I Don't Want to Be Friends
Another story for the kink meme fillathon! This was for this prompt, which in brief is about Critic and Film Brain hooking up, with Critick thinking it's a casual relationship and Film Brain thinking it's more. There's angst and then make-up sex, so this is rated mature.
I hope the original prompter sees this and enjoys! :)
“Oh God… oh God… yes! Oh fuck yes! Yes!”
Nostalgia Critic let out an unearthly groan as Film Brain finished the masterful blow job he’d been giving him before he flopped backwards against his pillow, breathing heavily but smiling like a madman. Film Brain wiped his lips before gazing down at the older man.
“You look thoroughly satisfied. Am I to take that reaction to mean a job well done?”
Critic continued panting before giving a brief nod of his head. “Yeah… fuck… real good job…”
Film Brain giggled and crawled back up the bed, settling on his side so he could gaze into Critic’s eyes. “I live to please. Which is rather easy to do when the pleasing involves sexing up my very handsome and very charming boss.”
“R-remind me to give you a raise,” Critic mumbled, eliciting another giggle from Film Brain. He finally seemed to be returning to himself so he kicked the covers up from the foot of the bed and pulled them around his body. “So, you staying the night?”
“Of course,” Film Brain replied, making himself cozy under the blankets as well. “I’m cooking you breakfast tomorrow morning, remember?”
Critic smiled as the younger man wrapped his arms around him. “You’re already getting a raise, so you better not be angling for a Christmas bonus too.”
“What, my efforts aren’t worth an extra sugar plum in my stocking?” Film Brain retorted in a playful manner. “Oh fine, I see how it is.”
Critic let out an exaggerated sigh. “God, you get friendly with one employee and suddenly they’re demanding the world of you.”
A comfortable silence fell over the two and Critic, being incredibly warm and cozy in his current position, was about to drift off to sleep when Film Brain suddenly spoke again.
“Critic, I… are you free three weekends from now?”
Critic opened one eye to peek out at Film Brain. “Uh, I think I am. Why?”
“Well, um...” Film Brain looked down, his expression suddenly shy. “My cousin’s wedding is that weekend and I was, uh, hoping you might like to accompany me? I-it shouldn’t take too long, and there’s certain to be plenty of good food and an open bar afterwards, which you should enjoy. I, um, I know you’re very busy but this would really mean a lot to me.”
Critic reacted by letting out a snort. “Hah, good one, Film Brain.”
Film Brain looked up again, a frown sliding into place. “What? I’m not joking, Critic.”
Critic opened both eyes so he could properly give the Brit his best expression of disbelief. “Oh yeah, what a good idea that would be,” he snidely remarked. “How would you even answer when someone asks about who I am? Are you going to tell them I’m your boss/fuck-buddy? I don’t know about your family, but in mine that wouldn’t go over well.”
Film Brain stared back at Critic calmly. “No, I was planning to tell them that you were my boyfriend.”
“B-boyfriend?!” Critic almost choked on the word, his body growing cold and tense immediately. “What the fuck? Why would you say that?”
Something in Film Brain’s expression shifted, as if the light in his eyes had suddenly grown dim, and his warm arms finally retracted from around Critic’s torso.
“Because that’s what I thought you were,” he answered, his voice starting to grow lower in pitch. “And if you’re not that, Critic, then I-I’m very confused.”
“Film Brain, I… I thought that this was just a casual thing,” Critic said, his body growing colder when he realized Film Brain was gripping the sheets so tightly that his fingers were shaking. “When we meet up, we either stay in my room and fuck, or sit downstairs and watch movies together. We don’t go out or do actual couple-y things, so how can we be a couple? We’ve never even said anything close to ‘I love you’, so of course this is casual… right?”
“Why?” Film Brain’s voice was very low, and very soft. “Why did you ask me to do this? You know how I felt… how I feel about you, so why… did you really think I could be happy being casual?”
“Film Brain-”
“Or did you not even think about me at all?”
“I…” Critic couldn’t string together a sentence, since all arguments as to why he thought hooking up with Film Brain would be a good idea had vanished from his mind. He stared pathetically at the younger man until he slid out of bed and started to collect his clothes from the floor. “Wait, where are you going?”
