The End of The Beginning XV
Title: The End Of The Beginning
Part: XV
Title: Finding safety in thorns
Pairing: Xander/Spike (eventually)
Overall Rating: NC17
Chapter Rating: PG13
Beta: shakatany the amazing
Disclaimer: Joss is win.
AN: I wanted to say a thanks to my fabulous beta - got this chapter to me even faster than normal.
Previous Chapters
Xander knew he should move, knew his momentary reprieve from reality had ended. Now if only he could force himself to care he might get somewhere. Instead, he just turned slightly in those safe arms and rested his face against a still chest, falling once more into sleep, knowing the heavy drapes covering the windows would protect the one beside him from the coming sunlight.
When he woke again there was still a cool body beside him. Blinking to clear the sleep from his eyes he looked up to find blue eyes focused intently on the book in front of him. The bedside lamp cast just enough light for Xander to make out the cover and discover Spike reading Anne Rice. Taking stock of his body he realised he was curled around the vampire, his arm wrapped firmly around the other’s slim waist. He was trying to decide if it would be odd to stay where he was now that he was awake when blue eyes shifted their focus and looked at him.
"Know you’re awake whelp." The British drawl was still soft, and how strange was it that the familiar nickname was actually kind of comforting?
Giving in to muscles demanding movement, he rolled away slightly and stretched, feeling bones pop. Running a hand over his face to wipe away the dried tears, he plastered on a familiar smile, feeling himself slide into his usual role. When he looked to the blond he was surprised to find flecks of gold glaring back at him.
"Spike?" he asked hesitatingly.
"Don't." The growl was back, and this time Xander felt his heart trip in fear.
"Wha-"
"Don't bloody pretend the world is all peaches and cream again." There was a snarl accompanying the words and the brunet shrank back.
"I don't-"
"Just stop. Stop... pretending." The words were almost spat at him and this time he just waited.
"All the girls - they grieved. But you, you just stood there like the sodding white hat you are and listened. Let them scream and rant and cry at you and didn't say a word! Did you even cry?" Again he was confused, the question seeming so far off center it took him a moment to realise he was expected to answer, and another moment to get over the shock once he realised what the answer was.
He remembered the aftermath, he remembered the funeral and the number of times Willow and Dawn and Giles, hell even Tara, had broken into sobs, but he couldn't remember ever crying. He felt too broken to do so. Too broken, with too many people relying on him to be the one to lean on.
His voice was full of shame and self-loathing when he answered. "No."
He was still waiting for the sneer when he heard the soft thump of something light hitting the floor. Looking up from the spot on the sheets he'd been staring at, he was confused by the look on the vampire's face. Understanding, sadness and anger were there though the last wasn't directed at him. He felt the desperate need to explain why he hadn't been able to, but his tongue seemed stuck to the roof of his mouth so instead he just stared and hoped that Spike understood.
Suddenly Spike leaped from the bed, exploding into movement as he dashed to the closet and began sorting through Xander's clothes, occasionally tossing a piece onto the bed until there was a whole outfit sprawled on the messed up sheets. Confused - and didn't that just seem to be his permanent state of mind this morning - he looked to the vampire for an explanation.
"Get up, shower and get dressed. We're going out." It took him a minute to process this but once he did he gave an incredulous look.
"Spike, I have work, I can't go out," he said slowly, frowning at the snort
"You slept the day away, that's 6pm not 6am. Already called into work when it looked like you weren't waking up for anything short of another apocalypse. Now get up." He didn't even know what to say to that, and luckily he didn't have to come up with anything as the blond had already left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him.
Walking into the en suite - there was no demon on earth that could have forced him to share a bathroom with Dawn - he relieved himself , then showered, slowly washing his hair while trying to figure out what was running through his mind. Rinsing out the last of the product he let loose with a frustrated sigh, his mind stubbornly refusing to co-operate and provide any useful answers. If he was being honest he felt drained, like the crying and yelling last night had left him with nothing, his whole being poured out of his tear ducts and screamed out a now raw throat. He was a Xander-shaped husk.
Padding into the bedroom he finally took a good look at the clothes Spike had thrown onto the bed. A pair of once black jeans that were not only almost too small but riddled with holes from too much time on the construction site, and a shirt he'd bought once on a whim. It was nothing he'd ever wear normally; it hugged him like a second skin, and the white material almost-but-not-quite sheer. Giving hints but not outright showing anything.
Scrubbing the towel over his hair one last time, he hung it back up in the bathroom, pulled a rueful face at his reflection and left the safety of his room. When he didn't feel the familiar presence of a certain teen in her room he practically ran down the stairs, letting out a breath when he saw her happily ensconced on the couch.
He blushed when she turned appraising eyes on him and wolf whistled, "Lookin' good, hot stuff."
He'd opened his mouth for a response, and for once he even knew what he was going to say, when there was a knock on the door and the bouncy girl was up and moving. Flinging the door open Xander spotted Janice's familiar face, not at all surprised when Dawn babbled something about a study night and she'd be back tomorrow before practically flying out the door. Frowning he started to go after her before a cool hand landed on his shoulder.
"Already checked it out, Bit going to be with 'er all night." The frown deepened when he realised just how much of the parenting role Spike had taken up.
"You won't need a coat, it's warm enough out, now c'mon, time to get going, whelp." He would have asked where Spike was taking him but he got the distinct feeling he'd be told in no uncertain terms to just "bloody well wait and see would you?"
Apparently wherever they were going didn't require a car, since they were walking towards the warehouse district - if Sunnydale had been big enough to have districts. Stopping in front of a building that looked just like a dozen others with the now familiar-feeling hand on his arm he looked in askance.
For all his strange familiarity with Spike he still jumped when slender fingers carded through his hair. After a moment the vampire made a satisfied sound and jerked his head in an indication to follow. Xander was about to ask just what exactly the blond thought he was doing when Spike pushed open a door and executed a bow that left him in no doubt just which century the vampire had been born in. Taking his cue and walking inside, he started again when the door closed and the thrumming sound of bass filled his bones.
Once again following the other man, the mortal tried to figure out exactly where they were. Seeing the neon sign over an inconspicuous doorway he chuckled, realising that Veritas was the club that Spike ran - and no, he didn't miss the irony of a demon club’s name meaning "truth" in Latin.
Walking through the doorway, he blinked at the reflected flashes of light from the strobe that he could suddenly see. Magic, of course, so that people in the surrounding buildings not only couldn't hear the music but couldn't see any strange lights pulsing from the dusty windows.
He accepted all this within a moment and focused his attention on the club itself. The bass was heavy and sliding through his blood, the lyrics of the song skittering over his skin. Breathing in he felt something in him relax. It smelt like sweat, sex and sin. It smelt like life.
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