The World Ends With Strawberries
Title: The World Ends With Strawberries
Rating:NC17 [NC17? To be safe. =w="]
Pairing: YamaJima, OkaJima
Summary: Yuto cried out in pain. Yamada’s eyes were filled with tears.
Genre: Fluff, Dark [O_o]
Warning: Don't read the ending. Really. >3 ... [Longest thing I've ever written.]
Shades. Jacket. Jeans. Boots. There he was. Casual and cool. Tall and composed. Who was he?
People kept pointing. Of course. He was one of those models. He was famous enough having his face scattered here and there. He was only seventeen but he was quite well-known already. He was also going to be scolded if he didn’t hurry.
He promised Keito he’d be at the hospital by ten. It wasn’t Yuto’s fault that he had a shoot the night before. But Keito didn’t deserve excuses. He ran as fast as his long legs could take him. He was going to make it just in time.
---
“Finally,” Keito said.
“Sorry. Woke up late,” Yuto replied.
“Sure. All that matters is you’re here,” Keito said with a smile. Yuto rolled his eyes and gave his friend a hug. Keito was the only person that kept him on the ground. Otherwise all the fame would’ve gone to his head.
“So like why am I here again?” Yuto asked.
“Because I wanted you to be here. So you realize how lucky you are,” Keito replied.
“Seriously, you’re seventeen and you’re helping out children at the hospital,” Yuto said.
“So? It’s what my parents taught me to do. What’s wrong with wanting to bring smiles to those who need them?” Keito replied.
Yuto rolled his eyes. “You’re too nice.”
Keito scoffed. “Go wait around superstar. I’ll tell you when I’m done.”
“Will do,” Yuto said. He said as he sat on the nearby couch. Free time at the hospital. Might as well get some more sleep.
---
Yuto was resting on the couch staring up at the wall. Keito was entertaining the children with a few songs. He yawned. He sat up and saw the laughter around him. He caught Keito’s eye. You’re doing great. Keito smiled and kept going. Yuto excused himself from the room. He needed to stretch his legs a little. His hair was still messy but who cared? He put on his shades and strolled along the corner.
He saw some nurses stare as he passed their clean hallways. He looked down. He should’ve brought a hat. He walked a little faster.
And then.
There.
A patient in white was looking around frantically. Lost perhaps. He looked his age. But that wasn’t what caught Yuto’s eye. The patient was beautiful. Innocent and clueless. Perfect white skin and silky black hair. Alluring eyes. Yuto couldn’t even tell if the patient was a boy or a girl. All he knew was that he needed to know who he or she was.
Maybe this was what they called love at first sight. Maybe it was just appearances. No. Yuto felt something more. A tugging at his heart. The patient looked at him. He stood frozen as the patient moved closer. Yamada Ryosuke. The name on his hospital bracelet.
“Eh? Who are you?” Yamada asked.
“Y-Yuto. N-Nakajima Yuto,” Yuto stammered. What the hell was wrong with him?
“Ne Yuto-kun. Play with me!~” Yamada giggled.
Yuto didn’t even have time to reply as Yamada dragged him into the room. Yamada crawled onto his bed and pointed to the pile of stuffed toys. Yuto had no idea what to do. It was as if his body moved on his own. He reached for a stuffed turtle and held it out to Yamada. Yamada pouted.
“What?” Yuto asked.
“Tell me a story,” Yamada said. Yuto looked confused. Why was he here again? But then Yamada looked at him with pleading eyes and he knew he had no choice.
So Yuto went on to tell the story of the turtle that was searching the world for the magic pin until he finally fell into a giant can of red paint. Yuto watched as Yamada’s eyes lit up. No matter how ridiculous the story was Yamada would laugh and react happily. It was a weird feeling. Feeling so lightheaded over a stranger’s smile. Yuto wondered if he was losing it from lack of sleep.
Just as the story finished they heard a knock. A nurse came in. She seemed shocked to see Yuto there.
“Yamada-kun. I brought you lunch,” The nurse said.
Yamada nodded and Yuto quickly got up and helped place the food. Yamada started to eat.
