(no subject)
Sorry that I haven't written that much in my journal lately. I have just a lot of things on my mind right now...
Is anyone up for something? I feel a need to get out of the house and just do something.
It was just after dinnertime when Kakashi had made it back home, having made only a short stop on the way at their favorite restaurant to pay their tab and to pick up some food. He didn't bother knocking as he entered the apartment and was actually very quiet both when he moved and closed the door around him. Discarding his jacket and removing his shoes he looked stepped out of the hallway and looked around for Sakura.
Sakura was lying on the bed, taking a nap, dreaming about her boyfriend, Gaara, Ishida and something that seemed to involve flying penguins. Frowning slightly in her sleep she turned around and kept on sleeping. She didn't expect Kakashi to come home until in a couple of hours, so she had decided to spend them napping.
Placing the bag down on the table Kakashi couldn't help but smile at her, she looked so beautiful when she was spread out on his bed like that - and so innocent. Kind of like she had done when they first met. Walking over he crouched down by the bed and pushed some hair out of her face before rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
At the sudden touch she jerked awake. Upon seeing her boyfriend she smiled brightly and immediately threw her arms around him. "You're home! I've missed you so much!"
She almost knocked him off his feet with that hug but using a hand to steady himself he kissed her cheek. "I've missed you too kitten. Been good?" Kami how he had missed her! He buried his face in her hair and sighed softly.
It felt so good to finally be able to hold him again. Sakura burrowed her face in his chest, breathing in the scent that was just him. "I have been as good as always am," she smiled.
"That's my girl. I brought dinner thinking you might be hungry?" Removing her arms from around his neck Kakashi took a seat on the bed next to her and placed an arm over her shoulder.
When her stomach choose that exact moment to rumble, she gave him a slightly embarrassed smile. "I guess I am. What did you buy?" she asked curiously and snuggled closer to him. It felt so good to just be close to him again, to hear his voice for real and not through a phone, to feel his touches, to be able to touch him.
"The usual. I cleared up our tab as well." She was so cute when she acted like this but he didn't want to put her through disappearing again just to see her act like that. "Come on, food's on the table."
"Sounds good. Good boy," she teased and ruffled his hair before she got up from the bed and stretched before she walked over to where the food was. It was very thoughtful of him to buy food like this on his way home, but she suspected that he was pretty hungry too, having more or less rushed home.
Kakashi was both tired and hungry, not having eaten anything larger in almost two days and it had been equally long since he slept, all because of the one thing he had left from his past. Sighing he got off the bed and moved over to the couch, taking a seat by Sakura as he reached for the food.
Sakura was very curious about the reason why he had disappeared so suddenly, but decided that it could wait until they had eaten. Opening the boxes that contained their food she happily dug in.
They ate for a while in silence before Kakashi finally placed his box down on the table. He wasn't sure how she would take what he was about to tell her but he hoped that she would understand. "I know you're curious about where I was and I said I would explain when I got back." He stilled for a moment and seemed to sink deeper into the couch as his features seemed to fall.
"After my parents accident I never let anyone close to me again. It was hard for me to trust and to have faith in anyone. I was never a social child, you know that. I'm still not, but I'm better at hiding it now then I was back then. About two years after my parents died I made some friends, Obito and Rin. Obito and I never got along that well. He was loud and obnoxious, much like Naruto is but thanks to Rin we go along. She was our glue, like you were for Naruto and Sasuke in the beginning. The first time I saw you three I couldn't help but think just how much you reminded me of us. It was painful in a way."
He draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer as he started vocalizing one of the most significant events in his life. "You see, I lost them as well. We were playing in an abandoned house one day and it collapsed. Rin was inside as parts of the ceiling started to collapse and we both rushed in to save her. She and I managed to get out, Obito didn't. He died that day before the ambulance got there."
Kakashi fell silent when he thought back to the event; the pain and frustration of not having been able to do anything were still fresh in his heart. "I received some stitches for some smaller wounds, Rin got away with nothing but bruises. Obito's death took a hard toll on both of us and we had only each other to turn to. He loved her; he just never got to tell her so I took it upon myself to care for her, for Obito's sake."
