyday.
Ryan...do you see now? I understand if you don't want to associate with me anymore. I know you can never love me the way I love you. I'll accept that. I hate it, but I accept it. I didn't want to hurt you Ryan. I never do. But I always seem to, just by being who I am. Maybe I'm not good for you dear. Maybe I'm not worth it... I don't know. I do love you though...so very much. And that, to me, is all that matters.
"Religion is the Opiate of the masses."
"God is dead, and no one cares. If there is a Hell, I'll see you there."
"I never said I wanted to be God's disciple, I'll never be the one to blindly follow."
"God is dead, and the devil reigns us all, it's a mystery to solve."
"I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist."
Some thoughts for the evening.
I'm exhausted beyond reason. Yet sleep escapes me. This is nothing new.
Ryan knows better than anyone why I can't sleep...too much floating around. Too much to THINK about. Too much to sort out.
So Ryan wants this. I thought this would be something that everyone might enjoy...or not. Whatever. Take it how you will. This is it folks. My rationale as it were. My magnum opus. Brandon Hare's "Why I Am". A word of caution...there will BE no censorship. This is the BLUNT truth. For those who can't deal, don't read.
Atheism. The word carries such a stigma in the Christian predominated United States. Despite the fact that many would argue that America is slowly going to Hell and sliding away from Christ, the fact remains that the VAST majority of our great nation's population will bubble the circle next to Christianity on standardized tests. They don't have an Atheist box. This nation, built on the foundations of freedom and equality, fails to have a box just for the minority that has the courage to refer to themselves as Atheist. Atheists, by definition, are evil, immoral, and ignorant folks. We are the reason the country is going to shit, what with our lack of Christ, or ANY religious martyr for that matter, in our lives. We lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, pillage; all with reckless abandon and with noone to answer to but ourselves. Nihilism is the name of the game right?
Wrong.
Nilihists and Atheists are a completely different breed, at least as far as I'm concerned (which is all that matters in this little essay of mine). I am not Nihlistic by any means. True, I have no belief whatsoever in a higher power. No creator. No omnipotent, omniscient, and magnificient God. No Buddha, no Allah, no Shiva, no Magic, no Satan. No heaven, no Hell, no Limbo. No flying elephants or UFOs to be found here. I do not worship the Sun, the Earth, or George Bush. But I'll tell you what I DO believe in. That which separates me from the Nihilists. I find Nihilism to be altogether unfulfilling. To believe in ABSOLUTELY nothing is to lead an empty and lonely life. But wait Brandon, did you not just say that you don't believe in a higher power? Isn't that a bit hypocritical? Maybe, if you want to see it that way. I believe in what my senses tell me to be true. What I can smell, touch, taste, hear, and see. Some may argue that this is rather superficial and that the senses are easily tricked. That is a valid arguement. However, what else does man have with which to percieve his world? If our SENSES are lying to us, what proof do we have that we even exist at all? That is not all. I do believe in that which cannot be felt with the senses, but is equally real to me. I belive in emotions, thought. I believe in that which makes me an individual, which makes me a person, which gives me a "soul." My pain, my sadness, my hatred, my fear, my compassion, my sympathy, my empathy, my LOVE...these are what make me me. What I feel. These things are all abstractions given names to facilitate in their discussion and expression. Even language has its limits...for why else would we speak in metaphors and similies to refer to that which a simple noun can describe? Because it is inadequate. It is the complexities of ourseleves that make us who we are. This is my GOD.
The more immediate and pressing issue, however, is my grievances with Christianity, of which there are MANY. I will go into detail here. Before I even begin however, I know that this paragraph in particular will be picked over meticulously. There will be those searching diligently for that which can be disproven, falsified, debated. That which will give me some magic insight and make me say, "Maybe I don't have all the facts." That which can prove my beliefs WRONG. Know this. I offer these explanations as a means of communicating some of my rationale. This is by no means a complete discertation of my Atheistic dogma. There are some things, as stated before, which cannot be expressed in words. Those matters of the heart. Those will be left where they are. I would not dare commit such an injustice. Without further adieu, here it is.
I do not agree with any religion. All religions have their validities. I am not here to argue that. I am here to argue why I personally do not follow them. I Hate all religion with the utmost intensity my heart can muster. I hate it so very passionately that I have not even begun to express it to anyone, even those close to me. To simply say, "I hate religion." does not adequately address the depth of my feelings. Christianity, in particular, holds a special place in my heart. It is king of them all. What did it do to deserve such ignominy? Some of my feelings, as I explained earlier, I cannot place into words. They just are what they are.