“Are you his friend?” The nurse asked Yuto quietly.
“Sort of,” Yuto said sheepishly.
“That’s nice of you to give him company,” The nurse said.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong with…”
“Him?” The nurse finished. “It’s a complicated situation. Even if he’s seventeen, he acts a bit childish for his age.”
“I noticed,” Yuto mumbled. The nurse excused herself and left the room. He glanced back at the pretty boy and sat down beside him.
“You take care,” Yuto said ruffling Yamada’s hair. Yamada smiled widely.
“Come back and visit. I get lonely here,” Yamada pleaded.
“Sure,” He said without a second thought. At least now he had something to do while Keito was here. Speaking of Keito.
“I need to go now,” Yuto said getting up. Yamada held onto Yuto and he felt his poor heart race. “K-Keito is waiting for me. I’ll come visit again. I promise.”
Yamada let go of his hand, but then hugged Yuto.
“Thank you,” Yamada whispered. Yuto blushed and eventually walked out the door.
---
“Yuto where have you been?”
“Sorry. M-made a new friend,” Yuto stammered.
Keito chuckled. “Is this new friend the reason you’re all flustered?”
Yuto looked away and didn’t say anything.
“Well that’s good then,” Keito said with a laugh. “But I demand to know the details.”
Yuto stared. “Fine. But not here.”
They walked around the city and Yuto told Keito everything. Keito rolled his eyes and laughed at Yamada’s little habits and smiled as he saw Yuto’s happy face.
“He must be something special,” Keito said.
“Why?” Yuto asked thought silently agreeing.
“Because he makes you smile,” Keito replied. “You stopped smiling like that when you started modeling. You went for the cool look.”
Yuto gave Keito an apologetic look. “Sorry. I still smile around you though!”
“You don’t need to get all defensive. Besides, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have met him. Now you owe me for life,” Keito teased.
Yuto stuck his tongue out. “You wish.”
They both ended up laughing their hearts out.
Yuto felt lighter than ever. After telling Keito everything, he felt all bubbly inside. Like he was floating even. Yamada. The name rang in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about him.
It wasn’t normal for him to feel this way. He couldn’t wait until his next visit. He smiled again and let the bliss consume him.
---
“Yuto,” Yamada whispered. He giggled as he remembered the boy. He was fun and Yamada liked him. A new playmate. A new toy.
Yamada held on to the red crayon he was holding and drew Yuto onto a piece on paper. Yamada smiled at the drawing and taped it to the wall.
“Yuto,” He said again before finally falling asleep with a smile on his face.
---
Yuto got up early today. Keito asked if he wanted to visit the hospital again. Yuto practically jumped off his bed. He reached the place early. He memorized the way to Yamada’s room. He knocked softly and entered.
Yamada was looking through a magazine. When he saw Yuto his eyes lit up.
“Yuto! You came back!” Yamada said.
“I promised you, Yama-chan,” Yuto said. “Hey what are you looking at?”
Yamada pointed at the dark colors on the page. Red splashes. Wait. Was that?
“Look it’s you!~” Yamada said tugging Yuto’s arms excitedly.
Yuto blushed. “Yeah.”
“Coooooooooooooool. Yuto-kun looks so cool,” Yamada said with sparkling eyes.
Yuto wondered if the boy’s carefree attitude was contagious. He smiled.
“I bet you’d look cool if you had a shoot like that,” Yuto replied.
“Really? Me? No way! That’d be so cool!~” Yamada said.
Yuto laughed. He noticed how Yamada used the word cool to much.
“But Yuto,” Yamada said suddenly frowning.
“What?”
“Could you teach me?”
“Teach you to what Yama-chan?” Yuto asked sitting beside the boy.
“Teach me to look cool like you!~” Yamada said waving his arms and pointing at the page again.
“I think you’re cute,” Yuto said.
“Cute???”
“Yeah,” Yuto said pinching the boy’s cheek.
Yamada’s cheeks grew a rosy pink.
Yuto thought about how impossible it was for a boy to look so beautiful.
Yamada bounced out of bed and looked around the room for something.
“What are you looking for?”
