For now, this is a sampledelacruzApril 22 2012, 07:51:46 UTC
Your name: Nicole Your username: delacruz Character name: Valentine 'Val' Avila - his lonely obsessive and weird mother tried for a Valentines day due date. He didn't come until a week later (Feb 22nd), but she insists that he was her little Valentine anyway. Most people call him Val, which he definitely prefers. Character age: Seventeen Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: Val is tall and lanky, has messy dark brown hair, dark eyes, a wide mouth and imperfect teeth that I can't describe successfully. Character strengths: Charismatic, quick thinking, resourceful, loyal. Character weaknesses: He might be too loyal, since he follows his anomic sisters lead a little blindly at times. He has tunnel vision when it comes to what he wants which makes him selfish and inconsiderate of others. He can be violent when he's frustrated or pushed into a corner. Any background info on your story that is relevant?Synopsis: Siblings, convinced that they're soul mates sequester themselves in a private fairytale away from reality
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Re: For now, this is a samplebeforeskylinesApril 22 2012, 18:35:26 UTC
I feel as though I've gotten a pretty good sketch of who Val is from this. Your description of his physical appearance instantly brought a person to life in my head.
He has tunnel vision when it comes to what he wants which makes him selfish and inconsiderate of others.
Does this include his sister?
The main thing I noticed is that while I get a very good sense of where Val is going I don't really have any sense of his background. I couldn't picture him living with his psychotic mother or the environment that threw him together with his sister. It feels very factual, even though there's details of his past it's all listed without a feeling of an actual emotional connection to him. I don't know if this feeling is just stirring up from a lack of example piece or something of that sort though. Probably won't be a problem when you're writing him just something to be aware of.
Re: For now, this is a sampleunnecessary_April 22 2012, 21:21:28 UTC
I think you might benefit from watching the brother/sister relationship in the 2011 movie Shame.
I feel like when it comes to descriptions of body, it might be beneficial to actually just say something vague like the word "perfect" because then the reader can imagine whatever perfect means to them. Someone gave me that advice once when I was trying to describe "the most beautiful woman" and it helped me.
But if that's not for you, maybe it might help to see how you might describe other types of teeth and go from there? There have been teeth descriptions I've read before that made me cringe when they were probably trying to make me imagine someone attractive.
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: 5'11, brown hair with a slight curl, clear blue eyes. Youthful in appearance. (1. 2. 3.)
Character strengths: Professional, reserved, decisive.
Character weaknesses: Internalizes, standoffish, withdrawn.
Any background info on your story that is relevant? Thursday is a variant of an Ifrit, an enormous winged creature of fire, either male or female, who lives underground and frequents ruins. Ifrits are a class of Jinn (genies) and in my version though Thursday is an Ifrit he still is bound to one human master for their lifespan with the purpose of granting five wishes and serving a lifetime of servitude. Short reference piece (see example): Linked for length.
Looking for critique on anything in particular?: Not really. I'm not sensitive to criticism in the least so please, feel free to share your thoughts.
I wish you were looking for something specific because that would make it easier for me but let me tell you what stood out for me in this description.
His eyes. His clear blue eyes seem so much in contract to his professional, standoffish personality. I feel almost like it means that his inside doesn't match his outside, that there is a conflict there that we don't know about yet. It would make me long for a conflict in him if I were reading this for the first time. Maybe if he has love interests, one that is serious and practical, and one that is more connected to him, this eyes to personality difference would make me think that the less series love interest is right for him.
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: I can't decide between a few difference race options for her and that's a majority of why it's so difficult to write her. Here is a set of Twilight Sparkle fanart I'm looking through in order to decide what I want Temperance to look like: link
Character strengths: She makes for a good leader because she can focus well on getting the job done. She can think rationally (but this is also her fatal flaw). She's got a good memory and once someone points something out to her, she's not quick to stop thinking about it.
Character weaknesses: She's ignorant; covertly racist and sexist. She rationalizes everything and doesn't know how to pay attention to or act on her emotions. She invalidates everyone around her and claims herself to be objective and through that finds it difficult to relate to others.
