Calm
Claim: Character: Penelope 'Penny Coulson
Fandom: Marvel Movie Universe
Prompt: Calm, Table 3
Rating: T/PG13
Disclaimer: If I owned Marvel, would I be writing fanfiction?
Notes: Other OC's are mentioned, but none of them will appear in these stories. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
As usual, JFK was a nightmare to be in. The bustling airport was packed with people and Phil could not stand it when he was bumped into without an apology by haggard workers and stressed passengers. It wrinkled his suit. His headache was only increased by the presence a certain group of people he was currently 'babysitting'. One would think a group of grown adults would be able to take care of themselves, but no. Apparently Fury was reluctant to leave them alone after something that involved the Captain and internet porn and the now legendary Thor vs. Stark drink-off. Which was why they were here. He had been content not telling the Avengers plus Foster and Lewis where they were going, but the combined heckling prowess of Stark and Lewis resulting in Phil having to tell the Avengers where they were going which resulted in Foster, Lewis, and Potts making a sparkling poster with Penny's name on it. Stark and Thor, not to be outdone, had created their own poster with less sparkles but just as much creativity (and if that was Stark's handwriting, Phil was going to never let him live it down). All of this creativity had resulted in the living room being destroyed, which Phil knew was going to be his fault. Sometimes Phil wondered what he had done in a previous life to deserve this. He absentmindedly pulled on his suit jacket. Penny was five minuets late.
“So... is your sister hot?” Barton inquired nonchalantly.
Phil sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. How Barton had made it through SHIELD without having his ass pummeled by anyone was a mystery. “Agent Barton, comment on my sister again and suffer.”
Barton sniggered. “Like you'll actually do anything.”
Phil could feel his head begin to pound. If he makes one more comment I swear I will-
“Dude,” Lewis interjected, “It's his sister. He might, like, totally go all old school and fight you for her honor or something.”
“Ummm....Am I interrupting something here?”
Phil couldn't help but smile and turn around to face Penny, who had managed to sneak up on him. Him! He was so proud of her.
“Hello Penny.”
“Hello Phil. How's life?”
Terrible. “Lovely. You?”
Phil and Penny started walking, each matching the other's pace perfectly. The group slowly followed at a distance, with Thor creating a pathway through the heavy streams of people.
“What just happened?” Darcy muttered to the world.
"I'm assuming that's Penny.” Steve replied. “They do look kind of similar.”
“Why thank you Captain Obvious!” Clint shot back.
Steve decided to ignore that comment even though the girls were giggling. Why women always went for the 'bad' guys was something that he would never understand.
“Yeah that and the fact they're like the same person. I mean look at them walk! It's kind of creepy.” Darcy said.
Jane nodded. “I can see that.”
“I do not see why the similar stride of the Son and Daughter of Coul is significant nor how it is creepy.” Thor stated.
Natasha shrugged and spoke. “You can learn a lot about someone from their walk. Both of them are confident and believe themselves to have a purpose. Agent Coulson slightly favors his left leg, most likely because of some injury to the right. Penny walks with a longer stride, which according to some means that she would be more open and trusting. Coulson's is more short and his eyes dart around frequently, meaning he is more cautious and leery of people and their motives, which, considering his job, is probably true.”
“Woah, you can learn that all from watching someone walk?” Darcy said, her eyes wide with excitement.
“Yes.”
“Cool!”
~
“Do you think they know we can hear them?” Penny asked.
Phil let a rare smile continue to grace his features. “Probably not. But they're right.”
“About the walking thing? It's true. I'm too trusting; you and Pippa are too paranoid.”
“How is she by the way.”
“Dunno,” Penny shrugged, “I haven't talked to her recently. Apparently the Thor thing caused a nightmare for them too.”
“Good. She deserves it.” Phil stated without a hint of guilt or malice. Penny rolled her eyes and whacked him in arm with the hand that wasn't dragging her rolling suitcase.
“Phil, she's our sister.”
“But she deserves.”
“She's our sister.”
“Who deserves it.”
“Can we call truce?”
Phil nodded. “Truce accepted...even though she deserves it.”
“Phil.” Penny groaned.
“Well, she does deserve it.”