“Strawberries,” Yamada chirped.
“Does Yama-chan like strawberries?” Yuto asked.
Yamada nodded cheerfully.
“Why do you like them so much, Yama-chan?”
“Because! They’re sweet and small and and and and red!~” Yamada exclaimed like it made perfect sense.
Yuto scanned the room. “Oh there they are.” He hopped of the bed and handed the plastic box to Yamada. Yamada hugged him happily.
Yuto led Yamada back to the bed and opened the container of strawberries. Yamada took one and gobbled it down quickly. He ate one after the other before gasping.
“What’s wrong, Yama-chan?”
Yamada’s eyes became teary. “I ate too much. Now there’s only one left for Yuto-kun. I’m sorry,” Yamada cried.
“No it’s okay!” Yuto said comforting Yamada. “The strawberries are for you. I don’t mind,” Yuto said with a reassuring smile.
Yamada looked up. “S-so you’re not mad?”
Yuto shook his head and wiped Yamada tears.
Yamada beamed and hugged Yuto again. Yuto couldn’t understand how his heart could beat so quickly.
---
Yuto’s visits became regular even if Keito wasn’t there to accompany him. Yamada became like a younger brother to him. Except that younger brothers didn’t make your heart race. They would play and Yuto felt like he was five again.
“Yuto look! I forgot to show it to you last time!” Yamada squealed.
Yuto stared at the paper Yamada was holding up. Yuto chuckled as he saw a stick drawing of what was supposed to be him.
“That’s good Yama-chan,” Yuto said laughing. “What else did you draw?”
“A lot but now I want Yuto to paint with me!~” Yamada said bouncing on his bed.
Yuto watched Yamada take out paper from a folder. Yuto helped set up brushes and paint. Yamada wanted to paint strawberries. Yuto laughed at how Yamada’s world practically revolved around the fruit.
“Hey Yama-chan be careful,” Yuto said as Yamada clumsily swished the brush back and forth.
“Yuto!~ Help me. This is hard,” Yamada said pouting.
Yuto steadied Yamada’s hand and tried to teach him how to use it until giving up. Yamada used his fingers instead and Yuto joined in. They painted strawberries of different sizes using their fingers, laughing even if they made a mistake. After an hour or two, they we’re tired and their hands were covered in paint.
Yuto dipped his fingers in paint and spread it on Yamada’s cheek. Yamada squealed and tried to run until they ended up chasing each other and getting into a ‘paint fight’.
They were embarrassed when the nurse stepped in the room for lunch and saw the mess they made. After lunch they promised they would stick to painting paper. That didn’t stop Yamada from painting on Yuto anyway.
---
Yuto was running late that day. He just came from a small shoot for some new line. He hoped Yamada wouldn’t mind.
Yuto walked in the room to find Yamada staring at the ceiling.
“Yama-chan. Are you okay?” Yuto asked.
Yamada kept staring at the ceiling and nodded. This disturbed Yuto. Yamada was usually hyper when he came.
“Yuto,” Yamada murmured.
“Yes?”
“Do you think I’m different?” Yamada asked quietly.
“What? What do you mean?”
Yamada sat up. “Do you think I’m weird?”
“No. Why would you think that?” Yuto said.
“I’m just as old as you are but I act like a child. People don’t take me seriously. They look at me with pity. There must be something wrong with me,” Yamada said still staring.
Yuto held Yamada’s hand. “I like you even if you’re like that.”
Yamada stared into Yuto eyes. “You like me?”
Yuto nodded, unsure of what Yamada was referring to.
Yamada inched closer.
“I…like…Yuto-kun...too,” He whispered before kissing him.
Yuto’s insides went insane. His heart wanted to jump out of his chest. Yamada was kissing him. Yamada. Kissing. Him. His brain couldn’t process the fact. He was shocked when he realized he was kissing back. Yamada’s lips felt so soft. His heart fluttered helplessly.
Yamada pulled away grinning from ear to ear. Yuto blushed. Yuto opened his mouth to say something when his phone rang.
‘Wait,’ Yuto mouthed and answered his phone.
“Hello?” Yuto said.
