[Usually, Sanji deems exercise and practice as activities to conduct by oneself. Easier to concentrate that way, especially when you consider the company he keeps
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[Zoro isn't in town, but if Sanji crosses back over the bridge toward House 6 at some point he may see the marimo sitting by the river a ways off in the distance...somewhat near the spot where he and Nami were swept away more than a month ago, actually.
He's very still, swords laid out beside him and eyes closed, breathing deep and even-and he won't react immediately if Sanji comes calling. Meditation done properly, impatient cook. 8|]
[Sanji blinks himself awake, hurled out of his trance. And a beat later he's hastily turned around because he can't look at Zoro, let alone say what's on his mind--
It was ripping his soul apart.
Inhale, idiot.
He can't get away from this. Even now the shit keeps following him.]
... Does everyone else know? [His voice is thick, without anger, more a question of blankness than any real emotion.]
[Zoro...turns to the side, facing the river. Less because he needs to look away from witnessing a crack run through the cook than so Sanji can hear from the direction of his voice that he's not watching just now. He looked at Sanji pretty deep when he was in much worse shape, to try and work out how to fix him, but that was because it was necessary. And more akin to feeling for a pulse, besides.
Looking at the man while he works through the knowledge that his soul was nearly crushed isn't necessary.]
Only Chopper, huh? His cracks a grin, dark and jaded. Meaning there's little chance of his smaller nakama letting this slide without a fight. That's not even considering the rest of them.
And is that... such a bad thing? I'm doing this because I don't wanna worry them. If they say no, he should-
So it's fine, leaving it like this. Right? It's for them. Cheyenne can find other donors. She'll be okay, too. Gentleman or not, he's got no obligation to do this if he doesn't want to.
[That long silence gave Zoro plenty of time to take in this mess and work through its tangles, too. So while he really doesn't like hearing that...he's not exactly surprised. Maybe some other chef would've let himself back down, but Zoro knows his nakama.
And damn the eyebrow, he actually gets it-he might do the same thing if it came down to it. ...That won't stop him from calling the cook on it, though, because this is still a damn stupid move for so many reasons and there are times to look away and let things go and times when there has to be a push. And this is too important not to push, even if Zoro understands.
So he turns back to Sanji and looks at him.]
Why.
[It's not even really a question, but Zoro isn't budging without the answer.]
( ... )
He doesn't stall because of the question, or that barely visible lines of tension challenge his expression. It's the unspoken admission that Zoro does in fact get it - Sanji can sense that, lying under the surface of his stare - and he's still fuckin asking.
No. He's making Sanji say it.]
Because I have to. [And underneath that statement is the beginnings of a growl, a warning. Just leave it, Zoro]
[The growl and tension don't garner an answering rise from Zoro-just an ever so slight narrowing of his eyes and thinning of his lips, and that same uncompromising push, steady as meditative breathing.]
What difference does it make telling you, shithead? I just need to do this.
[His voice notches up a note, and he's ashamed of the desperation he can almost hear. How pathetic is it that he almost wants to plead with him to let this shit go. He can't tell-- not Zoro of all people.
He's starting to pale again, just adding to the mess, and his body's uncomfortably tight, like it's chipping under pressure]
[He knows full well Sanji doesn't want him to be the one to hear, but by the same token-who the hell else would make him say it when he's reacting that. ...Much less deliver a follow-up punch.
He cuts a short slash with his hand.]
Stop hiding.
[Not from Zoro, obviously-that's not what this is about. But hiding in your own mind, from yourself-it does fuck all but make things worse.]
[It's like watching a clock wind up so tight it gets trapped in its gears. The same brittleness from months back is making a reappearance, but the snarl of anger is as thin as his control.
Fury isn't what's running him. And fuck Zoro for knowing it]
I'm not fuckin hiding! [He takes a step forward, and ensnares Zoro by the collar of his shirt like he wants to crack his head open like an egg.
He dares you, shithead, to make a fuss over it]
Why else would I be going through with this?! [Do you even know what hiding means now?]
I'm not letting that, that-- shitty thing beat me again!
[Zoro grabs Sanji's wrist like a vise and uses his other hand to return the favor, gripping the lapel of the black jacket tight. Not that kind of 'hiding', cook.
Low and intense, almost furious]
Because you want to prove something. Right? [A short, sharp shake.] What?
[It won't break you to say it, cook-or to think it. You're not gonna break.]
[Every word is bitten off with a spike of fury, and he rips himself away - or makes a damn point of trying.
But it won't matter if Zoro lets go. With the spike comes the hurdling crash right after, that takes what's left of his aggression and leaves him... hollow. His throat constricts and his hands tighten until his knuckles pop up white and nearly bites a hole through his lip and-- that's it. That's all. A sag of his shoulders, and he stares at the ground and the door that's been swung wide open. He won't look at the other.
Zoro doesn't keep him from tearing free, just lets go-and then watches him crash, even as he's still on his feet. While he's staring hollow-eyed at the ground, Zoro again takes a moment to breathe, drained-at least he said the right word, stubborn, tangled cook-but no less sure. Shit like this festering, unacknowledged-]
Yes. You are. [So quiet, after that stinging, violent cry.] It's your fucking soul, cook. You'd have to be a goddamn idiot not to be. [closes his eyes for a beat, breathes] More of one, I mean.
[This is so fucked up and don't even have cigarettes for this shitty mess and of course the shithead's being so damn understanding today-
He blows out a breath. It comes out like a shudder, or the edge of a broken laugh.]
