[for Xander]

[oddly_literal]

She was having a nightmare. Dr House had recommended lots of rest, and she didn't really feel like facing the world right now. So Anya had decided to nap. Only sleep wasn't the safe haven she'd hoped for. All she could see was Xander leaning over her, his face changing, leaving only the face of a vampire. She would run, and he would always be

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[scoobys_heart]

Xander heard the loud 'NO!' just as he came up to the door of Anya's shared room in the compound and suddenly, his dwindling courage fell even more. It had taken him most of the day to work up being able to leave the hut, much less come check on Anya but in the end, he had to make sure she was okay and well...he owed it to her.

He understood the nightmares, he'd had them too. Of biting her, of giving into Spike's request...It's why he'd stayed curled up on his make shit bed for most of the day after he'd turned back to normal. The need for fear, violence, blood...if he wasn't careful he'd just make himself sick again.

Finally he took a deep breath and stuck his head into the room. He took in the sight of her, crying and curled up and immediately wanted to leave. He'd done this to her and after... "Anya?" He asked in a small voice.

[oddly_literal]

The sound of that voice, it made her whole body stiffen, even as she lifted her head to look at him, fear in her eyes. She hated this. She'd never been easy to scare before, and now the thing, the person that had scared her was the person she loved. She hated this place.

[scoobys_heart]

Not as much as he did. He'd been that monster after all and hurt her. Would have killed her...

Xander swallowed as he stepped more fully into view, but not coming all the way into the room. "Anya I...wanted to see if you were okay...and to well...I don't think I could ever apologize enough for what I did. I'm...god, I'm so sorry..." His voice cracked then he stopped, finally looking up at her and visibly recoiled at the terror in her eyes that mirrored the pain in his.

[oddly_literal]

As frightened as she had been, and still was, she didn't want him to go. "Xander?" her voice was small as she tried to fight down the terror. Susan had told her it was all over, but part of her was still worried.