Yamada watched as Yuto’s hand trembled.
“Yuto what’s wrong?” Yamada asked but Yuto ignored him.
Yuto kissed Yamada’s cheek quickly. “I’m sorry. I have to go,” Yuto said before rushing out of the room. Yamada’s fragile heart broke into a hundred pieces when the door slid closed.
---
Keito was dead.
Yuto’s world fell apart in an instant. Keito. The name rang again and again until it ached. The tears fell endlessly. He could barely breathe. Why Keito? Why?
It didn’t make sense. They found him dead. No explanation whatsoever. Yuto didn’t even want to think about it.
The feelings inside him were overwhelming. The world was spinning. It was too much. Then he saw it. Glistening in a corner. A razor. Before he knew it he cut up his perfect skin. Slashing and crying out in pain. His mind blurred. Keito. Keito. Keito. It still made no sense at all.
---
Yuto became an empty shell. Walking around aimlessly for days. He couldn’t get enough sleep. He was always tired. He was losing himself. Keito would’ve scolded him for being like this. Keito. He cringed. It still hurt.
Yuto wondered how Yamada was doing. He felt guilty. He hadn’t visited in weeks. He knew it was wrong. He wanted to see him but every time he reached the hospital he froze in his tracks. The memories of Keito were too strong. He took a deep breath. Yamada didn’t deserve this. Yuto willed himself to be brave. For Yamada.
For Keito.
For himself.
---
“Yuto!” Yamada cried out. Yuto walked through the sliding door. Yamada hugged Yuto tightly.
“I thought you left me,” Yamada sobbed. His hot tears fell on Yuto’s arms and Yuto let out a gasp. Yamada let go. “Y-Yuto. You’re a-arm.”
Yuto looked away. He cut too often since Keito passed away.
Yamada held on to Yuto desperately. As if he would disappear if he let go. “Why?”
Yuto sat down. How was he going to explain? “I…Keito…”
“Keito?” Yamada asked.
Yuto didn’t respond. The tears were welling up inside of him. He needed to breathe.
Yamada looked both worried and confused. “I don’t get it Yuto! Why did you cut yourself?”
Yuto winced as Yamada touched his scars.
“Because Yama-chan,” Yuto choked. “It helps ease the pain.”
Yamada didn’t understand. Not at all. He saw Yuto push the razor deeper into his pocket. Yuto lowered his eyes. His head was spinning slightly. The feelings rendered him speechless.
Then without warning, Yamada pinned Yuto to the bed and kissed him senselessly.
Yuto’s eyes widened but he didn’t resist. Yamada’s tears fell once more. Yuto hated himself. Hated himself for being so useless and pathetic. Hated his weakness. He hated himself for hurting Yamada like this. For hurting himself. Yuto closed his eyes and let his hunger take control of him. Yamada kissed him deeper and Yuto let out a soft moan, close to a whimper. He felt his mind go blank. He didn’t feel Yamada take the razor from his pocket. He didn’t hear the swish of the blade. He didn’t see.
“Fuck!” Yuto swore and he felt a sharp pain on the side of his stomach. He opened his eyes. He was bleeding. What the hell. Yamada stabbed him.
“Y-Yamada. What are you doing?” Yuto said panicking as he saw Yamada raise the razor again.
“Easing my pain,” Yamada said pointing the razor at Yuto and stabbing Yuto’s chest. Yuto cried out in pain. Yamada’s eyes were filled with tears.
“I love you,” Yamada whispered into Yuto’s ear. Yuto felt the life slipping from him. “Yamada,” He whispered before being engulfed by the darkness forever.
Yamada took Yuto’s shirt off and slashed his smooth skin. Yamada didn’t know what he was doing. Blurred. The world was a puddle of incoherence. Flickering memories. Knives. Hurt. Rape. Insanity. Blood.
Blood.
Yamada laughed quietly as he felt Yuto’s blood on his fingers. Bright red. Like strawberries. He painted strawberries on the wall with Yuto’s fresh blood. He smiled. Yuto lay lifeless on Yamada’s bed. Yamada’s last words carved onto Yuto’s flesh.
