You wont be mine.
New Years Eve
The night sky was vibrant with a spectacle of décor that lined the main street of downtown Nagoya. Spot lights searched the brightened sky for ethereal ghosts, strobe lights bent reality in dark allies and the dull hue of street lamps were turned into a coordinated spectrum of neon. Banners, ribbons and booze covering the asphalt where hundreds of cars drove every day, except today. The street was humming with chatter, thumping with the bass line that shook the concrete underneath the feet of thousands, squealing with electronic riffs that echoed between the grand buildings. The light and sound traveled upwards towards the sky, trying to reach the heaven’s and the Gods above. Fading gently as it climbed concrete and glass walls and eventually became a monotonous haze.
A touch of green flecked the blistering white skin of protruding knuckles, wrapped so tightly over the metal railing that the blood could no longer reach the tips of the fingers. A deep breath drew in the intoxicating scent of liquor, pungent from the partying masses gathered like swarming bugs below. Brown eyes reflected bright red, forming digital numbers on an oversized clock that decorated the side of a skyscraper just across the way.
11:59:50 PM.
A time of celebration that belonged to everyone. A time for new beginnings. Of change. There was an echo of thousands, counting down the end of the beginning. A time of forgiveness.
5
4
3
2
1:52 PM. Anxious fingers tapping against his fidgeting leg helped relieve stress while waiting impatiently for the number to change on the display above the metal doors. Another ding and he almost jolted forward before the doors could slide open, barely making it through the parting sheets of metal without smacking face first into them. His laptop bag hugged against his hip as he moved, the swish of material rubbing together as he took long strides along the carpeted hallway as if he could arrive any faster without breaking into a run. A tangle of keys all clanked together as they were pulled out of the side pocket and despite his hurry, he stopped in front of his apartment door and took a deep, calming breath.
Ruka could not resist the wide smile on his face. It was the first time he had been home in a while; New Years was their night. They always took it off, no matter their business, in order to spend it together. It was tradition, one that he never intended to break. Without Kei giving him any bad news about the night, he assumed, whole heartedly and without doubt, that the other man would be home. So it didn’t surprise him at all when he opened the door of their large condo and found that a few lights were on, dimmed from their brightest setting so that the lights of the city aided in the illumination of the room. He continued grinning to himself as he set his bag on the couch, moving across the living room to the rarely used dining table, where he set another container down; a shopping bag.
From the top of the present pile inside of the large, thick paper bag, he pulled a smaller container with their dinner. He was certain there was nothing in the fridge, since Kei rarely cooked for himself and budget allowed the bar tending midget to get away with it. There was no chance of getting delivery on New Years Eve, either, but to his luck, Kohta had been feeling generous enough to make extra of the dinner he was already planning for his brother and their extended guest. Score one for Ruka; That was a five star meal for free.
He moved into the kitchen, slowing his haste, to put the food away safely in the fridge, knowing full well it would not be eaten soon. Closing the fridge, he thought he heard commotion down the long hallway that lead to their bedroom, leaving him to wonder if Kei was aware that he was home yet. Could he have been rushing about in there, last minute finishing touches? Or maybe he was still debating on what to wear for the night; a task that was usually easier for Kei than it was for Ruka. Admittedly, he was a little lack luster on the attire for the night. His favorite Minnie shirt sufficed with a pair of worn out jeans, after he’d spent most of the early day traveling. If they planned to ever leave the house for the night, he was sure to step out in something a bit more complicated than that. Kei, on the other hand, could have gotten away with it. That’s just how he was. Those little hips wore a pair of tight jeans like a miniature god.
Maybe he’d catch Kei in the act of changing. A devious grin spread on Ruka’s lips as he slipped out of the kitchen with a bounce in his step. He moved towards the hallway and slowed as he passed the brink of narrow walls. A muffled sound came from the other side of the bedroom door as he got closer, but he strained to hear little more than what might have been a frustrated grunt. Tip toeing in hopes that he might surprise the other man, he stopped just at the door and leaned in, pressing his ear against it for a moment and listening. There was a shuffle within, but it didn’t sound like feet on carpet, it sounded like the bed. Ruka almost laughed a little. Posing, maybe?