Hmmm... (Just FYI -- in some cases I'm going to use prejudiced instead of racist because it's a more comfortable framework for me to think about this, but don't mind me.)
To start off: Could you give an example of when she's covertly prejudiced against someone/a group?
Does she have a hierarchy of racial/ethnic groups based on what she perceives to be their defining characteristics? Have these characteristics sprung from historical circumstances?
What are her opinions on her own racial/ethnic group?
When working with females, she's constantly either making comments or thinking about how women were not meant to be doing the things that they're doing, but not in a passionate way. She is more bored and resentful of having to work when she believes that it's "men's work." I guess internalized sexism is a better way of putting it.
In terms of racism, she views her own and all other races the same way, that "people are people and why is race a problem" that sort of initial color-blindness that people cling to at the very beginning of racial identity development. (I feel like I should quote some textbooks here. lol.)
In terms of his she views hierarchy and history, she's the type of person to say "that was then, we're all equal now" and ignores the injustices in her world.
Race- or background-wise, it would probably make her internal racism easily believable to the reader if she came from a culture that had a very strong self-identity or history of discrimination/being discriminated against, instead of just being racist just because. I realize this covers just about every (if not every) culture in the world, but approaching it from that angle might make the decision easier
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Your name: Holly Your username: zeitgeistic Character name: Clemence (the Harbinger) Character age: ageless (she was created, not born) Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: picture, but I imagine her with gold hair made out of feathers (she's a bird; made from all the magpies of East Anglia, specifically); she's tall...and birdlike? Character strengths: dedicated; HBIC in training while also being pretty hbic already; very interested in academia related to the living world, like plants and animals, physics, biology, etc. She's also in the choir, so she sings very well (bird, after all). Character weaknesses: detached, incapable of understanding the ~passionate human emotions like anger, hatred, love, fear Any background info on your story that is relevant? Clemence is a messenger of death who has just been saddled with another new [psychopomp--think grim reaper] trainee and both of them vaguely annoy her. She's the Mercy part of a Morrigen-like trio of these, the other two being Justice and Grace. She's being
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Alright, the best way to get across that she seems human but doesn't think of herself as such is to show the readers, right? So, rather early on, I would have a small scene - rather internalized. By that, I mean write what she's thinking. I'm not sure what POV you are using.
I suggest having her interact with a human or two. I think anger is the easiest to show - facial ques and words - violence. And maybe she doesn't understand why whatever made him mad should upset him. Maybe she doesn't understand what good being mad does. But I would try to get the character's thoughts into the scene.
I hope this helps. And if it doesn't, feel free to disregard everything I've said. :)
Not understanding humans' anger/emotions is a good idea. Her trainee (the male main character) is human, so she'll be interacting with him frequently. Maybe if I made him slightly more inclined to various passions, it might highlight her lack of more. Although I don't want to overdo it, so I'm not sure.
I think the best way to show her detachment to humans is through her own thoughts. Unless other people notice how detached she is too.
As for writing a WoC, I'm not sure what that is. I thought at first you might be referring to a CoC, character of color, but that's not it. World of color? I can't help what I don't understand, haha.
If she's a bird, does she eat a lot? Does she eat bird food? Does she need to eat at all?
Your name: Lena Your username: lenaf007 Character name: Rennick Dalton Character age: 77 Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: Blond, curly hair, a pompous attitude, and has expensive taste. He's partial to light blue suits, but if he must be discrete, he'll turn to tans and browns. Brown eyes, red when angered. Character strengths: Outgoing and gregarious. Quick to make friends or enemies depending on how well his quirky personality is received. In addition to being a half-vampire, he is also gifted with the rare ability to create illusions. These figments can move and interact with the world around them as if they were a real person. Character weaknesses: Always on the run from his ex-lovers. He prefers to leave town with a sob story and then makes a note not to return again until his face is forgotten. He is childish, prefers to run away from his problems, and tends to whine when things don't go his way. He's perfectly comfortable with being a vampire, but is dumbfounded sometimes by people in general.
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He's a half vampire, so he was born this way. Once he reached his early 20s, he stopped aging. I haven't thought much about his parents, though that is definitely something that would influence his ability to relate with other people. If he had limited guidance from his human parent, for example, that might explain why he sees people more as objects to be used.
