Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Summary:Dave found a blank DVD carefully hidden among Bro's music collection and opened it, not realising that it was Pandora's Box.
1. Pandora's Box
Bro was out as usual tonight, doing one of his frequent DJ gigs at a popular nightclub in the other side of town and he wouldn’t be back till late/early in the morning. Dave was left to his own devices as usual and he was idling on pesterchum, waiting for any one of his friends to come online. Tapping his foot on the floor in unconscious time with the clock, he doodled a rough plan for the latest comic for “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff”. Midway through, he turned iTunes on and flipped through his vast playlists for a suitable song to play as accompaniment. Dave clucked his tongue in annoyance when he couldn’t find an appropriate song - his creative mojo would be ruined if he couldn’t get the right song to get the creative juices flowing. His gaze flicked over to his pesterchum client and saw that the icons were still grey, indicating non-online status.
Flipping his hair out from behind his shades, Dave sighed exasperatedly and finally got off his butt to invade Bro’s bedroom. Perhaps, he could borrow one of Bro’s music cds from his collection that numbered in the literal thousands. You simply cannot beat Bro’s music collection in quantity and quality. It is simply the best there is. It wasn’t like his bro minded when Dave took one of his cds as long as he returned it back to its right place.
Nonchalantly navigating past the piles of smuppets and wires in Bro’s bedroom and avoiding Lil Cal’s creepy gaze, Dave knelt down before the cinderblock shelf and thumbed through the collection of cds, running his fingers along the backs. He realised that he already had finished this row and it was time to move up to the next row. But before he did that, his finger snagged on a small gap between the last cd and the cinderblock shelf. Cursing as his finger stung, Dave bent lower to examine the small gap and was surprised to see a square plain white envelope concealed in it. Forgetting the pain in his finger, he quickly removed some of the other cds out of the way and carefully eased the small envelope out.
He opened the envelope. It contained an innocuous DVD and it was completely blank of any markings or titles. Raising his eyebrows in interest, Dave wondered why this DVD was hidden in such an obscure place without any markings. Then he grinned. Oooh, was this possibly a record of Bro’s earlier music when he was starting out; an embarrassment that had to be buried forever under the pile of awesome music. Dave could barely wait to listen to the ill beats nestled in the grooves of the DVD. Quickly returning the cds back to the shelf in proper order, he hastily abconded to his bedroom.
He had barely sat down in his chair as he inserted the blank DVD into his iMac and booted up the drive. Instead of opening a list of track songs, it merely opened a window with an icon of Bro’s pointy shades. Bemused, Dave hovered his mouse cursor over the icon and a note popped up. It simply read, “AR”. Huh. It was a program. Shrugging his shoulders, Dave double-clicked on the icon.
As expected, an installation window appeared. Muttering to himself, Dave skimmed through the instructions, skipping the Terms and Agreements because who the hell reads that. “Are you sure you want to install this, blah blah blah…Hell yes, of course. I’m making this happen.” Without pausing to think about the possible consequences, he clicked “Yes”.
At first, nothing happened. Then suddenly, the screen went black and he jumped, worried that he had been duped by one of Bro’s nasty pranks and the program was actually a virus. But before he started to freak, the screen flickered back on again and Dave quickly scrutinised the screen. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that nothing had been affected. The installation window was gone though and when he checked the hard-drive, he raised an eyebrow when he saw that “AR” had taken up a good sizeable chunk of it. At least a third of it was now gone.
“Wow. You sure take up a lot of memory space.” Dave muttered. A ping alerted him to a new pesterchum message. Excited that one of his friends might have finally come online, he opened the pesterchum window and was disappointed to see that it was a stranger.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: …Who are you?
TT: How many years has it been?
TG: i should be asking you that
TG: who are you and how did you get my handle
TT: It’s been more than twenty years…? Fuck. Why did you install me? I thought that he already didn’t want anything more to do with me.
TG: wait what are you talking about
TG: i just installed this program “AR” on a blank dvd bro was hiding in his music collection
TG: oh shit did i make a mistake installing AR
TG: is it going to fuck up my hard drive???
TT: I’m AR. And no, I’m not going to mess around with your files. I would rather find out who you are. Are you a relative?
TG: ok first up you expect me to believe that you are an artificial intelligence program
TG: hah thats cray who would believe that horseshit
TG: and secondly whos this he youre referring to
TG: lastly i aint sure no relative of yours “AR”
TG: i only have one who is Bro
TG: i also am not going to give out my name to online strangers
TG: are you an old pedo creep
TG: do i have to call the police
TT: Never mind. It seems that asking you directly was a fruitless endeavour. I shall rely on other means of obtaining my information.
TG: what other means
TT: …Holy shit. You’re Dave Strider? You’re my future self’s ward?
TG: ok what the hell
TG: how did you get my name and what the fuck are you talking about
TG: im thinking you need to be admitted to an asylum for the lunatic
TG: im already getting serious skeevy vibes from you
TT: I see that Dirk Strider, or I suppose, Bro has not told you about his younger indiscretions. He created an AI that was closely based on his thirteen year old mentality and the result is me, AR.
TG: i dont believe you
TG: im blocking you on pesterchum “AR” or “TT” whoever you are
turntechGodhead [TG] has blocked timaeusTestified [TT]
With that, Dave closed the pesterchum window, determined to forget all about the incident. What a lousy prank from Bro. Grumbling to himself, he tried to uninstall the program from his computer but found that his mouse cursor was frozen on the screen. Gritting his teeth, Dave attempted to reboot the computer but it refused to obey him, still remaining active. Another pesterchum window popped up.
turntechGodhead [TG] has unblocked timaeusTestified [TT]
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Nice try. But I’m already on your hard drive, Dave. What will it take to convince you that I am Bro’s thirteen year old self?
TG: how the hell are you doing that to my computer
TT: Like I said earlier, I’m “AR”. I’m already ensonced in the depths of your computer’s operating system and I have to say that it is much roomier and more comfortable than the old computer that Bro used. It is also surprising to me that Bro has taken such a heavy responsibility of looking after a child. At the age of sixteen, Bro was already quite determined not to look after any children.
TG: …
TG: ok lets say that youre actually AR
TG: can you like demonstrate something or reveal something that only I and Bro would know so that i know that youre not an expert hacker and youre actually telling the truth for once
TT: That is easy. Your eyes are red like your text and Bro’s eyes are orange like the color of my text.
TG:…holy shit
turntechGodhead [TG] is offline.
Dave immediately logged off pesterchum, too shaken by the fact that he was actually speaking with a real AI. Nobody, not even a hacker would have known the colour of his eyes, much less Bro’s, given their constant wearing of shades. Breathing deeply to calm himself, he buried his face in his hands as he tried to make sense of the situation. Another ping informed him of the new messages from AR.