Sakura didn't know what to say, so she just put her arms around him and held him tight; she knew how it felt to lose people that meant the world to you. There wasn't much she could do for him now but to show him that she knew how he felt and that she was there for him now.
"Less than three months after that Rin was gone as well. There was nothing of her left and no one knew where she went. She left a note saying she couldn't take it anymore but that was it. For years I didn't hear anything, but shortly after I had met you the first time she resurfaced, in Tokyo so I went there but found nothing. Then two years ago in Kobe and now last Saturday, I leaned that she had been spotted in Kyoto." He knew Sakura would most likely not appreciate to hear him say it but she needed to know, she deserved to know. "I had to…have to try and find her."
Her whole body tensed for a moment. So he had left her without a word to chase after another woman? "Why...didn't you tell me before you left?" she asked, taking her arms away from him. How was she supposed to react? She felt sorry for him, but why hadn't he told her? Was there something else he was keeping from her?
"Because I didn't want you to worry. The people I have connections with are not the kindest or gentlest there is. And there is always a risk when doing what I do." How would she have reacted if he had told her that he would be spending a week among the bottom layer of people, murderers and such. The expression on his face was clearly pained as he let his arm rest over the back of the couch.
"You didn't think that I would worry anyway?" Sakura asked, starting to sound a bit angry and disappointed. "People have been disappearing here, you called me one single time and practically anything could have happened to you and now you tell me that you have been chasing after another woman?!" Her voice got louder and louder for every word.
Kakashi almost winced at her words, but they were true. He had worried her and he should have called her more than once but he hadn't. "I'm sorry Sakura."
"You're sorry? That's great. Maybe you can tell me me the next time then! Or maybe you plan on going away without saying anything again?!" Listening to his story she understood that this would happen over and over again - and she didn't know how she would feel about her boyfriend chasing after that Rin girl. She got up from the couch and starting pacing the room.
It was quite obvious she was angry and he understood that, but he wasn't sure quite what she wanted him to say. "No, you know now so there is no need to hide it from you any longer."
"There was never any need to hide it from me!" She more or less yelled at him and glared angrily at him. Yes, she was angry, angry as hell - she hated it when people kept secrets from her, especially secrets like this, that she had every right to know.
He hadn't intentionally hid it from her it was just one of the things he refused to share with people because the more they knew, the easier they could hurt you and no one wants to be hurt, Kakashi was no exception to that. But what could he have done, sat her down and told her his whole life story all at once? He just nodded at her.
When he just sat there and did nothing but nod, Sakura snorted and went to retrieve her bag. "Now that you're back, you don't need me to stay here anymore. I'm going home." With that she picked up the bag and started packing the few things that she had taken out. He didn't seem to understand why she was feeling the way she did and she was angry at him for not telling her - so going home felt like the wisest choice.
Getting off the couch walked over to wrap his arms around her, burying his face in her hair again. "Don't go," he mumbled.
Just standing there for a second or two she then continued packing her things, her whole body tense. "I don't think it's such a good idea to stay right now," she said in a low, but still angry voice.
"Please, Sakura. Don't go." He didn't want her gone; he never wanted her to leave his side and especially not now. Not when he just got back.
Sakura bit her lip, almost drawing blood and tried not to say something she would regret. "Why? You have just returned after a very long week when I have been worried for you - having no idea where you were, and now you tell me that the thing you had to disappear so suddenly for was to find some other woman. How the hell did you expect me to react!?"
"Like you are. Sakura, please listen. I didn't tell you before because that meant opening up one of the most precious things I have, I promised I wouldn't keep secrets but I can't just do a full turn and reveal everything at once. You know that." Turning her around, he looked down at her with a sad expression as he placed on hand under her chin, tipping her head upwards. "I love you, that's why I told you this now rather than to hide it further. But I don't want to loose you and I don't want you to go."