“Do I need to intervene here?” Pepper interjected, who had been trailing at a slight distance.
“No ma'am, we're good. He just can't let the fact that Pippa got a better job than him go.”
“There's more of them!” Tony groaned, receiving a smack from Pepper.
“We're everywhere, Stark. You'll never get away.” Phil snarked.
~
If there was one thing that could be said about both of the Coulsons, it was that both of them had the eerie ability to remain calm in any situation. That was perhaps the thing that racked Tony's nerves the most. No matter what he did to either of them, neither batted an eye and took it in a stride. Case in point: Penny's first day.
“So,” Tony began, glancing around the room. It was a typical office room, with several plastic chairs on one wall, a terribly generic painting on the other, and Penny at a metal desk in the middle. The only saving feature was the window wall, which had a beautiful view of Central Park.
“Yes, Mr. Stark?” Penny replied, flipping through the numerous files on her desk. Apparently Phil had taken her on as his secretary or something like that.
“You're related to Coulson which has to be a-” Tony began, only to be interrupted by something, no, someone crashing through the shiny window.
“Stark!” A purple glowing human looking thing wailed. “You ruined my comp-”
“Excuse me, but I am doing extraordinarily boring paperwork and I would appreciate it greatly if you took this brawl elsewhere. I'm sure Mr. Stark would love to fight you sometime at a place that is not my office,” Penny stated with a cool smile on her face.
Tony look at the purple energy human. “I'm free Friday at three. How's the abandoned candy factory work for you?”
The energy thing scratched what Tony assumed to be his head. “Works for me,” he turned towards Penny, “I'm very sorry about your window ma'am.”
“It's quite alright. Have a lovely day.” she said, returning to her paperwork.
Tony blinked. Did that just happen? Why yes, Tony, yes it did. Pepper would love you.
“You were saying Mr. Stark?” Penny was looking at him.
“So you're related to Coulson which has to be a real...” She was all but glaring at him “...interesting. Really interesting,” Tony finished.
“You do meet very interesting people,” she agreed.
Tony snorted. Interesting people.
Today, however, Penny looked a little shell shocked and more than a little horrified. Maybe the meeting that ol' Fury required everyone to be at was melting her brain cells. Luckily, she and most of the Avengers with the exception of Steve and other Coulson were in the back. After being called out on conspiring with Clint, Tony decided to investigate this the old fashioned way: with note passing. As nonchalantly as possible, Tony pulled out a small note-book and began to set his master plan in motion.
What's wrong? He scribbled. Hrm. Now how to get to her without drawing too much attention. Ah ha! Tony slowly passed the note book under the arm rest and silently dropped it in Penny's lap. She frowned at the book. Returning her attention to Fury, she discreetly pulled a pen from her purse.
Are you sure you want to know?
Tony nodded in reply.
He's dating my mother!
Who?
Fury! He comes over to the house every other weekend and fixes stuff and goes out to eat or takes her places!! I didn't know he was Phil's boss!
Well, that would be a good reason to be freaking out.
Are you sure?
Really Mr. Stark, how many guys do you know that look like Samuel L. Jackson and have one eye?
She did have a point there.
True. Does Phil know?
No. No one knows that Mom's dating again.
Hmmm. We need a plan of action.
She looked quite confused, so he elaborated.
Part one: confirm it is Fury
Part two: find out if it is serious
Part three: confront him
Part four: tell Coulson
So we need to either have him admit it or ask my mom.
Or we could break into his office and search his stuff.
~
This was perhaps the most ridiculous thing Penny had ever participated in. After their conversation during the meeting, Stark had decided to call an Avengers meeting to discuss this development. Which was why she was currently standing outside the door of the mansion.
Come on Penny it's just a house. Knock! Penny rapped the door with more confidence than she felt.
After an eternity of waiting, Mr. Rogers opened the door.
“Hello Miss Coulson!” he said with a ridiculously large smile on his face.
“Miss Coulson is my mother,” Penny frowned, “that came out wrong. Please call me Penny.”
“Only if you call me Steve,” Mr. Rogers, Steve, said while stepping out of the door way “Come on in!”
