The End of the Beginning XXVI
Title: The End Of The Beginning
Part: XXVI
Title: The things we remember
Pairing: Xander/Spike (eventually)
Overall Rating: NC17
Chapter Rating: R
Beta: shakatany
Disclaimer: If they were mine I sure wouldn’t be writing about them.
AN: I’ve decided to add titles to each chapter. Not a big thing, I just like a little bit of fortune-cookie quasi-wisdom.
AN2: Again, this chapter is dark, keep away from children.
Previous chapters
Breathe. Scream. Breathe. Thank the Holder for the pain and blood and anything to remind him to... Breathe.
When he slipped out of position for the third time he wondered whether the Holder would be angry enough to flay all the skin from his body. Instead his head was pushed to the floor and the pain bloomed in a new part of his body. Breathe.
There was quiet this time, and the darkness that told him he was once again in his holding cell. It was always harder to remember to breathe when he was here, when his body wasn't demanding oxygen as desperately as it did whenever the leash moved. Then the agony he associated with healing began and he knew how to draw breath again.
This time when the Holder came he was led out of his cell and passed into a van. The Holder was new, even the species unknown. It smelled like earth and sage. For some reason the scent disturbed him; reminded him of something he'd left forgotten.
Again the leash changed hands without a Keeper. He considered frowning when he realised this was not his hidden Holder, then decided against it. Instead he followed quietly as he was led to another van.
The room they entered was different. No wall, no cage. Still he remembered every feature, trying to work out what would be required, where he was to stand when not needed, whether this demon would prefer screaming or silence. Again the leash changed hands, another Holder and more walking.
They stopped in front of a door and he immediately slid into a high kneel beside the Holder while they waited. After a time- he didn't bother trying to figure out how long- there was an answer from inside and he rose again to walk behind his Holder.
He could hear the sharp inhale from someone in the room but kept his eyes down, observing distances from door to desk to corner distractedly. When the leash was jerked and a command given he raised his head, eyes still lowered respectfully.
A cool hand touched his hair. He wondered whether it would be shaved, unsure whether any healing magic could return it to the shoulder length it had grown to. He knew the Keepers found something pleasing in keeping his hair long.
More words, none of them a command so he kept still and silent. Until a whisper had him bringing his eyes up, staring somewhere between the eyes of the new demon. He'd learnt a long time ago that when ordered to look in the face of his Holder it was easier to stare through them than truly at them. So he looked, blinked, breathed and waited.
Once more the leash changed hands but this time within his eyesight and he noted that a small exchange of words seemed necessary to let it pass from one hand to the other. A bag had been handed over in exchange for the leash handle and he wondered whether he'd been sold to a new Keeper.
Look, blink, breathe.
This time the command was harder, and he forced himself to stare straight into the eyes of what was now his new Holder. Blue eyes.
Look, blink.
Look. Blink.
Look.
*~*~*
He hadn't realised he'd lost consciousness until he came to. He didn't make any noise as he slid into a high kneel. He didn't bother trying to remember the reason he'd passed out. It was always the same and remembered pain was not his saviour; it reminded him of nothing.
A command came and he looked up.
Look. Blink.
This time he felt the slide into nothingness.
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