"A promise is a promise - you can't keep it only when it suits you! I haven't kept any secrets from you and expect you to be the same way to me!" When he turned around he should be able to see the sheer disappointment that showed in her expression, especially in her eyes. She had been honest to him even when it came to things that hurt her to think about and she honestly had expected him to be the same - especially after the last thing...
"I've been keeping it to myself for the last seven years and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." He hated it, being the reason she looked like that and it made him wonder if he even deserved her. "I love you, I'm sorry." Placing a light kiss on the top of her head he hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry."
"Let go of me," she mumbled against his chest, not wanting him this close right now. If he kept on doing this she would soon start crying and she didn't want that. She hated the fact that she was so weak against him when he was like this.
For the first time, he didn't. He didn't want to let her go, he just wanted her to smile again, he just wanted to hold her close. He just wanted to feel that he was home again.
Trying to push him away she, to her dismay, felt how tears started falling down her cheeks. Why did he have to do this to her? Why couldn't he just let her go?
He actually tightened his grip on her when she tried to push him away, knowing fully well that if she really meant it he wouldn't be able to hold her. Resting his chin on the top of her head he just kept mumbling her name and that he loved her.
"I don't care... You didn't keep your promise..." Her voice clearly showed that she was crying, but she still couldn't get herself to just push him away. "Let go of me..."
So he'd finally screwed up big time huh? He lessened his grip on her but still kept his arms around her shoulders. "I know." He wasn't perfect, far from and he knew that.
Looking up at him with her tear-stained cheeks her expressions till showed her disappointment in him. "Why didn't you tell me..? You promised me..." Promises meant a lot to her and therefore she tried to not give them out lightly.
"I tried, I wanted to. But I just couldn't." Bringing a hand up, he brushed her tears away and kissed her forehead. "It's hard; you're the only one I have told."
"It was a promise..." she sniffled, turning her head away from him. "How can I be sure that you won't keep anything else from me?"
"I have nothing else that I hide, and if you don't trust me then ask me anything. Whatever you want, I promise I'll answer." Taking a step to the side Kakashi sat down on the bed and pulled Sakura down in his lap as he looked at her. "Ask me anything..."
What was she supposed to ask him? For a moment Sakura was speechless, not sure of exactly what he wanted from her. Then she slowly started: "This girl...Rin? Why do you feel the need to find her? Why was it so important to not tell me? Was this a revenge for the thing I told you just before you went away?" Where the last thing came from she had no idea, but now that it was out there was nothing she could do to take it back.
"No, no. This was no revenge thing. Far from. I promised Obito I would take care of her, his dying wish was for me to protect her and I've failed that. I just want to find her and know that she's alive and doing well." He rested his chin on her shoulder as he spoke. "It wasn't important not to tell you about it. It was just hard, the more you know the larger is the chance that I'll end up hurt." It was the truth, he was afraid of being hurt and in a sense he was afraid of her, of how much he loved her.
"Don't you understand that its the other way around, you idiot?" She thwapped him on the arms, for once hoping that it would actually hurt some. "How would you feel if I kept everything secret from you only because I was afraid to get hurt?"
"Gomen." He gave her a small smile and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I just don't want another important person in my life to die or disappear. I told Obito and Rin everything and look where they are today."
"If you think that's only because you told them everything, you're a whole lot stupider than I thought," she said with a sigh, not having much energy left but still feeling disappointed in him.
"Mmm, guess I'm both stupid and inconsiderate then." Usually he would have grinned by now, but he'd promised to show her how he felt and therefore he didn't
"For once, yes." And for once Sakura sounded completely serious, not a trace of her usual flirty way in her voice or expression, not even a glimpse of teasing.
"No one is perfect Sakura and as I said before, I can't change just over night but I'm trying. For your sake."
"No one is requesting that you would be perfect, but this is no 'changing over night'. You have known me for quite some time now and you know how I feel about these things..." She knew that he was trying, but still... She was still feeling kind of betrayed.