Penny had seen many luxurious buildings, the Hamptons, all of the still standing plantation homes many of her friends resided in, even Buckingham Palace. The Stark place took the cake. The floors where black and white marble and all of the mirrors appeared to be gold. The various pillars were so clean that she could see her reflection in them. Marble statues or various art work were in between each pillar. And there was a garden! A real garden with a bubbling fountain at the end of the in-door courtyard.
“Impressive isn't it?”
“Yes,” Penny breathed.
Steve followed her gaze up to the ceiling, which was a mural with the Greek gods in the sky. “Tony likes the finer things in life.”
“I can tell,” she drolly replied.
“The meetings in the kitchen. It's much less formal.”
“I would hope so,” Penny laughed.
Now if only he could remember how to get to the kitchen.
~
“Now troops!” Tony barked, “We have a real problem on our hands!” He paced in front of the table, where everyone was sitting. He really looks like a mad scientist when he does that Penny thought.
Darcy raised her hand.
“Yes?” Tony said, stopping his pacing to turn and face the table.
“Why is Fury having a girlfriend such a bad thing? You keep on saying that Fury needs to be laid...” Darcy let her comment hang in the air.
Tony frowned. “Well is he even being-”
“Yes,” Penny interjected, “but let's not talk about that.”
“Oh my god that just gave me mental images I never wanted to see.” Darcy muttered while Clint choked on his doughnut.
“It is perfectly natural for people Fury's age to have an interest in intercourse.” Banner stated.
“Okay! Enough about Fury and sex. It's scarring me,” Tony said. “Now I have developed a plan. Jarvis!” A screen appeared behind Tony, listing his plan. “Part one: We need concrete evidence that it is Fury. So while Penny draws Fury away from his office, Steve and I are going to break into his office.”
Steve blanched. “Why don't we just ask him about it?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Because it is so much more fun this way! Part two: Find out how serious this relationship is. If she's just a squeeze and Coulson finds out, he just might do something stupid and rash, which would just be terrible,” he said, sarcasm fully evident. “We will do this by monitoring Fury's calls to Penny's mom.”
“Can you even do that?” Jane asked, her skepticism leaking through. “I mean, he's SHIELD. Won't they have things to prevent that.?”
“Yeah, but you're forgetting the fact that I'm Tony Stark,” he boasted. “Plus I'm betting he calls her from either his cell or home phone, not the office, which is easier to do. Part three: Confront him, which will be done by yours truly and Penny with all of our evidence. This way we find out valuable information that could possibly be used to get me...us out of terrible meetings and assignments.:
“So essentially it's blackmail.” Natasha stated.
“No!” Tony said defensively. “It's valuable information, not blackmail.”
Pepper leaned over to Natasha. “It's black mail.”
“Anyway,” Tony huffed, crossing his arms, “We then have to figure out a way to tell Coulson.”
“We?” Bruce asked. “Why not Penny? Or you since it's your scheme.”
“'Tis a scheme worthy of our interests though, friend Banner! It may be a matter of national security seeing as it is one of the leaders.” Thor said.
“Thank you Thor!” Tony smiled. “Now tomorrow our plot begins. Here's how it's going to work.”
~
Fury was mildly surprised when Miss Coulson approached him. Even more so when she requested he looked at some files that she had found inconsistencies in. It happened to be the only time anyone had approached him about the numerous inconsistencies in the Sunnydale files. Glad to see someone saw through those shitty reports. On the other hand, no one had every approached him about inconsistencies in files. Something was up. And seeing as Stark and Rogers were lurking around the premise, she had been roped into one of Stark's hare-brained schemes. Shame, she seemed like a good kid.
“May I see the files?” he asked.
“Yes, they're in my bag...” she frowned and began to dig through her satchel. “Were in my bag,” she looked up at him. “Can we walk back to my desk and get them?” she asked, her shockingly steady.
On the inside, Fury was smiling. She might just earn herself a job if she kept up her unruffled demeanor around him. No one was ever this calm around him (well her brother was. Must run in the family); it was refreshing. “Of course, Miss Coulson. Lead the way.”
Tony began to hum the James Bond theme. “Let's roll,” he whispered to Steve.
