today, at the edge of the ocean, holding on to sophia's tiny hands (they were so strong! and still so delicate, like birds), kicking her feet one at a time in the wet sand, and trying to talk the way two year olds do. walking up the hill with her on my hip. someday, i hope i can make something that feels like that ( Read more... )

it's so funny. you'll think you really care for someone, and then, and then you're up until right this second talking to someone else, starting with the roots and ending with dinner on thursday ("just so you know, i'm a lesbian." "so... like i said, do you want to have dinner on thursday?") and you realize, you thought wrong, you did. and you walk ( Read more... )

insomnia lately. wondering how much it has to do with sickness-green tile floors, and sleeping on them a week ago. probably a lot ( Read more... )

today we had it out. it started out all wrong, all the words things we'd said before in the wrong way, the patterns all sketched out and sewn together until we're both of us hurting. and then, what i said was: all of my old anxieties come back when i'm home, all of the questioning of who i am and what i can do and whether i have the outlets or ( Read more... )

so here's this thing. all of my trips to and from the hospital in the past few days, through my old neighborhood, there has been a lot to think about. just bits of pieces, not edited or written with any kind of clarity (3 nights on a linoleum floor do that to you) but. here ( Read more... )

at 6:30 tomorrow morning i will be driving behind the car carrying my mother to the hospital. her surgery is scheduled for ten o'clock. it will take three hours, and she will be there for two days and two nights ( Read more... )

my throat and eyes and inside-ears are swollen. this happens once every quarter, always at the end, always after pushing and pushing and then, collapse. i anticipated it this time, but my body and i have terrible timing ( Read more... )

a

b

c.

hello, triangle.

i just don't know where to put it all.

because, some day, i want to be able to help someone write something as wonderful this sentence ( Read more... )