"I have know you for a while yes, but on the level that I would willingly share everything with you I haven't known you that long and yet you know me better than anyone Sakura." He wanted to hold her closer but under the current circumstances he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. "Anything else you want to ask?"
"I don't know...I just don't know..." she said and sighed deeply. Still not quite wanting to look him in the eyes she instead looked at everything else in the room. What was she supposed to say to him now? She couldn't think of anything more to say.
Kakashi sighed and let go of her, placing his arms beside him on the bed. "I won't stop you if you still want to leave, but I'd prefer it if you didn't go." She didn't really seem like she wanted to be there at all, at now since she wasn't in the same enraged state as possible he felt less worried over what she would do if she left. Though he really just wanted to lie down and sleep, with her in his arms.
Sakura got up from his lap and went over to her bag again, slowly packing the last of her things before she closed it, picked it up and then turned to Kakashi. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay here tonight," she said, wiping away the single tear that fell down her cheek. "I'll...call you or something, okay?"
"Hai." he could feel his heart drop as she told him she was leaving, because no matter how much he screwed up he still wanted her there.
Her heart and steps heavy, she walked into the hallway and put on her shoes and jacket. This was most certainly not how she had expected his homecoming to be. "I guess I'll see you around then. Take care..." Her voice was low and slightly broken.
Getting off the bed he walked out into the hallway behind her. "Hai, I guess so." It hurt to see her leave and he wanted to stop her from doing so but he couldn't.
"Well...bye then." Giving a small, weak smile she turned around and opened the door, stepping out of his apartment. "I'll see you at school." It hurt to leave, but it would hurt even more to stay there.
He just nodded at her and gave a small, weak smile before going back into the apartment. The boxes of food still sat half eaten on the table but he wasn't hungry anymore. Instead he grabbed his ashtray and sat down on the couch. The best he could do now was to give her some space and hope that she could forgive him for what he'd done. "I really screwed up this time Pakku." He said and looked over at the dog. "And it didn't get me any closer to Rin either."
((OOC: Warnings: None. Just some anger and a one-sided argument.))
Is anyone up for something? I feel a need to get out of the house and just do something.
It was just after dinnertime when Kakashi had made it back home, having made only a short stop on the way at their favorite restaurant to pay their tab and to pick up some food. He didn't bother knocking as he entered the apartment and was actually very quiet both when he moved and closed the door around him. Discarding his jacket and removing his shoes he looked stepped out of the hallway and looked around for Sakura.
Sakura was lying on the bed, taking a nap, dreaming about her boyfriend, Gaara, Ishida and something that seemed to involve flying penguins. Frowning slightly in her sleep she turned around and kept on sleeping. She didn't expect Kakashi to come home until in a couple of hours, so she had decided to spend them napping.
Placing the bag down on the table Kakashi couldn't help but smile at her, she looked so beautiful when she was spread out on his bed like that - and so innocent. Kind of like she had done when they first met. Walking over he crouched down by the bed and pushed some hair out of her face before rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
At the sudden touch she jerked awake. Upon seeing her boyfriend she smiled brightly and immediately threw her arms around him. "You're home! I've missed you so much!"
She almost knocked him off his feet with that hug but using a hand to steady himself he kissed her cheek. "I've missed you too kitten. Been good?" Kami how he had missed her! He buried his face in her hair and sighed softly.
It felt so good to finally be able to hold him again. Sakura burrowed her face in his chest, breathing in the scent that was just him. "I have been as good as always am," she smiled.
"That's my girl. I brought dinner thinking you might be hungry?" Removing her arms from around his neck Kakashi took a seat on the bed next to her and placed an arm over her shoulder.
When her stomach choose that exact moment to rumble, she gave him a slightly embarrassed smile. "I guess I am. What did you buy?" she asked curiously and snuggled closer to him. It felt so good to just be close to him again, to hear his voice for real and not through a phone, to feel his touches, to be able to touch him.
"The usual. I cleared up our tab as well." She was so cute when she acted like this but he didn't want to put her through disappearing again just to see her act like that. "Come on, food's on the table."