Film Brain didn’t stop, instead pulling out his phone and opening the teleportation app Critic had installed months ago, in one fluid motion. “Home. I can’t be here, near you, anymore. Maybe not ever again.”
Critic reached out helplessly, as if one desperate gesture could change what had happened and would cause Film Brain to stay, but when the Brit vanished, his arm dropped and he was left to contemplate what had just happened in silence.
----
Critic closed the script he’d been typing and checked his email for the fifth time that afternoon before he sighed. It had been a week since his ‘whatever-it-was’ with Film Brain had blown up and he’d yet to have any contact with him since.
Critic was not really a mushy person by nature, but Film Brain had been sending him cute little emails every day since they’d started fucking, either talking about how much he’d enjoyed their time together, or commenting on a new movie he’d seen, or even offering advice for future reviews; now that they’d stopped coming, Critic was starting to miss them.
He was also starting to miss sharing the couch with someone who could snark at movies with him while not hogging the popcorn, showering with someone who would lovingly massage his back when he was feeling especially tense, and waking up in the arms of someone snuggling him tightly. Critic had never really thought about any of those things before, but now that they were gone, he realized just how much he’d enjoyed them. He was also starting to understand just how alone he was in his huge house.
“Hey, Critic, it’s me,” the Other Guy called out as he walked into the room.
“Thank God,” Critic said, whirling around to smile at his sudden company.
The Other Guy arched an eyebrow. “What did I do to deserve that kind of reaction?”
“Nothing. I just, uh, really needed a break from work,” Critic said, hoping he didn’t sound as desperately lonely as he felt.
“Well then, you’re not going to be happy to see me for long,” the Other Guy replied as he walked over to the computer and pulled up their website. “Have you seen the review Film Brain submitted last night?”
“No, why?”
The Other Guy loaded the video before stepping back and folding his arms. Critic was stunned to see a red-eyed, miserable looking Film Brain peering into the camera.
“Hello. Welcome to ‘Bad Movie Beatdown’,” he said in a monotonous voice while sniffling every few seconds. “Today’s film is about heartbreak and pain, because those are the only things we can expect out of life. Excuse me.”
Film Brain turned and blew his nose rather loudly into a handkerchief before facing the camera again. His eyes were watering up but he didn’t bother to wipe at them as he continued to monologue about the many hopeless aspects of the world.
“Oh God. Shut it off,” Critic begged.
“So as you can see, this is really not good,” the Other Guy said after complying with his wishes. “His fans are already sending us tons of emails asking if he’s okay. He isn’t responding to any of them on Twitter or Facebook, and everyone’s starting to worry.”
“Well they should be worried. He’s a mess,” Critic said, standing suddenly as he began to pace the room. “He looks pale and has bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in days, his hair is all greasy and matted down, he looks thinner than fucking ever-it’s like he stopped taking care of himself or something.”
“Yes, and what’s worse is that his video only contained him sitting there moaning about heartbreak for thirty fucking minutes,” the Other Guy added. “He didn’t make any jokes or give analysis-he didn’t even show any clips of the movie he was supposed to be reviewing.”
Critic stopped to stare at him, incredulous. “What do you mean that’s worse?”
“Well, that’s the part that’s going to make you fire him,” the Other Guy replied.
Critic’s mouth dropped open. “What the hell? I’m not firing him! He’s in fucking pain!”
“Yeah, but how is that our problem?” the Other Guy coldly asked. “He’s not doing what we hired him to do, so our only choice here is to get him back to making reviews we can actually profit from, or letting him go.”
“How can you be so fucking heartless?” Critic walked right up to the other man, glaring directly into his face. “Doesn’t he mean anything to you?”
“Of course. He’s a valuable employee.” The Other Guy stared Critic down without blinking. “And nothing else. So why are you getting upset about having to be the boss to your employee?”
“Because he’s not just a fucking employee!” Critic cried, closing his eyes as all the facts he knew about Film Brian started tumbling out of his mouth. “He’s a kind, funny, smart, extremely loyal guy who watches more films in a year than most paid critics do! He has a cat he fucking adores, he’s always wanted to travel the world if he had the money and the time, and he’s not the best cook in the world but damn if he isn’t trying! He works so fucking hard on his reviews, almost as hard as I do, wanting them to be the perfect blend of funny and insightful, and even though that’s practically fucking impossible to achieve, he never stops trying! He’s dedicated and sincere and when he’s devoted to something, he puts his whole heart into it… and that’s why it was so easy for a bastard like me to shatter it.”
