two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, chapter 8
Glee, 2,593 words. This was supposed to be my last chapter before the epilogue, but I decided to split it up so I could get something new out before tomorrow’s episode (!!!). So here’s something considerably lighter than the past two chapters to reward you all for putting up with such crazy teenage angst. Will get back on point with plot in the next (and final) chapter, after which I have a kind of amazing epilogue in the works, if I do say so myself. I also plan to post some fic extras after everything is said and done, so if you’re into that kinda stuff, feel free to add me since I’m not sure if I’ll be posting all of it (I have a few things in mind) in other comms. Hope you enjoy this latest bit, and as always, thanks so much for the positive feedback! You guys are so fantastic.
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8. tear
-red hot chili peppers
As the sun filtered through the curtains, the first thing Puck thought was, holy shit, Rachel’s hair smelled really good.
When his eyes opened and he found his face nestled against her neck, her back spooned snugly against his front, he was pretty convinced he was in one of his freaky-deaky dreams and still had a little more time to pretend that his life didn't suck. So without giving it a second thought, he pulled her even tighter against him and snaked the arm he had wrapped around her under her shirt. His hand roamed over her stomach and up farther still until his thumb was grazing the underside of her breast. When his lips found her neck and he kissed that spot that made her gasp in all his best dreams, she started to stir. He smiled against her neck as he felt her hand slide over his arm under her shirt. Drowsy with sleep, she laced her fingers in his, and then pulled it out and over the covers.
Immediately, he yanked his face from her neck. This was definitely not a dream. Dream Rachel let him touch her boobs, but Real Rachel? Not so much (at least not without some convincing). This was definitely not a dream. This was real, and he was actually in her bed, and fuck man, now that he realized it, he kind of felt like he was just hit by a bus.
Still though, compared to the shitstorm that consumed his life the night before, this all felt so peaceful and serene, and he couldn't help but wonder...Did all that shit actually happen or was it just some really fucked up nightmare?
Lifting their entwined hands, she tugged his arm tightly around her shoulders and drifted back to sleep, snuggling her backside against him. Suddenly Puck began to feel considerably less like roadkill.
She may have been asleep, but if she kept wagging against him like that, he was pretty sure things wouldn't bode well. (Or it would end up being the best start to a morning ever? After the worst night ever...? Yeah, not very likely.)
He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered her name, hoping to wake her up and stop some of the positive tension, if you will, that was currently building up in his sweatpants (or release it? Despite all his self loathing, Puck was an optimist at heart). Slowly her eyes fluttered open, and it took a second for her to orient herself. When she felt a warm body around her and Noah’s voice rumble against her ear, she remembered: he spent the night. She smiled sleepily and turned to face him before remembering the rest of what had happened the night before...Namely, his tears.
She shifted so they were still sharing the same pillow, their noses practically touching. His hands settled on her hips as she placed hers gently on his face. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty fuckin' good, I'd say.”
And then she felt a hard...something...pressed against her thigh. Her cheeks turned a deep crimson and he laughed softly.
“Yeah, sorry about that. You’re pretty frisky in your sleep, y’know.”
She buried her face in her pillow and he laughed again.
“Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed. Oh man, big star Rachel Berry’s shy for giving a dude a boner. What happened to your 'dirty little secret' about girls wanting sex as much as guys?”
"It's true but it's not everyday I wake up with said boner jabbing into me." She groaned into her pillow, burying her face deeper. He could sense her smile so he playfully jabbed her side before tangling a hand through her hair. It was fucking crazy, man. Just being with her like this; it made him forget everything. It was like the past couple weeks never happened and they never skipped a beat. Quinn didn’t matter, the fact that he was a giant fuck-up and his baby was dead…none of it mattered, because he was with Rachel, and he had no fucking clue why this was, but everything always felt so much better when he was with Rachel.
He brought his face closer to her and slid his other hand between her body and the mattress, prying her towards him. His voice went soft.