"Sounds good. Good boy," she teased and ruffled his hair before she got up from the bed and stretched before she walked over to where the food was. It was very thoughtful of him to buy food like this on his way home, but she suspected that he was pretty hungry too, having more or less rushed home.
Kakashi was both tired and hungry, not having eaten anything larger in almost two days and it had been equally long since he slept, all because of the one thing he had left from his past. Sighing he got off the bed and moved over to the couch, taking a seat by Sakura as he reached for the food.
Sakura was very curious about the reason why he had disappeared so suddenly, but decided that it could wait until they had eaten. Opening the boxes that contained their food she happily dug in.
They ate for a while in silence before Kakashi finally placed his box down on the table. He wasn't sure how she would take what he was about to tell her but he hoped that she would understand. "I know you're curious about where I was and I said I would explain when I got back." He stilled for a moment and seemed to sink deeper into the couch as his features seemed to fall.
"After my parents accident I never let anyone close to me again. It was hard for me to trust and to have faith in anyone. I was never a social child, you know that. I'm still not, but I'm better at hiding it now then I was back then. About two years after my parents died I made some friends, Obito and Rin. Obito and I never got along that well. He was loud and obnoxious, much like Naruto is but thanks to Rin we go along. She was our glue, like you were for Naruto and Sasuke in the beginning. The first time I saw you three I couldn't help but think just how much you reminded me of us. It was painful in a way."
He draped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer as he started vocalizing one of the most significant events in his life. "You see, I lost them as well. We were playing in an abandoned house one day and it collapsed. Rin was inside as parts of the ceiling started to collapse and we both rushed in to save her. She and I managed to get out, Obito didn't. He died that day before the ambulance got there."
Kakashi fell silent when he thought back to the event; the pain and frustration of not having been able to do anything were still fresh in his heart. "I received some stitches for some smaller wounds, Rin got away with nothing but bruises. Obito's death took a hard toll on both of us and we had only each other to turn to. He loved her; he just never got to tell her so I took it upon myself to care for her, for Obito's sake."
Sakura didn't know what to say, so she just put her arms around him and held him tight; she knew how it felt to lose people that meant the world to you. There wasn't much she could do for him now but to show him that she knew how he felt and that she was there for him now.
"Less than three months after that Rin was gone as well. There was nothing of her left and no one knew where she went. She left a note saying she couldn't take it anymore but that was it. For years I didn't hear anything, but shortly after I had met you the first time she resurfaced, in Tokyo so I went there but found nothing. Then two years ago in Kobe and now last Saturday, I leaned that she had been spotted in Kyoto." He knew Sakura would most likely not appreciate to hear him say it but she needed to know, she deserved to know. "I had to…have to try and find her."
Her whole body tensed for a moment. So he had left her without a word to chase after another woman? "Why...didn't you tell me before you left?" she asked, taking her arms away from him. How was she supposed to react? She felt sorry for him, but why hadn't he told her? Was there something else he was keeping from her?
"Because I didn't want you to worry. The people I have connections with are not the kindest or gentlest there is. And there is always a risk when doing what I do." How would she have reacted if he had told her that he would be spending a week among the bottom layer of people, murderers and such. The expression on his face was clearly pained as he let his arm rest over the back of the couch.
"You didn't think that I would worry anyway?" Sakura asked, starting to sound a bit angry and disappointed. "People have been disappearing here, you called me one single time and practically anything could have happened to you and now you tell me that you have been chasing after another woman?!" Her voice got louder and louder for every word.
Kakashi almost winced at her words, but they were true. He had worried her and he should have called her more than once but he hadn't. "I'm sorry Sakura."
"You're sorry? That's great. Maybe you can tell me me the next time then! Or maybe you plan on going away without saying anything again?!" Listening to his story she understood that this would happen over and over again - and she didn't know how she would feel about her boyfriend chasing after that Rin girl. She got up from the couch and starting pacing the room.