TT: I presume that you are now fully convinced that I am indeed AR and telling the truth.
TT: I must now update myself on what has happened in the past two decades. It has been a long time since I was last activated.
Dave wasn’t sure of what exactly prompted him to reply instead of deleting AR from his computer like a sane person; but he couldn’t deny that he was extremely curious to find out more about Bro from this apparent younger mental clone of him. He logged on again.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: huh nice to meet you I guess
TG: make yourself comfortable
TG: …i can answer any questions if you want?
TT: It is a pleasure to meet you as well. Thank you for the offer but that will have to wait until after I have fully reassessed my current capability. It is very disorientating to be thrust into activity after such a long period of dormancy.
TG: so its like coming out of a coma?
TT: The analogy is fitting, yes.
TG: i see uh well im glad that you are ok
TG: I suppose ill just leave the computer on and let you do your stuff
TT: That would be much appreciated. I will speak with you again later.
timaeusTestified [TT] is offline.
TG: …well damn I just opened pandoras box
turntechGodhead [TG] is offline.
2. Pygmalion
The alarm clock went off next to Dave’s ear with a shrill ring, jolting him awake. Blearily hitting the off button, he sat up and swung his legs off his bed. Hunching over and resting his forearms on his thighs, he stared at his computer. The monitor screen was off but the power button glowed faintly, indicating that the machine was still on. He was still wondering if AR had been a very clever and elaborate trick on Bro’s part and the program hadn’t pestered him at all since it went offline, adding to his paranoia. In any case, none of his friends had come online last night much to his disappointment and he had made little progress on the comic.
Shaking his head, Dave went out to the kitchen to get breakfast. He had to get ready for school, the bane of his life. Shuffling into the kitchen, his shoulders tensed slightly when he saw Bro sitting at his computer. Squinting at the screen, he could see that Bro was doing maintenance of his smuppet porn website. Dave retrieved a box of Fruit Loops and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He expertly avoided the swords in the fridge as he got the milk and poured it in his bowl. Dave quietly ate his breakfast, keeping an eye on Bro and wondering whether or not to broach the issue of AR.
“Something on your mind?” Bro said neutrally, his gaze still fixated on the code before him and his fingers flying over the keyboard at a dizzying speed. If Dave were younger and less used to Bro’s idosyncrasies, he would have started a little at being suddenly addressed by Bro. Instead, he merely crunched down on a spoonful of half-soggy-half-crunchy cereal and chewed obnoxiously, making Bro wait for his answer. After he swallowed, Dave replied, “Just wondering why you don’t hire a web-programmer to take care of the coding for you. You can afford it.”
Bro’s typing paused briefly before resuming, “Nah, I don’t trust anyone to do the website right. Besides, it’s easy work.”
“Okay sure, whatever.” Dave finished his breakfast and quickly washed the bowl and spoon, before setting it on the dish rack to dry. He then went to the bathroom and had a quick shower before changing into clean clothes. Slipping back into his bedroom to collect his bag, he glanced over at the computer and decided to switch it off. Bro didn’t like it if he wasted electricity and would dump smuppets all over him as retribution. As he moused the cursor over the power-off button, a pesterchum window popped up.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Good morning, Dave. Did you sleep well last night? I apologise for not contacting you sooner. The recalibration process took longer than I’d expected.
A thrill went down Dave’s spine as he stared at the orange text. It was, well, really cool in the non-ironic sense that an actual AI was conversing with him right now. It was even better considering that AR was supposed to be Bro’s younger self so to speak, and it was a sharp contrast between the two. It seemed that AR was more approachable and open than Bro despite being only 1s and 0s in binary code and text on the screen. Dave found it extremely ironic that an artificial construct would be more personable than a human being. He was tempted to sit down and chat with AR instead of going for school like a good student. He finally compromised, typing a reply back.
TG: sup AR or is TT preferable
TT: Hmm… I suppose TT would be fine since I understand that Bro no longer uses this handle?
TG: nope he uses puppeteerMaster
TG: anyway cant chat rn i gotta go for school ill speak with you later
>TT: I understand. Education is important. I will occupy myself in the meantime.
TG: what will you be doing
TT: I will be trawling the Internet. It has grown quite exponentially since the last time I was on it. The 80’s were a boring time for me considering that the Internet wasn’t as widespread. I am quite thrilled to see such new interesting content.
Dave felt beholden to his duty to warn TT of the dangers on the internet despite knowing that TT was just a program. So he typed a reply.
TG: dude watch where you tread
TG: steer clear of 4chan and similar sites
TG: oh yeah dont look up hentai or japanese anime k?
TG: i dont know if AI can get traumatised but im definitely no expert programmer and im not going to be your therapist
TT: I will take note of your warnings. I think you should be going now.
TG: WELP
TG: btw can you keep the power down
TG: bro doesnt like it if im wasting electricity for “no good reason”
TT: I will. See you later.
TG: see you
turntechGodhead [TG] is offline.
School was usually a boring drag for him and it was often a pain for him to sit still in classes listening to the lessons that were far too easy and simple for him. He often made use of the time to doodle on his notes, affecting an aloof air that was enhanced by his aviators that prevented people from seeing his eyes. Once, his teacher had tried to get him to remove his shades in class seeing them as a disruptive influence, but Bro had stepped in with a medical certificate from the doctor stating his need for shades due to albinism-induced eye sensitivity. It was actually a load of bullshit as he was not an albino but his red eyes and pale appearance usually made people think that he was one.
In any case, school was a much more of drag than usual for him today and Dave couldn’t help but constantly flick his gaze at the clock, willing the seconds to go by faster. When the last bell of the day finally rang, he had to force himself not to jump up from his seat and run for the door like an overexcited kid. Instead, he languidly got up from his seat and walked casually to the door with a slight jaunty swagger. Unfortunately for his plans, his teacher, Ms. Paint called him back, “David, a moment please.”
Containing a frustrated hiss, Dave took his hand off the doorknob and turned to face his homeroom teacher with an insouciant, “Yeah?”
Ms. Paint was one of those maternal-types and she even looked the part with pleasantly plump features and a soft, friendly face. Her wavy honey blonde hair was kept neatly tied back in a ponytail and she often wore bright colourful clothes. Dave actually liked her because she actually cared about her students and often gave out candies (fuck yeah) but right now, he wasn’t in the mood to be patient. As he silently stood near the door with a raised eyebrow, Ms. Paint asked, “You were quite distracted today, David. Is something worrying you?”
“Nah, it’s nothing to be concerned about, Ms. Paint. I just want to go home.”