Critic moaned, burying his hands in his face. “He’s all those wonderful things… and he was also mine, before I let my fucking fear ruin everything. I can’t believe this… I miss him so much… I don’t even feel scared anymore, I just miss him, I just want him back… I think I really do…”
Critic trailed off when he remembered someone else was still in the room, but the Other Guy merely clapped him on his shoulders before heading for the door.
“I think I’ll leave this to you, Critic. Thank God your head wasn’t up your ass for too long this time. Make sure his next review is done within a month so the fans don’t go even crazier than they already are.”
---
Film Brain trudged into his flat and dropped his keys on the counter along with his shopping bags, not even bothering to unpack anything since he hadn’t the energy. It wasn’t even noon, yet he felt completely drained, which is why he was heading back to his room for a nap.
Once Film Brain opened the door, though, his fatigue was replaced with shock when he realized Critic was sitting atop his bed.
“You’re back,” Critic said, jumping to his feet so he could approach the Brit.
“Wh-why are you-?”
“Because I’m an idiot,” Critic said, his expression a mixture of sadness and shame. “I’m the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. I had a beautiful thing going with you and I ruined it for no reason that I can possibly justify. I ruin so many things in my life, Film Brain, but I don’t want us to be one of them.”
Film Brain’s eyes widened but his face was skeptical. “I thought there was no ‘us’. Aren’t I just a warm body you can use when you’re in the mood for sex?”
Critic gripped Film Brain’s shoulders and stared deeply into his eyes. “That’s never what you’ve been to me. Even though I might have thought that, I was fooling myself. You mean so much more to me than a quick fuck, Film Brain. You’re warm and kind and good and beautiful… you’re the opposite of me, but somehow you still want me. You care about me, and now I can admit it: I want you too. I need you, Film Brain.” His grip tightened as his eyes started to water. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I’m still fucking scared, but I’m scared of being apart from you more. I can’t be without you. I’m sorry for hurting you… I hate myself for hurting someone I love…”
Critic choked on his words, his face flushing as he realized what had slipped out. He released his grip and pulled away, but Film Brain caught his hands and held tightly so he couldn’t budge.
“Do you mean that?” he whispered, eyes so wide and blue that Critic felt as if he were staring into the ocean. Immediately his heart was calmed.
“Yes. I love you, Film Brain.”
Film Brain let out a shriek before he tackled Critic onto his bed, the two managing to knock all of the sheets to the floor as they rolled around kissing. Eventually their clothes joined the pile of blankets, and Critic kissed down Film Brain’s jaw and neck and chest, his fingers caressing every inch of skin they came into contact with.
“Mmm, oh I love you,” Critic murmured as he slid first one, then two lube-coated fingers inside him, gently opening him up as he prepared the younger man for what was to come.
“I… ohhhh… I love you too,” Film Brain moaned, wriggling his hips eagerly as his body craved more. “Please, Critic… make me yours… only yours…”
“Only mine…” Critic finished lubing his cock before pushing it slowly inside Film Brain, his breath catching in his throat as he felt how warm and tight he was. He thrusted slowly and then quickly into the younger man, one hand wrapped protectively around Film Brain’s chest, the other playing with his cock. In no time at all one came, followed by the other, before they collapsed, sweaty and exhausted, Film Brain’s arms automatically encircling Critic’s torso.
“I love you, Critic.”
“I love you too. I’m so sorry about before.”
“I know, and I forgive you.”
“Well, you might want to hold off on that for right now.” Film Brain turned to him in confusion but Critic only smirked at him. “Because if I’m at a wedding with an open bar, then you’d better expect me to make an ass of myself at some point. Most likely when the toasts are being given.”
Film Brain’s eyes began to well up again. “So you… you really want to come with me?”
“Hey, if my boyfriend wants me to embarrass him in front of his relatives, who am I to say no?”
Film Brain laughed and wiped his eyes. “As long as you don’t tell them about our sex life, then anything you say is fine with me.”
