This weekend...
Was weird. Unexpected. Loopy.
Ben is...hmm...Now, don't go spreading this. I just need to get this out of my system. There's nothing wrong right now. I just..well, let me elaborate.
Homecoming was really fun! I don't even remember what I did Friday. But, I probably rode the bike. I've been doing that a lot lately. I hung out with Jennifer and her boyfriend Brandon, and Ben on Saturday. We went out and saw '9'. It was really good. Weird. But good. Eljiah Wood has such a cute voice. We went back and hung out at my house, ate the snacks. Played Monopoly. It was a nice little double date, or something. : D Then, Michelle came over and I did her up. Then I did myself up. Pictures, usual. I hate that part. It's so silly. Left, had a fun drive there. Michelle and me and Ben in the back, Jenn and Brandon up front. Got there, it was raining, of course. Then, went in. It was fun! Danced a good deal with Michelle and Jenn and Jenn's friends. Tried to dance with Ben, but that was just silly. I sent him on his way with a comforting kiss. Poor kid. XD
Went to Waffle House afterwards. Brandon likes Ketchup. A lot. It's gross! Jenn made friends with the waitress and we took pictures wit her doing gang signs. Then, it was all sweet and I wore Ben's jacket because holy crap, it was cold in there. I felt the best about Ben saturday night. Usually, I tend to have a little voice that says "No, no boyfriend. Need space". I'm naturally very independent. But, Saturday, I rolled with it. Naturally. It was nice. We hung out in the parking lot of kroger afterwards, talking and nearly falling asleep. Michelle had left by then so the unspoken rule of no coupling had been lifted. Jenn drove me home first and I crashed. I don't remember really saying good night to Ben and Brandon as they grabbed their bags from my room. I just laid down on my bed and nearly passed out. It was nice.
I woke up feeling good. The sun was shinning. Me, Ben, Jenn, and Brandon had made plans to have a Super Smash Brother Brawl marathon. I was excited of course. But, when they came, Brandon said he couldn't bring the game. It was at his dads and if he went there, he'd have to go home. So, while at Steak N' Shake, we made plans to go to the park. It was beautiful outside, so why not? We took a few blankets, food, water, and stale bread. It was wonderful. I took pictures. Ben and I fed the EVIL geese. Jenn and Brandon got to see each other and got to be couple-y. It was beautiful out. It was a little warm but the breeze would cool you off. Awesome, awesome!
Jenn dropped off Brandon, we went to Ben's house, played Smash (Meele), then went to my house and hung out in my room and talked. Ben started to get...down then. I think things were starting to pile up in his head again. I could tell. He got quiet, laid down, said he was tired. His voice lost it's tone. It was pretty even. Hid his face. Rubbed his eyes. Classic. I talked to jennifer then, once she left, it started coming out. School was stressing him. Drivers Ed. Parents. Scouts. Everything. It just started getting worse and worse. His language became laced with curses. His mom came to pick him up and I stood by the driver's door while our mom's talked. He cussed. That's not okay in front of my mom. Either of my parents, really. He knows that. She teaches Fourth grade, for god's sake. But, he was upset. So he did. To me, of course. She probably didn't hear. But, you never do that. You just don't. I got on his case. But, he was upset so I couldn't get mad.
I'm on the phone with him. He's better now. But I'm not. I promised I wouldn't get mad at him while he was in driver's ed. He's stressed is all. He wants to drive so he doesn't have to depend on his mom and other people to see me. To be self-efficient. But. I'm getting the burn of everything. That's what it always is. I get everything. He's such an awesome person and I love him so, so much. But it's like his second personality keeps getting in the way. I can't see past it to the fantastic him. The negativity drives my up a wall. I'm way to positive. We are exact opposites. I'm just sick of making excuses.
But. Then. It gets better. When we hang out, I'm happy. And I'm good. But. It just is likes it's waiting. Like, I know it's going to come back again sometime, I just don't know when.
Sometimes. I just want to yell at him. But he won't yell back. He'll take it. He'll just sit there and absorb it. What we need is to yell it out. No hard feelings. Just screaming and cursing and harsh words that we don't actually need. Or is that what I need? Yeah. I need to scream and have someone scream back at me. I've never had that. I need it. I need to yell and scream for myself. Not just...not scream. Done that. Need something new. Screaming's new.