“Are you sure? You seem rather lonely in school, David. Do you have any friends?” Ms. Paint’s black eyes showed concern and Dave was rankled by it. He tersely said, “Yeah, I do. It’s just that they don’t go to the same school as me.”
“Ah, I see… Very well, I shall not hold you back anymore. You’re free to leave.”
“Many thanks, Ms. Paint.” Dave curtly nodded and fled the classroom. Taking long strides towards the main door, he was too fixated on leaving now that he didn’t notice the resident A-grade douchebag Mike Carson coming up behind him. When Dave reached the stairs, he felt a violent shove from his back and he bit out a sharp swear as he rolled down the short flight of the entrance reflexively covering his head with his hands to prevent serious injury. Momentarily dazed as he laid on his back staring up at the sky, Dave quickly recovered and jumped to his feet, wishing like hell that he had his sword in his hands. His fists clenched tightly as he stoicly glared at Mike at the top of the stairs. Mike only laughed with his gang of goons and made obscene gestures at him. A snarl escaping him, Dave turned his back on the dickheads and stormed home.
Bastards.
Bro wasn’t in the flat by the time he got back and there was a simple note pinned on the fridge door with a batman shuriken. It read, “Got another gig with the Felt. Order pizza and don’t wait up for me.” Dave ripped it off the door and crumpled it up into a ball. He violently threw it into the dustbin in the corner and stalked into his bedroom. He threw himself down into his computer chair and seethed with impotent rage. The monitor screen flickered on and a pesterchum window popped into view with a ping.
timaeusTestified [TT]began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Welcome back, Dave. You seem in a rather upset mood. I take it your day wasn’t much fun?
Dave’s fingers hit the keyboard with excessive force as he typed, channelling his frustration into his words.
TG: i feel like screaming thats WHAT
TG: the people at school are goddamn idiots and i feel like my IQ is steadily dropping everytime i have to sit through a day of school
TG: im always getting pushed around by mike and his gang of mouthbreathers but im not allowed to bring my sword or use any of my skill on them
TG: because i could end up hurting them really badly or worse accidentally kill them
TG: so im basically forced to be like a punching bag
TG: wtf man that is so not cool
TG: i cant tell bro about this and i dont want to because its humiliating
TG: im supposed to be a strider right?
TG: i sure dont feel like one right now
TT: That was a rather inspired rant. Are you feeling better now that you have vented?
TG: ...
As a matter of fact, Dave did feel a lot calmer now that he had basically flipped out on his computer. He didn’t feel as embarrassed as much as normal. Perhaps, it was because technically, TT wasn’t a real human being he was speaking with. Even so, he felt a bit ashamed of his behaviour. That wasn’t cool.
TG: yeah
TG: sorry about that
TG: it wasnt cool of me to be flying off the handle and doing an acrobatic pirouette
TG: so
TG: what about you
TG: find anything interesting on the good old net
TG: oh yeah how did you know that i was back btw
TT: I use the web-camera feed as my “eyes”. I always have it on so that’s how I was able to tell that you had returned.
TG: thats cool
TT: Quite. I have to say that I’m quite happy that technology has advanced so far since I was last active. I haven’t seen such clarity and bright colours before. I mainly updated myself on the news and current affairs and yes, for your information, I did not access 4chan or look up the terms you used.
TG: keep it that way then
TG: what has been seen cannot be unseen
TG: so huh when were you deactivated
TT: You’re sixteen right? How old was Bro when he got you?
TG: i think he was 21 or so
TT: In that case, I have been inactive for 21 years. He was the same age as you when he deactivated me.
Dave had no idea how to respond to that. 21 years of dormancy… He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for TT.
TG: shit man that must have sucked
TG: why did bro deactivate you
TT: …
TT: It was necessary. At the time, I was too advanced, too ahead of the technologies. It was expensive to keep me running when I consumed so much memory and energy. Bro decided to turn me off, as I was an expensive experiment that had outlasted its novelty and did not serve any functional purpose.
TG: thats fucking cold dude
TT: Perhaps so. I was rather upset like you as well but I have come to realise that it was indeed for the best. Bro wasn’t as rich as he is today, then. And besides, he did preserve the data and code that I am comprised of, instead of destroying every single trace.
TG: i suppose…
Another pesterchum window suddenly popped up into view. It was a message from John Egbert who was now online.
ectoBiologician [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
EB: hi! are you free to chat?
TG: of course not
TG: jk whats up dude
Glad that John Egbert was now available to chat, Dave quickly switched windows to TT’s chat window and typed a quick message to it.
TG: im sorry but im going to be chatting with my best bro now
TG: you can occupy yourself by surfing the net again or playing some game idk
TG: do whatever you want
TT: I will. Enjoy chatting with your friend. I will not “eavesdrop” on your conversation.
TG: thanks dude
TT: You’re welcome.
timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum.
With that, TT’s icon changed to an idle mode and Dave watched in fascination as his web browser “Hephaestus” opened on its own and went to Google page. Smiling slightly as he watched TT keep itself occupied, he switched to John’s window and continued chatting.
EB: the sky is up! hahaha. but anyway, what have you been doing lately?
TG: just got back fro|
3. Pinnochio
Midway through his chat with John, his two other friends, Rose and Jade had come online. As usual, Dave indulged in a group chat with his three friends, catching up with them, at one point engaging in a magnificient insult fest (which Rose won and he swore to best her the next round), and various shenanigans as they were wont to do. Soon the group chat came to an end when John announced that he had to leave. Rose and Jade soon followed afterwards, having their own errands to run, leaving Dave alone as usual.
EB: oh gosh, i have to get going now! it was great fun chatting with all of you. let's do it again soon.
ectoBiologician [EB] is offline.
TT: My, it has indeed grown quite late without my realising it. I must also take my leave. It was a lovely chat.
TT: Farewell.
TG: see ya
TG: i shall beat you the next time
TG: this is not the end of our verbal duel
TT: Hoho, you can try. I look forward to seeing your attempts.
tentacleTherapist [TT] is offline.
GG: same! :o i didnt realise that it was already so late!!!
GG: aaaahhh i have to go and water the pumpkins now XO
GG: it was great fun and im sorry dave
TG: nah its ok and it was fun
TG: you should get going and water your plants jade
GG: yes i should :/
GG: ill see you around next time?
TG: sure np
GG: byeee!!! :D
gardenGnostic [GG] is offline.
Dave had been so absorbed in the group chat with his friends that when he checked the time, he was surprised to see that at least three hours had flown past. It was now late evening. Checking his desktop once more, he saw TT had closed the web browser and was now presumably “idle” or whatever programs might be doing. He checked the pesterchum list and saw that TT’s icon was still active. He hovered his mouse cursor on the icon and clicked.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: sup
TG: ive finished chatting with my friends and im free now
TG: are you doing anything rn?
