The village will burn
I made two intros for a thing Dag and I are working on, but telling her to look in here will be easier that posting them paragraph by paragraph in an im ^^;
First One:
The sun shone brightly as a small robin flew by, headed towards a large and beautiful tree. Ruby smiled softly, watching the tiny bird as it landed and sat proudly, triumphant in its flight from one tree to another. As she gazed dreamily out the window, her brown eyes resting on the peaceful monastery grounds, she heard the sound of running footsteps in the hall outside her room.
The priest ran as fast as he could down the hall, stumbling on his own feet in his haste, a look of pure terror adorning his face.
The footsteps were suddenly accompanied by a roaring of human cries from the village. Ruby’s eyes widened in shocked amazement and fear as she watched flames leap from the buildings of the village. The smoke rose to the sky, marring the formerly beautiful and peaceful scene.
He pushed open the door and rushed in to Ruby’s side. The priest allowed himself only a moment to glance out the window at the horror Ruby had witnessed before reaching for her wrist. He pulled her out and down the hall, barely managing to stay on his feet in his haste to save the girl.
Ruby stumbled on behind the priest, her wrist held firmly in his trembling hand. She watched, amazed, as he opened a hidden exit and shoved her through, staying behind to close it as they began to hear more footsteps running down the long hall of the monastery.
The heavily armored men ran noisily down the hall in search of the priest residing in the monastery. They found him standing in the middle of the hall as though he had simply given up running. Their leader stepped forward, his glowing eyes all that was visible of his face, and thrust his sword into the priest’s flesh.
Running frantically through the woods behind the monastery, Ruby managed to find a small hallow under a large tree root that she could hide under. Heavily armored men ran by, their faces hidden by their helmets, but they never found her. She stayed under the root till she was sure it was safe, crying silently and praying for the priest who had raised her.
Second One:
Ruby gazed longingly outside her window, listening to the tapping of raindrops on her window. She sighed, closing her eyes as she sat down in her lovely, but simple chair. She opened her eyes, resting her chin on the palm of her left hand, returning her gaze to the window.
In the village heavily armored warriors marched quickly into the mass of peaceful village dwellers. Their eyes glowed red beneath their cloak hoods as they stormed through, setting fire to the simple homes and shops. Their leader surveyed the destruction they had caused, and pointed his sword towards the nearby monastery, his eyes flashing brightly.
An old priest stared, shocked, at the destruction of the village. He shook his head in denial, but turned to run back towards the monastery anyway. He scrambled up the small hill and through the great doors. His footsteps echoed in the stone hall as he ran as fast as he could, the look of terror still residing on his face.
Ruby turned quickly as her door burst open. She immediately followed the priest after seeing the look on his face. They ran down the hall as thunder crashed through the skies. He pushed her quickly out the back door and barricaded it.
Ruby beat her fist against the door, crying out for him to join her, but the thunder drowned out her woods. She eventually turned and ran into the nearby woods. She ran as long as she could, but eventually stopped, panting, and leaned against a tree trunk.
The warriors reached the monastery, setting it on fire as they had done to the village. The light of the flames danced erily off their armor as the leader surveyed the woods. Eventually, he decided to turn back.
Ruby fell the her knees, her hair covering her face as she shook her head forcefully, trying to convince herself that the priest had survived, even as silent tears streamed gently down her face.
Now, Everyone else can tell me which you think is better! ^^
First One:
The sun shone brightly as a small robin flew by, headed towards a large and beautiful tree. Ruby smiled softly, watching the tiny bird as it landed and sat proudly, triumphant in its flight from one tree to another. As she gazed dreamily out the window, her brown eyes resting on the peaceful monastery grounds, she heard the sound of running footsteps in the hall outside her room.
The priest ran as fast as he could down the hall, stumbling on his own feet in his haste, a look of pure terror adorning his face.
The footsteps were suddenly accompanied by a roaring of human cries from the village. Ruby’s eyes widened in shocked amazement and fear as she watched flames leap from the buildings of the village. The smoke rose to the sky, marring the formerly beautiful and peaceful scene.
He pushed open the door and rushed in to Ruby’s side. The priest allowed himself only a moment to glance out the window at the horror Ruby had witnessed before reaching for her wrist. He pulled her out and down the hall, barely managing to stay on his feet in his haste to save the girl.
Ruby stumbled on behind the priest, her wrist held firmly in his trembling hand. She watched, amazed, as he opened a hidden exit and shoved her through, staying behind to close it as they began to hear more footsteps running down the long hall of the monastery.
The heavily armored men ran noisily down the hall in search of the priest residing in the monastery. They found him standing in the middle of the hall as though he had simply given up running. Their leader stepped forward, his glowing eyes all that was visible of his face, and thrust his sword into the priest’s flesh.
Running frantically through the woods behind the monastery, Ruby managed to find a small hallow under a large tree root that she could hide under. Heavily armored men ran by, their faces hidden by their helmets, but they never found her. She stayed under the root till she was sure it was safe, crying silently and praying for the priest who had raised her.
Second One:
Ruby gazed longingly outside her window, listening to the tapping of raindrops on her window. She sighed, closing her eyes as she sat down in her lovely, but simple chair. She opened her eyes, resting her chin on the palm of her left hand, returning her gaze to the window.
In the village heavily armored warriors marched quickly into the mass of peaceful village dwellers. Their eyes glowed red beneath their cloak hoods as they stormed through, setting fire to the simple homes and shops. Their leader surveyed the destruction they had caused, and pointed his sword towards the nearby monastery, his eyes flashing brightly.
An old priest stared, shocked, at the destruction of the village. He shook his head in denial, but turned to run back towards the monastery anyway. He scrambled up the small hill and through the great doors. His footsteps echoed in the stone hall as he ran as fast as he could, the look of terror still residing on his face.
Ruby turned quickly as her door burst open. She immediately followed the priest after seeing the look on his face. They ran down the hall as thunder crashed through the skies. He pushed her quickly out the back door and barricaded it.
Ruby beat her fist against the door, crying out for him to join her, but the thunder drowned out her woods. She eventually turned and ran into the nearby woods. She ran as long as she could, but eventually stopped, panting, and leaned against a tree trunk.
The warriors reached the monastery, setting it on fire as they had done to the village. The light of the flames danced erily off their armor as the leader surveyed the woods. Eventually, he decided to turn back.
Ruby fell the her knees, her hair covering her face as she shook her head forcefully, trying to convince herself that the priest had survived, even as silent tears streamed gently down her face.
Now, Everyone else can tell me which you think is better! ^^