“Hey, relax. It’s just me.”
When she turned to face him, their legs were tangled and she was smiling tiredly. He brushed the hair out of her face so he could really see her, then left his hands there for a moment, his thumbs gently stroking her temples. “Good morning.”
Every fucking muscle in his body ached (served him right for wandering around in the cold rain all night) but he didn’t really give a shit as she grinned at him, before growing serious.
“How are you feeling?” She whispered again.
His hands slid down slightly and rested on her shoulders. “As far as I know, my life is still a flying fuckfest and I pretty much feel like shit, but right here, right now? I can’t say I have any complaints.”
He was looking at her with such awe, like she was some fucking revelation. Sure she had felt something between the two of them for a while now, but to see him express it so uninhibited was simultaneously thrilling and scary. She was never one to shy away from attention, but at this moment, she would have loved some sort of diversion to distract that intense stare of his; to make her feel less self conscious of the fact that her hair was a mess and she totally had morning breath. After a pregnant pause, he spoke up again.
“Sorry I was such a little pussy last night, y’know, with all the crying and shit. It was just-”
“Noah.” She was glaring at him now with her trademark look of disapproval. “If you even try to apologize for actually being a living, breathing, feeling human being and experiencing an emotion other than joy at the expense of others, then-”
Puck’s lips on hers effectively quieted her, but it wasn't like any of those other times he used a kiss to shut her up. This time he wasn't doing it so he wouldn't have to listen to her or so he could get in her pants; there was no guise or hidden agenda, no reason for it. He was kissing her because he wanted to kiss her.
As she wrapped her arms around his neck, he felt her slight smile against his lips and he hugged her closer. When they pulled away, her eyes were bright.
“Berry, I have to tell-”
All of a sudden, her bedroom door swung open and Rachel’s dad was standing in the doorway, reading the paper and holding a steaming cup of coffee.
“Rachel, darling, time to get up for-" When he looked up, the color drained from his face. "What the-” Rachel immediately pushed Puck away and jumped out of bed.
"Daddy, I can explain!"
It had been a while since Puck had to fumble for his things as he got chased out of a girl’s bedroom by her pissed off dad. Come to think of it, he kinda missed the excitement. It was invigorating, really, running down the street as a dude threatened to run you over with his car. At least he actually had some clothes on this time.
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To say that Puck was bitched out when he got home would be the understatement of the century. In fact, he didn’t know what it really meant to be bitched out until just that moment. His mom was so pissed he didn’t come home the night before, she not only tore him a new one, she store him five or six new ones, each bigger than the last.
Little known fact about Puck? He actually had a curfew. He might have seemed like he was all ‘fuck the man, I do what I want, when I want,’ but he definitely had a curfew. And on nights his mom was working and he was supposed to stay home with his sister? Forget about it.
Not only did Puck have to babysit that night, he was also supposed to pick his sister up from ballet and get her dinner. But instead, while he was out doing “God know what” with “God knows who,” she was getting dropped off at home by Mrs. Lorrie, had to use her spare key to get in the house (he didn’t understand why him mom was so upset by that; weren’t those situations exactly why spare keys were invented?), ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and oreos for dinner (which sounded pretty awesome to Puck, to be honest), and then spent the whole night alone. When his mother came home and found her asleep on the couch in front of the television, she was both shocked and frantic. No matter how much he complained, Noah never blew off his family responsibilities, especially when it came to something as important as staying home with his sister. When he didn’t show up all night or even respond to her calls, she was so worried, she almost called the police.
The truth of the matter was that Puck totally forgot he had to take care of his little sis. But regardless, he wasn’t worried about her-the girl could totally hold her own. She may have been only ten, but nights Noah babysat her, he was always in the basement playing video games or in his room with a girl, so she knew how to take care of herself. She was a little annoyed he wasn’t around to order her pizza, but PB&J wasn’t as awful as their mom made it out to be.