Yeah, those are just the colors he's had so far. If given the right location, I could see him being far more flamboyant.
Vampire friends, that's a great point. Since he sees himself as rather an elite vampire (even though he's a half), I could see him trying hard to make vampire friends. Whether or not he's successful at it would be enlightening.
Using his illusions to run away? I think you've just given me some ideas. xD
Same question as darkspirited1, was he turned at 77, or is that his 'real' age?
Why is he so childish? Is it a desire to never grow up, or some other reason? That aspect of him is interesting to me because so many vampires are portrayed as endlessly mature. What kind of things does he use his illusions for? Do they go hand in hand with his immaturity?
Has anyone ever called him out on his behaviour? How did he react?
Comments 47
Your username: delacruz
Character name: Valentine 'Val' Avila - his lonely obsessive and weird mother tried for a Valentines day due date. He didn't come until a week later (Feb 22nd), but she insists that he was her little Valentine anyway. Most people call him Val, which he definitely prefers.
Character age: Seventeen
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: Val is tall and lanky, has messy dark brown hair, dark eyes, a wide mouth and imperfect teeth that I can't describe successfully.
Character strengths: Charismatic, quick thinking, resourceful, loyal.
Character weaknesses: He might be too loyal, since he follows his anomic sisters lead a little blindly at times. He has tunnel vision when it comes to what he wants which makes him selfish and inconsiderate of others. He can be violent when he's frustrated or pushed into a corner.
Any background info on your story that is relevant?Synopsis: Siblings, convinced that they're soul mates sequester themselves in a private fairytale away from reality ( ... )
Reply
He has tunnel vision when it comes to what he wants which makes him selfish and inconsiderate of others.
Does this include his sister?
The main thing I noticed is that while I get a very good sense of where Val is going I don't really have any sense of his background. I couldn't picture him living with his psychotic mother or the environment that threw him together with his sister. It feels very factual, even though there's details of his past it's all listed without a feeling of an actual emotional connection to him. I don't know if this feeling is just stirring up from a lack of example piece or something of that sort though. Probably won't be a problem when you're writing him just something to be aware of.
Reply
I feel like when it comes to descriptions of body, it might be beneficial to actually just say something vague like the word "perfect" because then the reader can imagine whatever perfect means to them. Someone gave me that advice once when I was trying to describe "the most beautiful woman" and it helped me.
But if that's not for you, maybe it might help to see how you might describe other types of teeth and go from there? There have been teeth descriptions I've read before that made me cringe when they were probably trying to make me imagine someone attractive.
Reply
Your username: beforeskylines
Character name: Thursday
Character age: Immortal
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: 5'11, brown hair with a slight curl, clear blue eyes. Youthful in appearance. (1. 2. 3.)
Character strengths: Professional, reserved, decisive.
Character weaknesses: Internalizes, standoffish, withdrawn.
Any background info on your story that is relevant? Thursday is a variant of an Ifrit, an enormous winged creature of fire, either male or female, who lives underground and frequents ruins. Ifrits are a class of Jinn (genies) and in my version though Thursday is an Ifrit he still is bound to one human master for their lifespan with the purpose of granting five wishes and serving a lifetime of servitude.
Short reference piece (see example): Linked for length.
Looking for critique on anything in particular?: Not really. I'm not sensitive to criticism in the least so please, feel free to share your thoughts.
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Linked for length.
Ta-da!
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His eyes. His clear blue eyes seem so much in contract to his professional, standoffish personality. I feel almost like it means that his inside doesn't match his outside, that there is a conflict there that we don't know about yet. It would make me long for a conflict in him if I were reading this for the first time. Maybe if he has love interests, one that is serious and practical, and one that is more connected to him, this eyes to personality difference would make me think that the less series love interest is right for him.
Reply
Your username: unnecessary_
Character name: Temperance Sullivan
Character age: Either 18, 19, 20, or 21
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: I can't decide between a few difference race options for her and that's a majority of why it's so difficult to write her. Here is a set of Twilight Sparkle fanart I'm looking through in order to decide what I want Temperance to look like: link
Character strengths: She makes for a good leader because she can focus well on getting the job done. She can think rationally (but this is also her fatal flaw). She's got a good memory and once someone points something out to her, she's not quick to stop thinking about it.