‘Aishiteru’
Rating:NC17 [NC17? To be safe. =w="]
Pairing: YamaJima, OkaJima
Summary: Yuto cried out in pain. Yamada’s eyes were filled with tears.
Genre: Fluff, Dark [O_o]
Warning: Don't read the ending. Really. >3 ... [Longest thing I've ever written.]
Shades. Jacket. Jeans. Boots. There he was. Casual and cool. Tall and composed. Who was he?
People kept pointing. Of course. He was one of those models. He was famous enough having his face scattered here and there. He was only seventeen but he was quite well-known already. He was also going to be scolded if he didn’t hurry.
He promised Keito he’d be at the hospital by ten. It wasn’t Yuto’s fault that he had a shoot the night before. But Keito didn’t deserve excuses. He ran as fast as his long legs could take him. He was going to make it just in time.
---
“Finally,” Keito said.
“Sorry. Woke up late,” Yuto replied.
“Sure. All that matters is you’re here,” Keito said with a smile. Yuto rolled his eyes and gave his friend a hug. Keito was the only person that kept him on the ground. Otherwise all the fame would’ve gone to his head.
“So like why am I here again?” Yuto asked.
“Because I wanted you to be here. So you realize how lucky you are,” Keito replied.
“Seriously, you’re seventeen and you’re helping out children at the hospital,” Yuto said.
“So? It’s what my parents taught me to do. What’s wrong with wanting to bring smiles to those who need them?” Keito replied.
Yuto rolled his eyes. “You’re too nice.”
Keito scoffed. “Go wait around superstar. I’ll tell you when I’m done.”
“Will do,” Yuto said. He said as he sat on the nearby couch. Free time at the hospital. Might as well get some more sleep.
---
Yuto was resting on the couch staring up at the wall. Keito was entertaining the children with a few songs. He yawned. He sat up and saw the laughter around him. He caught Keito’s eye. You’re doing great. Keito smiled and kept going. Yuto excused himself from the room. He needed to stretch his legs a little. His hair was still messy but who cared? He put on his shades and strolled along the corner.
He saw some nurses stare as he passed their clean hallways. He looked down. He should’ve brought a hat. He walked a little faster.
And then.
There.
A patient in white was looking around frantically. Lost perhaps. He looked his age. But that wasn’t what caught Yuto’s eye. The patient was beautiful. Innocent and clueless. Perfect white skin and silky black hair. Alluring eyes. Yuto couldn’t even tell if the patient was a boy or a girl. All he knew was that he needed to know who he or she was.
Maybe this was what they called love at first sight. Maybe it was just appearances. No. Yuto felt something more. A tugging at his heart. The patient looked at him. He stood frozen as the patient moved closer. Yamada Ryosuke. The name on his hospital bracelet.
“Eh? Who are you?” Yamada asked.
“Y-Yuto. N-Nakajima Yuto,” Yuto stammered. What the hell was wrong with him?
“Ne Yuto-kun. Play with me!~” Yamada giggled.
Yuto didn’t even have time to reply as Yamada dragged him into the room. Yamada crawled onto his bed and pointed to the pile of stuffed toys. Yuto had no idea what to do. It was as if his body moved on his own. He reached for a stuffed turtle and held it out to Yamada. Yamada pouted.
“What?” Yuto asked.
“Tell me a story,” Yamada said. Yuto looked confused. Why was he here again? But then Yamada looked at him with pleading eyes and he knew he had no choice.
So Yuto went on to tell the story of the turtle that was searching the world for the magic pin until he finally fell into a giant can of red paint. Yuto watched as Yamada’s eyes lit up. No matter how ridiculous the story was Yamada would laugh and react happily. It was a weird feeling. Feeling so lightheaded over a stranger’s smile. Yuto wondered if he was losing it from lack of sleep.
Just as the story finished they heard a knock. A nurse came in. She seemed shocked to see Yuto there.
“Yamada-kun. I brought you lunch,” The nurse said.
Yamada nodded and Yuto quickly got up and helped place the food. Yamada started to eat.
“Are you his friend?” The nurse asked Yuto quietly.