And then a moan. Ruka’s heart jumped in his chest and he jerked away from the door slightly. That little devil. Not that he was surprised. Kei had a perfectly healthy appetite for sex and with Ruka out so much, of course he was going to self service the need. He tried not to snicker too loudly over the idea of joining in on Kei’s little session. Hand on the knob, he carefully turned it, as slowly as he could. Cracking the door open with no more than a whisper of air flowing from the hallway into the room, he pushed the wood gently and let it swish open in slow motion to the dimly lit bedroom they shared.
”Oh god.”
Flesh to sweating flesh slapped together in a chorus. Body flowing in rhythm, muscles pulled and tightened in strain as they were worked. Hips rocked like experts of the deed, aiding fleshy parts as it slipped in and out of tight confines. Kei’s small body convulsed, his spine curving back and arching his figure in a sinful way. Moans rolled out of his throat in the unique tenor of his voice before gasps of air that expressed dire pleasure.
The pit of Satoru Kano’s stomach churned so sharply, he could feel the immediate burn of acid in his throat. Kei’s sinful, god like hips moved without interruption of his presence, grinding against the sweating flesh of a body that lay out underneath his upright form. Strange hands grasp at the rounded flesh, coaxing the motion and aiding the sharp thrusts back into the small figure. Dirty blonde of many shades lay against the familiar pillows, personal sheets coiled up against the bodies in motion, repeatedly disturbed by Kei’s rise and fall. Foreign lips spilled out soft sounds, buried underneath the noise of Kei’s louder expression. Someone else slid in and out of Kei’s small body effortlessly, enjoying another man’s treasure. Ruka’s.
The smell of sweat, cum and booze were in the air and even when he held his breath, he could not keep it out of his senses. He was stranded there in the doorway, unable to move any part of himself; his lungs, his eyes, nor his legs. He went unnoticed in the doorway, the pair of men on his bed were profile, giving him an all too clear view of what went on even in the dim yellow light. Every motion his lover made, every thrust, in and out of his body, aided by his familiar, expert motions. How his hands, for a time, rest on the other man’s chest and then, as he sat up right again, they touched his own. Sliding upwards in sensual motions, teasing himself and the eyes of another; eventually, grabbing at the dark, wonderful hair that was soaked with sweat.
A few minutes went missing from his life. In a desperate effort to fill the empty space in his time line, his mind scrambled to give him something more than the emptiness that hallowed out his entire torso. In a snap, he forgot how to feel. Reaching out, Ruka set a hand on the doorknob and with a step backwards, he pulled it closed and not until the last second did it snap in the frame.
Kei was startled out of his motions by the sound, his body almost falling forward in the abrupt conflict of motion with the man underneath him. Air sucked into his lungs in a sharp gasp that aided his choking word.
”Ruka?!”
In a sudden scramble, the smaller man pulled himself free of the tangle and attachment of his momentary lover, nearly collapsing in the effort to move. ”Oh god, no no no.” Throwing himself from the bed and onto his uncertain feet, he wobbled a few steps towards the door, his muscles shaking from the physical exertion of betrayal. Colliding with the door before he could get a hand on the knob, Kei jerked it open and in a sloppy exit, barreled out of the bedroom and left behind his drunken partner. As soon as Kei could look up across the hallway, his eyes found the retreating back of his once best friend, moving in an unhurried pace away from the scene he’d witnessed.
”Ruka!”
The smaller man ran bare through the corridor after the one who appeared not to hear his desperate call. Tears were already welling up into the small brunette’s eyes, blurring his early impaired vision. Kei reached out and grabbed for Ruka’s arm, wrapping around it as quickly as he could manage and pulling the man’s legs to a stop with his minuscule weight; like a anvil, it brought the giant to a still.
”Ruka, wait, please!” Moving around the taller man’s body, he stopped in front of his 6 foot love and found himself face to face with a broken man. Only half of what he once was.