“There goes my opening banter,” Critic said with a mock pout before his own laughter got the better of him.
It seemed being part of a couple really wasn’t anything to fear at all.
I hope the original prompter sees this and enjoys! :)
“Oh God… oh God… yes! Oh fuck yes! Yes!”
Nostalgia Critic let out an unearthly groan as Film Brain finished the masterful blow job he’d been giving him before he flopped backwards against his pillow, breathing heavily but smiling like a madman. Film Brain wiped his lips before gazing down at the older man.
“You look thoroughly satisfied. Am I to take that reaction to mean a job well done?”
Critic continued panting before giving a brief nod of his head. “Yeah… fuck… real good job…”
Film Brain giggled and crawled back up the bed, settling on his side so he could gaze into Critic’s eyes. “I live to please. Which is rather easy to do when the pleasing involves sexing up my very handsome and very charming boss.”
“R-remind me to give you a raise,” Critic mumbled, eliciting another giggle from Film Brain. He finally seemed to be returning to himself so he kicked the covers up from the foot of the bed and pulled them around his body. “So, you staying the night?”
“Of course,” Film Brain replied, making himself cozy under the blankets as well. “I’m cooking you breakfast tomorrow morning, remember?”
Critic smiled as the younger man wrapped his arms around him. “You’re already getting a raise, so you better not be angling for a Christmas bonus too.”
“What, my efforts aren’t worth an extra sugar plum in my stocking?” Film Brain retorted in a playful manner. “Oh fine, I see how it is.”
Critic let out an exaggerated sigh. “God, you get friendly with one employee and suddenly they’re demanding the world of you.”
A comfortable silence fell over the two and Critic, being incredibly warm and cozy in his current position, was about to drift off to sleep when Film Brain suddenly spoke again.
“Critic, I… are you free three weekends from now?”
Critic opened one eye to peek out at Film Brain. “Uh, I think I am. Why?”
“Well, um...” Film Brain looked down, his expression suddenly shy. “My cousin’s wedding is that weekend and I was, uh, hoping you might like to accompany me? I-it shouldn’t take too long, and there’s certain to be plenty of good food and an open bar afterwards, which you should enjoy. I, um, I know you’re very busy but this would really mean a lot to me.”
Critic reacted by letting out a snort. “Hah, good one, Film Brain.”
Film Brain looked up again, a frown sliding into place. “What? I’m not joking, Critic.”
Critic opened both eyes so he could properly give the Brit his best expression of disbelief. “Oh yeah, what a good idea that would be,” he snidely remarked. “How would you even answer when someone asks about who I am? Are you going to tell them I’m your boss/fuck-buddy? I don’t know about your family, but in mine that wouldn’t go over well.”
Film Brain stared back at Critic calmly. “No, I was planning to tell them that you were my boyfriend.”
“B-boyfriend?!” Critic almost choked on the word, his body growing cold and tense immediately. “What the fuck? Why would you say that?”
Something in Film Brain’s expression shifted, as if the light in his eyes had suddenly grown dim, and his warm arms finally retracted from around Critic’s torso.
“Because that’s what I thought you were,” he answered, his voice starting to grow lower in pitch. “And if you’re not that, Critic, then I-I’m very confused.”
“Film Brain, I… I thought that this was just a casual thing,” Critic said, his body growing colder when he realized Film Brain was gripping the sheets so tightly that his fingers were shaking. “When we meet up, we either stay in my room and fuck, or sit downstairs and watch movies together. We don’t go out or do actual couple-y things, so how can we be a couple? We’ve never even said anything close to ‘I love you’, so of course this is casual… right?”
“Why?” Film Brain’s voice was very low, and very soft. “Why did you ask me to do this? You know how I felt… how I feel about you, so why… did you really think I could be happy being casual?”
“Film Brain-”
“Or did you not even think about me at all?”
“I…” Critic couldn’t string together a sentence, since all arguments as to why he thought hooking up with Film Brain would be a good idea had vanished from his mind. He stared pathetically at the younger man until he slid out of bed and started to collect his clothes from the floor. “Wait, where are you going?”
Film Brain didn’t stop, instead pulling out his phone and opening the teleportation app Critic had installed months ago, in one fluid motion. “Home. I can’t be here, near you, anymore. Maybe not ever again.”