“Sort of,” Yuto said sheepishly.
“That’s nice of you to give him company,” The nurse said.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong with…”
“Him?” The nurse finished. “It’s a complicated situation. Even if he’s seventeen, he acts a bit childish for his age.”
“I noticed,” Yuto mumbled. The nurse excused herself and left the room. He glanced back at the pretty boy and sat down beside him.
“You take care,” Yuto said ruffling Yamada’s hair. Yamada smiled widely.
“Come back and visit. I get lonely here,” Yamada pleaded.
“Sure,” He said without a second thought. At least now he had something to do while Keito was here. Speaking of Keito.
“I need to go now,” Yuto said getting up. Yamada held onto Yuto and he felt his poor heart race. “K-Keito is waiting for me. I’ll come visit again. I promise.”
Yamada let go of his hand, but then hugged Yuto.
“Thank you,” Yamada whispered. Yuto blushed and eventually walked out the door.
---
“Yuto where have you been?”
“Sorry. M-made a new friend,” Yuto stammered.
Keito chuckled. “Is this new friend the reason you’re all flustered?”
Yuto looked away and didn’t say anything.
“Well that’s good then,” Keito said with a laugh. “But I demand to know the details.”
Yuto stared. “Fine. But not here.”
They walked around the city and Yuto told Keito everything. Keito rolled his eyes and laughed at Yamada’s little habits and smiled as he saw Yuto’s happy face.
“He must be something special,” Keito said.
“Why?” Yuto asked thought silently agreeing.
“Because he makes you smile,” Keito replied. “You stopped smiling like that when you started modeling. You went for the cool look.”
Yuto gave Keito an apologetic look. “Sorry. I still smile around you though!”
“You don’t need to get all defensive. Besides, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have met him. Now you owe me for life,” Keito teased.
Yuto stuck his tongue out. “You wish.”
They both ended up laughing their hearts out.
Yuto felt lighter than ever. After telling Keito everything, he felt all bubbly inside. Like he was floating even. Yamada. The name rang in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about him.
It wasn’t normal for him to feel this way. He couldn’t wait until his next visit. He smiled again and let the bliss consume him.
---
“Yuto,” Yamada whispered. He giggled as he remembered the boy. He was fun and Yamada liked him. A new playmate. A new toy.
Yamada held on to the red crayon he was holding and drew Yuto onto a piece on paper. Yamada smiled at the drawing and taped it to the wall.
“Yuto,” He said again before finally falling asleep with a smile on his face.
---
Yuto got up early today. Keito asked if he wanted to visit the hospital again. Yuto practically jumped off his bed. He reached the place early. He memorized the way to Yamada’s room. He knocked softly and entered.
Yamada was looking through a magazine. When he saw Yuto his eyes lit up.
“Yuto! You came back!” Yamada said.
“I promised you, Yama-chan,” Yuto said. “Hey what are you looking at?”
Yamada pointed at the dark colors on the page. Red splashes. Wait. Was that?
“Look it’s you!~” Yamada said tugging Yuto’s arms excitedly.
Yuto blushed. “Yeah.”
“Coooooooooooooool. Yuto-kun looks so cool,” Yamada said with sparkling eyes.
Yuto wondered if the boy’s carefree attitude was contagious. He smiled.
“I bet you’d look cool if you had a shoot like that,” Yuto replied.
“Really? Me? No way! That’d be so cool!~” Yamada said.
Yuto laughed. He noticed how Yamada used the word cool to much.
“But Yuto,” Yamada said suddenly frowning.
“What?”
“Could you teach me?”
“Teach you to what Yama-chan?” Yuto asked sitting beside the boy.
“Teach me to look cool like you!~” Yamada said waving his arms and pointing at the page again.
“I think you’re cute,” Yuto said.
“Cute???”
“Yeah,” Yuto said pinching the boy’s cheek.
Yamada’s cheeks grew a rosy pink.
Yuto thought about how impossible it was for a boy to look so beautiful.
Yamada bounced out of bed and looked around the room for something.
“What are you looking for?”
“Strawberries,” Yamada chirped.