It was quite obvious she was angry and he understood that, but he wasn't sure quite what she wanted him to say. "No, you know now so there is no need to hide it from you any longer."
"There was never any need to hide it from me!" She more or less yelled at him and glared angrily at him. Yes, she was angry, angry as hell - she hated it when people kept secrets from her, especially secrets like this, that she had every right to know.
He hadn't intentionally hid it from her it was just one of the things he refused to share with people because the more they knew, the easier they could hurt you and no one wants to be hurt, Kakashi was no exception to that. But what could he have done, sat her down and told her his whole life story all at once? He just nodded at her.
When he just sat there and did nothing but nod, Sakura snorted and went to retrieve her bag. "Now that you're back, you don't need me to stay here anymore. I'm going home." With that she picked up the bag and started packing the few things that she had taken out. He didn't seem to understand why she was feeling the way she did and she was angry at him for not telling her - so going home felt like the wisest choice.
Getting off the couch walked over to wrap his arms around her, burying his face in her hair again. "Don't go," he mumbled.
Just standing there for a second or two she then continued packing her things, her whole body tense. "I don't think it's such a good idea to stay right now," she said in a low, but still angry voice.
"Please, Sakura. Don't go." He didn't want her gone; he never wanted her to leave his side and especially not now. Not when he just got back.
Sakura bit her lip, almost drawing blood and tried not to say something she would regret. "Why? You have just returned after a very long week when I have been worried for you - having no idea where you were, and now you tell me that the thing you had to disappear so suddenly for was to find some other woman. How the hell did you expect me to react!?"
"Like you are. Sakura, please listen. I didn't tell you before because that meant opening up one of the most precious things I have, I promised I wouldn't keep secrets but I can't just do a full turn and reveal everything at once. You know that." Turning her around, he looked down at her with a sad expression as he placed on hand under her chin, tipping her head upwards. "I love you, that's why I told you this now rather than to hide it further. But I don't want to loose you and I don't want you to go."
"A promise is a promise - you can't keep it only when it suits you! I haven't kept any secrets from you and expect you to be the same way to me!" When he turned around he should be able to see the sheer disappointment that showed in her expression, especially in her eyes. She had been honest to him even when it came to things that hurt her to think about and she honestly had expected him to be the same - especially after the last thing...
"I've been keeping it to myself for the last seven years and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." He hated it, being the reason she looked like that and it made him wonder if he even deserved her. "I love you, I'm sorry." Placing a light kiss on the top of her head he hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry."
"Let go of me," she mumbled against his chest, not wanting him this close right now. If he kept on doing this she would soon start crying and she didn't want that. She hated the fact that she was so weak against him when he was like this.
For the first time, he didn't. He didn't want to let her go, he just wanted her to smile again, he just wanted to hold her close. He just wanted to feel that he was home again.
Trying to push him away she, to her dismay, felt how tears started falling down her cheeks. Why did he have to do this to her? Why couldn't he just let her go?
He actually tightened his grip on her when she tried to push him away, knowing fully well that if she really meant it he wouldn't be able to hold her. Resting his chin on the top of her head he just kept mumbling her name and that he loved her.
"I don't care... You didn't keep your promise..." Her voice clearly showed that she was crying, but she still couldn't get herself to just push him away. "Let go of me..."
So he'd finally screwed up big time huh? He lessened his grip on her but still kept his arms around her shoulders. "I know." He wasn't perfect, far from and he knew that.
Looking up at him with her tear-stained cheeks her expressions till showed her disappointment in him. "Why didn't you tell me..? You promised me..." Promises meant a lot to her and therefore she tried to not give them out lightly.
"I tried, I wanted to. But I just couldn't." Bringing a hand up, he brushed her tears away and kissed her forehead. "It's hard; you're the only one I have told."
"It was a promise..." she sniffled, turning her head away from him. "How can I be sure that you won't keep anything else from me?"