Idiot. [Nothing but a weak filler as he tries to feel his way for something to say in response to the truth.] ... It's not-- [And shit, it's like pulling teeth, even to himself. He stuffs his hands into his pockets because he craves a distraction, and chances a glance that can't manage to take in Zoro's expression. So it drops again]
If this were all, I wouldn't have... [His volume drops with each syllable, and he shrugs. That might be a lie. Maybe he would've reacted exactly the same, where this the issue alone.
He's very still, swords laid out beside him and eyes closed, breathing deep and even-and he won't react immediately if Sanji comes calling. Meditation done properly, impatient cook. 8|]
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Cook?
[What caused that switch all of a sudden-...wait. Did he not...? How could he not-...Shit.]
...
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It was ripping his soul apart.
Inhale, idiot.
He can't get away from this. Even now the shit keeps following him.]
... Does everyone else know? [His voice is thick, without anger, more a question of blankness than any real emotion.]
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[Zoro...turns to the side, facing the river. Less because he needs to look away from witnessing a crack run through the cook than so Sanji can hear from the direction of his voice that he's not watching just now. He looked at Sanji pretty deep when he was in much worse shape, to try and work out how to fix him, but that was because it was necessary. And more akin to feeling for a pulse, besides.
Looking at the man while he works through the knowledge that his soul was nearly crushed isn't necessary.]
Only Chopper and Katara, I think.
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[His shoulders sag from the first name alone.
Only Chopper, huh? His cracks a grin, dark and jaded. Meaning there's little chance of his smaller nakama letting this slide without a fight. That's not even considering the rest of them.
And is that... such a bad thing? I'm doing this because I don't wanna worry them. If they say no, he should-
So it's fine, leaving it like this. Right? It's for them. Cheyenne can find other donors. She'll be okay, too. Gentleman or not, he's got no obligation to do this if he doesn't want to.
It's not like he's-- like he's--]
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Zoro's not... Heh. Another day, he'd shoot him an insult that's got some thanks hidden underneath. Another day...
Just another moment, to gather the words he needs]
I'm doing this.
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And damn the eyebrow, he actually gets it-he might do the same thing if it came down to it. ...That won't stop him from calling the cook on it, though, because this is still a damn stupid move for so many reasons and there are times to look away and let things go and times when there has to be a push. And this is too important not to push, even if Zoro understands.
So he turns back to Sanji and looks at him.]
Why.
[It's not even really a question, but Zoro isn't budging without the answer.]
( ... )
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He doesn't stall because of the question, or that barely visible lines of tension challenge his expression. It's the unspoken admission that Zoro does in fact get it - Sanji can sense that, lying under the surface of his stare - and he's still fuckin asking.
No. He's making Sanji say it.]
Because I have to. [And underneath that statement is the beginnings of a growl, a warning. Just leave it, Zoro]
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[The growl and tension don't garner an answering rise from Zoro-just an ever so slight narrowing of his eyes and thinning of his lips, and that same uncompromising push, steady as meditative breathing.]
Why.
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[His voice notches up a note, and he's ashamed of the desperation he can almost hear. How pathetic is it that he almost wants to plead with him to let this shit go. He can't tell-- not Zoro of all people.
He's starting to pale again, just adding to the mess, and his body's uncomfortably tight, like it's chipping under pressure]
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[He knows full well Sanji doesn't want him to be the one to hear, but by the same token-who the hell else would make him say it when he's reacting that. ...Much less deliver a follow-up punch.
He cuts a short slash with his hand.]
Stop hiding.
[Not from Zoro, obviously-that's not what this is about. But hiding in your own mind, from yourself-it does fuck all but make things worse.]
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Fury isn't what's running him. And fuck Zoro for knowing it]
I'm not fuckin hiding! [He takes a step forward, and ensnares Zoro by the collar of his shirt like he wants to crack his head open like an egg.
He dares you, shithead, to make a fuss over it]
Why else would I be going through with this?! [Do you even know what hiding means now?]
I'm not letting that, that-- shitty thing beat me again!
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Low and intense, almost furious]
Because you want to prove something. Right? [A short, sharp shake.] What?
[It won't break you to say it, cook-or to think it. You're not gonna break.]
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[Every word is bitten off with a spike of fury, and he rips himself away - or makes a damn point of trying.
But it won't matter if Zoro lets go. With the spike comes the hurdling crash right after, that takes what's left of his aggression and leaves him... hollow. His throat constricts and his hands tighten until his knuckles pop up white and nearly bites a hole through his lip and-- that's it. That's all. A sag of his shoulders, and he stares at the ground and the door that's been swung wide open. He won't look at the other.
He's not afraid. Just terrifi--]
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Zoro doesn't keep him from tearing free, just lets go-and then watches him crash, even as he's still on his feet. While he's staring hollow-eyed at the ground, Zoro again takes a moment to breathe, drained-at least he said the right word, stubborn, tangled cook-but no less sure. Shit like this festering, unacknowledged-]
Yes. You are. [So quiet, after that stinging, violent cry.] It's your fucking soul, cook. You'd have to be a goddamn idiot not to be. [closes his eyes for a beat, breathes] More of one, I mean.
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He blows out a breath. It comes out like a shudder, or the edge of a broken laugh.]
Idiot. [Nothing but a weak filler as he tries to feel his way for something to say in response to the truth.] ... It's not-- [And shit, it's like pulling teeth, even to himself. He stuffs his hands into his pockets because he craves a distraction, and chances a glance that can't manage to take in Zoro's expression. So it drops again]
If this were all, I wouldn't have... [His volume drops with each syllable, and he shrugs. That might be a lie. Maybe he would've reacted exactly the same, where this the issue alone.
It's a moot point regardless]
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