“Does Yama-chan like strawberries?” Yuto asked.
Yamada nodded cheerfully.
“Why do you like them so much, Yama-chan?”
“Because! They’re sweet and small and and and and red!~” Yamada exclaimed like it made perfect sense.
Yuto scanned the room. “Oh there they are.” He hopped of the bed and handed the plastic box to Yamada. Yamada hugged him happily.
Yuto led Yamada back to the bed and opened the container of strawberries. Yamada took one and gobbled it down quickly. He ate one after the other before gasping.
“What’s wrong, Yama-chan?”
Yamada’s eyes became teary. “I ate too much. Now there’s only one left for Yuto-kun. I’m sorry,” Yamada cried.
“No it’s okay!” Yuto said comforting Yamada. “The strawberries are for you. I don’t mind,” Yuto said with a reassuring smile.
Yamada looked up. “S-so you’re not mad?”
Yuto shook his head and wiped Yamada tears.
Yamada beamed and hugged Yuto again. Yuto couldn’t understand how his heart could beat so quickly.
---
Yuto’s visits became regular even if Keito wasn’t there to accompany him. Yamada became like a younger brother to him. Except that younger brothers didn’t make your heart race. They would play and Yuto felt like he was five again.
“Yuto look! I forgot to show it to you last time!” Yamada squealed.
Yuto stared at the paper Yamada was holding up. Yuto chuckled as he saw a stick drawing of what was supposed to be him.
“That’s good Yama-chan,” Yuto said laughing. “What else did you draw?”
“A lot but now I want Yuto to paint with me!~” Yamada said bouncing on his bed.
Yuto watched Yamada take out paper from a folder. Yuto helped set up brushes and paint. Yamada wanted to paint strawberries. Yuto laughed at how Yamada’s world practically revolved around the fruit.
“Hey Yama-chan be careful,” Yuto said as Yamada clumsily swished the brush back and forth.
“Yuto!~ Help me. This is hard,” Yamada said pouting.
Yuto steadied Yamada’s hand and tried to teach him how to use it until giving up. Yamada used his fingers instead and Yuto joined in. They painted strawberries of different sizes using their fingers, laughing even if they made a mistake. After an hour or two, they we’re tired and their hands were covered in paint.
Yuto dipped his fingers in paint and spread it on Yamada’s cheek. Yamada squealed and tried to run until they ended up chasing each other and getting into a ‘paint fight’.
They were embarrassed when the nurse stepped in the room for lunch and saw the mess they made. After lunch they promised they would stick to painting paper. That didn’t stop Yamada from painting on Yuto anyway.
---
Yuto was running late that day. He just came from a small shoot for some new line. He hoped Yamada wouldn’t mind.
Yuto walked in the room to find Yamada staring at the ceiling.
“Yama-chan. Are you okay?” Yuto asked.
Yamada kept staring at the ceiling and nodded. This disturbed Yuto. Yamada was usually hyper when he came.
“Yuto,” Yamada murmured.
“Yes?”
“Do you think I’m different?” Yamada asked quietly.
“What? What do you mean?”
Yamada sat up. “Do you think I’m weird?”
“No. Why would you think that?” Yuto said.
“I’m just as old as you are but I act like a child. People don’t take me seriously. They look at me with pity. There must be something wrong with me,” Yamada said still staring.
Yuto held Yamada’s hand. “I like you even if you’re like that.”
Yamada stared into Yuto eyes. “You like me?”
Yuto nodded, unsure of what Yamada was referring to.
Yamada inched closer.
“I…like…Yuto-kun...too,” He whispered before kissing him.
Yuto’s insides went insane. His heart wanted to jump out of his chest. Yamada was kissing him. Yamada. Kissing. Him. His brain couldn’t process the fact. He was shocked when he realized he was kissing back. Yamada’s lips felt so soft. His heart fluttered helplessly.
Yamada pulled away grinning from ear to ear. Yuto blushed. Yuto opened his mouth to say something when his phone rang.
‘Wait,’ Yuto mouthed and answered his phone.
“Hello?” Yuto said.
Yamada watched as Yuto’s hand trembled.