~
Tony frowned. It had been a good, solid plan. Of course, he hadn't counted on Fury's office being booby trapped. That man had enough paranoia to make J. Edgar look trusting. After setting off said booby traps, several agents had promptly appeared and marched him and Steve down to an interrogation room. And judging by the approaching foot steps, Penny was going to get it too. He had to hand it to her, Penny looked completely nonplussed as she walked into the room, trailed by Fury, then Phil.
“So,” Fury said while he sat down on the other side of the table. “Want to explain why you two were attempting to break into my office while Miss Coulson distracted me with files?”
“It wasn't my idea!” blurted Steve while Tony crossed his arms and said “I regret nothing.”
“Not even being pepper sprayed?” Phil asked.
“Phil,” Penny chided.
“You have no right to say anything, seeing as you are their accomplice. Care to explain why, Penelope?” Phil replied, in the frightfully calm way of all Coulsons Tony had ever met.
“Oh snap, full name usage.” Tony whispered to Steve, who ignored him.
Penny looked away. “Not particularly.”
“Penelope.”
“Phillip,” she shot back.
This seemed to make him even angrier. “Penelope, be reasonable.”
“Fine,” she stated, turning back to face her brother, “I'm fairly certain that your lovely Director Fury is mother's new boyfriend.” She turned towards Fury himself. “May I leave now?”
Fury simply nodded as she swept out of the room.
Phil, however, looked shocked, revolted, and very, very traumatized. Tony took the initiative to bust out his phone and start taking pictures.
~
It was an awkward ride to the house to say the least.
Phil cleared his throat. “So...Mother's dating Director Fury.”
“Yes,” Penny coolly stated, not even glancing up from her lap.
“Well, that's news,” Phil stated, obviously trying to break the tension.
“Yes, yes it its.”
“I'm sorry for yelling at you.”
“Apology accepted,” she paused. “Although you did kinda freak out on me.”
Phil decided it would be wise to switch topics. “So how long have they been dating?”
“A couple of years.”
“A couple of years!? And you never met him!?” Phil all but shrieked.
Penny had pulled out a nail filer and began to attack her left hand. “Yep. I would always stay away or go to Chelsea's when Mom said he was coming over because I didn't like the fact she was dating. You okay there Phil?”
No. “Just a little shocked, that's all,” he replied.
“It's bound to be weird now, with Director Fury being our boss plus mom's boyfriend,” Penny said.
Phil snorted. “They've already started calling him my dad.”
“I'm so sorry Phil.”
He sighed. “Might as well get used to it.”
~
Penny started at it. It had been a week since the last call. She knew she should call her mother, but she didn't particularly want to. It wasn't that she didn't love her mother; it was that talking to her was so frustrating. It was like talking to a wall. She ignored everything Penny tried to stay and somehow twisted her words into something totally different. It was annoying and frustrating to say the least. And on top of that, Fury was bound to have called her mother and say that her daughter finally broke down and met him. Well, more like acknowledged the fact he existed. She continued to stare at the phone. On one hand, she could prolong the pain. On the other hand, she could get it over with. Penny sighed and picked up the phone, dialing her mother's number.
“Hello, Mother...Why yes I did meet your boyfriend. He happens to be my boss, so it was kinda inevitable...How am I supposed to know, I don't look at him like that...Yes, yes I did and they are all very nice...I suppose he is, I didn't notice...No Mother, he does not have a girlfriend...Mother, I am not going to ask him out, he just woke up from the forties...You do that, Mother, see if I care...Yes, Mother, I will go shopping, probably with some of the girls...Mother, I wouldn't really call them friends, I just met them...I'll be sure to do that...Tell her I said hello...Mother, don't you dare come up here...Yes, I love you...Fine, just don't come up here soon...Phil's out, probably visiting her...Yes, I'll tell him to call you...I love you too. Goodnight.” She hung up the phone. It was so hard to stay calm with her mother. But she did. That had to count for something.
AN: So this turned out to be way longer than I thought. Also, Purple Flying Blob Man is Simon Williams, who was at first a villain and later becomes a hero by the name of Wonder Man. He is based off of his Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes counterpart because I haven't really read him in the comics and he is not part of the movies (that I am aware of). Just a hint, Mother Coulson isn't an OC. Anyone is able to guess the comic book character she really is receives a no prize :) Anyway, Happy New Year!
