For Cowards Shall Ne’er Speak
Title: For Cowards Shall Ne’er Speak
Rating: PG
Summary: 5 Times YutoChii knew it was love (but never admitted it.)
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Notes: For the YutoChii-Fic-A-Thon. Made up my own prompt. ^^v
1.
He could feel it. The urge was creeping into his veins. The music in his head played softly, enticing and proud. Before he knew it he was on his feet. The cold air blew at his nimble legs. The stars were the only audience he had for now.
Chinen felt like dancing. His feet carried him and the world was a faded picture to him. The air seemed to swirl around him, making him feel as light as a feather.
He could’ve been a ballet dancer. Chinen always liked the idea. Maybe not the tutu-pink-only-for-girls image of it. Chinen liked how graceful they looked.
Perhaps, love felt like this. Effortless and simple, yet strong and overwhelming. Chinen spun around letting his feet express his thoughts.
Love. Didn’t people dance when they were in love? Or was that singing? Chinen thought it was probably dancing. He smiled as the energy he had oozed out of him. He had nothing to lose. No one was watching anyway.
Chinen was unsure of himself. He seemed to question the cause of his insomnia. Was he in love?
The music playing in his head told him he was. The fact that he was dancing like a professional told him he was. Or maybe it was all an illusion caused by too much energy from candy.
Then again, candy never made him feel this calm.
Like the small steps that led up to the pirouette or the perfect balance in a fouetté, the smallest things were the most important.
Why hadn’t he noticed him before? The realization hit him like dramatic music during the climax of a movie. He was at the climax. He was at his best.
The fact that defying gravity suddenly seemed possible told him he was right. He was in love.
He kept dancing around in the dark and the stars seemed to twinkle brighter. It was amazing how love affected him like this. He thought love was crazy and out of this world. It was. But it was also free flowing. It was gentle. It was sweet.
His feet started to ache but he didn’t want to stop. Chinen thought he might break if he did. He didn’t understand. All his life, he had been waiting for the rush that only dancing gave him. The rush that they called love. Chinen tried to grasp the fact that he had found it.
He had finally found it in Nakajima Yuto.
2.
My body shivered as I felt the cold tile floor touch my skin. The warm carpet of the hotel room was then forgotten. The night was still and silent. I made sure not to wake anyone up. I couldn’t sleep tonight. The thoughts were dancing around in my head.
Scared of something already known. Not making sense at all. The world was a big blur. The dark was all that could be seen. The faint light from outside was blocked by the door. I curled up into a ball.
I wanted to go back to bed. But then, if I did, you would hear me crying. My broken muffled sobs would be unheard through the wooden door. Only the cold floor would feel the tears.
My tears were cold like the inside of me.
I was frozen up and refused to feel. And then I would remember you and a flame seemed to burst in my chest. And slowly the ice inside of me melts. And I’d cry. And cry. And cry.
It’s a weird sort of confusion. Mixed with a slight pang of jealousy. And a mountain of guilt. I don’t understand why. Or how. Or what. All I knew was that it was you.
You filled me up to the brim and emptied me out. You made me whole and shattered me. All I wanted was to fall back down to earth. I wanted it to make sense. But no.
Nothing made sense. Nothing was real. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was right.
Because this had no reason, but the feeling was there. And the only answer that surfaced after drowning in this illogical sea of hate, anger, and tears…was that I still loved you, Chinen.
And that just made me cry harder.
3.
It’s amazing how at the end of the day you can always make me smile.
You don’t know how much that means to me. At the end of the day, no matter how bad things get, I know you’ll make me happy. You don’t even notice the effect.
I see you from the corner of my eye. My smile grows wider. I must look idiotic, grinning like this. You looked so cute. Oh Chinen. Why do you make me feel like this? You make me feel like every day is special. Today was like a fairy tale and you were my prince.
It’s like loud background music plays when you’re around and everything’s in slow motion. And then the world dissolves into an imaginary world of hearts. I have to blink and still nothing. The next thing I know you’re right next to me.
You ask why I’m smiling. You know perfectly well I’m smiling because of you. You just want me to admit it.
The way you flirt with half the people, the way you obsess over Ohno-kun, the way you flip around like it was nothing, it caught my eye. Well, more than that. It attracted me. Everything about you seemed all right.
And then you interrupt my thoughts by kissing me.
You have such soft lips.
I sigh as these thoughts start to enter my head.
I kiss back without a second thought. I surprise myself with my reaction.
I didn’t want to stop kissing you.
Why?
I wasn’t supposed to give in.
I allowed myself to like you. I let myself like-like you. But it was not supposed to reach this point, Chinen.
I think I love you already.
4.
We sing our parts with all we have. The song that was made to be a duet. Despite that, we barely look at each other. There seems to be an invisible wall between us. I cringe as the music grows louder and I know my cue. I jump into your arms and it almost feels like being whole again.
The temporary moment of feeling complete is heartbreaking. It hurts because the moment you let go, I’ll miss your touch.
I force a smile as the camera zooms in. I take a deep breath as you let go. I continue to dance and sing. It’s what I’m expected to do. Chin up. Smile. Smile no matter what.
It takes all my strength for me not to cry and run back in your arms. How stupid of me to want you so badly.
It was my fault it turned out like this. My pride got in the way of my feelings.
I hate myself for being a fool when all I wanted was to hold you.
As the bright lights painted the world into a page of white, my mind went blank. I almost forgot the next thing to do.
And then you pull on my right arm. You signal me to twirl. I follow. The spinning just makes the pain worse. I want to tell you that I was sorry.
But then, the song comes to an end, and we exit. The world becomes a whirlwind of color. We rush for a costume change. I run as fast as I could to reach you before the next song.
Just as I’m about to speak we’re pushed on stage once more. You smile as the fans started screaming your name. Your eyes seem cold to me.
I take a step back. I need to let go, but it’s hard. You’re hard to forget, Yuto.
What hurt the most was that I was so close, and I gave it all away.
And it was all because of love.
It was my love for my own self that tore us apart.
5.
Yuto smiles whenever Chinen’s around.
Chinen laughs whenever Yuto arrives.
Yuto dances like crazy when Chinen compliments him.
Chinen sings his heart out when Yuto calls him cute.
Yuto thinks Chinen is his playmate.
Chinen thinks Yuto is his toy.
Yuto thinks Chinen should stop obsessing over Ohno.
Chinen thinks Yuto should stop talking about Keito all the time.
Yuto says Chinen is fun to be with.
Chinen comments that Yuto makes him crazier.
Yuto believes Chinen is extremely talented.
Chinen is amazed by Yuto’s academic abilities.
Yuto considers adopting Chinen as his new pet.
Chinen wonders if he can get Yuto to be his new brother.
Yuto starts noticing Chinen a lot.
Chinen begins to stare at Yuto too much.
Yuto feels confused about how he feels about Chinen.
Chinen gets upset because Yuto makes him nervous.
Yuto tries to comprehend how he wants Chinen in a different way.
Chinen attempts to distract himself by flirting with half the class.
Yuto doesn’t think he can take it anymore.
Chinen realizes what he feels for Yuto.
Yuto knows he’s in love with Chinen.
Chinen can’t believe he loves Yuto.
The rest of Hey!Say!Jump watch from a distance.
They think the two are both idiots.
Yuto and Chinen try to gather all their courage.
They’ll tell each other one day.