Character weaknesses: She's ignorant; covertly racist and sexist. She rationalizes everything and doesn't know how to pay attention to or act on her emotions. She invalidates everyone around her and claims herself to be objective and through that finds it difficult to relate to others.
Any background info on your story that is ( ... )
Reply
To start off:
Could you give an example of when she's covertly prejudiced against someone/a group?
Does she have a hierarchy of racial/ethnic groups based on what she perceives to be their defining characteristics? Have these characteristics sprung from historical circumstances?
What are her opinions on her own racial/ethnic group?
Reply
In terms of racism, she views her own and all other races the same way, that "people are people and why is race a problem" that sort of initial color-blindness that people cling to at the very beginning of racial identity development. (I feel like I should quote some textbooks here. lol.)
In terms of his she views hierarchy and history, she's the type of person to say "that was then, we're all equal now" and ignores the injustices in her world.
Awesome questions! Thank you!
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Your username: zeitgeistic
Character name: Clemence (the Harbinger)
Character age: ageless (she was created, not born)
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: picture, but I imagine her with gold hair made out of feathers (she's a bird; made from all the magpies of East Anglia, specifically); she's tall...and birdlike?
Character strengths: dedicated; HBIC in training while also being pretty hbic already; very interested in academia related to the living world, like plants and animals, physics, biology, etc. She's also in the choir, so she sings very well (bird, after all).
Character weaknesses: detached, incapable of understanding the ~passionate human emotions like anger, hatred, love, fear
Any background info on your story that is relevant? Clemence is a messenger of death who has just been saddled with another new [psychopomp--think grim reaper] trainee and both of them vaguely annoy her. She's the Mercy part of a Morrigen-like trio of these, the other two being Justice and Grace. She's being ( ... )
Reply
I suggest having her interact with a human or two. I think anger is the easiest to show - facial ques and words - violence. And maybe she doesn't understand why whatever made him mad should upset him. Maybe she doesn't understand what good being mad does. But I would try to get the character's thoughts into the scene.
I hope this helps. And if it doesn't, feel free to disregard everything I've said. :)
Good luck.
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As for writing a WoC, I'm not sure what that is. I thought at first you might be referring to a CoC, character of color, but that's not it. World of color? I can't help what I don't understand, haha.
If she's a bird, does she eat a lot? Does she eat bird food? Does she need to eat at all?
Reply
Your username: lenaf007
Character name: Rennick Dalton
Character age: 77
Basic appearance (img link if you like); hair/eyes/height/ethnicity: Blond, curly hair, a pompous attitude, and has expensive taste. He's partial to light blue suits, but if he must be discrete, he'll turn to tans and browns. Brown eyes, red when angered.
Character strengths: Outgoing and gregarious. Quick to make friends or enemies depending on how well his quirky personality is received. In addition to being a half-vampire, he is also gifted with the rare ability to create illusions. These figments can move and interact with the world around them as if they were a real person.
Character weaknesses: Always on the run from his ex-lovers. He prefers to leave town with a sob story and then makes a note not to return again until his face is forgotten. He is childish, prefers to run away from his problems, and tends to whine when things don't go his way. He's perfectly comfortable with being a vampire, but is dumbfounded sometimes by people in general. ( ... )
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I like the quirk of favoring different colored shirts for different things.
Does he have any other vampire friends? Does he ever use his illusions to project one of himself in order to run away?
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Yeah, those are just the colors he's had so far. If given the right location, I could see him being far more flamboyant.
Vampire friends, that's a great point. Since he sees himself as rather an elite vampire (even though he's a half), I could see him trying hard to make vampire friends. Whether or not he's successful at it would be enlightening.
Using his illusions to run away? I think you've just given me some ideas. xD
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Why is he so childish? Is it a desire to never grow up, or some other reason? That aspect of him is interesting to me because so many vampires are portrayed as endlessly mature. What kind of things does he use his illusions for? Do they go hand in hand with his immaturity?
Has anyone ever called him out on his behaviour? How did he react?
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