Fandom: Marvel Movie Universe
Prompt: Calm, Table 3
Rating: T/PG13
Disclaimer: If I owned Marvel, would I be writing fanfiction?
Notes: Other OC's are mentioned, but none of them will appear in these stories. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
As usual, JFK was a nightmare to be in. The bustling airport was packed with people and Phil could not stand it when he was bumped into without an apology by haggard workers and stressed passengers. It wrinkled his suit. His headache was only increased by the presence a certain group of people he was currently 'babysitting'. One would think a group of grown adults would be able to take care of themselves, but no. Apparently Fury was reluctant to leave them alone after something that involved the Captain and internet porn and the now legendary Thor vs. Stark drink-off. Which was why they were here. He had been content not telling the Avengers plus Foster and Lewis where they were going, but the combined heckling prowess of Stark and Lewis resulting in Phil having to tell the Avengers where they were going which resulted in Foster, Lewis, and Potts making a sparkling poster with Penny's name on it. Stark and Thor, not to be outdone, had created their own poster with less sparkles but just as much creativity (and if that was Stark's handwriting, Phil was going to never let him live it down). All of this creativity had resulted in the living room being destroyed, which Phil knew was going to be his fault. Sometimes Phil wondered what he had done in a previous life to deserve this. He absentmindedly pulled on his suit jacket. Penny was five minuets late.
“So... is your sister hot?” Barton inquired nonchalantly.
Phil sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. How Barton had made it through SHIELD without having his ass pummeled by anyone was a mystery. “Agent Barton, comment on my sister again and suffer.”
Barton sniggered. “Like you'll actually do anything.”
Phil could feel his head begin to pound. If he makes one more comment I swear I will-
“Dude,” Lewis interjected, “It's his sister. He might, like, totally go all old school and fight you for her honor or something.”
“Ummm....Am I interrupting something here?”
Phil couldn't help but smile and turn around to face Penny, who had managed to sneak up on him. Him! He was so proud of her.
“Hello Penny.”
“Hello Phil. How's life?”
Terrible. “Lovely. You?”
Phil and Penny started walking, each matching the other's pace perfectly. The group slowly followed at a distance, with Thor creating a pathway through the heavy streams of people.
“What just happened?” Darcy muttered to the world.
"I'm assuming that's Penny.” Steve replied. “They do look kind of similar.”
“Why thank you Captain Obvious!” Clint shot back.
Steve decided to ignore that comment even though the girls were giggling. Why women always went for the 'bad' guys was something that he would never understand.
“Yeah that and the fact they're like the same person. I mean look at them walk! It's kind of creepy.” Darcy said.
Jane nodded. “I can see that.”
“I do not see why the similar stride of the Son and Daughter of Coul is significant nor how it is creepy.” Thor stated.
Natasha shrugged and spoke. “You can learn a lot about someone from their walk. Both of them are confident and believe themselves to have a purpose. Agent Coulson slightly favors his left leg, most likely because of some injury to the right. Penny walks with a longer stride, which according to some means that she would be more open and trusting. Coulson's is more short and his eyes dart around frequently, meaning he is more cautious and leery of people and their motives, which, considering his job, is probably true.”
“Woah, you can learn that all from watching someone walk?” Darcy said, her eyes wide with excitement.
“Yes.”
“Cool!”
~
“Do you think they know we can hear them?” Penny asked.
Phil let a rare smile continue to grace his features. “Probably not. But they're right.”
“About the walking thing? It's true. I'm too trusting; you and Pippa are too paranoid.”
“How is she by the way.”
“Dunno,” Penny shrugged, “I haven't talked to her recently. Apparently the Thor thing caused a nightmare for them too.”
“Good. She deserves it.” Phil stated without a hint of guilt or malice. Penny rolled her eyes and whacked him in arm with the hand that wasn't dragging her rolling suitcase.
“Phil, she's our sister.”
“But she deserves.”
“She's our sister.”
“Who deserves it.”
“Can we call truce?”
Phil nodded. “Truce accepted...even though she deserves it.”
“Phil.” Penny groaned.
“Well, she does deserve it.”
“Do I need to intervene here?” Pepper interjected, who had been trailing at a slight distance.
