Comments | ofbirdsandwires: waking in the dark

ofbirdsandwires

waking in the dark

Feb 05, 2006 12:26

"My soul is a hidden orchestra; I know not what instruments, what fiddlestrings and harps, drums and tambours I sound and clash inside myself. All I hear is the symphony."
- - The Book of Disquiet - Fernando Pessoastaring up, the third light in the bouquet of three flickered and went out - i am still holding myself in for the sad small popping ( Read more... )

Comments 8

oh_marvelous February 5 2006, 15:41:35 UTC

my problem is that i don't see anything permanent enough. everything seems to hinge on so little in my life.

junk_journal February 5 2006, 17:57:26 UTC

that's true. all things hinge on nothing, or something just as ephemeral and evasive. but is that reason enough to give up on everything? i think not. in the end, we must - as walt whitman insists - "unscrew the doors themslves from their jambs" and learn to deal with the open gap left behind us. forever is not as great as it might seem. we are always learning new ways to live our old lives, cherry. and our permanence is found in the way we we build strength over time. please remember that, if not always, at least for awhile. our eternity is realised in increments.

oh_marvelous February 5 2006, 17:59:21 UTC

oh i agree. that entry is old and i learn every day. i mean, whitman said 'these are the days that must happen to you' - such a wise old man, he was. i think i love the bad more than the good. what scares me or makes me hurt so much - i kind of yearn for it in some twisted way because it's what makes me grow and stretch more than anything else could. goodbyes are much more remembered than hellos and i'm a firm believer in a good cry or scream into the sun.

mm. even on my knees, i love everything about this life.

junk_journal February 5 2006, 18:19:39 UTC

oh, you and i are so much closer than it might appear. i find myself improving through despair, through the warm touch of darkness. but at the same time, i love all there is in life, the mutlitiude of possibilities it has to offer. these two are inseperable. you see, all things might seem fleeting but they last long enough in the minds of others. and let me tell you - although you might not believe it, you will mean more than you can imagine in the perspective of those you touch. it's just the way things will work.

walt is right, as he always is: these are the days that must happen to you. but all of us here are lucky enough to share in those days with you, if not totally at least a little. and that might be enough. thank you for everything and then some.

melaverdebella February 5 2006, 19:13:56 UTC

i feel like i can't form enough words to coherently respond to this. the bird analogy really gets me. and 'I have pushed away these thoughts that save me'.

permanence is what makes us comfortable and we always seem to be afraid of change or things that are new, or big and frightening. taking chances and making mistakes. that doesn't make sense to me - because, although fleeting, nothing seems to be honestly FIXED or stable. electrons alone can make all the difference in the world when it comes to stability.

we live in change like in air or in space. sometimes it is quiet and maybe not quite visible, but it always seems to be there.

ofbirdsandwires February 5 2006, 21:27:17 UTC

Permanence has never made me comfortable.
It frightens me to death, even though I know these things I think are solid are not, and that I am just imagining them to be.

I just have some big decisions to make, and they are making large shadows over my every day. I don't feel like I can shake them off, you know? So sometimes I catch myself thinking everything is stuck this way forever.

Birds and big decisions are all I think about lately.

junk_journal February 6 2006, 01:17:15 UTC

my apologies, rachel. in speaking with cherry, i forgot to say to you how much i adored this entry. of course, i adore all of them, but this one particularly. just lines like "unsettled, setting floor" and "i am learning about bones and the way to tell stories": utterly spellbinding prose. become a writer so that i might buy up every one of your novels and give them prize place on my shelf. :)

ofbirdsandwires February 6 2006, 01:25:48 UTC

don't apologise - I like it when people respond to other people's comments. I love it that two of my favourite people from my friends list are friends, too.

I really am learning about bones (compact bone and how it grows) and the way to tell stories (chaucer and shakespeare and dickens and gaskell and writing just for me).