“You will go up to your room right this instant and if you expect to leave it this weekend for anything other than using the bathroom or having dinner with your sister and I, you’ve got another thing coming, mister.”
“Yes, ma’am.” If Puck knew anything about his mother, it was that it just wasn’t worth the fight when she got like this.
When he finally got to his room, he dropped his things on the ground and fell face first into his bed. Being grounded for a month was serious shit, and though limiting his time with the jocks and Cheerios was exactly what he needed given all the crap he was going through, it also meant more time to get lost in his head: something he definitely didn’t need right now.
He had finally decided there was nothing he could do about what Quinn had done; it was finished forever. The worst part about it all - other than the fact that she was totally planning to leave without telling him anything - was that he was starting to actually feel relieved. Sure, he would have given anything up for that kid, but now he didn’t have to. She took the situation out of his hands and though it wasn’t at all what he wanted, now he felt like this huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. It was such a fucking cop out, he knew, and he felt like such a douche for even thinking it, but it was the truth. He had to keep reminding himself what Rachel had said last night: that it wasn’t his fault, that Quinn had her own things she was dealing with and if she had just let him in, things would have been different. And that really, no matter how much he cared about that baby or wanted to make things right, it was ultimately Quinn’s body and Quinn’s decision. She said it with so much certainty: it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault. Even though she knew it totally was his fault; that no matter how you spin it, he's the one who slept with his best friend’s girl and got her pregnant.
He turned over in his bed and put his hands behind his head. Rachel, man. Rachel had this ridiculous way of making even the most awful shit seem like it wasn’t that big a deal. Like there was nothing too huge to get over. That anything was possible. When she talked like that, he knew it wasn’t the first time she said it. In fact, he was pretty sure that’s what she told herself everyday just to get through high school.
He had no idea how things with Rachel ended up like this - that she’d be the one he’d think about at night and not Quinn - but he’d be lying if he said it was completely unexpected. That day he got his first ever Slushee in the face and she sat in on lap after cleaning him off, he knew there was something there. He may not have known what it was at the time, but he knew it was something. He put her through so much shit, and somehow there she was, helping him and kissing his forehead and accepting his apology. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about her, man. Something different.
With a sigh, he sat up and reached for his bag. He may have been grounded for a month, but at least his mom didn’t take his phone from him. When he opened it up, he saw her 25 missed calls from the night before, but most recently, a new text message from Rachel.
Berry 8:03:57 AM: Noah, I am SO SORRY my father went berserk on you!!! I’ll have you know I gave him a stern talking to.
9:15:34 AM: dont worry abt it…im used to dads hating on me lol
Berry 9:15:45 AM: He doesn’t hate you, he just has irrational issues with me growing up. I’m apparently grounded until college. Currently waiting to issue an appeal to my other dad though…I’m optimistic.
9:16:28 AM: yeah well im grounded 4 a month so join the club. no xbox even :(
Berry 9:16:50 AM: Oh, you poor thing. How ever will you survive?!
He laughed to himself then stared at his phone for a long moment.
9:18:07 AM: hey rach i never got a chance to say it but thx…4 everything not just last nite
Berry 9:19:52 AM: Noah, that’s totally unnecessary. You know I’m always here for you. After all, what are friends for? ;)
He called her that night before he went to sleep. He asked her if it was fucked up that he kind of felt relieved that all that shit was over, even if it ended so badly. His lights were off and as he stared at the dark ceiling above, she reassured him, her voice soothing and calm.
Then she talked and talked and talked, then talked some more. First about him then about how she was able to get her grounding sentence reduced (“Who gets grounded for ten days?”) then about classes and Glee (“Did you know Tina and Artie are an item now?” “Say what?!” “It’s true!” “I totally taught him everything he knows.” “What?!” “Yeah, man.” “Noah, you are ridiculous.”) Just as he was falling asleep to the soft lull of her rambling, she stopped.