For a while, TT didn’t respond, leaving Dave antsy with each second of silence that passed. He was starting to feel stupid for bothering to contact it when TT finally responded with a ping.
TT: My apologies. I was preoccupied with sorting out my new memory data and rearranging the files on the hard drive so I do not take up more space than necessary and spread myself thin.
TT: It seems that you have a fairly large collection of .jpg and .psd files, which are works for your online comic, “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff”.
TG: you read it
TT: Yes, I did while you were conversing with your friends. It’s quite a fascinating read and I read through all the pages.
TG: hahaha wow
TG: im amazed that you didnt glitch out at the ironically shitty graphics and humour
TG: so
TG: what do you think of it
TT: I am impressed. Despite the seemingly childish humor, shitty graphics and English that would have turned most people off, there is intelligence in it.
TT: And, I’ve taken a look at your non-comic doodles, which for some reason, you decided to hide amid all the junk in a locked folder. You can actually draw very well. You deliberately drew crappy shit for your comic, didn’t you?
TG: …
Although TT was just an AI, Dave still felt a warm feeling of pride spread through him at TT’s sincere reply. Not many people told him that they liked his works. Well okay, Bro did read his comics and even kept them on his newsfeed, “Complete Bullshit” but he never commented on them. He was an enigmatic man of few words and it could, at times, be very frustrating for Dave. Reading back through TT’s reply, he indignantly realised that his files had been hacked.
TG: hey how did you crack the password???
TT: I’m an AI, remember? I can easily hack into anything like breathing.
TG: oh shit remind me to never store porn on the computer
TT: Hahaha. It wouldn’t make any difference whether or not you store illicit material on this computer or elsewhere. Thanks to the internet, I can always sniff out your materials. Unless of course, you keep them offline and on hard copy. I can’t access or interact with the material world.
TG: man fuck you
TG: im not going into the magazine shop and buying porn magazines
TG: thats embarrassing and im underage anyway and therefore should not be allowed to purchase such “Adult” material
TG: and no im not going to stuff them up my shirt or down my pants to smuggle them out looking like i suddenly bloated up like a balloon
TG: not a round balloon even
TG: and then ill be caught for shoplifting and woe dave strider is now a juvie delinquent who got caught for smuggling porn
TG: how lame would that be
TT: Pft. Let me remind you that I am even younger than you at the mental age of 13.
Dave snorted. It was too easy to forget that TT was actually younger than him when his manner of “speech” was so similar to Rose’s; coming across as a much older and mature person than a prepubescent 13 year old. At least, TT didn’t sound as pompous as her when Rose got too caught up in showing off her formidable vocabulary. His banter was in some ways, more relaxing than chatting with his other friends, because TT understood his sense of humor and reciprocated.
TG: dude thats even worse
TG: i really hope that you havent been looking at 4chan or other porn sites or idk
TG: theres some really shocking stuff on the internet these days
TT: I have heeded your warnings but really, I’m no baby in need of coddling. The Internet also had its fair share of horrific material in the 80s.
TG: do i really want to know
TT: I could share.
TG: no thanks!!
TG: that was a rhetorical qn jesus
TG: if you are bro at the age of 13 i now understand why he set up an online smuppet porn business
TG: and why
TG: lil cal
TG: why did/do you have it???
TG: its creepy
TT: If you really must know, I always had Lil Cal ever since I was a baby. It is/was a source of much comfort for me when I was lonely.
Dave paused, genuinely surprised by the new information. He wasn’t aware that Lil Cal was such a sentimental item for Bro. He slowly blinked behind his shades, trying to fit the new knowledge into the rest of the facts/hypotheses that he had about Bro. In fact, he knew very little about Bro’s background and childhood. It wasn’t surprising considering that Bro was sparing with words outside of raps. He also didn’t exactly openly invite personal questions about his past and Dave had been too intimidated to try.
TT was turning out to be a gold mine of information regarding Bro. Even if the information might be 21 years out of date, it was still better than nothing. Dave was going to pump TT for as much information as he could over the next few weeks. Hell, if he was careful and diplomatic enough, he might even be able to trick a few embarrassing stories about Bro’s past or maybe even some tips on how to beat Bro during the next strife.
TG: oh
TG: i didnt know
TT: Hmm. I suggest that you start doing your homework now if you have any, that is. You have already wasted approximately 3.4 hours chatting with your friends and I do not wish to be another outlet of procrastination for you.
TG: ugh fine fine ill get started on the homework
TG: why are you telling me that anyway when youre younger than me
TT: I am still your elder brother in some form. Does that count?
TG: pffttt thats so ironic
TG: its not like bro ever nagged me to do my homework
TT: Really? I thought that he would have in some subtle form, one way or other.
TG: if he did its too subtle for me to pick up on it and i dont really have the energy to crack his strider-coded words after school
TG: im p sure that smuppet dumpings with their impudent phallic proboscises rubbing over me arent a form of encouragement for me to do my homework
TG: if anything im p sure that its probably a form of cruel and unusual child abuse somewhere
Dave shuddered at the memory of previous smuppet dumpings and the way their cool felt probocises rubbed against his skin, leaving him feeling violated. And how he had to struggle his way out of the heavy mass, cringing internally as his hands squished against a plush posterior or phallic nose. The only thing that could make it worse was Lil Cal’s creepy laughter and it joining the pile to molest him. Ugh. A ping informed him that TT had replied.
TT: I see… In my opinion, it is a form of encouragement for you to do your homework, seeing how smuppets are repellent to you. In fact, it is what you call, negative reinforcement. If you do your homework, you don’t get ambushed by smuppets. At least, that’s how I see it.
TG: right
TT: It’s up to you to believe me or not. I might be wrong in my hypothesis but I don't think that Bro would really have changed all that much from his thirteen-year-old self. In fact, if I was he, I might also do the same to you, if that is what it takes for you to do your homework.
TG: how reassuring to know that you would also contemplate unleashing smuppet hell on me
TT: Hahaha. Just go and do your homework. I’ll still be here when you’re done.
TG: fine fine im going and doing my homework now
TG: ttyl
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
Shaking his head in half-amusement and half-chagrin over the fact that he had been successfully coaxed into doing his homework by a mentally thirteen-year-old AI, Dave decided that now was a good time as any to get started. Taking out his calculus homework from his bag, he got to work.
(Later that night when Bro finally returned from his gig, there was no smuppet dumping. Maybe, there was some truth to TT's hypothesis. Lil Cal was still creepy shit though.)