”I’m-I- I’m so sorry, Ruka. I’m sorry. Just, It‘s- I didn't mean to-”
Get caught. The smell of alcohol wafted from his very breath so heavily that the Rikaba favorite nearly cringed. His face reflected the emptiness, blinking dark eyes slowly as though Kei's nude figure wasn't there. It was silent for a moment, beyond the violent gasps that erupted from a sinner's breathless lips. Black eyes pierced through the barrier of booze and tears, but they saw nothing. His arm pulled away.
”It’s okay.” His voice was steady, but lingered in a quiet place. Closing his eyes for a moment, he blocked out Kei’s tears, moving his sight to another place; the table.
He knew what he had done.
Ruka began to move away, stepping around the naked body, dripping with fluids of lust and regret. The bundle started to tremble harshly, shaking his head in distinct protest and in an outburst, sobs broke free of his small chest.
”No, Ruka. Don’t say that!” There were vain, partially blinded attempts to grab for the parting figure, but the taller half of a broken equation escaped from reach to find his laptop bag on the couch.
”It’s okay, Kei.”
Repetition caused more crying. ”No! It’s not okay!”
A deep breath at the entryway came with eyes closed. He was quiet for another long moment and it was difficult to distinguish if he heard those tears at all. ”There’s dinner in the fridge.”
The door shut behind him.
The drive to the hotel was five times as long, as he weaved in and out of back alleys and secret corners of the city, avoiding the main roads that were closed off in preparation for the grand night to come. One hour turned into 3, and 3 into 5 with far too much ease. Eyes wide open and thoughts closed, he drove familiar paths to places he didn’t intend to stop. The phone rang in repetition until he changed the setting and eventually began to ignore the vibration of plastic and metal against his passenger seat cushion. He didn’t cry and he did not yell, because he knew what he had done.
Kei wanted change that would never come.
Satoru Kano would never be allowed to live normally. He couldn’t return home at 6 in the evening every day. He wasn’t allowed workless vacation time, always on call. He could not be replaced by one man, though perhaps 10 could carry on his work, like a leading scientist. He was the second hand and the guiding system. Rikaba needed him to be that man and there was no other. Gotham only had one Batman; Metropolis, one Superman. Nagoya had only one Ruka.
There was so much time spent trying to keep two worlds separate from each other. He thought they were two opposing polarities that could never come into contact; maybe that was a mistake. One of them was inescapable and the other he believed to be unbreakable. Like love could prevail over lies and secrecy. He was foolish. He could not give Kei what he needed, although he tried. For some time he had convinced himself that it was enough. The limited time they had together, the amount of love they shared with such intensity. Maybe the only reason that it was so strong, was the distance. Powered by their separation, the little moments were overwhelming; perfect.
Perfect wasn’t enough.
By the time Ruka arrived at his hotel, the night had set in and taken over the sky, soon illuminated by the yawning party. It would only be a matter of time before the streets were filled with music and laughter and fun. There was a party at Shinobiiru that he would not attend, but he would hear about from Yomi in the days to come. The phone would keep ringing through the night, though it would continue to go ignored for many hours to follow. He lay on his back and looked through the smooth ceiling to a different place, one that didn’t exist here. There were desperate attempts to keep the image out of his mind, but it haunted him like an angry ghost. Soft, innocent Kei. Drowned in alcohol, burying himself in the affection of a stranger, senseless sex with more meaning than could be described. Like a lonely housewife’s affair.
He left useless presents on the table with no intention of taking them back.
There was so much that Kei didn’t have when he was young and for years, even before they were together, Ruka tried to make up for it with the abundance he had. Always bringing home gifts, always sending things while he was away. Always giving. Supplementing his presence with material things, like a busy father. But the little boy in Kei was starved for attention. He needed more than stuff to make up for the fact that Ruka didn’t always have the time. Jewelry, clothing, a new car for Christmas; They were all things Kei had no use for. What he needed was a body, that came with warmth, and wrapped him up in something physical. Something real.
In the time it took him to realize that, it was too late. He was already gone.
