Confession
Gonna write in English, pity if you don't get it. Cannot really express it in my native language.
Currently I'm finishing a bottle of local white wine and watching BBC. Guys, tell me how the heck you cope with all imperfection of the world? Recently I've told my mum, the hardcore communist, just stop idealizing humans. humans are prone to weakness, recklessness, one-minute passion, "live fast, die young" decisions... As you cannot wipe stripes from tiger, you cannot make human being... What? Egoistic? Less egoistic? Socialistic? Communist? Breaking bad... I need to break the whole lot of "all-good-grandma-advices". I have to think about myself and my nails better-go. I know that I'm getting close to over the edge cynical person, accepting 20/1000 stillbirth and panda being wiped off. Dinosaurs were swiped away, great creatures of the nitrogen were eliminated, do you think I care about all mammals? Ideas are in the air, catch it, sniff it, and be amused till the rest of your miserable short life. 70-80 years, how much more you can be given, of lasting slow years of rotting, loosing control over your mind and body. Just being happy to die. I'm flying 10-12 hours a month, just for commuting, saying good bye to my fragile body and family members; and teddy bear. Hate take-offs and turbulence, from 50 min to 14 hours flights, up in the air, and I want more, I want control. I want my PPL course with all " tower b255, for take off". I want my new nose. I want to go to the edge, as much as I can cope. Dying is inevitable, would you agree? Just die in grace, die young. I'm afraid, I'm lost, i'm lonely, and most of all I need friends. Are there any? Not for my body, not for me being a weak cunt, just for me being myself... As they say... Many kisses to all my friends! Free hugs!
That is it!