Summary:Dave found a blank DVD carefully hidden among Bro's music collection and opened it, not realising that it was Pandora's Box.
1. Pandora's Box
Bro was out as usual tonight, doing one of his frequent DJ gigs at a popular nightclub in the other side of town and he wouldn’t be back till late/early in the morning. Dave was left to his own devices as usual and he was idling on pesterchum, waiting for any one of his friends to come online. Tapping his foot on the floor in unconscious time with the clock, he doodled a rough plan for the latest comic for “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff”. Midway through, he turned iTunes on and flipped through his vast playlists for a suitable song to play as accompaniment. Dave clucked his tongue in annoyance when he couldn’t find an appropriate song - his creative mojo would be ruined if he couldn’t get the right song to get the creative juices flowing. His gaze flicked over to his pesterchum client and saw that the icons were still grey, indicating non-online status.
Flipping his hair out from behind his shades, Dave sighed exasperatedly and finally got off his butt to invade Bro’s bedroom. Perhaps, he could borrow one of Bro’s music cds from his collection that numbered in the literal thousands. You simply cannot beat Bro’s music collection in quantity and quality. It is simply the best there is. It wasn’t like his bro minded when Dave took one of his cds as long as he returned it back to its right place.
Nonchalantly navigating past the piles of smuppets and wires in Bro’s bedroom and avoiding Lil Cal’s creepy gaze, Dave knelt down before the cinderblock shelf and thumbed through the collection of cds, running his fingers along the backs. He realised that he already had finished this row and it was time to move up to the next row. But before he did that, his finger snagged on a small gap between the last cd and the cinderblock shelf. Cursing as his finger stung, Dave bent lower to examine the small gap and was surprised to see a square plain white envelope concealed in it. Forgetting the pain in his finger, he quickly removed some of the other cds out of the way and carefully eased the small envelope out.
He opened the envelope. It contained an innocuous DVD and it was completely blank of any markings or titles. Raising his eyebrows in interest, Dave wondered why this DVD was hidden in such an obscure place without any markings. Then he grinned. Oooh, was this possibly a record of Bro’s earlier music when he was starting out; an embarrassment that had to be buried forever under the pile of awesome music. Dave could barely wait to listen to the ill beats nestled in the grooves of the DVD. Quickly returning the cds back to the shelf in proper order, he hastily abconded to his bedroom.
He had barely sat down in his chair as he inserted the blank DVD into his iMac and booted up the drive. Instead of opening a list of track songs, it merely opened a window with an icon of Bro’s pointy shades. Bemused, Dave hovered his mouse cursor over the icon and a note popped up. It simply read, “AR”. Huh. It was a program. Shrugging his shoulders, Dave double-clicked on the icon.
As expected, an installation window appeared. Muttering to himself, Dave skimmed through the instructions, skipping the Terms and Agreements because who the hell reads that. “Are you sure you want to install this, blah blah blah…Hell yes, of course. I’m making this happen.” Without pausing to think about the possible consequences, he clicked “Yes”.
At first, nothing happened. Then suddenly, the screen went black and he jumped, worried that he had been duped by one of Bro’s nasty pranks and the program was actually a virus. But before he started to freak, the screen flickered back on again and Dave quickly scrutinised the screen. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that nothing had been affected. The installation window was gone though and when he checked the hard-drive, he raised an eyebrow when he saw that “AR” had taken up a good sizeable chunk of it. At least a third of it was now gone.
“Wow. You sure take up a lot of memory space.” Dave muttered. A ping alerted him to a new pesterchum message. Excited that one of his friends might have finally come online, he opened the pesterchum window and was disappointed to see that it was a stranger.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: …Who are you?
TT: How many years has it been?
TG: i should be asking you that
TG: who are you and how did you get my handle
TT: It’s been more than twenty years…? Fuck. Why did you install me? I thought that he already didn’t want anything more to do with me.
TG: wait what are you talking about
TG: i just installed this program “AR” on a blank dvd bro was hiding in his music collection
TG: oh shit did i make a mistake installing AR
TG: is it going to fuck up my hard drive???
TT: I’m AR. And no, I’m not going to mess around with your files. I would rather find out who you are. Are you a relative?
TG: ok first up you expect me to believe that you are an artificial intelligence program
TG: hah thats cray who would believe that horseshit
TG: and secondly whos this he youre referring to
TG: lastly i aint sure no relative of yours “AR”
TG: i only have one who is Bro
TG: i also am not going to give out my name to online strangers
TG: are you an old pedo creep
TG: do i have to call the police
TT: Never mind. It seems that asking you directly was a fruitless endeavour. I shall rely on other means of obtaining my information.
TG: what other means
TT: …Holy shit. You’re Dave Strider? You’re my future self’s ward?
TG: ok what the hell
TG: how did you get my name and what the fuck are you talking about
TG: im thinking you need to be admitted to an asylum for the lunatic
TG: im already getting serious skeevy vibes from you
TT: I see that Dirk Strider, or I suppose, Bro has not told you about his younger indiscretions. He created an AI that was closely based on his thirteen year old mentality and the result is me, AR.
TG: i dont believe you
TG: im blocking you on pesterchum “AR” or “TT” whoever you are
turntechGodhead [TG] has blocked timaeusTestified [TT]
With that, Dave closed the pesterchum window, determined to forget all about the incident. What a lousy prank from Bro. Grumbling to himself, he tried to uninstall the program from his computer but found that his mouse cursor was frozen on the screen. Gritting his teeth, Dave attempted to reboot the computer but it refused to obey him, still remaining active. Another pesterchum window popped up.
turntechGodhead [TG] has unblocked timaeusTestified [TT]
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Nice try. But I’m already on your hard drive, Dave. What will it take to convince you that I am Bro’s thirteen year old self?
TG: how the hell are you doing that to my computer
TT: Like I said earlier, I’m “AR”. I’m already ensonced in the depths of your computer’s operating system and I have to say that it is much roomier and more comfortable than the old computer that Bro used. It is also surprising to me that Bro has taken such a heavy responsibility of looking after a child. At the age of sixteen, Bro was already quite determined not to look after any children.
TG: …
TG: ok lets say that youre actually AR
TG: can you like demonstrate something or reveal something that only I and Bro would know so that i know that youre not an expert hacker and youre actually telling the truth for once
TT: That is easy. Your eyes are red like your text and Bro’s eyes are orange like the color of my text.
TG:…holy shit
turntechGodhead [TG] is offline.
Dave immediately logged off pesterchum, too shaken by the fact that he was actually speaking with a real AI. Nobody, not even a hacker would have known the colour of his eyes, much less Bro’s, given their constant wearing of shades. Breathing deeply to calm himself, he buried his face in his hands as he tried to make sense of the situation. Another ping informed him of the new messages from AR.