Ben is...hmm...Now, don't go spreading this. I just need to get this out of my system. There's nothing wrong right now. I just..well, let me elaborate.
Homecoming was really fun! I don't even remember what I did Friday. But, I probably rode the bike. I've been doing that a lot lately. I hung out with Jennifer and her boyfriend Brandon, and Ben on Saturday. We went out and saw '9'. It was really good. Weird. But good. Eljiah Wood has such a cute voice. We went back and hung out at my house, ate the snacks. Played Monopoly. It was a nice little double date, or something. : D Then, Michelle came over and I did her up. Then I did myself up. Pictures, usual. I hate that part. It's so silly. Left, had a fun drive there. Michelle and me and Ben in the back, Jenn and Brandon up front. Got there, it was raining, of course. Then, went in. It was fun! Danced a good deal with Michelle and Jenn and Jenn's friends. Tried to dance with Ben, but that was just silly. I sent him on his way with a comforting kiss. Poor kid. XD
Went to Waffle House afterwards. Brandon likes Ketchup. A lot. It's gross! Jenn made friends with the waitress and we took pictures wit her doing gang signs. Then, it was all sweet and I wore Ben's jacket because holy crap, it was cold in there. I felt the best about Ben saturday night. Usually, I tend to have a little voice that says "No, no boyfriend. Need space". I'm naturally very independent. But, Saturday, I rolled with it. Naturally. It was nice. We hung out in the parking lot of kroger afterwards, talking and nearly falling asleep. Michelle had left by then so the unspoken rule of no coupling had been lifted. Jenn drove me home first and I crashed. I don't remember really saying good night to Ben and Brandon as they grabbed their bags from my room. I just laid down on my bed and nearly passed out. It was nice.
I woke up feeling good. The sun was shinning. Me, Ben, Jenn, and Brandon had made plans to have a Super Smash Brother Brawl marathon. I was excited of course. But, when they came, Brandon said he couldn't bring the game. It was at his dads and if he went there, he'd have to go home. So, while at Steak N' Shake, we made plans to go to the park. It was beautiful outside, so why not? We took a few blankets, food, water, and stale bread. It was wonderful. I took pictures. Ben and I fed the EVIL geese. Jenn and Brandon got to see each other and got to be couple-y. It was beautiful out. It was a little warm but the breeze would cool you off. Awesome, awesome!
Jenn dropped off Brandon, we went to Ben's house, played Smash (Meele), then went to my house and hung out in my room and talked. Ben started to get...down then. I think things were starting to pile up in his head again. I could tell. He got quiet, laid down, said he was tired. His voice lost it's tone. It was pretty even. Hid his face. Rubbed his eyes. Classic. I talked to jennifer then, once she left, it started coming out. School was stressing him. Drivers Ed. Parents. Scouts. Everything. It just started getting worse and worse. His language became laced with curses. His mom came to pick him up and I stood by the driver's door while our mom's talked. He cussed. That's not okay in front of my mom. Either of my parents, really. He knows that. She teaches Fourth grade, for god's sake. But, he was upset. So he did. To me, of course. She probably didn't hear. But, you never do that. You just don't. I got on his case. But, he was upset so I couldn't get mad.
I'm on the phone with him. He's better now. But I'm not. I promised I wouldn't get mad at him while he was in driver's ed. He's stressed is all. He wants to drive so he doesn't have to depend on his mom and other people to see me. To be self-efficient. But. I'm getting the burn of everything. That's what it always is. I get everything. He's such an awesome person and I love him so, so much. But it's like his second personality keeps getting in the way. I can't see past it to the fantastic him. The negativity drives my up a wall. I'm way to positive. We are exact opposites. I'm just sick of making excuses.
But. Then. It gets better. When we hang out, I'm happy. And I'm good. But. It just is likes it's waiting. Like, I know it's going to come back again sometime, I just don't know when.
Sometimes. I just want to yell at him. But he won't yell back. He'll take it. He'll just sit there and absorb it. What we need is to yell it out. No hard feelings. Just screaming and cursing and harsh words that we don't actually need. Or is that what I need? Yeah. I need to scream and have someone scream back at me. I've never had that. I need it. I need to yell and scream for myself. Not just...not scream. Done that. Need something new. Screaming's new.