“Yuto what’s wrong?” Yamada asked but Yuto ignored him.
Yuto kissed Yamada’s cheek quickly. “I’m sorry. I have to go,” Yuto said before rushing out of the room. Yamada’s fragile heart broke into a hundred pieces when the door slid closed.
---
Keito was dead.
Yuto’s world fell apart in an instant. Keito. The name rang again and again until it ached. The tears fell endlessly. He could barely breathe. Why Keito? Why?
It didn’t make sense. They found him dead. No explanation whatsoever. Yuto didn’t even want to think about it.
The feelings inside him were overwhelming. The world was spinning. It was too much. Then he saw it. Glistening in a corner. A razor. Before he knew it he cut up his perfect skin. Slashing and crying out in pain. His mind blurred. Keito. Keito. Keito. It still made no sense at all.
---
Yuto became an empty shell. Walking around aimlessly for days. He couldn’t get enough sleep. He was always tired. He was losing himself. Keito would’ve scolded him for being like this. Keito. He cringed. It still hurt.
Yuto wondered how Yamada was doing. He felt guilty. He hadn’t visited in weeks. He knew it was wrong. He wanted to see him but every time he reached the hospital he froze in his tracks. The memories of Keito were too strong. He took a deep breath. Yamada didn’t deserve this. Yuto willed himself to be brave. For Yamada.
For Keito.
For himself.
---
“Yuto!” Yamada cried out. Yuto walked through the sliding door. Yamada hugged Yuto tightly.
“I thought you left me,” Yamada sobbed. His hot tears fell on Yuto’s arms and Yuto let out a gasp. Yamada let go. “Y-Yuto. You’re a-arm.”
Yuto looked away. He cut too often since Keito passed away.
Yamada held on to Yuto desperately. As if he would disappear if he let go. “Why?”
Yuto sat down. How was he going to explain? “I…Keito…”
“Keito?” Yamada asked.
Yuto didn’t respond. The tears were welling up inside of him. He needed to breathe.
Yamada looked both worried and confused. “I don’t get it Yuto! Why did you cut yourself?”
Yuto winced as Yamada touched his scars.
“Because Yama-chan,” Yuto choked. “It helps ease the pain.”
Yamada didn’t understand. Not at all. He saw Yuto push the razor deeper into his pocket. Yuto lowered his eyes. His head was spinning slightly. The feelings rendered him speechless.
Then without warning, Yamada pinned Yuto to the bed and kissed him senselessly.
Yuto’s eyes widened but he didn’t resist. Yamada’s tears fell once more. Yuto hated himself. Hated himself for being so useless and pathetic. Hated his weakness. He hated himself for hurting Yamada like this. For hurting himself. Yuto closed his eyes and let his hunger take control of him. Yamada kissed him deeper and Yuto let out a soft moan, close to a whimper. He felt his mind go blank. He didn’t feel Yamada take the razor from his pocket. He didn’t hear the swish of the blade. He didn’t see.
“Fuck!” Yuto swore and he felt a sharp pain on the side of his stomach. He opened his eyes. He was bleeding. What the hell. Yamada stabbed him.
“Y-Yamada. What are you doing?” Yuto said panicking as he saw Yamada raise the razor again.
“Easing my pain,” Yamada said pointing the razor at Yuto and stabbing Yuto’s chest. Yuto cried out in pain. Yamada’s eyes were filled with tears.
“I love you,” Yamada whispered into Yuto’s ear. Yuto felt the life slipping from him. “Yamada,” He whispered before being engulfed by the darkness forever.
Yamada took Yuto’s shirt off and slashed his smooth skin. Yamada didn’t know what he was doing. Blurred. The world was a puddle of incoherence. Flickering memories. Knives. Hurt. Rape. Insanity. Blood.
Blood.
Yamada laughed quietly as he felt Yuto’s blood on his fingers. Bright red. Like strawberries. He painted strawberries on the wall with Yuto’s fresh blood. He smiled. Yuto lay lifeless on Yamada’s bed. Yamada’s last words carved onto Yuto’s flesh.
‘Aishiteru’