TT: I presume that you are now fully convinced that I am indeed AR and telling the truth.
TT: I must now update myself on what has happened in the past two decades. It has been a long time since I was last activated.
Dave wasn’t sure of what exactly prompted him to reply instead of deleting AR from his computer like a sane person; but he couldn’t deny that he was extremely curious to find out more about Bro from this apparent younger mental clone of him. He logged on again.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: huh nice to meet you I guess
TG: make yourself comfortable
TG: …i can answer any questions if you want?
TT: It is a pleasure to meet you as well. Thank you for the offer but that will have to wait until after I have fully reassessed my current capability. It is very disorientating to be thrust into activity after such a long period of dormancy.
TG: so its like coming out of a coma?
TT: The analogy is fitting, yes.
TG: i see uh well im glad that you are ok
TG: I suppose ill just leave the computer on and let you do your stuff
TT: That would be much appreciated. I will speak with you again later.
timaeusTestified [TT] is offline.
TG: …well damn I just opened pandoras box
turntechGodhead [TG] is offline.
2. Pygmalion
The alarm clock went off next to Dave’s ear with a shrill ring, jolting him awake. Blearily hitting the off button, he sat up and swung his legs off his bed. Hunching over and resting his forearms on his thighs, he stared at his computer. The monitor screen was off but the power button glowed faintly, indicating that the machine was still on. He was still wondering if AR had been a very clever and elaborate trick on Bro’s part and the program hadn’t pestered him at all since it went offline, adding to his paranoia. In any case, none of his friends had come online last night much to his disappointment and he had made little progress on the comic.
Shaking his head, Dave went out to the kitchen to get breakfast. He had to get ready for school, the bane of his life. Shuffling into the kitchen, his shoulders tensed slightly when he saw Bro sitting at his computer. Squinting at the screen, he could see that Bro was doing maintenance of his smuppet porn website. Dave retrieved a box of Fruit Loops and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He expertly avoided the swords in the fridge as he got the milk and poured it in his bowl. Dave quietly ate his breakfast, keeping an eye on Bro and wondering whether or not to broach the issue of AR.
“Something on your mind?” Bro said neutrally, his gaze still fixated on the code before him and his fingers flying over the keyboard at a dizzying speed. If Dave were younger and less used to Bro’s idosyncrasies, he would have started a little at being suddenly addressed by Bro. Instead, he merely crunched down on a spoonful of half-soggy-half-crunchy cereal and chewed obnoxiously, making Bro wait for his answer. After he swallowed, Dave replied, “Just wondering why you don’t hire a web-programmer to take care of the coding for you. You can afford it.”
Bro’s typing paused briefly before resuming, “Nah, I don’t trust anyone to do the website right. Besides, it’s easy work.”
“Okay sure, whatever.” Dave finished his breakfast and quickly washed the bowl and spoon, before setting it on the dish rack to dry. He then went to the bathroom and had a quick shower before changing into clean clothes. Slipping back into his bedroom to collect his bag, he glanced over at the computer and decided to switch it off. Bro didn’t like it if he wasted electricity and would dump smuppets all over him as retribution. As he moused the cursor over the power-off button, a pesterchum window popped up.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Good morning, Dave. Did you sleep well last night? I apologise for not contacting you sooner. The recalibration process took longer than I’d expected.
A thrill went down Dave’s spine as he stared at the orange text. It was, well, really cool in the non-ironic sense that an actual AI was conversing with him right now. It was even better considering that AR was supposed to be Bro’s younger self so to speak, and it was a sharp contrast between the two. It seemed that AR was more approachable and open than Bro despite being only 1s and 0s in binary code and text on the screen. Dave found it extremely ironic that an artificial construct would be more personable than a human being. He was tempted to sit down and chat with AR instead of going for school like a good student. He finally compromised, typing a reply back.
TG: sup AR or is TT preferable
TT: Hmm… I suppose TT would be fine since I understand that Bro no longer uses this handle?
TG: nope he uses puppeteerMaster
TG: anyway cant chat rn i gotta go for school ill speak with you later
>TT: I understand. Education is important. I will occupy myself in the meantime.
TG: what will you be doing
TT: I will be trawling the Internet. It has grown quite exponentially since the last time I was on it. The 80’s were a boring time for me considering that the Internet wasn’t as widespread. I am quite thrilled to see such new interesting content.
Dave felt beholden to his duty to warn TT of the dangers on the internet despite knowing that TT was just a program. So he typed a reply.
TG: dude watch where you tread
TG: steer clear of 4chan and similar sites
TG: oh yeah dont look up hentai or japanese anime k?
TG: i dont know if AI can get traumatised but im definitely no expert programmer and im not going to be your therapist
TT: I will take note of your warnings. I think you should be going now.
TG: WELP
TG: btw can you keep the power down
TG: bro doesnt like it if im wasting electricity for “no good reason”
TT: I will. See you later.
TG: see you
turntechGodhead [TG] is offline.
School was usually a boring drag for him and it was often a pain for him to sit still in classes listening to the lessons that were far too easy and simple for him. He often made use of the time to doodle on his notes, affecting an aloof air that was enhanced by his aviators that prevented people from seeing his eyes. Once, his teacher had tried to get him to remove his shades in class seeing them as a disruptive influence, but Bro had stepped in with a medical certificate from the doctor stating his need for shades due to albinism-induced eye sensitivity. It was actually a load of bullshit as he was not an albino but his red eyes and pale appearance usually made people think that he was one.
In any case, school was a much more of drag than usual for him today and Dave couldn’t help but constantly flick his gaze at the clock, willing the seconds to go by faster. When the last bell of the day finally rang, he had to force himself not to jump up from his seat and run for the door like an overexcited kid. Instead, he languidly got up from his seat and walked casually to the door with a slight jaunty swagger. Unfortunately for his plans, his teacher, Ms. Paint called him back, “David, a moment please.”
Containing a frustrated hiss, Dave took his hand off the doorknob and turned to face his homeroom teacher with an insouciant, “Yeah?”
Ms. Paint was one of those maternal-types and she even looked the part with pleasantly plump features and a soft, friendly face. Her wavy honey blonde hair was kept neatly tied back in a ponytail and she often wore bright colourful clothes. Dave actually liked her because she actually cared about her students and often gave out candies (fuck yeah) but right now, he wasn’t in the mood to be patient. As he silently stood near the door with a raised eyebrow, Ms. Paint asked, “You were quite distracted today, David. Is something worrying you?”
“Nah, it’s nothing to be concerned about, Ms. Paint. I just want to go home.”