“No ma'am, we're good. He just can't let the fact that Pippa got a better job than him go.”
“There's more of them!” Tony groaned, receiving a smack from Pepper.
“We're everywhere, Stark. You'll never get away.” Phil snarked.
~
If there was one thing that could be said about both of the Coulsons, it was that both of them had the eerie ability to remain calm in any situation. That was perhaps the thing that racked Tony's nerves the most. No matter what he did to either of them, neither batted an eye and took it in a stride. Case in point: Penny's first day.
“So,” Tony began, glancing around the room. It was a typical office room, with several plastic chairs on one wall, a terribly generic painting on the other, and Penny at a metal desk in the middle. The only saving feature was the window wall, which had a beautiful view of Central Park.
“Yes, Mr. Stark?” Penny replied, flipping through the numerous files on her desk. Apparently Phil had taken her on as his secretary or something like that.
“You're related to Coulson which has to be a-” Tony began, only to be interrupted by something, no, someone crashing through the shiny window.
“Stark!” A purple glowing human looking thing wailed. “You ruined my comp-”
“Excuse me, but I am doing extraordinarily boring paperwork and I would appreciate it greatly if you took this brawl elsewhere. I'm sure Mr. Stark would love to fight you sometime at a place that is not my office,” Penny stated with a cool smile on her face.
Tony look at the purple energy human. “I'm free Friday at three. How's the abandoned candy factory work for you?”
The energy thing scratched what Tony assumed to be his head. “Works for me,” he turned towards Penny, “I'm very sorry about your window ma'am.”
“It's quite alright. Have a lovely day.” she said, returning to her paperwork.
Tony blinked. Did that just happen? Why yes, Tony, yes it did. Pepper would love you.
“You were saying Mr. Stark?” Penny was looking at him.
“So you're related to Coulson which has to be a real...” She was all but glaring at him “...interesting. Really interesting,” Tony finished.
“You do meet very interesting people,” she agreed.
Tony snorted. Interesting people.
Today, however, Penny looked a little shell shocked and more than a little horrified. Maybe the meeting that ol' Fury required everyone to be at was melting her brain cells. Luckily, she and most of the Avengers with the exception of Steve and other Coulson were in the back. After being called out on conspiring with Clint, Tony decided to investigate this the old fashioned way: with note passing. As nonchalantly as possible, Tony pulled out a small note-book and began to set his master plan in motion.
What's wrong? He scribbled. Hrm. Now how to get to her without drawing too much attention. Ah ha! Tony slowly passed the note book under the arm rest and silently dropped it in Penny's lap. She frowned at the book. Returning her attention to Fury, she discreetly pulled a pen from her purse.
Are you sure you want to know?
Tony nodded in reply.
He's dating my mother!
Who?
Fury! He comes over to the house every other weekend and fixes stuff and goes out to eat or takes her places!! I didn't know he was Phil's boss!
Well, that would be a good reason to be freaking out.
Are you sure?
Really Mr. Stark, how many guys do you know that look like Samuel L. Jackson and have one eye?
She did have a point there.
True. Does Phil know?
No. No one knows that Mom's dating again.
Hmmm. We need a plan of action.
She looked quite confused, so he elaborated.
Part one: confirm it is Fury
Part two: find out if it is serious
Part three: confront him
Part four: tell Coulson
So we need to either have him admit it or ask my mom.
Or we could break into his office and search his stuff.
~
This was perhaps the most ridiculous thing Penny had ever participated in. After their conversation during the meeting, Stark had decided to call an Avengers meeting to discuss this development. Which was why she was currently standing outside the door of the mansion.
Come on Penny it's just a house. Knock! Penny rapped the door with more confidence than she felt.
After an eternity of waiting, Mr. Rogers opened the door.
“Hello Miss Coulson!” he said with a ridiculously large smile on his face.
“Miss Coulson is my mother,” Penny frowned, “that came out wrong. Please call me Penny.”
“Only if you call me Steve,” Mr. Rogers, Steve, said while stepping out of the door way “Come on in!”