"I have nothing else that I hide, and if you don't trust me then ask me anything. Whatever you want, I promise I'll answer." Taking a step to the side Kakashi sat down on the bed and pulled Sakura down in his lap as he looked at her. "Ask me anything..."
What was she supposed to ask him? For a moment Sakura was speechless, not sure of exactly what he wanted from her. Then she slowly started: "This girl...Rin? Why do you feel the need to find her? Why was it so important to not tell me? Was this a revenge for the thing I told you just before you went away?" Where the last thing came from she had no idea, but now that it was out there was nothing she could do to take it back.
"No, no. This was no revenge thing. Far from. I promised Obito I would take care of her, his dying wish was for me to protect her and I've failed that. I just want to find her and know that she's alive and doing well." He rested his chin on her shoulder as he spoke. "It wasn't important not to tell you about it. It was just hard, the more you know the larger is the chance that I'll end up hurt." It was the truth, he was afraid of being hurt and in a sense he was afraid of her, of how much he loved her.
"Don't you understand that its the other way around, you idiot?" She thwapped him on the arms, for once hoping that it would actually hurt some. "How would you feel if I kept everything secret from you only because I was afraid to get hurt?"
"Gomen." He gave her a small smile and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I just don't want another important person in my life to die or disappear. I told Obito and Rin everything and look where they are today."
"If you think that's only because you told them everything, you're a whole lot stupider than I thought," she said with a sigh, not having much energy left but still feeling disappointed in him.
"Mmm, guess I'm both stupid and inconsiderate then." Usually he would have grinned by now, but he'd promised to show her how he felt and therefore he didn't
"For once, yes." And for once Sakura sounded completely serious, not a trace of her usual flirty way in her voice or expression, not even a glimpse of teasing.
"No one is perfect Sakura and as I said before, I can't change just over night but I'm trying. For your sake."
"No one is requesting that you would be perfect, but this is no 'changing over night'. You have known me for quite some time now and you know how I feel about these things..." She knew that he was trying, but still... She was still feeling kind of betrayed.
"I have know you for a while yes, but on the level that I would willingly share everything with you I haven't known you that long and yet you know me better than anyone Sakura." He wanted to hold her closer but under the current circumstances he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. "Anything else you want to ask?"
"I don't know...I just don't know..." she said and sighed deeply. Still not quite wanting to look him in the eyes she instead looked at everything else in the room. What was she supposed to say to him now? She couldn't think of anything more to say.
Kakashi sighed and let go of her, placing his arms beside him on the bed. "I won't stop you if you still want to leave, but I'd prefer it if you didn't go." She didn't really seem like she wanted to be there at all, at now since she wasn't in the same enraged state as possible he felt less worried over what she would do if she left. Though he really just wanted to lie down and sleep, with her in his arms.
Sakura got up from his lap and went over to her bag again, slowly packing the last of her things before she closed it, picked it up and then turned to Kakashi. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay here tonight," she said, wiping away the single tear that fell down her cheek. "I'll...call you or something, okay?"
"Hai." he could feel his heart drop as she told him she was leaving, because no matter how much he screwed up he still wanted her there.
Her heart and steps heavy, she walked into the hallway and put on her shoes and jacket. This was most certainly not how she had expected his homecoming to be. "I guess I'll see you around then. Take care..." Her voice was low and slightly broken.
Getting off the bed he walked out into the hallway behind her. "Hai, I guess so." It hurt to see her leave and he wanted to stop her from doing so but he couldn't.
"Well...bye then." Giving a small, weak smile she turned around and opened the door, stepping out of his apartment. "I'll see you at school." It hurt to leave, but it would hurt even more to stay there.
He just nodded at her and gave a small, weak smile before going back into the apartment. The boxes of food still sat half eaten on the table but he wasn't hungry anymore. Instead he grabbed his ashtray and sat down on the couch. The best he could do now was to give her some space and hope that she could forgive him for what he'd done. "I really screwed up this time Pakku." He said and looked over at the dog. "And it didn't get me any closer to Rin either."
((OOC: Warnings: None. Just some anger and a one-sided argument.))