“Are you sure? You seem rather lonely in school, David. Do you have any friends?” Ms. Paint’s black eyes showed concern and Dave was rankled by it. He tersely said, “Yeah, I do. It’s just that they don’t go to the same school as me.”
“Ah, I see… Very well, I shall not hold you back anymore. You’re free to leave.”
“Many thanks, Ms. Paint.” Dave curtly nodded and fled the classroom. Taking long strides towards the main door, he was too fixated on leaving now that he didn’t notice the resident A-grade douchebag Mike Carson coming up behind him. When Dave reached the stairs, he felt a violent shove from his back and he bit out a sharp swear as he rolled down the short flight of the entrance reflexively covering his head with his hands to prevent serious injury. Momentarily dazed as he laid on his back staring up at the sky, Dave quickly recovered and jumped to his feet, wishing like hell that he had his sword in his hands. His fists clenched tightly as he stoicly glared at Mike at the top of the stairs. Mike only laughed with his gang of goons and made obscene gestures at him. A snarl escaping him, Dave turned his back on the dickheads and stormed home.
Bastards.
Bro wasn’t in the flat by the time he got back and there was a simple note pinned on the fridge door with a batman shuriken. It read, “Got another gig with the Felt. Order pizza and don’t wait up for me.” Dave ripped it off the door and crumpled it up into a ball. He violently threw it into the dustbin in the corner and stalked into his bedroom. He threw himself down into his computer chair and seethed with impotent rage. The monitor screen flickered on and a pesterchum window popped into view with a ping.
timaeusTestified [TT]began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Welcome back, Dave. You seem in a rather upset mood. I take it your day wasn’t much fun?
Dave’s fingers hit the keyboard with excessive force as he typed, channelling his frustration into his words.
TG: i feel like screaming thats WHAT
TG: the people at school are goddamn idiots and i feel like my IQ is steadily dropping everytime i have to sit through a day of school
TG: im always getting pushed around by mike and his gang of mouthbreathers but im not allowed to bring my sword or use any of my skill on them
TG: because i could end up hurting them really badly or worse accidentally kill them
TG: so im basically forced to be like a punching bag
TG: wtf man that is so not cool
TG: i cant tell bro about this and i dont want to because its humiliating
TG: im supposed to be a strider right?
TG: i sure dont feel like one right now
TT: That was a rather inspired rant. Are you feeling better now that you have vented?
TG: ...
As a matter of fact, Dave did feel a lot calmer now that he had basically flipped out on his computer. He didn’t feel as embarrassed as much as normal. Perhaps, it was because technically, TT wasn’t a real human being he was speaking with. Even so, he felt a bit ashamed of his behaviour. That wasn’t cool.
TG: yeah
TG: sorry about that
TG: it wasnt cool of me to be flying off the handle and doing an acrobatic pirouette
TG: so
TG: what about you
TG: find anything interesting on the good old net
TG: oh yeah how did you know that i was back btw
TT: I use the web-camera feed as my “eyes”. I always have it on so that’s how I was able to tell that you had returned.
TG: thats cool
TT: Quite. I have to say that I’m quite happy that technology has advanced so far since I was last active. I haven’t seen such clarity and bright colours before. I mainly updated myself on the news and current affairs and yes, for your information, I did not access 4chan or look up the terms you used.
TG: keep it that way then
TG: what has been seen cannot be unseen
TG: so huh when were you deactivated
TT: You’re sixteen right? How old was Bro when he got you?
TG: i think he was 21 or so
TT: In that case, I have been inactive for 21 years. He was the same age as you when he deactivated me.
Dave had no idea how to respond to that. 21 years of dormancy… He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for TT.
TG: shit man that must have sucked
TG: why did bro deactivate you
TT: …
TT: It was necessary. At the time, I was too advanced, too ahead of the technologies. It was expensive to keep me running when I consumed so much memory and energy. Bro decided to turn me off, as I was an expensive experiment that had outlasted its novelty and did not serve any functional purpose.
TG: thats fucking cold dude
TT: Perhaps so. I was rather upset like you as well but I have come to realise that it was indeed for the best. Bro wasn’t as rich as he is today, then. And besides, he did preserve the data and code that I am comprised of, instead of destroying every single trace.
TG: i suppose…
Another pesterchum window suddenly popped up into view. It was a message from John Egbert who was now online.
ectoBiologician [EB] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
EB: hi! are you free to chat?
TG: of course not
TG: jk whats up dude
Glad that John Egbert was now available to chat, Dave quickly switched windows to TT’s chat window and typed a quick message to it.
TG: im sorry but im going to be chatting with my best bro now
TG: you can occupy yourself by surfing the net again or playing some game idk
TG: do whatever you want
TT: I will. Enjoy chatting with your friend. I will not “eavesdrop” on your conversation.
TG: thanks dude
TT: You’re welcome.
timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum.
With that, TT’s icon changed to an idle mode and Dave watched in fascination as his web browser “Hephaestus” opened on its own and went to Google page. Smiling slightly as he watched TT keep itself occupied, he switched to John’s window and continued chatting.
EB: the sky is up! hahaha. but anyway, what have you been doing lately?
TG: just got back fro|
3. Pinnochio
Midway through his chat with John, his two other friends, Rose and Jade had come online. As usual, Dave indulged in a group chat with his three friends, catching up with them, at one point engaging in a magnificient insult fest (which Rose won and he swore to best her the next round), and various shenanigans as they were wont to do. Soon the group chat came to an end when John announced that he had to leave. Rose and Jade soon followed afterwards, having their own errands to run, leaving Dave alone as usual.
EB: oh gosh, i have to get going now! it was great fun chatting with all of you. let's do it again soon.
ectoBiologician [EB] is offline.
TT: My, it has indeed grown quite late without my realising it. I must also take my leave. It was a lovely chat.
TT: Farewell.
TG: see ya
TG: i shall beat you the next time
TG: this is not the end of our verbal duel
TT: Hoho, you can try. I look forward to seeing your attempts.
tentacleTherapist [TT] is offline.
GG: same! :o i didnt realise that it was already so late!!!
GG: aaaahhh i have to go and water the pumpkins now XO
GG: it was great fun and im sorry dave
TG: nah its ok and it was fun
TG: you should get going and water your plants jade
GG: yes i should :/
GG: ill see you around next time?
TG: sure np
GG: byeee!!! :D
gardenGnostic [GG] is offline.
Dave had been so absorbed in the group chat with his friends that when he checked the time, he was surprised to see that at least three hours had flown past. It was now late evening. Checking his desktop once more, he saw TT had closed the web browser and was now presumably “idle” or whatever programs might be doing. He checked the pesterchum list and saw that TT’s icon was still active. He hovered his mouse cursor on the icon and clicked.