Penny had seen many luxurious buildings, the Hamptons, all of the still standing plantation homes many of her friends resided in, even Buckingham Palace. The Stark place took the cake. The floors where black and white marble and all of the mirrors appeared to be gold. The various pillars were so clean that she could see her reflection in them. Marble statues or various art work were in between each pillar. And there was a garden! A real garden with a bubbling fountain at the end of the in-door courtyard.
“Impressive isn't it?”
“Yes,” Penny breathed.
Steve followed her gaze up to the ceiling, which was a mural with the Greek gods in the sky. “Tony likes the finer things in life.”
“I can tell,” she drolly replied.
“The meetings in the kitchen. It's much less formal.”
“I would hope so,” Penny laughed.
Now if only he could remember how to get to the kitchen.
~
“Now troops!” Tony barked, “We have a real problem on our hands!” He paced in front of the table, where everyone was sitting. He really looks like a mad scientist when he does that Penny thought.
Darcy raised her hand.
“Yes?” Tony said, stopping his pacing to turn and face the table.
“Why is Fury having a girlfriend such a bad thing? You keep on saying that Fury needs to be laid...” Darcy let her comment hang in the air.
Tony frowned. “Well is he even being-”
“Yes,” Penny interjected, “but let's not talk about that.”
“Oh my god that just gave me mental images I never wanted to see.” Darcy muttered while Clint choked on his doughnut.
“It is perfectly natural for people Fury's age to have an interest in intercourse.” Banner stated.
“Okay! Enough about Fury and sex. It's scarring me,” Tony said. “Now I have developed a plan. Jarvis!” A screen appeared behind Tony, listing his plan. “Part one: We need concrete evidence that it is Fury. So while Penny draws Fury away from his office, Steve and I are going to break into his office.”
Steve blanched. “Why don't we just ask him about it?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Because it is so much more fun this way! Part two: Find out how serious this relationship is. If she's just a squeeze and Coulson finds out, he just might do something stupid and rash, which would just be terrible,” he said, sarcasm fully evident. “We will do this by monitoring Fury's calls to Penny's mom.”
“Can you even do that?” Jane asked, her skepticism leaking through. “I mean, he's SHIELD. Won't they have things to prevent that.?”
“Yeah, but you're forgetting the fact that I'm Tony Stark,” he boasted. “Plus I'm betting he calls her from either his cell or home phone, not the office, which is easier to do. Part three: Confront him, which will be done by yours truly and Penny with all of our evidence. This way we find out valuable information that could possibly be used to get me...us out of terrible meetings and assignments.:
“So essentially it's blackmail.” Natasha stated.
“No!” Tony said defensively. “It's valuable information, not blackmail.”
Pepper leaned over to Natasha. “It's black mail.”
“Anyway,” Tony huffed, crossing his arms, “We then have to figure out a way to tell Coulson.”
“We?” Bruce asked. “Why not Penny? Or you since it's your scheme.”
“'Tis a scheme worthy of our interests though, friend Banner! It may be a matter of national security seeing as it is one of the leaders.” Thor said.
“Thank you Thor!” Tony smiled. “Now tomorrow our plot begins. Here's how it's going to work.”
~
Fury was mildly surprised when Miss Coulson approached him. Even more so when she requested he looked at some files that she had found inconsistencies in. It happened to be the only time anyone had approached him about the numerous inconsistencies in the Sunnydale files. Glad to see someone saw through those shitty reports. On the other hand, no one had every approached him about inconsistencies in files. Something was up. And seeing as Stark and Rogers were lurking around the premise, she had been roped into one of Stark's hare-brained schemes. Shame, she seemed like a good kid.
“May I see the files?” he asked.
“Yes, they're in my bag...” she frowned and began to dig through her satchel. “Were in my bag,” she looked up at him. “Can we walk back to my desk and get them?” she asked, her shockingly steady.
On the inside, Fury was smiling. She might just earn herself a job if she kept up her unruffled demeanor around him. No one was ever this calm around him (well her brother was. Must run in the family); it was refreshing. “Of course, Miss Coulson. Lead the way.”
Tony began to hum the James Bond theme. “Let's roll,” he whispered to Steve.