“Noah?”
“Hmm?” He turned on his side, his eyes closed, and for a second it felt like she was there with him.
“What are we doing exactly?”
“We’re talking on the phone, what does it look like we’re doing?”
“No, I just mean…You, me, this. What are we?”
“Rach, we’re whatever you want us to be.”
TBC
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8. tear
-red hot chili peppers
As the sun filtered through the curtains, the first thing Puck thought was, holy shit, Rachel’s hair smelled really good.
When his eyes opened and he found his face nestled against her neck, her back spooned snugly against his front, he was pretty convinced he was in one of his freaky-deaky dreams and still had a little more time to pretend that his life didn't suck. So without giving it a second thought, he pulled her even tighter against him and snaked the arm he had wrapped around her under her shirt. His hand roamed over her stomach and up farther still until his thumb was grazing the underside of her breast. When his lips found her neck and he kissed that spot that made her gasp in all his best dreams, she started to stir. He smiled against her neck as he felt her hand slide over his arm under her shirt. Drowsy with sleep, she laced her fingers in his, and then pulled it out and over the covers.
Immediately, he yanked his face from her neck. This was definitely not a dream. Dream Rachel let him touch her boobs, but Real Rachel? Not so much (at least not without some convincing). This was definitely not a dream. This was real, and he was actually in her bed, and fuck man, now that he realized it, he kind of felt like he was just hit by a bus.
Still though, compared to the shitstorm that consumed his life the night before, this all felt so peaceful and serene, and he couldn't help but wonder...Did all that shit actually happen or was it just some really fucked up nightmare?
Lifting their entwined hands, she tugged his arm tightly around her shoulders and drifted back to sleep, snuggling her backside against him. Suddenly Puck began to feel considerably less like roadkill.
She may have been asleep, but if she kept wagging against him like that, he was pretty sure things wouldn't bode well. (Or it would end up being the best start to a morning ever? After the worst night ever...? Yeah, not very likely.)
He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered her name, hoping to wake her up and stop some of the positive tension, if you will, that was currently building up in his sweatpants (or release it? Despite all his self loathing, Puck was an optimist at heart). Slowly her eyes fluttered open, and it took a second for her to orient herself. When she felt a warm body around her and Noah’s voice rumble against her ear, she remembered: he spent the night. She smiled sleepily and turned to face him before remembering the rest of what had happened the night before...Namely, his tears.
She shifted so they were still sharing the same pillow, their noses practically touching. His hands settled on her hips as she placed hers gently on his face. “How are you feeling?”
“Pretty fuckin' good, I'd say.”
And then she felt a hard...something...pressed against her thigh. Her cheeks turned a deep crimson and he laughed softly.
“Yeah, sorry about that. You’re pretty frisky in your sleep, y’know.”
She buried her face in her pillow and he laughed again.
“Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed. Oh man, big star Rachel Berry’s shy for giving a dude a boner. What happened to your 'dirty little secret' about girls wanting sex as much as guys?”
"It's true but it's not everyday I wake up with said boner jabbing into me." She groaned into her pillow, burying her face deeper. He could sense her smile so he playfully jabbed her side before tangling a hand through her hair. It was fucking crazy, man. Just being with her like this; it made him forget everything. It was like the past couple weeks never happened and they never skipped a beat. Quinn didn’t matter, the fact that he was a giant fuck-up and his baby was dead…none of it mattered, because he was with Rachel, and he had no fucking clue why this was, but everything always felt so much better when he was with Rachel.
He brought his face closer to her and slid his other hand between her body and the mattress, prying her towards him. His voice went soft.
“Hey, relax. It’s just me.”
When she turned to face him, their legs were tangled and she was smiling tiredly. He brushed the hair out of her face so he could really see her, then left his hands there for a moment, his thumbs gently stroking her temples. “Good morning.”
