(no subject)
I am so lost and confused and nervous and fearful and becoming pessimistic and just all around more nervous.
I spent the first hour I was at work totally working myself up and stressing out and beating myself to hell in my head.
"No way would anyone like her ever go out with me."
"She's going to say no and it's just going to teach me, yet again, that optimism only leads to disappointment."
"I could never be good enough."
Those were the nice things.
After a while I calmed down. I began to think more clearly. I hate that I think about the big picture rather than now. There's no pressure. Nothing bad comes of it if she says no. The "big picture" doesn't matter now. Things need to be laid back and fun, what the future holds (if anything) doesn't matter now. I think about it, I can't help it, but at the same time, it isn't important currently, and I know that.
From what April has described, she has had some not-so-good experiences with guys in the past. At the very least, I hope she'll give me enough of a chance to show her that there are guys out there who are going to treat her the way she deserves to be treated, and give some other guy like me out there a chance, and be happy.
I just want to do something casual, have some fun, and get to know her better. No pressure. So why do I feel it?
I spent the first hour I was at work totally working myself up and stressing out and beating myself to hell in my head.
"No way would anyone like her ever go out with me."
"She's going to say no and it's just going to teach me, yet again, that optimism only leads to disappointment."
"I could never be good enough."
Those were the nice things.
After a while I calmed down. I began to think more clearly. I hate that I think about the big picture rather than now. There's no pressure. Nothing bad comes of it if she says no. The "big picture" doesn't matter now. Things need to be laid back and fun, what the future holds (if anything) doesn't matter now. I think about it, I can't help it, but at the same time, it isn't important currently, and I know that.
From what April has described, she has had some not-so-good experiences with guys in the past. At the very least, I hope she'll give me enough of a chance to show her that there are guys out there who are going to treat her the way she deserves to be treated, and give some other guy like me out there a chance, and be happy.
I just want to do something casual, have some fun, and get to know her better. No pressure. So why do I feel it?