~
Tony frowned. It had been a good, solid plan. Of course, he hadn't counted on Fury's office being booby trapped. That man had enough paranoia to make J. Edgar look trusting. After setting off said booby traps, several agents had promptly appeared and marched him and Steve down to an interrogation room. And judging by the approaching foot steps, Penny was going to get it too. He had to hand it to her, Penny looked completely nonplussed as she walked into the room, trailed by Fury, then Phil.
“So,” Fury said while he sat down on the other side of the table. “Want to explain why you two were attempting to break into my office while Miss Coulson distracted me with files?”
“It wasn't my idea!” blurted Steve while Tony crossed his arms and said “I regret nothing.”
“Not even being pepper sprayed?” Phil asked.
“Phil,” Penny chided.
“You have no right to say anything, seeing as you are their accomplice. Care to explain why, Penelope?” Phil replied, in the frightfully calm way of all Coulsons Tony had ever met.
“Oh snap, full name usage.” Tony whispered to Steve, who ignored him.
Penny looked away. “Not particularly.”
“Penelope.”
“Phillip,” she shot back.
This seemed to make him even angrier. “Penelope, be reasonable.”
“Fine,” she stated, turning back to face her brother, “I'm fairly certain that your lovely Director Fury is mother's new boyfriend.” She turned towards Fury himself. “May I leave now?”
Fury simply nodded as she swept out of the room.
Phil, however, looked shocked, revolted, and very, very traumatized. Tony took the initiative to bust out his phone and start taking pictures.
~
It was an awkward ride to the house to say the least.
Phil cleared his throat. “So...Mother's dating Director Fury.”
“Yes,” Penny coolly stated, not even glancing up from her lap.
“Well, that's news,” Phil stated, obviously trying to break the tension.
“Yes, yes it its.”
“I'm sorry for yelling at you.”
“Apology accepted,” she paused. “Although you did kinda freak out on me.”
Phil decided it would be wise to switch topics. “So how long have they been dating?”
“A couple of years.”
“A couple of years!? And you never met him!?” Phil all but shrieked.
Penny had pulled out a nail filer and began to attack her left hand. “Yep. I would always stay away or go to Chelsea's when Mom said he was coming over because I didn't like the fact she was dating. You okay there Phil?”
No. “Just a little shocked, that's all,” he replied.
“It's bound to be weird now, with Director Fury being our boss plus mom's boyfriend,” Penny said.
Phil snorted. “They've already started calling him my dad.”
“I'm so sorry Phil.”
He sighed. “Might as well get used to it.”
~
Penny started at it. It had been a week since the last call. She knew she should call her mother, but she didn't particularly want to. It wasn't that she didn't love her mother; it was that talking to her was so frustrating. It was like talking to a wall. She ignored everything Penny tried to stay and somehow twisted her words into something totally different. It was annoying and frustrating to say the least. And on top of that, Fury was bound to have called her mother and say that her daughter finally broke down and met him. Well, more like acknowledged the fact he existed. She continued to stare at the phone. On one hand, she could prolong the pain. On the other hand, she could get it over with. Penny sighed and picked up the phone, dialing her mother's number.
“Hello, Mother...Why yes I did meet your boyfriend. He happens to be my boss, so it was kinda inevitable...How am I supposed to know, I don't look at him like that...Yes, yes I did and they are all very nice...I suppose he is, I didn't notice...No Mother, he does not have a girlfriend...Mother, I am not going to ask him out, he just woke up from the forties...You do that, Mother, see if I care...Yes, Mother, I will go shopping, probably with some of the girls...Mother, I wouldn't really call them friends, I just met them...I'll be sure to do that...Tell her I said hello...Mother, don't you dare come up here...Yes, I love you...Fine, just don't come up here soon...Phil's out, probably visiting her...Yes, I'll tell him to call you...I love you too. Goodnight.” She hung up the phone. It was so hard to stay calm with her mother. But she did. That had to count for something.
AN: So this turned out to be way longer than I thought. Also, Purple Flying Blob Man is Simon Williams, who was at first a villain and later becomes a hero by the name of Wonder Man. He is based off of his Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes counterpart because I haven't really read him in the comics and he is not part of the movies (that I am aware of). Just a hint, Mother Coulson isn't an OC. Anyone is able to guess the comic book character she really is receives a no prize :) Anyway, Happy New Year!