Critic reached out helplessly, as if one desperate gesture could change what had happened and would cause Film Brain to stay, but when the Brit vanished, his arm dropped and he was left to contemplate what had just happened in silence.
----
Critic closed the script he’d been typing and checked his email for the fifth time that afternoon before he sighed. It had been a week since his ‘whatever-it-was’ with Film Brain had blown up and he’d yet to have any contact with him since.
Critic was not really a mushy person by nature, but Film Brain had been sending him cute little emails every day since they’d started fucking, either talking about how much he’d enjoyed their time together, or commenting on a new movie he’d seen, or even offering advice for future reviews; now that they’d stopped coming, Critic was starting to miss them.
He was also starting to miss sharing the couch with someone who could snark at movies with him while not hogging the popcorn, showering with someone who would lovingly massage his back when he was feeling especially tense, and waking up in the arms of someone snuggling him tightly. Critic had never really thought about any of those things before, but now that they were gone, he realized just how much he’d enjoyed them. He was also starting to understand just how alone he was in his huge house.
“Hey, Critic, it’s me,” the Other Guy called out as he walked into the room.
“Thank God,” Critic said, whirling around to smile at his sudden company.
The Other Guy arched an eyebrow. “What did I do to deserve that kind of reaction?”
“Nothing. I just, uh, really needed a break from work,” Critic said, hoping he didn’t sound as desperately lonely as he felt.
“Well then, you’re not going to be happy to see me for long,” the Other Guy replied as he walked over to the computer and pulled up their website. “Have you seen the review Film Brain submitted last night?”
“No, why?”
The Other Guy loaded the video before stepping back and folding his arms. Critic was stunned to see a red-eyed, miserable looking Film Brain peering into the camera.
“Hello. Welcome to ‘Bad Movie Beatdown’,” he said in a monotonous voice while sniffling every few seconds. “Today’s film is about heartbreak and pain, because those are the only things we can expect out of life. Excuse me.”
Film Brain turned and blew his nose rather loudly into a handkerchief before facing the camera again. His eyes were watering up but he didn’t bother to wipe at them as he continued to monologue about the many hopeless aspects of the world.
“Oh God. Shut it off,” Critic begged.
“So as you can see, this is really not good,” the Other Guy said after complying with his wishes. “His fans are already sending us tons of emails asking if he’s okay. He isn’t responding to any of them on Twitter or Facebook, and everyone’s starting to worry.”
“Well they should be worried. He’s a mess,” Critic said, standing suddenly as he began to pace the room. “He looks pale and has bags under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in days, his hair is all greasy and matted down, he looks thinner than fucking ever-it’s like he stopped taking care of himself or something.”
“Yes, and what’s worse is that his video only contained him sitting there moaning about heartbreak for thirty fucking minutes,” the Other Guy added. “He didn’t make any jokes or give analysis-he didn’t even show any clips of the movie he was supposed to be reviewing.”
Critic stopped to stare at him, incredulous. “What do you mean that’s worse?”
“Well, that’s the part that’s going to make you fire him,” the Other Guy replied.
Critic’s mouth dropped open. “What the hell? I’m not firing him! He’s in fucking pain!”
“Yeah, but how is that our problem?” the Other Guy coldly asked. “He’s not doing what we hired him to do, so our only choice here is to get him back to making reviews we can actually profit from, or letting him go.”
“How can you be so fucking heartless?” Critic walked right up to the other man, glaring directly into his face. “Doesn’t he mean anything to you?”
“Of course. He’s a valuable employee.” The Other Guy stared Critic down without blinking. “And nothing else. So why are you getting upset about having to be the boss to your employee?”
“Because he’s not just a fucking employee!” Critic cried, closing his eyes as all the facts he knew about Film Brian started tumbling out of his mouth. “He’s a kind, funny, smart, extremely loyal guy who watches more films in a year than most paid critics do! He has a cat he fucking adores, he’s always wanted to travel the world if he had the money and the time, and he’s not the best cook in the world but damn if he isn’t trying! He works so fucking hard on his reviews, almost as hard as I do, wanting them to be the perfect blend of funny and insightful, and even though that’s practically fucking impossible to achieve, he never stops trying! He’s dedicated and sincere and when he’s devoted to something, he puts his whole heart into it… and that’s why it was so easy for a bastard like me to shatter it.”