The night sky was vibrant with a spectacle of décor that lined the main street of downtown Nagoya. Spot lights searched the brightened sky for ethereal ghosts, strobe lights bent reality in dark allies and the dull hue of street lamps were turned into a coordinated spectrum of neon. Banners, ribbons and booze covering the asphalt where hundreds of cars drove every day, except today. The street was humming with chatter, thumping with the bass line that shook the concrete underneath the feet of thousands, squealing with electronic riffs that echoed between the grand buildings. The light and sound traveled upwards towards the sky, trying to reach the heaven’s and the Gods above. Fading gently as it climbed concrete and glass walls and eventually became a monotonous haze.
A touch of green flecked the blistering white skin of protruding knuckles, wrapped so tightly over the metal railing that the blood could no longer reach the tips of the fingers. A deep breath drew in the intoxicating scent of liquor, pungent from the partying masses gathered like swarming bugs below. Brown eyes reflected bright red, forming digital numbers on an oversized clock that decorated the side of a skyscraper just across the way.
11:59:50 PM.
A time of celebration that belonged to everyone. A time for new beginnings. Of change. There was an echo of thousands, counting down the end of the beginning. A time of forgiveness.
5
4
3
2
1:52 PM. Anxious fingers tapping against his fidgeting leg helped relieve stress while waiting impatiently for the number to change on the display above the metal doors. Another ding and he almost jolted forward before the doors could slide open, barely making it through the parting sheets of metal without smacking face first into them. His laptop bag hugged against his hip as he moved, the swish of material rubbing together as he took long strides along the carpeted hallway as if he could arrive any faster without breaking into a run. A tangle of keys all clanked together as they were pulled out of the side pocket and despite his hurry, he stopped in front of his apartment door and took a deep, calming breath.
Ruka could not resist the wide smile on his face. It was the first time he had been home in a while; New Years was their night. They always took it off, no matter their business, in order to spend it together. It was tradition, one that he never intended to break. Without Kei giving him any bad news about the night, he assumed, whole heartedly and without doubt, that the other man would be home. So it didn’t surprise him at all when he opened the door of their large condo and found that a few lights were on, dimmed from their brightest setting so that the lights of the city aided in the illumination of the room. He continued grinning to himself as he set his bag on the couch, moving across the living room to the rarely used dining table, where he set another container down; a shopping bag.
From the top of the present pile inside of the large, thick paper bag, he pulled a smaller container with their dinner. He was certain there was nothing in the fridge, since Kei rarely cooked for himself and budget allowed the bar tending midget to get away with it. There was no chance of getting delivery on New Years Eve, either, but to his luck, Kohta had been feeling generous enough to make extra of the dinner he was already planning for his brother and their extended guest. Score one for Ruka; That was a five star meal for free.
He moved into the kitchen, slowing his haste, to put the food away safely in the fridge, knowing full well it would not be eaten soon. Closing the fridge, he thought he heard commotion down the long hallway that lead to their bedroom, leaving him to wonder if Kei was aware that he was home yet. Could he have been rushing about in there, last minute finishing touches? Or maybe he was still debating on what to wear for the night; a task that was usually easier for Kei than it was for Ruka. Admittedly, he was a little lack luster on the attire for the night. His favorite Minnie shirt sufficed with a pair of worn out jeans, after he’d spent most of the early day traveling. If they planned to ever leave the house for the night, he was sure to step out in something a bit more complicated than that. Kei, on the other hand, could have gotten away with it. That’s just how he was. Those little hips wore a pair of tight jeans like a miniature god.
Maybe he’d catch Kei in the act of changing. A devious grin spread on Ruka’s lips as he slipped out of the kitchen with a bounce in his step. He moved towards the hallway and slowed as he passed the brink of narrow walls. A muffled sound came from the other side of the bedroom door as he got closer, but he strained to hear little more than what might have been a frustrated grunt. Tip toeing in hopes that he might surprise the other man, he stopped just at the door and leaned in, pressing his ear against it for a moment and listening. There was a shuffle within, but it didn’t sound like feet on carpet, it sounded like the bed. Ruka almost laughed a little. Posing, maybe?