I cannot believe in the Christian God. I cannot and I WILL not. Even if the clouds parted and God himself rode down in a chariot of fire and said, "Here I am." I would simply laugh in his face. The truth is, the vast majority of those that call themselves followers of God and Jesus Christ are the biggest hypocrites on the face of this planet. They preach their fire and brimstone sermons until they cannot breathe, condemning all of those that do not believe as they do, only to turn around and do the very things that they preach against. The Sunday Christians, the "I go to church once a week and that's enough" Christians...I HATE them. They sicken me. They are sycophants upon this Earth...a disease, a plague, a scourge. They tell ME that I'm wrong and that I'm going to Hell to rot for all fucking eternity, but they have the fucking BALLS to turn around and piss on the very book that they supposedly base their lives upon. It's sickening. Yes, the Bible, the book of books. You'll find all kinds of goodies contained within. Who needs the news? We have rape, murder, genocide, incest, theft, war, disease, misogyny, hatred, homophobia and every other evil you can look up in the dictionary all in one place. There is so very very much in the Bible that just screams at me. This is a book written by men, for men, to control them. It's ingenious. These men wrote a book that is the most widely read piece of literature in the human world. Countless millions of people preach it, fight for it, live for it, and DIE for it, and it has been that way for centuries. Men bleed for the words written in this book. Never have I seen so much fanatical devotion to an idea. It's quite frightening. I cannot, in my sane mind, believe that this all powerful God created the universe and everything contained in it. When I read the Bible, I cannot help but be stricken with the sense that God sounds all too...dare I say it...HUMAN. Men were created in his image, or God created in theirs? There is NO factual evidence to back any of this stuff up. None. The Bible tells you to throw away all reason and say that this is the undeniable truth. To Hell with Science, logic, and fact...I've got God! What about the geologic, biologic, historic, hell, ALL of the evidence that does NOT support the Christian faith? The story bearing a striking resemblance to the Noah's flood has been found on a stone tablet that PREDATES the Bible. So much fact staring you in the face, and yet they still believe. I shake my head in awe at that. But that's just it I guess. It's all about faith. But faith based on nothing is just that...nothing. X times 0 = ZERO. There are a million religions in the world, with millions of followers. Christianity just happened to be at the head of the pack. I can just hear the gasps, the exasperated sighs, the looks of horror, and the curses of damnation as I write this little thing of mine. My life has been entirely too fucked up for me to believe in a savior. Where was this savior when I asked for him? When I needed him? Where was this savior during the years of psycological abuse? During the Hell that was my childhood? I hold a psychotic fucking HATRED for this consept of God. Allow me to play Devil's Advocate here and entertain the possiblity that God does exist. I can honestly say that I would hate him even more. Even if he did exist, he does not exist for ME. I cannot betray myself and become a Christian. I cannot destroy all that I am for that. Take all of it...I don't NEED it. I don't WANT it. Religion can go jump in front of a train. It is not me. It has no place in my heart, in my reality, in my life. It simply, is not.
Allow me to clarify. I do not hate those that live by their faith. Those rare true Christians are ok in my book. As long as they don't try to convert me that is. But I guess the previous statements have revoked any such hope of a friendship. I have effectively destroyed any hope of that I guess. This is exactly why I DON'T share my thoughts. There is SO very much more to all of this. So much more. Maybe my wife will pry it out of me one day...or my kids. Till then, it will remain buried in the darkest recesses of my heart. Am I an immoral person? By Christain definitions yes. I am a lost soul, damned to eternity in HELL, where I will burn in firey agony. Well FUCK, BRING IT ON. This great God that will damn me to Hell? Fuck, I don't want to worship him anyway. I have lived my very on personalized Hell. Fuck my good deeds, my kindness, all of that. None of it matters right? I don't BELIEVE, so it's moot! The serial killer who can find God on his execution day will enter the great Kingdom of Heaven, but little old me burns in hell with the rest of the lot. Oh well, I'll accept my fate. Hell is preferable to God anyday.
Ryan...do you see now? I understand if you don't want to associate with me anymore. I know you can never love me the way I love you. I'll accept that. I hate it, but I accept it. I didn't want to hurt you Ryan. I never do. But I always seem to, just by being who I am. Maybe I'm not good for you dear. Maybe I'm not worth it... I don't know. I do love you though...so very much. And that, to me, is all that matters.
"Religion is the Opiate of the masses."
"God is dead, and no one cares. If there is a Hell, I'll see you there."
"I never said I wanted to be God's disciple, I'll never be the one to blindly follow."
"God is dead, and the devil reigns us all, it's a mystery to solve."
"I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist."