sometimes, i am tired of fighting for the things that i care about the most. and my whole everything is weighty in my stomach and everything smells and tastes like childhood sinus infections and hospital soap. heart like a too-full balloon gliding over a pointy city and too close to heat and then, pop ( Read more... )

leaning against door frames and that little gap where the light peeks in wondering if you can still hear me. the tiles in the room were hospital green, and my coffee tasted like nausea, and my bright red shoulders were cold. but back to the walls. not using my fingertips but my knuckles, pulling along the stucco and it makes a little sound like ( Read more... )

today was one of those days when my heart got all swollen with the weight of the everything. i am one of those suckers who cries in class. but i don't know how else to do it. i'm trying. but i don't understand the inaction of the world, of myself. we are all connected, we are all in this together. and the more i read, the more i see... i feel as if ( Read more... )

i'm going to be an aunt in october ( Read more... )

so, with last night, i guess what had become caitlin-gras has officially ended. thanks to everyone who well-wished and surrounded me with what i can't get anywhere else. these things i remember: midnight monty python on tuesday, complete with singing the song and dipping stuff into chocolate. degrassi marathon/citywide search (i guess my geeky ( Read more... )

i spent days walking in heavy boots up and down big hills, and little bits of rain held tight to my skin and sometimes drew pictures on my face with mascara. and there were blisters and sore joints, but mostly we'd hit some street and i'd look up at the people i don't know at a coffee shop that has become part of our routine and there would be new ( Read more... )

today we got licked by giraffes and cried by the sea for many reasons.
because my mom brought me her guitar today.
because my mom brought me her guitar today because her hands hurt too bad to play it anymore.
because my mom brought me her guitar today because her hands hurt too bad to play it anymore because she has lupus.

when i drive alone, long and slow and chasing down the oil rigs, i sidle up behind the slowest car, hoping the faster cars passing by will think that i belong to them, that we're on a road trip somewhere together. and i follow that car for as long as i can, which is creepy i guess, but maybe they would belong to me, maybe they're going somewhere.

well. well, i finished my paper for religion/vietnam, and you know, it wasn't what they asked for, necessarily, but i don't think it could have been. i had to write from my whole heart, to put it (unfortunately) that way, because, to me, it was the ways in which these veterans, our veterans, really exposed their nerve endings to us, i mean right ( Read more... )

so, i'm awake a few hours early on the last day of classes this quarter, just like i always wake up a few hours early on the first day of classes. what am i expecting, the rapture? that i have to be clean and prepared and ready because this day, this arbitrary day, is suddenly going to count for everything? and i better not miss a single moment of ( Read more... )