Concerning Marriage and Changing Names
Since I first thought about marrying Daniel, one of my first concerns was this: What was going to happen to my name?
The way I saw it, these were the options:
a. We could remain Daniel Hoffmann and Katie Weisman.
b. We could be Daniel and Katie Hoffmann.
c. We could be Daniel and Katie Weisman.
d. We could be Daniel Hoffmann and Katie Weisman Hoffmann.
e. We could be Daniel and Katie Weisman-Hoffmann.
f. We could be Daniel and Katie Hoffmann-Weisman.
g. We could be Daniel and Katie Weishoff.
I wasn't going to give up my last name very easily, that much I knew. My last name is part of my identity. It was invented by my great-great-grandfather, Abraham Weisman. The pogroms in Russia forced him to voyage to Ellis Island from the Ukraine with his son Louis. I don't know why Abraham chose Weisman as our family name - but before Abraham, that part of my family did not HAVE a last name.
Daniel's primary opinion on the subject of marriage and names is as follows: It is extremely important to him that when we get married, we have the SAME last name. To him, that symbolizes that we are of the same family, and that we are unified. He also said he would be honored if I took his name and and became a Hoffmann.
I was unsure where I stood. After thinking about it for a while, I knew this much: I wanted to keep my name, or at least part of it. Furthermore, though I didn't see how this would be possible, I wanted my children to also have part of my name.
There was a time when I would have like Daniel to take MY name, instead - and we could be the Weismans. However, a part of me knew that was unreasonable; I knew that I felt uncomfortable and frightened at the idea with abandoning my name, so there was a chance Daniel would feel the same way. Therefore, a compromise solution was the only way to go.
This morning in the car, Daniel said he didn't want me to be Katie Weisman Hoffmann, since that would mean that he and I would technically have different names. I told him I wanted him to think about it today at work.
When I picked Daniel up from work today, we talked about it some more. He said he'd thought about it, and one thing he considered was changing his last name to Weisman. He said the thought made him feel a knot in his stomach - not because he was uncomfortable with the idea of being a Weisman, but because it was scary to stop being a Hoffmann. I told him he must understand me now.
I said I was willing to compromise in two ways. One way was this: I could officially be Katie Weisman Hoffmann, but just go by Katie Hoffmann.
"What about our kids?" said Daniel.
"They would just be Hoffmanns, I guess," I replied.
The other option, which I said was more ideal to me: We could both be Weisman-Hoffmanns.
"That's a little too wordy," Daniel said, "and has too many 'mans' in it. What if we were just the Weishoffs?"
"I could totally be Katie Weishoff," I said.
"'Cause I like that one too," Daniel said.
"Have we already reached a solution?" I asked.
"I think so," Daniel said.
"That happened a lot faster than I thought."
And so we will be the Weishoff family. It is an unusual name, but it has grown on me a lot. It preserves our heritage, but gives us a common name for our new bloodline.