(no subject)
… We are two different people with two totally different hearts and minds. We lead different lives and think on our own. Why then, is every little thing we do connected? I don’t understand how I know everything about you, but I don’t understand how you work. You are so complicated, this is so complicated. I thought I had you all figured out, but thinking that was one of the biggest mistake I have ever made.
Why do lies exist. If there is one thing in life I don’t understand its this: how do you look me in the eyes, a person you supposedly love, and lie. So you don’t hurt me, that’s what you say. You are hurting me by not being honest. What is love without honesty? I’ve lost my trust twice now because of you. and you think you are the one who is going to lose something. Maybe, I’ve already lost. You have torn me down so much .. and you are doing it again. I don’t understand the way you think anymore.
I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry for bringing it up again. I know I was wrong and I didn’t need to question you over and over again. How else do I get my point across though? I thought, maybe, just maybe, after I left you would call ( like you always do ). But you didn’t, which could be a sign of things to come. I’m so so sorry.
My hurts run back farther than you can imagine, they run longer than any amount of time. Are all of you guys able to forget about it, or is it just me? Please, just stop telling me to drop it. I’ve tried, I’ve failed and now I’m giving up. I’m leaving the memories right where they are. I’m sorry I let you down.
Jessie, you have always told me not to have regrets, and not to dwell on things that once were. So how come I cant do either of those. How come whenever my friends believe in me the most, I let them down. You all were always so supportive, so encouraging and you cared so much about us. Thank you. I need all the help I can get, but I wonder if anyone can help anymore. I don’t know what to do.
We’re both hurting .. because of each other. Please don’t give up.