Every fucking muscle in his body ached (served him right for wandering around in the cold rain all night) but he didn’t really give a shit as she grinned at him, before growing serious.
“How are you feeling?” She whispered again.
His hands slid down slightly and rested on her shoulders. “As far as I know, my life is still a flying fuckfest and I pretty much feel like shit, but right here, right now? I can’t say I have any complaints.”
He was looking at her with such awe, like she was some fucking revelation. Sure she had felt something between the two of them for a while now, but to see him express it so uninhibited was simultaneously thrilling and scary. She was never one to shy away from attention, but at this moment, she would have loved some sort of diversion to distract that intense stare of his; to make her feel less self conscious of the fact that her hair was a mess and she totally had morning breath. After a pregnant pause, he spoke up again.
“Sorry I was such a little pussy last night, y’know, with all the crying and shit. It was just-”
“Noah.” She was glaring at him now with her trademark look of disapproval. “If you even try to apologize for actually being a living, breathing, feeling human being and experiencing an emotion other than joy at the expense of others, then-”
Puck’s lips on hers effectively quieted her, but it wasn't like any of those other times he used a kiss to shut her up. This time he wasn't doing it so he wouldn't have to listen to her or so he could get in her pants; there was no guise or hidden agenda, no reason for it. He was kissing her because he wanted to kiss her.
As she wrapped her arms around his neck, he felt her slight smile against his lips and he hugged her closer. When they pulled away, her eyes were bright.
“Berry, I have to tell-”
All of a sudden, her bedroom door swung open and Rachel’s dad was standing in the doorway, reading the paper and holding a steaming cup of coffee.
“Rachel, darling, time to get up for-" When he looked up, the color drained from his face. "What the-” Rachel immediately pushed Puck away and jumped out of bed.
"Daddy, I can explain!"
It had been a while since Puck had to fumble for his things as he got chased out of a girl’s bedroom by her pissed off dad. Come to think of it, he kinda missed the excitement. It was invigorating, really, running down the street as a dude threatened to run you over with his car. At least he actually had some clothes on this time.
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To say that Puck was bitched out when he got home would be the understatement of the century. In fact, he didn’t know what it really meant to be bitched out until just that moment. His mom was so pissed he didn’t come home the night before, she not only tore him a new one, she store him five or six new ones, each bigger than the last.
Little known fact about Puck? He actually had a curfew. He might have seemed like he was all ‘fuck the man, I do what I want, when I want,’ but he definitely had a curfew. And on nights his mom was working and he was supposed to stay home with his sister? Forget about it.
Not only did Puck have to babysit that night, he was also supposed to pick his sister up from ballet and get her dinner. But instead, while he was out doing “God know what” with “God knows who,” she was getting dropped off at home by Mrs. Lorrie, had to use her spare key to get in the house (he didn’t understand why him mom was so upset by that; weren’t those situations exactly why spare keys were invented?), ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and oreos for dinner (which sounded pretty awesome to Puck, to be honest), and then spent the whole night alone. When his mother came home and found her asleep on the couch in front of the television, she was both shocked and frantic. No matter how much he complained, Noah never blew off his family responsibilities, especially when it came to something as important as staying home with his sister. When he didn’t show up all night or even respond to her calls, she was so worried, she almost called the police.
The truth of the matter was that Puck totally forgot he had to take care of his little sis. But regardless, he wasn’t worried about her-the girl could totally hold her own. She may have been only ten, but nights Noah babysat her, he was always in the basement playing video games or in his room with a girl, so she knew how to take care of herself. She was a little annoyed he wasn’t around to order her pizza, but PB&J wasn’t as awful as their mom made it out to be.
“You will go up to your room right this instant and if you expect to leave it this weekend for anything other than using the bathroom or having dinner with your sister and I, you’ve got another thing coming, mister.”
“Yes, ma’am.” If Puck knew anything about his mother, it was that it just wasn’t worth the fight when she got like this.