And then a moan. Ruka’s heart jumped in his chest and he jerked away from the door slightly. That little devil. Not that he was surprised. Kei had a perfectly healthy appetite for sex and with Ruka out so much, of course he was going to self service the need. He tried not to snicker too loudly over the idea of joining in on Kei’s little session. Hand on the knob, he carefully turned it, as slowly as he could. Cracking the door open with no more than a whisper of air flowing from the hallway into the room, he pushed the wood gently and let it swish open in slow motion to the dimly lit bedroom they shared.
”Oh god.”
Flesh to sweating flesh slapped together in a chorus. Body flowing in rhythm, muscles pulled and tightened in strain as they were worked. Hips rocked like experts of the deed, aiding fleshy parts as it slipped in and out of tight confines. Kei’s small body convulsed, his spine curving back and arching his figure in a sinful way. Moans rolled out of his throat in the unique tenor of his voice before gasps of air that expressed dire pleasure.
The pit of Satoru Kano’s stomach churned so sharply, he could feel the immediate burn of acid in his throat. Kei’s sinful, god like hips moved without interruption of his presence, grinding against the sweating flesh of a body that lay out underneath his upright form. Strange hands grasp at the rounded flesh, coaxing the motion and aiding the sharp thrusts back into the small figure. Dirty blonde of many shades lay against the familiar pillows, personal sheets coiled up against the bodies in motion, repeatedly disturbed by Kei’s rise and fall. Foreign lips spilled out soft sounds, buried underneath the noise of Kei’s louder expression. Someone else slid in and out of Kei’s small body effortlessly, enjoying another man’s treasure. Ruka’s.
The smell of sweat, cum and booze were in the air and even when he held his breath, he could not keep it out of his senses. He was stranded there in the doorway, unable to move any part of himself; his lungs, his eyes, nor his legs. He went unnoticed in the doorway, the pair of men on his bed were profile, giving him an all too clear view of what went on even in the dim yellow light. Every motion his lover made, every thrust, in and out of his body, aided by his familiar, expert motions. How his hands, for a time, rest on the other man’s chest and then, as he sat up right again, they touched his own. Sliding upwards in sensual motions, teasing himself and the eyes of another; eventually, grabbing at the dark, wonderful hair that was soaked with sweat.
A few minutes went missing from his life. In a desperate effort to fill the empty space in his time line, his mind scrambled to give him something more than the emptiness that hallowed out his entire torso. In a snap, he forgot how to feel. Reaching out, Ruka set a hand on the doorknob and with a step backwards, he pulled it closed and not until the last second did it snap in the frame.
Kei was startled out of his motions by the sound, his body almost falling forward in the abrupt conflict of motion with the man underneath him. Air sucked into his lungs in a sharp gasp that aided his choking word.
”Ruka?!”
In a sudden scramble, the smaller man pulled himself free of the tangle and attachment of his momentary lover, nearly collapsing in the effort to move. ”Oh god, no no no.” Throwing himself from the bed and onto his uncertain feet, he wobbled a few steps towards the door, his muscles shaking from the physical exertion of betrayal. Colliding with the door before he could get a hand on the knob, Kei jerked it open and in a sloppy exit, barreled out of the bedroom and left behind his drunken partner. As soon as Kei could look up across the hallway, his eyes found the retreating back of his once best friend, moving in an unhurried pace away from the scene he’d witnessed.
”Ruka!”
The smaller man ran bare through the corridor after the one who appeared not to hear his desperate call. Tears were already welling up into the small brunette’s eyes, blurring his early impaired vision. Kei reached out and grabbed for Ruka’s arm, wrapping around it as quickly as he could manage and pulling the man’s legs to a stop with his minuscule weight; like a anvil, it brought the giant to a still.
”Ruka, wait, please!” Moving around the taller man’s body, he stopped in front of his 6 foot love and found himself face to face with a broken man. Only half of what he once was.