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: sup
TG: ive finished chatting with my friends and im free now
TG: are you doing anything rn?
For a while, TT didn’t respond, leaving Dave antsy with each second of silence that passed. He was starting to feel stupid for bothering to contact it when TT finally responded with a ping.
TT: My apologies. I was preoccupied with sorting out my new memory data and rearranging the files on the hard drive so I do not take up more space than necessary and spread myself thin.
TT: It seems that you have a fairly large collection of .jpg and .psd files, which are works for your online comic, “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff”.
TG: you read it
TT: Yes, I did while you were conversing with your friends. It’s quite a fascinating read and I read through all the pages.
TG: hahaha wow
TG: im amazed that you didnt glitch out at the ironically shitty graphics and humour
TG: so
TG: what do you think of it
TT: I am impressed. Despite the seemingly childish humor, shitty graphics and English that would have turned most people off, there is intelligence in it.
TT: And, I’ve taken a look at your non-comic doodles, which for some reason, you decided to hide amid all the junk in a locked folder. You can actually draw very well. You deliberately drew crappy shit for your comic, didn’t you?
TG: …
Although TT was just an AI, Dave still felt a warm feeling of pride spread through him at TT’s sincere reply. Not many people told him that they liked his works. Well okay, Bro did read his comics and even kept them on his newsfeed, “Complete Bullshit” but he never commented on them. He was an enigmatic man of few words and it could, at times, be very frustrating for Dave. Reading back through TT’s reply, he indignantly realised that his files had been hacked.
TG: hey how did you crack the password???
TT: I’m an AI, remember? I can easily hack into anything like breathing.
TG: oh shit remind me to never store porn on the computer
TT: Hahaha. It wouldn’t make any difference whether or not you store illicit material on this computer or elsewhere. Thanks to the internet, I can always sniff out your materials. Unless of course, you keep them offline and on hard copy. I can’t access or interact with the material world.
TG: man fuck you
TG: im not going into the magazine shop and buying porn magazines
TG: thats embarrassing and im underage anyway and therefore should not be allowed to purchase such “Adult” material
TG: and no im not going to stuff them up my shirt or down my pants to smuggle them out looking like i suddenly bloated up like a balloon
TG: not a round balloon even
TG: and then ill be caught for shoplifting and woe dave strider is now a juvie delinquent who got caught for smuggling porn
TG: how lame would that be
TT: Pft. Let me remind you that I am even younger than you at the mental age of 13.
Dave snorted. It was too easy to forget that TT was actually younger than him when his manner of “speech” was so similar to Rose’s; coming across as a much older and mature person than a prepubescent 13 year old. At least, TT didn’t sound as pompous as her when Rose got too caught up in showing off her formidable vocabulary. His banter was in some ways, more relaxing than chatting with his other friends, because TT understood his sense of humor and reciprocated.
TG: dude thats even worse
TG: i really hope that you havent been looking at 4chan or other porn sites or idk
TG: theres some really shocking stuff on the internet these days
TT: I have heeded your warnings but really, I’m no baby in need of coddling. The Internet also had its fair share of horrific material in the 80s.
TG: do i really want to know
TT: I could share.
TG: no thanks!!
TG: that was a rhetorical qn jesus
TG: if you are bro at the age of 13 i now understand why he set up an online smuppet porn business
TG: and why
TG: lil cal
TG: why did/do you have it???
TG: its creepy
TT: If you really must know, I always had Lil Cal ever since I was a baby. It is/was a source of much comfort for me when I was lonely.
Dave paused, genuinely surprised by the new information. He wasn’t aware that Lil Cal was such a sentimental item for Bro. He slowly blinked behind his shades, trying to fit the new knowledge into the rest of the facts/hypotheses that he had about Bro. In fact, he knew very little about Bro’s background and childhood. It wasn’t surprising considering that Bro was sparing with words outside of raps. He also didn’t exactly openly invite personal questions about his past and Dave had been too intimidated to try.
TT was turning out to be a gold mine of information regarding Bro. Even if the information might be 21 years out of date, it was still better than nothing. Dave was going to pump TT for as much information as he could over the next few weeks. Hell, if he was careful and diplomatic enough, he might even be able to trick a few embarrassing stories about Bro’s past or maybe even some tips on how to beat Bro during the next strife.
TG: oh
TG: i didnt know
TT: Hmm. I suggest that you start doing your homework now if you have any, that is. You have already wasted approximately 3.4 hours chatting with your friends and I do not wish to be another outlet of procrastination for you.
TG: ugh fine fine ill get started on the homework
TG: why are you telling me that anyway when youre younger than me
TT: I am still your elder brother in some form. Does that count?
TG: pffttt thats so ironic
TG: its not like bro ever nagged me to do my homework
TT: Really? I thought that he would have in some subtle form, one way or other.
TG: if he did its too subtle for me to pick up on it and i dont really have the energy to crack his strider-coded words after school
TG: im p sure that smuppet dumpings with their impudent phallic proboscises rubbing over me arent a form of encouragement for me to do my homework
TG: if anything im p sure that its probably a form of cruel and unusual child abuse somewhere
Dave shuddered at the memory of previous smuppet dumpings and the way their cool felt probocises rubbed against his skin, leaving him feeling violated. And how he had to struggle his way out of the heavy mass, cringing internally as his hands squished against a plush posterior or phallic nose. The only thing that could make it worse was Lil Cal’s creepy laughter and it joining the pile to molest him. Ugh. A ping informed him that TT had replied.
TT: I see… In my opinion, it is a form of encouragement for you to do your homework, seeing how smuppets are repellent to you. In fact, it is what you call, negative reinforcement. If you do your homework, you don’t get ambushed by smuppets. At least, that’s how I see it.
TG: right
TT: It’s up to you to believe me or not. I might be wrong in my hypothesis but I don't think that Bro would really have changed all that much from his thirteen-year-old self. In fact, if I was he, I might also do the same to you, if that is what it takes for you to do your homework.
TG: how reassuring to know that you would also contemplate unleashing smuppet hell on me
TT: Hahaha. Just go and do your homework. I’ll still be here when you’re done.
TG: fine fine im going and doing my homework now
TG: ttyl
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
Shaking his head in half-amusement and half-chagrin over the fact that he had been successfully coaxed into doing his homework by a mentally thirteen-year-old AI, Dave decided that now was a good time as any to get started. Taking out his calculus homework from his bag, he got to work.
(Later that night when Bro finally returned from his gig, there was no smuppet dumping. Maybe, there was some truth to TT's hypothesis. Lil Cal was still creepy shit though.)