When he finally got to his room, he dropped his things on the ground and fell face first into his bed. Being grounded for a month was serious shit, and though limiting his time with the jocks and Cheerios was exactly what he needed given all the crap he was going through, it also meant more time to get lost in his head: something he definitely didn’t need right now.
He had finally decided there was nothing he could do about what Quinn had done; it was finished forever. The worst part about it all - other than the fact that she was totally planning to leave without telling him anything - was that he was starting to actually feel relieved. Sure, he would have given anything up for that kid, but now he didn’t have to. She took the situation out of his hands and though it wasn’t at all what he wanted, now he felt like this huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. It was such a fucking cop out, he knew, and he felt like such a douche for even thinking it, but it was the truth. He had to keep reminding himself what Rachel had said last night: that it wasn’t his fault, that Quinn had her own things she was dealing with and if she had just let him in, things would have been different. And that really, no matter how much he cared about that baby or wanted to make things right, it was ultimately Quinn’s body and Quinn’s decision. She said it with so much certainty: it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault. Even though she knew it totally was his fault; that no matter how you spin it, he's the one who slept with his best friend’s girl and got her pregnant.
He turned over in his bed and put his hands behind his head. Rachel, man. Rachel had this ridiculous way of making even the most awful shit seem like it wasn’t that big a deal. Like there was nothing too huge to get over. That anything was possible. When she talked like that, he knew it wasn’t the first time she said it. In fact, he was pretty sure that’s what she told herself everyday just to get through high school.
He had no idea how things with Rachel ended up like this - that she’d be the one he’d think about at night and not Quinn - but he’d be lying if he said it was completely unexpected. That day he got his first ever Slushee in the face and she sat in on lap after cleaning him off, he knew there was something there. He may not have known what it was at the time, but he knew it was something. He put her through so much shit, and somehow there she was, helping him and kissing his forehead and accepting his apology. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something about her, man. Something different.
With a sigh, he sat up and reached for his bag. He may have been grounded for a month, but at least his mom didn’t take his phone from him. When he opened it up, he saw her 25 missed calls from the night before, but most recently, a new text message from Rachel.
Berry 8:03:57 AM: Noah, I am SO SORRY my father went berserk on you!!! I’ll have you know I gave him a stern talking to.
9:15:34 AM: dont worry abt it…im used to dads hating on me lol
Berry 9:15:45 AM: He doesn’t hate you, he just has irrational issues with me growing up. I’m apparently grounded until college. Currently waiting to issue an appeal to my other dad though…I’m optimistic.
9:16:28 AM: yeah well im grounded 4 a month so join the club. no xbox even :(
Berry 9:16:50 AM: Oh, you poor thing. How ever will you survive?!
He laughed to himself then stared at his phone for a long moment.
9:18:07 AM: hey rach i never got a chance to say it but thx…4 everything not just last nite
Berry 9:19:52 AM: Noah, that’s totally unnecessary. You know I’m always here for you. After all, what are friends for? ;)
He called her that night before he went to sleep. He asked her if it was fucked up that he kind of felt relieved that all that shit was over, even if it ended so badly. His lights were off and as he stared at the dark ceiling above, she reassured him, her voice soothing and calm.
Then she talked and talked and talked, then talked some more. First about him then about how she was able to get her grounding sentence reduced (“Who gets grounded for ten days?”) then about classes and Glee (“Did you know Tina and Artie are an item now?” “Say what?!” “It’s true!” “I totally taught him everything he knows.” “What?!” “Yeah, man.” “Noah, you are ridiculous.”) Just as he was falling asleep to the soft lull of her rambling, she stopped.
“Noah?”
“Hmm?” He turned on his side, his eyes closed, and for a second it felt like she was there with him.
“What are we doing exactly?”
“We’re talking on the phone, what does it look like we’re doing?”
“No, I just mean…You, me, this. What are we?”
“Rach, we’re whatever you want us to be.”
TBC
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