”I’m-I- I’m so sorry, Ruka. I’m sorry. Just, It‘s- I didn't mean to-”
Get caught. The smell of alcohol wafted from his very breath so heavily that the Rikaba favorite nearly cringed. His face reflected the emptiness, blinking dark eyes slowly as though Kei's nude figure wasn't there. It was silent for a moment, beyond the violent gasps that erupted from a sinner's breathless lips. Black eyes pierced through the barrier of booze and tears, but they saw nothing. His arm pulled away.
”It’s okay.” His voice was steady, but lingered in a quiet place. Closing his eyes for a moment, he blocked out Kei’s tears, moving his sight to another place; the table.
He knew what he had done.
Ruka began to move away, stepping around the naked body, dripping with fluids of lust and regret. The bundle started to tremble harshly, shaking his head in distinct protest and in an outburst, sobs broke free of his small chest.
”No, Ruka. Don’t say that!” There were vain, partially blinded attempts to grab for the parting figure, but the taller half of a broken equation escaped from reach to find his laptop bag on the couch.
”It’s okay, Kei.”
Repetition caused more crying. ”No! It’s not okay!”
A deep breath at the entryway came with eyes closed. He was quiet for another long moment and it was difficult to distinguish if he heard those tears at all. ”There’s dinner in the fridge.”
The door shut behind him.
The drive to the hotel was five times as long, as he weaved in and out of back alleys and secret corners of the city, avoiding the main roads that were closed off in preparation for the grand night to come. One hour turned into 3, and 3 into 5 with far too much ease. Eyes wide open and thoughts closed, he drove familiar paths to places he didn’t intend to stop. The phone rang in repetition until he changed the setting and eventually began to ignore the vibration of plastic and metal against his passenger seat cushion. He didn’t cry and he did not yell, because he knew what he had done.
Kei wanted change that would never come.
Satoru Kano would never be allowed to live normally. He couldn’t return home at 6 in the evening every day. He wasn’t allowed workless vacation time, always on call. He could not be replaced by one man, though perhaps 10 could carry on his work, like a leading scientist. He was the second hand and the guiding system. Rikaba needed him to be that man and there was no other. Gotham only had one Batman; Metropolis, one Superman. Nagoya had only one Ruka.
There was so much time spent trying to keep two worlds separate from each other. He thought they were two opposing polarities that could never come into contact; maybe that was a mistake. One of them was inescapable and the other he believed to be unbreakable. Like love could prevail over lies and secrecy. He was foolish. He could not give Kei what he needed, although he tried. For some time he had convinced himself that it was enough. The limited time they had together, the amount of love they shared with such intensity. Maybe the only reason that it was so strong, was the distance. Powered by their separation, the little moments were overwhelming; perfect.
Perfect wasn’t enough.
By the time Ruka arrived at his hotel, the night had set in and taken over the sky, soon illuminated by the yawning party. It would only be a matter of time before the streets were filled with music and laughter and fun. There was a party at Shinobiiru that he would not attend, but he would hear about from Yomi in the days to come. The phone would keep ringing through the night, though it would continue to go ignored for many hours to follow. He lay on his back and looked through the smooth ceiling to a different place, one that didn’t exist here. There were desperate attempts to keep the image out of his mind, but it haunted him like an angry ghost. Soft, innocent Kei. Drowned in alcohol, burying himself in the affection of a stranger, senseless sex with more meaning than could be described. Like a lonely housewife’s affair.
He left useless presents on the table with no intention of taking them back.
There was so much that Kei didn’t have when he was young and for years, even before they were together, Ruka tried to make up for it with the abundance he had. Always bringing home gifts, always sending things while he was away. Always giving. Supplementing his presence with material things, like a busy father. But the little boy in Kei was starved for attention. He needed more than stuff to make up for the fact that Ruka didn’t always have the time. Jewelry, clothing, a new car for Christmas; They were all things Kei had no use for. What he needed was a body, that came with warmth, and wrapped him up in something physical. Something real.
In the time it took him to realize that, it was too late. He was already gone.