Critic moaned, burying his hands in his face. “He’s all those wonderful things… and he was also mine, before I let my fucking fear ruin everything. I can’t believe this… I miss him so much… I don’t even feel scared anymore, I just miss him, I just want him back… I think I really do…”
Critic trailed off when he remembered someone else was still in the room, but the Other Guy merely clapped him on his shoulders before heading for the door.
“I think I’ll leave this to you, Critic. Thank God your head wasn’t up your ass for too long this time. Make sure his next review is done within a month so the fans don’t go even crazier than they already are.”
---
Film Brain trudged into his flat and dropped his keys on the counter along with his shopping bags, not even bothering to unpack anything since he hadn’t the energy. It wasn’t even noon, yet he felt completely drained, which is why he was heading back to his room for a nap.
Once Film Brain opened the door, though, his fatigue was replaced with shock when he realized Critic was sitting atop his bed.
“You’re back,” Critic said, jumping to his feet so he could approach the Brit.
“Wh-why are you-?”
“Because I’m an idiot,” Critic said, his expression a mixture of sadness and shame. “I’m the biggest fucking idiot on the planet. I had a beautiful thing going with you and I ruined it for no reason that I can possibly justify. I ruin so many things in my life, Film Brain, but I don’t want us to be one of them.”
Film Brain’s eyes widened but his face was skeptical. “I thought there was no ‘us’. Aren’t I just a warm body you can use when you’re in the mood for sex?”
Critic gripped Film Brain’s shoulders and stared deeply into his eyes. “That’s never what you’ve been to me. Even though I might have thought that, I was fooling myself. You mean so much more to me than a quick fuck, Film Brain. You’re warm and kind and good and beautiful… you’re the opposite of me, but somehow you still want me. You care about me, and now I can admit it: I want you too. I need you, Film Brain.” His grip tightened as his eyes started to water. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I’m still fucking scared, but I’m scared of being apart from you more. I can’t be without you. I’m sorry for hurting you… I hate myself for hurting someone I love…”
Critic choked on his words, his face flushing as he realized what had slipped out. He released his grip and pulled away, but Film Brain caught his hands and held tightly so he couldn’t budge.
“Do you mean that?” he whispered, eyes so wide and blue that Critic felt as if he were staring into the ocean. Immediately his heart was calmed.
“Yes. I love you, Film Brain.”
Film Brain let out a shriek before he tackled Critic onto his bed, the two managing to knock all of the sheets to the floor as they rolled around kissing. Eventually their clothes joined the pile of blankets, and Critic kissed down Film Brain’s jaw and neck and chest, his fingers caressing every inch of skin they came into contact with.
“Mmm, oh I love you,” Critic murmured as he slid first one, then two lube-coated fingers inside him, gently opening him up as he prepared the younger man for what was to come.
“I… ohhhh… I love you too,” Film Brain moaned, wriggling his hips eagerly as his body craved more. “Please, Critic… make me yours… only yours…”
“Only mine…” Critic finished lubing his cock before pushing it slowly inside Film Brain, his breath catching in his throat as he felt how warm and tight he was. He thrusted slowly and then quickly into the younger man, one hand wrapped protectively around Film Brain’s chest, the other playing with his cock. In no time at all one came, followed by the other, before they collapsed, sweaty and exhausted, Film Brain’s arms automatically encircling Critic’s torso.
“I love you, Critic.”
“I love you too. I’m so sorry about before.”
“I know, and I forgive you.”
“Well, you might want to hold off on that for right now.” Film Brain turned to him in confusion but Critic only smirked at him. “Because if I’m at a wedding with an open bar, then you’d better expect me to make an ass of myself at some point. Most likely when the toasts are being given.”
Film Brain’s eyes began to well up again. “So you… you really want to come with me?”
“Hey, if my boyfriend wants me to embarrass him in front of his relatives, who am I to say no?”
Film Brain laughed and wiped his eyes. “As long as you don’t tell them about our sex life, then anything you say is fine with me.”
“There goes my opening banter,” Critic said with a mock pout before his own laughter got the better of him.
It seemed being part of a couple really wasn’t anything to fear at all.