I have some of the same problems, and here are rules I've set up for myself. Perhaps it will help with your journey in finding the answers that work for you
( ... )
Thank you so much for your insight. It really helps to hear from someone who's struggled with this, who knows what this feels like, and who's found her own solutions.
I think it becomes a negative if you start thinking, "I am going to do this because then she will love me." But it doesn't sound like you are thinking that. Or if you are thinking, "If I don't do this for her, she will think I don't care about her." I think this is more of a perception thing. Are you feeling that way?I am feeling both of these. I do things kind of to earn "points" with people, or impress them in some way, and I do things because I think they'll think I don't care otherwise
( ... )
A lot of these things really resonated with me, especially this one:
It's important for me to accept that the world is not fair, so that I can accept that bad things happen because they do, and not necessarily because I deserve them in some way.I constantly struggle with it - the phrase that I use is "accepting reality for what it is, instead of resenting it for what it's not
( ... )
Thanks for weighing in. It helps just knowing I'm not alone in struggling with this.
The fairness thing is a big one for me; so much so that I will break down in self-pity if I don't get something I'm promised, like I've been upgraded to business class, I order a drink and the flight attendant doesn't bring it, but brings one for my seatmate, and then has to sit down because of turbulence and I never get to remind her that she forgot.
I have internalized this to such an extent that my next thought is that somehow I don't deserve the nice things that other people enjoy as a matter of course, somehow I've been singled out as unworthy, unimportant and forgettable, and I get all teary at the injustice of it. Which is total narcissistic bullshit.
Comments 5
Reply
I think it becomes a negative if you start thinking, "I am going to do this because then she will love me." But it doesn't sound like you are thinking that. Or if you are thinking, "If I don't do this for her, she will think I don't care about her." I think this is more of a perception thing. Are you feeling that way?I am feeling both of these. I do things kind of to earn "points" with people, or impress them in some way, and I do things because I think they'll think I don't care otherwise ( ... )
Reply
It's important for me to accept that the world is not fair, so that I can accept that bad things happen because they do, and not necessarily because I deserve them in some way.I constantly struggle with it - the phrase that I use is "accepting reality for what it is, instead of resenting it for what it's not ( ... )
Reply
The fairness thing is a big one for me; so much so that I will break down in self-pity if I don't get something I'm promised, like I've been upgraded to business class, I order a drink and the flight attendant doesn't bring it, but brings one for my seatmate, and then has to sit down because of turbulence and I never get to remind her that she forgot.
I have internalized this to such an extent that my next thought is that somehow I don't deserve the nice things that other people enjoy as a matter of course, somehow I've been singled out as unworthy, unimportant and forgettable, and I get all teary at the injustice of it. Which is total narcissistic bullshit.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment